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Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Ochek: 12:51pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
Rose2014: Hallo dear, you probably have got the whole gist wrong. The domestic violence goes way way far behind than this situation at hand. The current circumstance has nothing to do with assault of any kind (presently). The mega issue to be x-rayed is the togetherness of man and wife. Mind you, no relationship comes 100% flawless. We grow in it and work out the differences. That ma dear makes our relationship a better one. Go ask couples who have stayed over 25years in marriage and I am sure you would learn more. the case of domestic violence mentioned was only a thing of the past and seems the couple in question must have grown past it by now. My advice still stands. WOMAN! GO BACK TO THY HUSBAND. He still loves you as much as you do him. |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Hotstew(m): 12:51pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
Rose2014: from the story, the mq an didnt send his wife packing. She moved out on her own or according to her mothers instuction. |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Rose2014: 12:52pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
allcomage:For me It doesn't matter how many support or oppose to anything on nl. For all u know Some say what they won't do if they were put in the op's shoes Anyway according to rokiatu's update later, d man has beaten her twice already and even keeping girlfriend I'm a fan of 'no divorce' but once violence comes in, whether man or woman should pick race to the nearest shelter. Life has no spare |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by kekeolu(f): 12:53pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
I am of d opinion that the man does not care for his immediate family. If he does he would have sought after his wife and children. I think all he was after was his papers which he's gotten. A violent and abusive marriage does none of the parties any good. Any man/woman who truly loves his/her partnerwill not abuse him/ her in any form. 1 Like |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Rose2014: 12:55pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
Ochek:Maybe u need to follow rokiatu's comments Once a woman beater is always a woman beater.The man has beaten her twice already. So u want him to kill her before she runs. Women are becoming wiser these days, u leave an abuser when he least expects so he doesn't suspect ur moves n kill u 1 Like |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Rose2014: 12:58pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
Hotstew:U r the one thinking she moved out on her own These days, some battered women are learning to leave silently without a word when d issue has died down That's because if an abuser gets a hint u're leaving, they murder u |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Bigsteveg(m): 1:00pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
Rose2014: That's what u get get if a lady helps u, if the reverse was d case would u have told the husband to throw the wife assss back to 9ja. |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 1:03pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
EbolaParasite:I didn't say the man owes them for bringing him there. Whether they brought him there or not what he did is not right at all!! So, you mean beating a wife up is cool? That you're married doesn't mean the people that brought you into this world and the family you grew up with are no longer part of your life. It doesn't mean they can/should no longer look out for your wellbeing. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Ochek: 1:06pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
Rose2014: When was the last time he did beat her? Mind you, the thread by the OP only gave us a Lil background about them however, the domestic violence was not related to the "why" she is away @mama's house. |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by EbolaParasite: 1:08pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
AgapeCharis:Agreed but they also need to know their bounds. I am not supporting wife beating. Just saying in-laws should know their bounds 1 Like |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 1:11pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
A single guy with hardly any experience here, but if I were to be in her shoes, I'd get back to my husband's house, the squabble all started from there, that should be the first move towards sorting it out. The husband seems irresponsible, I know those kind of men, but she doesn't have to let the kids grow up in a broken home, as far I understand from the story, the abuse was a one time thing. The issue with the mother is to be approached gently, might take a while too, |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 1:11pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
MrMandilas:How is the mother inlaw the problem? Because she called the police on him when the man beat her daughter up and injured her 7 month old grandchild? No matter where the story started from, whether or not they brought him there, such arrogant behaviour towards a mother inlaw is uncalled for. Beating up a woman you claim to love at every silly opportunity beats me hollow! You beat ur wife up to the extent of injuring your own 7 months old baby just because she went to visit her mum and came back late!! Haba!! Nnaa een.... 1 Like |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by kandiikane(m): 1:13pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
EbolaParasite: I don't need to hear the man's side, there is no excuse that can justify a cheat's actions. Whether he is brought into American or not I don't care, the man is wrong end off. MrMandilas: Who is saying respect is doing what your inlaw asks you to do? His behaviour is disrespectful towards the wife and family, not what he was asked to say or do. When you get married you take your inlaws like your parents and give them the same level of respect you would your parents unless of course you have no respect for your parents. You can still respect your parents and have disagreements. If a man cannot show an ounce of respect for the inlaws how much more the wife, it is the same disrespect that caused him to cheat and beat the wife injuring their baby. Even if he disliked the mother, that is not the way to go about it, you act civil since she is the mother of your wife, not act like a goat about the whole thing. I can only imagine the tantrum he was throwing about how he didn't like the mum so he won't go to the family dinner. What a little bytch! The wife should call the mum anytime the husband beats hers because it seems the mum is the husband's kryptonite. |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 1:14pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
EbolaParasite:I don't think the mother inlaw wasn out of her bounds by protecting her daughter. She even tried to make things smoothen up between them by inviting him over for dinner yet he refused. The guy knows what he's doing. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by emelia: 1:18pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
This is marriage that has two kids dat we are talking about here..the lady should run back to her husband and see how things will be sorted out.she cannot force her husband to love her mum or come to her mother's place.both parties shud learn to compromise and time will definitely sort things out.honestly the mother in law is not acting well..so she wants to trade her dautas marriage for her pride/dignity.?those two kids shud be considered and evrything to make that marriage work should be of utmost importance. 1 Like |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 1:21pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
kandiikane:Yes you are right but it's so hard especially if you are a friend. She may think I just want to break her home. When he beat her for the second time, I advice her to take action but she did nothing. She always goes back to him and he has numerous gfs and she knows but she's still tolerating it. |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 1:23pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
Rose2014: Pls understand this, i dont in any way support physical abuse, but telling the wife to send his sorry ass back to Africa, you make it sound as if the man was languishing in poverty before the wife and mother called him, 'hey, why dont you leave that God-forsaken Continent and come over here before you die of poverty'. Fact is, it was a mutual agreement between them both, they are married for Jesus' sake. If the marraige is troubled, i would advice them to try and work it out, not tell anybody to play God. Green card or not, they were all Nigerians first. 1 Like |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Ochek: 1:25pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
Funny how some gals are up here ranting all about this case and wouldn't want to reason in a bit only cos he did beat her - say twice. If this was the guys mum hating on the wife, this same gals would be the ones screaming mother in law are this and that. I have even heard some gals say they wish their husband to be mum (mother in law) is late. Can you beat that? I wonder if they would be happy to hear their own daughter in law make such a statement of them. Miss Rose has been up predicting the end. Lemme assume the following ensured in the marriage. The wife and mother in law repeatedly reminded him how they dragged his sorry ass up to the states and that shit. Look her lady, you want to see the best in your man? Treat him like a king and you will be glad you did. |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by kandiikane(m): 1:28pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
rokiatu: Hm, I guess then she should be left to carry on bearing her cross. If this is the first time she left home, it probably will take her 6 more times before she acknowledges that the man is not good for her, that's if he hasn't left already. |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by MrMandilas: 1:28pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
kandiikane:U are speaking as if u live in the same house with them. When did it become a law in marriage that u must dine with ur inlaws to because they said so. Karma is waiting. |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 1:31pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
[quowaiting uthor=rokiatu post=31609267] Yes you are right but it's so hard especially if you are a friend. She may think I just want to break her home. When he beat her for the second time, I advice her to take action but she did nothing. She always goes back to him and he has numerous gfs and she knows but she's still tolerating it. [/quote] I'm waiting |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by kandiikane(m): 1:32pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
MrMandilas: you keep on mentioning "because your inlaws said so, ask you to do so," what has said so got to do with behaving like a goat? I don't need to live in their house, everything needed is on this thread. Abeg, I have made my point, good day 1 Like |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by EbolaParasite: 1:32pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
AgapeCharis: You act like you don't know Nigerian families. They are way out of their bounds. In-laws usually do this when they feel their side of the family is more influential. Aaking him to come to dinner so he can feel like an outcast? They probably say shit about him all day long. If the guy was from a rich or influential family they wouldnt do this. A good mother inlaw will talk with the guys parents and they will come up with a peaceful solution together. Why didnt they go to the guys parents? If they are in naija, telephone abi rebtel don finish? |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by EbolaParasite: 1:36pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
rokiatu:First mistake she made was asking friends for advice. The only advice she needs is to call the authorities. Domestic violence is a no no. |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by EbolaParasite: 1:38pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
kandiikane: Bet you will feel differently if it was the guys mother doing this to the wife? |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by rattlesnake(m): 1:45pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
rokiatu:ur grammar and use of cohesive devices is horrible....please spend more time on ur books than ur boobs |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by MrMandilas: 1:46pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
kandiikane: |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Dlionsheart: 2:08pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
kekeolu: Big sis, I don't think so. Remember, she did not leave the house because she was abuse by her husband or for the fear of it. This has already been settled. This time around, her fictitious reason is that he refused to attend dinner organized by her mother bla bla bla bla bla bla.............. You see, a man will always want to be a man no matter the circumstances surrounding him. His ego feels threatened by the woman's action. The wiring of women is completely different from that of the men. Men based their actions/inactions, judgment and reaction on facts (logic) while women based theirs on emotions. Women think intuitively while men think logically. I think that's the case here. Reacting emotionally or intuitively to her husband refusal, she expect her husband to continue the emotional game of begging her/her mother by packing out of the house, unfortunately, the man could not reconcile packing out of the house and not attending dinner. They are completely two different things. To the man, she packed out for no logical reason. that's a fact and he's not ready to play that emotionally game with her. The way forward: the man should drop or reduce his pride or ego and a bit of the African culture, understand the feminity of his spouse, put his children in consideration and act accordingly. As for the woman, pls understand the muscularity of your spouse, know he is an African (and may be tempted to act the African way sometimes), know that you're married to him and not to your family, hence, their involvement in your family affairs should be minimal (not domineering or coercive), imbibe biblical principles of marriage - know that you can not win all the argument all the times. GOD BLESS!!! 1 Like |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by coderXO(m): 2:08pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
Obviously there is abuse in the story so it is a bit different, and it's tricky. And they are overseas is another matter. No woman/man should tolerate maltreatment. Cheating is the least tolerable. Abuse is once, and never EVER again. Frankly he sounds like a deadbeat but she obviously loves her husband. She should go home with stipulations of what she expects of him. Should anything go wrong one more time, she better leave him for good. The mother-in-law relationship needn't be perfect but the man in question if he has an of inkling of sense in his head will repair it gradually and make peace. Life is simple folks, don't make things hard for yourselves. We make mistakes, we take correction, say sorry and move on. Simples. Peace. 2 Likes |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Reaper231(m): 2:08pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
I see wats up. Mother-in-law maybe thinking she's white and forming boss. Issues like this, there r usually tiny elements we dnt get to knw. Maybe cos d guy was poor d woman was bossing over him and never wntd her daughter to marry him so d guy has a bruised ego. Secondly, to me d mother-in-law even sounds controlling and domineering. As for d guy, he shld knw he's no longer in Africa. He shld drop some of d pride and cement things wit d woman(unless d 2 of them hv been sexually involved sha) As for the wife, yu r no longer married to ur family. Ur husband and kids are take priority now over ur controlling mom that will even support her daughter moving bck wit d kids simply cos hubby refuses to visit yur mum. African marriage is a union of both families. Bt it isn't by force to like a particular member of d family. Personally I never yield when I'm coerced into doing something I don't want to do. |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by postmann: 2:09pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
The husband had the exclusive right whether to attend or not to attend the mother-in-law's dinner. And the wife had no moral right to try to retaliate or punish the husband. But she did it in a rather foolish and farreaching way by staying put with the kids. If a man did this, he would be called controlling. But it is clear the woman is sturborn and trying to force her husband into something he's not ready for. And she most probably got it from her meddling mother who obviously hasnt accepted or recorgnize this man as her daughter's husband. Hence the man is holding unto his ego tightly. He should hang in there against a foolish wife and meddling, egoistic motherinlaw. Though he shouldnt lay his hand on his wife again. And he should watch his wife's loyalty closely. She gives a worried sign like one who is halfly married to her husband and halfly married to her own family. Such women could be traitors with divided loyalty. 2 Likes |
Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by coderXO(m): 2:11pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
rattlesnake: Chill out, we aint in school. 1 Like |
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