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If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by elantraceey(f): 10:25am On Mar 14, 2015
First I can't marry a man who hates my own mom that much never , secondly if it was my mum , her humility won't allow her allow me stay in her house when I have a husband instead she'll take us all to his house and talk things out with him , there's definitely a reason why a man will dislike his mother inlaw that much or perhaps he's already tired of the marriage and is finding a way out prolly because he seem to have gotten what he needed.


If I was in her shoes at the moment , though this issue might seem trivial but its actually something big and should be trashed out as soon as possible , I for one can't live comfortably with someone that dislikes my mum so if I continue to stay in my mums house I won't be comfortable and same way I still won't be comfortable if I go to his so what I'll do is try to get to the root of the matter , talk to my husband and my mum because I'm the one suffering from their fusel and get to the root of it.

4 Likes

Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by freshcvv(m): 10:26am On Mar 14, 2015
SmooshCHN:
God knows you just said my mind. The cause of the temporary seperation is because of the rift between her friends mother and her husband. That can be solved.

A lot of info are hidden..judging from her writeup alone, one can see that the husband has been blackmailed so badly with all the "good things they did for him" that he now tries to assert his status..

When you keep using the help you rendered someone to maltreat and disrespect him (especially a man), ego kicks in, once his ego is defeated by the blackmail, he turns to a wussy.. This must not be allowed to happen by the man.

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Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Rose2014: 10:27am On Mar 14, 2015
DinhoMVP:
There is no dilemma here! U are married to ur husband not ur mother whatever issue it is between ur husband and ur mother pray that they find a way to make peace...leaving ur husband's house to move in with ur mom is not acceptable let alone moving with his kids! If ur mama wise she sef go tell u to go back to ur husband! If it were me as the man I will never come for u o mark my words NEVER! Come to think of it marriage should not include 3rd Parties...as long as the man is living up to his husbandly duties at home my dear u are not in order to dump him for ur Mom!

Really? I hope u'll say the same thing if ur daughter is being physically abused by her husband

1 Like

Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by MadCow1: 10:30am On Mar 14, 2015
rokiatu:
Please note this is not about me but someone very close. I need only serious advice please, if you have nothing better to say keep off.

There's someone very very dear to me that this is happening this to right now. And the lady in question is so confuse as to what step to take. This is how the story goes,her mother was having a family dinner and invite both she and her husband but the husband refused to go. Keep in mind that the husband don't love her mother at all. She have tried everything for him to love her mom to no avail. So this time she decided to take a step just to teach him a little lesson. After the family dinner, she decided to pack some of her clothes and take her two little girls and went over to her mom. She explained everything to her mother, and the mother didn't call her son in law either because of anger, so her elder brother decided to call him and talk to him about the whole situation. But he already decided he's never stepping to his mother in law house, never! And the wife may as well stay there because he ain't going for her, and he's not apologizing to the mother either, he don't like her and he's never putting foot to her house.



To cut long story short, the lady is now in a dilemma. To go back or not? He disrespected the family so now the decision is on her shoulders to make. They want nothing to do with it. She loves him, and they have two little kids together. The marriage is barely four years. They were high school sweethearts in Africa, the lady worked her butt off to bring him over, and now that he's settled and got all his papers he's acting like this. Her world is like crushing down.

Which bring me to the question, if you were the lady in question, what would you do?


She is obviously a child that shouldn't have been married in the first place..

In the grand scheme, her immediately family comes second to her husband. The way to broker peace between her mother and her husband is not for her to pack his kids and her things and go to her mothers house. If she were my wife, I would simply send my boys to go retrieve my kids. She can stay with her mother till eternity she she so pleases.

She needs to get her priorities straight. She seems to still be overly attached to her family at the expense of her immediate family (Her husband and kids).
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Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Rose2014: 10:33am On Mar 14, 2015
MadCow1:



She is obviously a child that shouldn't have been married in the first place..

In the grand scheme, her immediately family comes second to her husband. The way to broker peace between her mother and her husband is not for her to pack his kids and her things and go to her mothers house. If she were my wife, I would simply send my boys to go retrieve my kids. She can stay with her mother till eternity she she so pleases.

She needs to get her priorities straight. She seems to still be overly attached to her family at the expense of her immediate family (Her husband and kids).
I bet u didn't read the domestic abuse part abi?
Anyway I hope if ur daughters are abused by their husband, this is what u'll advise the man to do
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by SmooshCHN: 10:35am On Mar 14, 2015
freshcvv:


A lot of info are hidden..judging from her writeup alone, one can see that the husband has been blackmailed so badly with all the "good things they did for him" that he now tries to assert his status..

When you keep using the help you rendered someone to maltreat and disrespect him (especially a man), ego kicks in, once his ego is defeated by the blackmail, he turns to a wussy.. This must not be allowed to happen by the man.
woodcook:
I dont see any issue here. The guy has the right to associate with whomever he likes. That he is married to your daughter does not automatically means he will like you or want to frantanize with his MIL. I will blame the wife for putting herself in this ugly situation. Though I understand the need to try and unite her mom and huby. But for f-sake he is an adult who has his own choices to make. The lady should go back to her husband or else there is bigger issue other than this
Billyonaire:

You are single. There is no room for ego in marriage. The man was wrong and is wrong. His behavior is unforgiving and crude. He is uncivilized egomaniac.
silvernus0:
U STIL DEY ASK QUESTION FROM UR MAMA HOUSE? NO GO BACK TO UR HUSBAND HOUSE ,WAIT TIL EM FIND SUCUR
rokiatu:
buh a haha a a a try again. grin

If you remove the mother from this issue, the marriage is back and happy. My advise she should talk to her Mum that her marriage is important I'm sure her Mum will understand. When the marriage is OK, they can resolve the issue between the Mum and Her husband. Right now only the marriage matter @rokiatu

1 Like

Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by MadCow1: 10:35am On Mar 14, 2015
Rose2014:

I bet u didn't read the domestic abuse part abi?
Anyway I hope if ur daughters are abused by their husband, this is what u'll advise the man to do


I didn't see anything about domestic abuse in the main article.. Feel free to point me towards that part.

I handle issues of domestic abuse differently. But the main article only spoke about a rift between mother in law and son in law, and that's wat I responded to.

Thanks for sharing.

1 Like

Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nimrod81: 10:35am On Mar 14, 2015
Billyonaire:
The man beats the wife, the mother-in-law called the cops and child protection and the man hates the mother-in-law. The wife and the kids are at the center of a mor0n and the mom.

That man is immature and unstable. The mother did the right thing. The wife holds the key. Love has to be pushed aside. If your man is not coming for you then where is his own love for you ? That's a loveless marriage. If a man does not love the wife and kids ienough to visit the mom in law to settle his nonsense, I can only advise that the marriage be ended and someone has to pay for child support, you can even report to police to strip him of his papers, he simply married her for the papers and is probably planning his steps.

He was wrong to lay hands on her but they have past that and that is not what is causing the problem now... Its funny how we easily support marriage breakups.., yes the mother in law was right to call the cops... And he resents her for it... But it is childish of the wife to move out because he didn't attend her mothers party.... Come on... If she had moved out when she was beaten I would insist the guy begs her to come back with his family and friends... But party... Haha... She should go home abeg...

Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by bogzyboy(m): 10:36am On Mar 14, 2015
Rokiatu,

why are you telling us she brought him over and helped him with papers? so what? Why would a woman who has been married for 4 years with kids decide to leave her house and side with her mother because the husband is quarreling with her? If she wants to stay with her mom, so be it. She is not ready for marriage yet.
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Rose2014: 10:37am On Mar 14, 2015
MadCow1:



I didn't see anything about domestic abuse in the main article.. Feel free to point me towards that part.

I handle issues of domestic abuse differently. But the main article only spoke about a rift between mother in law and son in law, and that's wat I responded to.

Thanks for sharing.

Oh am sorry. D op in the next two posts explained why he hates his mother in law all the more
Here:
rokiatu:
nothing! The only story I know is that he beat her once and the mother in law was so angry, she took it upon herself to call the police, call child protection because his little baby who was just 7 months got injury in the process. But he didn't like her before then, because he beat her that day cuz she went to visit her mom and came back late.

And he didn't have his papers yet so after that incident the mother advice her to send him back African. She didn't thou. I bet she must have told him after that. undecided
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by onoja12: 10:39am On Mar 14, 2015
is he married to your mother?

are you married to him or your mother?if you know what is good for you,you better run back to your house and beg your husband before it is too late.your mother has run her own marriage and your husband wasn't a factor,i wonder what is fooling you into thinking that your mother should be a factor in his own house.i repeat run home and beg before another woman moves in,don't say i didn't warn you oh.

lastly i ask if your husband places his own mother first before you and your kids,how would you feel?


rokiatu:
Please note this is not about me but someone very close. I need only serious advice please, if you have nothing better to say keep off.

There's someone very very dear to me that this is happening this to right now. And the lady in question is so confuse as to what step to take. This is how the story goes,her mother was having a family dinner and invite both she and her husband but the husband refused to go. Keep in mind that the husband don't love her mother at all. She have tried everything for him to love her mom to no avail. So this time she decided to take a step just to teach him a little lesson. After the family dinner, she decided to pack some of her clothes and take her two little girls and went over to her mom. She explained everything to her mother, and the mother didn't call her son in law either because of anger, so her elder brother decided to call him and talk to him about the whole situation. But he already decided he's never stepping to his mother in law house, never! And the wife may as well stay there because he ain't going for her, and he's not apologizing to the mother either, he don't like her and he's never putting foot to her house.



To cut long story short, the lady is now in a dilemma. To go back or not? He disrespected the family so now the decision is on her shoulders to make. They want nothing to do with it. She loves him, and they have two little kids together. The marriage is barely four years. They were high school sweethearts in Africa, the lady worked her butt off to bring him over, and now that he's settled and got all his papers he's acting like this. Her world is like crushing down.

Which bring me to the question, if you were the lady in question, what would you do?
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by eagle13(m): 10:40am On Mar 14, 2015
francizy:


My take is that he doesn't love her and just used her to get what he wanted. One thing is for sure about we Nigerians, we never marry only a woman! We marry her family. You can't love a daughter and hate her mother, except the lady in question was maltreated by her own mother. Else, he doesn't have any excuse for hating the mother.

The lady's mother did the right thing for calling the police on him cause I think it was simply silly for a man to beat up his wife just cuz she went to see her mum. What if she had cheated on him, then he would have killed her na..

She should better know what to do about that guy cuz he doesn't love her. I'll put some blame on her for taking him over there, realising what he's capable of and still didn't kick his wacked àss back to 9ja.
personally I think there are issues we r yet to b told dat lead to d hatred between d man n her mom in law.but as an African dat believe in using native intelligence in crisis resolution, I think d mom inlaw should try to settle d issue at home first den if d option proved abortive den she can call d police.
finally,I think d wife should consult a close friend of d husband or a close member of d guys family to discuss d real cause of d hatred so dat d problems can b identified,discussed n solved.
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Rose2014: 10:42am On Mar 14, 2015
onoja12:
is he married to your mother?

are you married to him or your mother?if you know what is good for you,you better run back to your house and beg your husband before it is too late.your mother has run her own marriage and your husband wasn't a factor,i wonder what is fooling you into thinking that your mother should be a factor in his own house.i repeat run home and beg before another woman moves in,don't say i didn't warn you oh.

lastly i ask if your husband places his own mother first before you and your kids,how would you feel?


I'm sure u didn't read the next two comments where op mention domestic abuse.
Beg an abuser so u can return to him? Are u kidding?
Like I always say, hope u'll say d same to ur daughters if their husband abuses them
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Boyooosa(m): 10:42am On Mar 14, 2015
rokiatu:
Please note this is not about me but someone very close. I need only serious advice please, if you have nothing better to say keep off.
so na because of dis cheap tori u com de tell adults mak dem keep off. lipsrsealed
Tell her to involve her father, since her mother has serviced (am just thinking) the guy b4, so respect no go de tru tru and d guy might be doing it to avoid another round (just thinking), he will still have respect for her father no matter what. the father can reconcile the situation. but if she doesnt have father again, she can go tru one of his cherished and respected friends for mutual settlement. Try it and thank me later!
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 10:43am On Mar 14, 2015
All these life and situation analysts, una no dey tire *sighs*
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 10:43am On Mar 14, 2015
SmooshCHN:






If you remove the mother from this issue, the marriage is back and happy. My advise she should talk to her Mum that her marriage is important I'm sure her Mum will understand. When the marriage is OK, they can resolve the issue between the Mum and Her husband. Right now only the marriage matter @rokiatu

You cant take your mother out of your marriage. You can not have another mother. A mother is who you run to, for advise, when you face difficulties in marriage. What type of man will abandon his kids and wife because of his personal ego ? There is no love there. Love humbles a man.

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Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Rose2014: 10:44am On Mar 14, 2015
eagle13:
personally I think there are issues we r yet to b told dat lead to d hatred between d man n her mom in law.but as an African dat believe in using native intelligence in crisis resolution, I think d mom inlaw should try to settle d issue at home first den if d option proved abortive den she can call d police.
finally,I think d wife should consult a close friend of d husband or a close member of d guys family to discuss d real cause of d hatred so dat d problems can b identified,discussed n solved.
D man beat his wife and their baby got injured in the process. D mil called the police n child protective services and d man hates her with passion

That's an abuser for u. They usually don't like anyone that tries to protect the victim. It's normal

4 Likes

Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 10:45am On Mar 14, 2015
Billyonaire:


You cant take your mother out of your marriage. You can not have another mother. A mother is who you run to, for advise, when you face difficulties in marriage. What type of man will abandon his kids and wife because of his personal ego ? There is no love there. Love humbles a man.
if I quote you again them go say I am against the man. But I couldn't help it you are so right.
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Ninapha(f): 10:45am On Mar 14, 2015
jaybee3:
The husband is a grown man and should he able to make and stand by his own decisions.
It doesn't help that he is being made to feel like an ingrate when the issue at hand hasn't bordered along the line of infidelity nor laziness on his part.

The wife simply needs to grow since mum isn't always going to be around. Your husband becomes the default head and his opinion counts once you sign the dotted line

It's also very irresponsible of the mother in-law to feel comfortable about the whole scenario as it played out

i am so disappointed on this ur one way traffic perception.

U think the mother inlaw is comfortable with the situation? A man who beats his wife is even a wow!

He is a son inlaw, i hv this inclination, he may not like the woman as aresult of her authocrative nature or advising the daughter against him. Yet he went ahead and marry the daughter. So its on him to manage the situation properly.

He shd show respect to his inlaw while not being a house boy to her. Anything short of this, he is acting immature.

For the lady, its had to be ahome with ur mum's enemy, yet this is ur family. Dont middle much on their difference. Try to be a wife to ur hubby and a daughter to ur mum. Soon they wd find a ground to reconcile.

Ur home first.

1 Like

Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by IYANGBALI: 10:45am On Mar 14, 2015
Rokiatu I for no put mouth for this your mata because I know say na you the thing happen to. If no be say today na saturday,I for talk say dat your friend no get brain,na wetin her husband do am?nothing,she come pack comot because of small issue like dat. Come make I tell you something if na me be dat man I no go look for her nor beg her to come back home and by the time she decides to come back home,na dat time I go start my own madness and tell her to go back to where she is coming from,at the end of the day,na her,her mama and you rokiatu together with some other family members and friends go come dey beg me for her to come back home,afterall na she pack comot. Some naija babes no get brain walahi,look around you and see how babes that are old enough to be married are floating here and there,keeping vigil and fasting,one yeye girl come dey pack comot for her matrmonial home because of thing wey no get head,even that her mama self,na small brain she get,for say her brain full and correct well well,she for no gree the girl to pack comot for her husband house. If your friend like make she nogo make peace with her husband,I see you rokiatu or one of una friends taking over her matrimonial home if she does not go back home soonest. Infact give me the man's fone no and address of his house,I get people dat want to pack in now now now. tongue grin tongue
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by manmustwac(m): 10:45am On Mar 14, 2015
bogzyboy:
Rokiatu,
why are you telling us she brought him over and helped him with papers? so what? Why would a woman who has been married for 4 years with kids decide to leave her house and side with her mother because the husband is quarreling with her? If she wants to stay with her mom, so be it. She is not ready for marriage yet.
One thing that i know as fact is that when they come here there is always the possibility that they will change for the worse. A few weeks ago i read a story here about how an african american woman married and helped her nigerian husband to get his papers only for him to go to back home to marry his girlfriend.

Rokiatu

You didn't tell us why your friends husband hates his mother inlaw? Dose he have perfectly good reason for hating her or is it some lame excuse?

1 Like

Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by 400billionman: 10:47am On Mar 14, 2015
The man is wrong.

But the girl can decide to marry her mother if she is okay with that..

It is probable this man does not like her mother in law because his wife is appropriating attention more to her mum than her husband. Its very simple.

Let her marry her mother..
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Rose2014: 10:47am On Mar 14, 2015
manmustwac:
One thing that i know as fact is that when they come here there is always the possibility that they will change for the worse. A few weeks ago i read a story here about how an african american woman married and helped her nigerian husband to get his papers only for him to go to back home to marry his girlfriend.

Rokiatu

You didn't tell us why your friends husband hates his mother inlaw? Dose he have perfectly good reason for hating her or is it some lame excuse?
She did if read the next two comments after the op
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by braine(m): 10:48am On Mar 14, 2015
When a woman is married, she belongs entirely to her husband, and he should come first before any other person.
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by bogzyboy(m): 10:48am On Mar 14, 2015
manmustwac:
One thing that i know as fact is that when they come here there is always the possibility that they will change for the worse. A few weeks ago i read a story here about how an african american woman married and helped her nigerian husband to get his papers only for him to go to back home to marry his girlfriend.

Rokiatu

You didn't tell us why your friends husband hates his mother inlaw? Dose he have perfectly good reason for hating her or is it some lame excuse?


That is true. But she makes it sound like he owes her so he must always comply because she helped him with papers. With what we know so far, the fight was between the dude and his mother inlaw, taking his kids away and moving back with her mom is just idiotic.
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Rose2014: 10:49am On Mar 14, 2015
400billionman:
The man is wrong.

But the girl can decide to marry her mother if she is okay with that..

Before I allow my child male or female to return to a physically abusive spouse, they will have to sign a statement saying if they get killed, my hand no dey cheesy
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by 400billionman: 10:50am On Mar 14, 2015
braine:
When a woman is married, she belongs entirely to her husband, and he should come first before any other person.

Most girls don't know about this..
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by onoja12: 10:52am On Mar 14, 2015
domestic abuse my foot,am equally sure you didn't read the part where she is spending late night by her mother.If her mother is lonely let her go find a boyfriend and leave there marriage alone

As for my daughter i would raise her right,and would teach her to respect her husband just as her mother respects me,only women from broken home like to brake there children s home,if i check the mother must have broken her own home.and that is why my people say don't marry a girl from a broken home because her mother would brake yours too

Rose2014:

I'm sure u didn't read the next two comments where op mention domestic abuse.
Beg an abuser so u can return to him? Are u kidding?
Like I always say, hope u'll say d same to ur daughters if their husband abuses them
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by SmooshCHN: 10:53am On Mar 14, 2015
Billyonaire:


You cant take your mother out of your marriage. You can not have another mother. A mother is who you run to, for advise, when you face difficulties in marriage. What type of man will abandon his kids and wife because of his personal ego ? There is no love there. Love humbles a man.
Not take mother away as in physically, don't just quote a part of the whole sentence and take on it. I simply said their marriage would seem OK without the issue of the mother and her husband in relation of she keeping her marriage alive. She packed out because of the issue between both.
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Rose2014: 10:53am On Mar 14, 2015
IYANGBALI:
Rokiatu I for no put mouth for this your mata because I know say na you the thing happen to. If no be say today na saturday,I for talk say dat your friend no get brain,na wetin her husband do am?nothing,she come pack comot because of small issue like dat. Come make I tell you something if na me be dat man I no go look for her nor beg her to come back home and by the time she decides to come back home,na dat time I go start my own madness and tell her to go back to where she is coming from,at the end of the day,na her,her mama and you rokiatu together with some other family members and friends go come dey beg me for her to come back home,afterall na she pack comot. Some naija babes no get brain walahi,look around you and see how babes that are old enough to be married are floating here and there,keeping vigil and fasting,one yeye girl come dey pack comot for her matrmonial home because of thing wey no get head,even that her mama self,na small brain she get,for say her brain full and correct well well,she for no gree the girl to pack comot for her husband house. If your friend like make she nogo make peace with her husband,I see you rokiatu or one of una friends taking over her matrimonial home if she does not go back home soonest. Infact give me the man's fone no and address of his house,I get people dat want to pack in now now now. tongue grin tongue

I think u should read the next two comments after the op where physical abuse in which a new born baby was injured
Is this what u'll say to ur daughter if she's being abused by her husband?
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by MadCow1: 10:54am On Mar 14, 2015
Rose2014:


Oh am sorry. D op in the next two posts explained why he hates his mother in law all the more
Here:




Riight..

Thanks for pointing that out.

Now we have established a cause, I still don't think the woman handled it well. Her husband is still her primary except she wants a divorce. Rather than aggravate issues by doing the same thing that caused the beating in the first place, she should be taking steps to broker peace between them. Unless she can clearly point to the fact that the man is a naturally abusive person in which case she should be making moves for a divorce and not doing the same Shiit that caused the problems whilst hoping that brings about a solution.

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