coderXO:
Obviously there is abuse in the story so it is a bit different, and it's tricky.

And they are overseas is another matter.

No woman/man should tolerate maltreatment.

Cheating is the least tolerable.

Abuse is once, and never EVER again.

Frankly he sounds like a deadbeat but she obviously loves her husband.

She should go home with stipulations of what she expects of him.

Should anything go wrong one more time, she better leave him for good.


The mother-in-law relationship needn't be perfect but the man in question if he has an of inkling of sense in his head will repair it gradually and make peace.

Life is simple folks, don't make things hard for yourselves.

We make mistakes, we take correction, say sorry and move on.

Simples.

Peace.

I am Rose2014 and I endorse this message

Ochek:


When was the last time he did beat her? Mind you, the thread by the OP only gave us a Lil background about them however, the domestic violence was not related to the "why" she is away @mama's house.

The man has beaten her twice already and that means nothing to u abi?

SmooshCHN:
If you were married you'll know running away from problems don't get them solved. A successful marriage should be more important than anyone's satisfaction. You didn't read the part where I advised her to meet with her husband and pray, and apply wisdom. You went straight ahead to start predicting circumstances that you shouldn't wish a growing couple. If you prefer your daughter's marriage broken because you have a problem with her husband, that's very immature and then you'd definitely not make a good mother in law.
OP already judged the Husband. And I'm not supporting abuse at all. My pain is that, a 4 year marriage will soon be destroyed. If think rendering your grandchildren fatherless is the best choice instead of you to take her husband as your son and settle issues with him and make give your daughter the happiest thing a mother can give her daughter. Na to separate her home be the best thing.
People have resolved to putting their marriage I the hands of their family instead of the GOD.. As if Prayer and Love no longer has effect when it comes to marriage

Wtf did I just read? A successful marriage is better than anyone's satisfaction? No please. Next time, use the words "happy marriage" then I'd agree with you. Y'all act like marriage is the ticket to heaven. No! It is not. There is no marriage in heaven. So I would never encourage anyone one to stick to an abusive relationship. Half the people who comment like you have never been victims. Smh.

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postmann:
The husband had the exclusive right whether to attend or not to attend the mother-in-law's dinner. And the wife had to moral right to try to retaliate or punish the husband. But she did it in a rather foolish and farreaching way buy staying put with the kids. If a man did this, he would be called controlling. But it is clear the woman is sturborn and trying to force her husband into something he's not ready for. And she most probably got it from her meddling mother who obviously hasnt accepted or recorgnize this man as her daughter's husband. Hence the man is holding unto his ego tightly. He should hang in there against a foolish wife and meddling, egoistic motherinlaw. Though he shouldnt lay his hand on his wife again.
And he should watch his wife's loyalty closely. She gives a worried sign like one who is halfly married to her husband and halfly married to her own family. Such woman could be traitors with divided loyalty.

SECONDED!

If she is sure that her husband love her, she should just go back home apologise to her husband and not try to work him up. She is in the marriage already, I believe time will mend the cracks if she did not try to force her husband.

Rose2014:

I am Rose2014 and I endorse this message

heheh, ya obviously from America.

netizenbuzz:


Wtf did I just read? A successful marriage is better than anyone's satisfaction? No please. Next time, use the words "happy marriage" then I'd agree with you. Y'all act like marriage is the ticket to heaven. No! It is not. There is no marriage in heaven. So I would never encourage anyone one to stick to an abusive relationship. Half the people who comment like you have never been victims. Smh.

Thanks for using the correct word. Victims know better. And ignorant people like us just say what we only seem to know. No one ask her to stick to an abusive marriage. Other tales of past abuse appeared late in the thread. Don't judge too quickly.

Rose2014:

Did u just type this. So the blame is on the abused woman and her mother D mother should watch her daughter get killed abi? So u can come n read the tragic ending and type RIP

You go fear advice na

I blame the lady for not reading the handwriting on the wall. She should've followed her mom's advise n send his sorry ass back to Africa. She's bn pitying him all along yet he even has the mind to raise his hand on her. Imagine the guts!!

Why was there not a mention of the father-in-law in the whole 4 year old episode? Such mothers-in-law seldom last in their own marriage. She is unwittingly encouraging.her daughter to end up the same way she obviously ended

Lightening:


Why was there not a mention of the father-in-law in the whole 4 year old episode? Such mothers-in-law seldom last in their own marriage. She is unwittingly encouraging.her daughter to end up the same way she obviously ended

mother s in law causeing problems since 1804, beaten twice in 4 years that's once every two year which may be caused by her and she called police for her son in law.
One man from anambra state that made a YouTube video , he used to work with nnpc in nigeria but this lady made him to resign talked him into relocating to us , now she locks him up at any slitest excuse just because the man is a Christian and believe s in one man one wife.
lady's are wicked , your husband loves you does not complain , now you no go face your family na to force him to love another person.
You people wan do like oyibo by calling cops for your husband but you no learn well from them because if you put - mother in law , father in law even children before an oyibo wife to choose , she will always choose her husband and tell others to go and apologise to him.

Lightening:


Why was there not a mention of the father-in-law in the whole 4 year old episode? Such mothers-in-law seldom last in their own marriage. She is unwittingly encouraging.her daughter to end up the same way she obviously ended

the father in law is dead. Jeez.

adebayour26:


Your comment makes a lot of sense,but this your monicker get as e be oooioo

Lol.

Rose2014:

Where did u read about happy home biko?
Or u're waiting for her to get killed so u can come n type RIP abi?

Please madam stop going about ranting about an issue you do not have any shred of experience about. The couple have since survived the misunderstanding and moved on. But you are busy swallowing pills on their behalf. There are many mistakes wives make in marriage that are weightier than their husband's spank, yet they appologise never get a divorce. Ask your mother and go back to your studies.
Mcheeeeeeeeeeew

rokiatu:
nothing! The only story I know is that he beat her once and the mother in law was so angry, she took it upon herself to call the police, call child protection because his little baby who was just 7 months got injury in the process. But he didn't like her before then, because he beat her that day cuz she went to visit her mom and came back late.

And he didn't have his papers yet so after that incident the mother advice her to send him back African. She didn't thou. I bet she must have told him after that.

. if my mother in-law did this to me, I will hate her forever, I will take her as an enemy of process

franksam2009:
. if my mother in-law did this to me, I will hate her forever, I will take her as an enemy of process

ok good for you.

rokiatu:
Please note this is not about me but someone very close. I need only serious advice please, if you have nothing better to say keep off.

There's someone very very dear to me that this is happening this to right now. And the lady in question is so confuse as to what step to take. This is how the story goes,her mother was having a family dinner and invite both she and her husband but the husband refused to go. Keep in mind that the husband don't love her mother at all. She have tried everything for him to love her mom to no avail. So this time she decided to take a step just to teach him a little lesson. After the family dinner, she decided to pack some of her clothes and take her two little girls and went over to her mom. She explained everything to her mother, and the mother didn't call her son in law either because of anger, so her elder brother decided to call him and talk to him about the whole situation. But he already decided he's never stepping to his mother in law house, never! And the wife may as well stay there because he ain't going for her, and he's not apologizing to the mother either, he don't like her and he's never putting foot to her house.



To cut long story short, the lady is now in a dilemma. To go back or not? He disrespected the family so now the decision is on her shoulders to make. They want nothing to do with it. She loves him, and they have two little kids together. The marriage is barely four years. They were high school sweethearts in Africa, the lady worked her butt off to bring him over, and now that he's settled and got all his papers he's acting like this. Her world is like crushing down.

Which bring me to the question, if you were the lady in question, what would you do?

Let her go back home and try to know why her husband don't like her mum
Cos there must be something behind that
God know best sha...... May God help her

a grown man does not have to go where he doesnt want to go. no matter where that place is.

It's not wise to comment on another couple's marriage, because, just like it's evident in this case, we don't know the full story.

But from the OP's narration, he may have assaulted her, yes, but we don't know why and obviously the issue had been settled amicably or seemingly so.

The OP also said the wife packed and left with her 2 kids for the sole reason of getting the hubby and her mother to reconcile....? It's not rocket science. Her experiment failed. Go back to your matrimonial home. unless the marriage is already a failed one, which we also don't know.


and the emotional blackmail of how she helped him abroad bla bla bla...is not enough reason to assume he must do all you desire.


Saying the bloke is tired of the marriage is funny to me cos he never asked her to leave. He maybe tired but nothing in the story above indicates such.

franksam2009:
. if my mother in-law did this to me, I will hate her forever, I will take her as an enemy of process

And if a son in law is trying his man power on ur daughter, I hope u'll hire atilogwu dance group to go n congratulate him

Never raise hand on ur spouse male or female

Lightening:


Please madam stop going about ranting about an issue you do not have any shred of experience about. The couple have since survived the misunderstanding and moved on. But you are busy swallowing pills on their behalf. There are many mistakes wives make in marriage that are weightier than their husband's spank, yet they appologise never get a divorce. Ask your mother and go back to your studies.
Mcheeeeeeeeeeew

It's not advisable to leave an abuser immediately after the abuse else he or she kills u
In this case, the man in question is already keeping girlfriends and has turned the woman to a punching bag.
Cases abound about Naija men killing their wives abroad. Of course u don't see anything wrong in a man hitting his wife.
Hope ur reaction will be same if ur daughter gets beaten at any slightest provocation

Doesnt he get provoked by his sister, mom, bro, friends etc
So why doesnt he beat someone up daily?
Only cowards hit their wives IMO

rokiatu:
Please note this is not about me but someone very close. I need only serious advice please, if you have nothing better to say keep off.

There's someone very very dear to me that this is happening this to right now. And the lady in question is so confuse as to what step to take. This is how the story goes,her mother was having a family dinner and invite both she and her husband but the husband refused to go. Keep in mind that the husband don't love her mother at all. She have tried everything for him to love her mom to no avail. So this time she decided to take a step just to teach him a little lesson. After the family dinner, she decided to pack some of her clothes and take her two little girls and went over to her mom. She explained everything to her mother, and the mother didn't call her son in law either because of anger, so her elder brother decided to call him and talk to him about the whole situation. But he already decided he's never stepping to his mother in law house, never! And the wife may as well stay there because he ain't going for her, and he's not apologizing to the mother either, he don't like her and he's never putting foot to her house.



To cut long story short, the lady is now in a dilemma. To go back or not? He disrespected the family so now the decision is on her shoulders to make. They want nothing to do with it. She loves him, and they have two little kids together. The marriage is barely four years. They were high school sweethearts in Africa, the lady worked her butt off to bring him over, and now that he's settled and got all his papers he's acting like this. Her world is like crushing down.

Which bring me to the question, if you were the lady in question, what would you do?

This is a no brainier, she goes back to husband. If the only thing keeping her away from her husband is the spat between her mom and husband but if it's more than like abuse then she should stay at her moms and leave her husband.

If he abused her once then he will do it again. There's more to this story than just mom and husband.

Having read through many of the posts here, I will like to say the op is a little bias towards the man. Be that as it may, the main issues are that the man took wrong steps by not respecting the MIL, hitting the wife for coming home late from her mother's place and not calling the MIL. But I feel it has to do with his male ego not that he does not love the wife or the children.

Meanwhile, the wife is more wrong by packing out of her matrimonial home to stay with her mother. The phrase "for better for worse" has a deep meaning and she's got to realize that.

My advice: Let the wife return home and put up a friendly appearance before her husband. Then she will need to apply godly principle to tackle the issue on ground. I advice her to have a heart-to-heart talk on the matter with her hubby. I will give the folliwing links to reliable information on solving such marital issues that many have applied and save their marriage:

http://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/wp20100201/dealing-with-in-laws/

http://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/g201309/how-to-forgive/

http://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/family/couples-parents/

The first deals with the issue on ground. The second deals with how to forgive while the third link gives a list of many issues that can arise in a marriage and godly ways of solving them.

Let this lady read and digest the articles and even giving the hubby to read. Then they can discuss the points and how to apply them. That marriage can be saved. Yes, if godly ways, commitment and prayer are applied.

@rokiatu, pls show this your friend my post.

slimikenna:
It's not wise to comment on another couple's marriage, because, just like it's evident in this case, we don't know the full story.

But from the OP's narration, he may have assaulted her, yes, but we don't know why and obviously the issue had been settled amicably or seemingly so.

The OP also said the wife packed and left with her 2 kids for the sole reason of getting the hubby and her mother to reconcile....? It's not rocket science. Her experiment failed. Go back to your matrimonial home. unless the marriage is already a failed one, which we also don't know.


and the emotional blackmail of how she helped him abroad bla bla bla...is not enough reason to assume he must do all you desire.


Saying the bloke is tired of the marriage is funny to me cos he never asked her to leave. He maybe tired but nothing in the story above indicates such.

Your post nailed it.

Nne men some women never seize to amaze me... always rushed by their spurred anger to dismantle all their years worth of built miniature Lego castle.

As per the PR opata, if you don't help him, someone else will ... Eventually. The man is obviously a randy dude with no iota of respect for elders so why beat the dead horse , afterall nobody put a gun to her head when their love began, and as long as he's continued to be good to you and your kids at home then what's with the brouhaha again? .

Packing out of the house with his children to make a silly 'statement' and without being chased out in the first place is the most childish act I've ever heard of.

It is well

Originalsly:
The wife is helping to wreck her own marriage, home and the lives of the kids. This has nothing to do about him getting his papers. For whatever reasons ... he did not like his mother in law from jump. The wife knew that. She had to know that he was not going to the family dinner ... so it was like by force...if you don't show up I'll teach you a lesson and she did what she did....as you said..because "he disrespected her family". She has disrespected her husband and marriage...and to add salt to the wound...moved herself and 'her kids' to the root of the problem. She didn't move because he beat her...and injured the child...oh nooo...that was not reason enough....but not to show up for the family dinner?... all hell must break loose. They live abroad.....calling the police for a one time incident was not necessary ... he now has a police record that can affect his climbing the ladder or having more opportunities opened to him to better his life and that of his family if they get over this hurdle. I'm surprised he was not arrested and charged....maybe he was. On papers...if that's all he wanted then the wife has given him a golden opportunity for him to file for divorce on the grounds of abandonment....she has abandoned him by moving out. The wife is now suffering...no sex...no help to take care of the kids...and her mother is also feeling the pressure of child care and extras in her home...her regular routine is now all messed up....and most likely is trying to send her daughter back to where she belongs. What can she do?...I guess try getting on her knees and start apologising to the husband. If he does accept her back she should know things not going to be the same......she has to do extra over time to bring the relationship back to the low level it was just before all this dinner drama. The End .

This is the only sensible post I've read so far.

pragmatistm:
Having read through many of the posts here, I will like to say the op is a little bias towards the man. Be that as it may, the main issues are that the man took wrong steps by not respecting the MIL, hitting the wife for coming home late from her mother's place and not calling the MIL. But I feel it has to do with his male ego not that he does not love the wife or the children.

Meanwhile, the wife is more wrong by packing out of her matrimonial home to stay with her mother. The phrase "for better for worse" has a deep meaning and she's got to realize that.

My advice: Let the wife return home and put up a friendly appearance before her husband. Then she will need to apply godly principle to tackle the issue on ground. I advice her to have a heart-to-heart talk on the matter with her hubby. I will give the folliwing links to reliable information on solving such marital issues that many have applied and save their marriage:

http://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/wp20100201/dealing-with-in-laws/

http://www.jw.org/en/publications/magazines/g201309/how-to-forgive/

http://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/family/couples-parents/

The first deals with the issue on ground. The second deals with how to forgive while the third link gives a list of many issues that can arise in a marriage and godly ways of solving them.

Let this lady read and digest the articles and even giving the hubby to read. Then they can discuss the points and how to apply them. That marriage can be saved. Yes, if godly ways, commitment and prayer are applied.

@rokiatu, pls show this your friend my post.

ok thank you thanks to all as well. She actually read everyone post on here.

Thanks so much everyone. We appreciate all the advice.

Rose2014:


Really? I hope u'll say the same thing if ur daughter is being physically abused by her husband

The last I checked it was NEVER reported that the man abused his wife physically...he simply has a misunderstanding with her mother and next thing she parks up and joins her mum...make she stay na!

Billyonaire:


You are single. There is no room for ego in marriage. The man was wrong and is wrong. His behavior is unforgiving and crude. He is uncivilized egomaniac.

What ego are u referring to here pls...from face value of the story this young man doesn't have issues with his wife but his wife's mum! So u mean if ur loving faithful and caring husband has issues with ur mum u will pack up and leave the house to join ur mum when ur hubby has done nothing wrong to YOU! My dear think again please

DinhoMVP:


What ego are u referring to here pls...from face value of the story this young man doesn't have issues with his wife but his wife's mum! So u mean if ur loving faithful and caring husband has issues with ur mum u will pack up and leave the house to join ur mum when ur hubby has done nothing wrong to YOU! My dear think again please

who told you he was faithful and loving?

You better take your time and read some pages.

rokiatu:
who told you he was faithful and loving?

You better take your time and read some pages.

See love can be confusing at times.

How do leave something u cherish and have kept together so long. He's beating you in between?

They should try and work things out but he should never beat her again abeg.

Thank you so much everybody issue got resolved wife gone back to husband.....the husband even apologize to his mother in law.

Nairaland have actually been useful to me this time.

DinhoMVP:


What ego are u referring to here pls...from face value of the story this young man doesn't have issues with his wife but his wife's mum! So u mean if ur loving faithful and caring husband has issues with ur mum u will pack up and leave the house to join ur mum when ur hubby has done nothing wrong to YOU! My dear think again please

I think our diverse responses depends on how we regard our respective mothers. If people are carefree about their mothers up to an extent you can wave-away people's negligences of your mother, then it shows you have no deep compassion and love for your mother. No woman on this planet, could separate me from my mother (RIP), no one. Even if your pu.ssy is sugarcoated with angelic honey. I feel same for that lady (wife), she can have another husband, she cant have another mother. The husband is egomaniac, I still believe that man hasnt got a loving mother.