| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by IYANGBALI: 11:44am On Mar 14, 2015 |
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| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by kandiikane(m): 11:44am On Mar 14, 2015 |
MrMandilas:
I will not go for her because i did not send her away. Paper or no paper. You don't look down on people u helped because u helped them. If am the man, because she prefared her mum to me, she should stay with her mum till she come to her senses. I do not believe she left because she was looking down on him but the fact that he is being disrespectful. So whay you are saying is if your woman does not respect or regard your mom you won't do anything because you prefer her to you mom so she can behave and treat your mum anyhow she likes? 1 Like |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 11:44am On Mar 14, 2015 |
Originalsly:
The wife is helping to wreck her own marriage, home and the lives of the kids. This has nothing to do about him getting his papers. For whatever reasons ... he did not like his mother in law from jump. The wife knew that. She had to know that he was not going to the family dinner ... so it was like by force...if you don't show up I'll teach you a lesson and she did what she did....as you said..because "he disrespected her family". She has disrespected her husband and marriage...and to add salt to the wound...moved herself and 'her kids' to the root of the problem. She didn't move because he beat her...and injured the child...oh nooo...that was not reason enough....but not to show up for the family dinner?... all hell must break loose. They live abroad.....calling the police for a one time incident was not necessary ... he now has a police record that can affect his climbing the ladder or having more opportunities opened to him to better his life and that of his family if they get over this hurdle. I'm surprised he was not arrested and charged....maybe he was. On papers...if that's all he wanted then the wife has given him a golden opportunity for him to file for divorce on the grounds of abandonment....she has abandoned him by moving out. The wife is now suffering...no sex...no help to take care of the kids...and her mother is also feeling the pressure of child care and extras in her home...her regular routine is now all messed up....and most likely is trying to send her daughter back to where she belongs. What can she do?...I guess try getting on her knees and start apologising to the husband. If he does accept her back she should know things not going to be the same......she has to do extra over time to bring the relationship back to the low level it was just before all this dinner drama. The End . chie  when all is said and done, this is not an issue for her to leave her husband over. When he beat her she didn't leave him, so this shouldn't be an issue for separation. |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by vizion: 11:46am On Mar 14, 2015 |
rokiatu:
Please note this is not about me but someone very close. I need only serious advice please, if you have nothing better to say keep off.
There's someone very very dear to me that this is happening this to right now. And the lady in question is so confuse as to what step to take. This is how the story goes,her mother was having a family dinner and invite both she and her husband but the husband refused to go. Keep in mind that the husband don't love her mother at all. She have tried everything for him to love her mom to no avail. So this time she decided to take a step just to teach him a little lesson. After the family dinner, she decided to pack some of her clothes and take her two little girls and went over to her mom. She explained everything to her mother, and the mother didn't call her son in law either because of anger, so her elder brother decided to call him and talk to him about the whole situation. But he already decided he's never stepping to his mother in law house, never! And the wife may as well stay there because he ain't going for her, and he's not apologizing to the mother either, he don't like her and he's never putting foot to her house.
To cut long story short, the lady is now in a dilemma. To go back or not? He disrespected the family so now the decision is on her shoulders to make. They want nothing to do with it. She loves him, and they have two little kids together. The marriage is barely four years. They were high school sweethearts in Africa, the lady worked her butt off to bring him over, and now that he's settled and got all his papers he's acting like this. Her world is like crushing down.
Which bring me to the question, if you were the lady in question, what would you do? Advise your friend to read/watch T. D. Jake's NOT EASILY BROKEN. People should understand that only God (Love) is the third and last part any marriage. If any of the partners decide to bring in father, mother, extended family, children, friends, pastors, pets, ego, etc, into the union, they do so at their own peril, and they would live to regret it. |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by SmooshCHN: 11:47am On Mar 14, 2015 |
Billyonaire:
If there is a girlfriend in the equation, then the formula for solving this equation must change. There is a third order formula for this equation now. The woman MUST employ damage control mechanism here. I just saw the post by the OP you just replied. Ok, @Rokiatu you didn't put the issue down for correct advise to be given. If the man having abused her twice and having extra marital affair is true, then she can leave as @billyonaire said "damage control must come in" if only it is true. If not I stand to my previous opinion of if she packed out because of the rift between both parties. |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 11:48am On Mar 14, 2015 |
SmooshCHN:
You only said that because the story is one sided. If you know women and arguments you will like to hear both parties before you judge. The man's ego is so visible because he has refused emotional blackmail from the mother. He made a big mistake of abuse earlier but presently the wife just packed out because of the rift between her husband and mother. You can read the story again. I did read the story. Sure she didn't take the right step in packing to her mother's house. The man's ego is very very annoying. No one is trying to blackmail him. The man does not even see anything wrong with beating the wife up to the extent of injuring his own baby. What a massacre it must have been. Do you even know the amount of beating that might be waiting for her once she's back? And to top it all, no respect for his mother inlaw and the family. That's not so nice. She should go back to the husband though and pray for God to touch the man's heart cos no reconciliation move from anyone will make him change his mind. But if after she's back he keeps beating her up at the slightest unreasonable opportunity then she should leave the beast and _fucking ingrate and move on with her life. I read where someone said he's a full grown man and can take any decision he likes. Nonsense!! He's grown right? Why couldn't he hustle for himself and move over there?? What insolence!! 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 11:51am On Mar 14, 2015 |
SmooshCHN:
I just saw the post by the OP you just replied. Ok, @Rokiatu you didn't put the issue down for correct advise to be given. If the man having abused her twice and having extra marital affair is true, then she can leave as @billyonaire said "damage control must come in" if only it is true. If not I stand to my previous opinion of if she packed out because of the rift between both parties.
Yes that is all true, but to be honest with you I am not gonna remind her of all those. And I am never gonna be the one to advice one to leave their home. He did all that and she still forgive him. So I believe if she can live with him doing all that, she certainly can live with him hating her mother. |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 11:55am On Mar 14, 2015 |
rokiatu:
Yes that is all true, but to be honest with you I am not gonna remind her of all those. And I am never gonna be the one to advice one to leave their home. He did all that and she still forgive him. So I believe of she can live with him doing all that, she certainly can live with him hating her mother. Someone has to 'take care' of the girlfriend first. The girlfriend happens to be the catalyst causing the entire imbroglio. It is quite simple. 2 Likes |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by linusbnn(m): 11:56am On Mar 14, 2015 |
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| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by SmooshCHN: 11:59am On Mar 14, 2015 |
AgapeCharis:
I did read the story. Sure she didn't take the right step in packing to her mother's house. The man's ego is very very annoying. No one is trying to blackmail him. The man does not even see anything wrong with beating the wife up to the extent of injuring his own baby. What a massacre it must have been. Do you even know the amount of beating that might be waiting for her once she's back? And to top it all, no respect for his mother inlaw and the family. That's not so nice.
She should go back to the husband though and pray for God to touch the man's heart cos no reconciliation move from anyone will make him change his mind. But if after she's back he keeps beating her up at the slightest unreasonable opportunity then she should leave the beast and _fucking ingrate and move on with her life. I read where someone said he's a full grown man and can take any decision he likes. Nonsense!! He's grown right? Why couldn't he hustle for himself and move over there?? What insolence!! God bless your knowledge. I am glad you understood me. rokiatu:
Yes that is all true, but to be honest with you I am not gonna remind her of all those. And I am never gonna be the one to advice one to leave their home. He did all that and she still forgive him. So I believe if she can live with him doing all that, she certainly can live with him hating her mother. You made us all argue the wrong way. You know the whole story, we only heard the half and that's what we processed. In as much as you show her support and don't advise her to break her Union, I qualify you a good friend. God has greater plans for her than someone who won't give her the true happiness she deserves. I will always wish she can live happily ever after.  2 Likes |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Rose2014: 12:00pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
linusbnn:
Bro remb the man is not a slave because he was brought in tru d wife nd mother in law,he owns dem respct nd appreciatn...We do not know wat has caused dis hatred btw dem both,but d wife is suppose to be neutral in d game until she is able to deduce wat happened...I rembed wen I traveled to SA,whr I was staying den,d guy wants me to worship nd adore him evry minute,nd some pple can kill u without talking,but tru atitude...Maybe somtin happened dat both parties knows abt but do not want to say it out because of fear of d unknwn..Plz wife shud go bck nd try to knw wat happened while living 2geda wit her man I guess u didn't see the part that the man has beaten her twice and indulging in extra marital affair |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by MrMandilas: 12:01pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
AgapeCharis:
You're not getting it. The man is not ready for any reconciliation between himself and the wife's mum. He's not ready for any prayer. The hatred he has for her didn't start when she asked the daughter to send him back to Nigeria. The mother only said that when he beat her up because she went to visit her own mother and came late. That man to me is irresponsible and a beast! You are concluding and condenming a man whon u don't know and have not heard his own part of the story. It is bad how we judge others when it comes to marital issues. I an a man and i can tell u that the man in question is not head high. The mother inlaw is the problem. It did not start with the visitation and late coming. The genesis is not yet told. @rokiatu, beg ur friend to tell the story from the begining. And when that is done, everyone will see why the man is like that. U can't help a man and use him as a house boy and forgeting the fact the he is ur inlaw. |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Rose2014: 12:02pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
AgapeCharis:
I did read the story. Sure she didn't take the right step in packing to her mother's house. The man's ego is very very annoying. No one is trying to blackmail him. The man does not even see anything wrong with beating the wife up to the extent of injuring his own baby. What a massacre it must have been. Do you even know the amount of beating that might be waiting for her once she's back? And to top it all, no respect for his mother inlaw and the family. That's not so nice.
She should go back to the husband though and pray for God to touch the man's heart cos no reconciliation move from anyone will make him change his mind. But if after she's back he keeps beating her up at the slightest unreasonable opportunity then she should leave the beast and _fucking ingrate and move on with her life. I read where someone said he's a full grown man and can take any decision he likes. Nonsense!! He's grown right? Why couldn't he hustle for himself and move over there?? What insolence!! Gbamest!!! With this comment, I hereby declare this thread closed 2 Likes |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Nobody: 12:02pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
Billyonaire:
Someone has to 'take care' of the girlfriend first. The girlfriend happens to be the catalyst causing the entire imbroglio. It is quite simple. I agree. |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by felifeli: 12:13pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
rokiatu:
Please note this is not about me but someone very close. I need only serious advice please, if you have nothing better to say keep off.
There's someone very very dear to me that this is happening this to right now. And the lady in question is so confuse as to what step to take. This is how the story goes,her mother was having a family dinner and invite both she and her husband but the husband refused to go. Keep in mind that the husband don't love her mother at all. She have tried everything for him to love her mom to no avail. So this time she decided to take a step just to teach him a little lesson. After the family dinner, she decided to pack some of her clothes and take her two little girls and went over to her mom. She explained everything to her mother, and the mother didn't call her son in law either because of anger, so her elder brother decided to call him and talk to him about the whole situation. But he already decided he's never stepping to his mother in law house, never! And the wife may as well stay there because he ain't going for her, and he's not apologizing to the mother either, he don't like her and he's never putting foot to her house.
To cut long story short, the lady is now in a dilemma. To go back or not? He disrespected the family so now the decision is on her shoulders to make. They want nothing to do with it. She loves him, and they have two little kids together. The marriage is barely four years. They were high school sweethearts in Africa, the lady worked her butt off to bring him over, and now that he's settled and got all his papers he's acting like this. Her world is like crushing down.
Which bring me to the question, if you were the lady in question, what would you do? Pictures or I don't believe any of this cra.p |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by kraftsta(m): 12:18pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
francizy:
So you will therefore beat up your wife for going to see her mum??  God forbid! I can neva imagine doing dat.. Buh now d arguement her is not abt beating d wife buh rather its abt d man not obliging to visit his in-law which from my deduction should be a result of accumulated grudges againts d mother in-law whom I believe might b over interfering in her inmature daughter's marital problems...if my mother in-law does not see me as worthy of her daughter I too will not see her as worthy of my time...I guess u aint married yet. |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by MrMandilas: 12:19pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
kandiikane:
I do not believe she left because she was looking down on him but the fact that he is being disrespectful. So whay you are saying is if your woman does not respect or regard your mom you won't do anything because you prefer her to you mom so she can behave and treat your mum anyhow she likes?
No bro. Let her tell us the begining of this whole thing. There was one easter like that we traveled. I left home to see some old friends. When i returned i saw my wife exchanging words with my mother, i took my wife to know what happened. She is on her right. Inside the room i had to beg her to forgive my mum. I also begged to be calm anytime something like that comes up because that woman is my mother. I went to my mom because i know her so well. She told me the same story. I told my mom she was wrong, my wife still came to beg her. Why because i did not take side with my mom. Please lets call a spade a spade not a farm tool. 2 Likes |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by kandiikane(m): 12:21pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
rokiatu:
Yes that is all true, but to be honest with you I am not gonna remind her of all those. And I am never gonna be the one to advice one to leave their home. He did all that and she still forgive him. So I believe if she can live with him doing all that, she certainly can live with him hating her mother. I just saw the post. This was why I said it was difficult as I did not know how the husband behaves. So he is a cheat and a beater and she is still there. Rokiatu I know you do not want to be the one to tell her to leave but you can advice her in that direction. I mean what if in the near future he beats her and actually seriously injures the kids this time?(I won't add her to the injured because she still stayed after two beatings so it's her cross to bear) Or bring some disease to her, if not hiv, hpv which could later develop into cancer. This is what I meant on that other thread, the signs are always there yet we turn a blind eye to for love. If everything ends bad for her, she has no one to blame but herself. Rokiatu advice her oo towards a life where she won't be battered in front of her kids and cheated on. She will get over the love and even wonder why she loved him in the first place. |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by EbolaParasite: 12:25pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
AgapeCharis:
I did read the story. Sure she didn't take the right step in packing to her mother's house. The man's ego is very very annoying. No one is trying to blackmail him. The man does not even see anything wrong with beating the wife up to the extent of injuring his own baby. What a massacre it must have been. Do you even know the amount of beating that might be waiting for her once she's back? And to top it all, no respect for his mother inlaw and the family. That's not so nice.
She should go back to the husband though and pray for God to touch the man's heart cos no reconciliation move from anyone will make him change his mind. But if after she's back he keeps beating her up at the slightest unreasonable opportunity then she should leave the beast and _fucking ingrate and move on with her life. I read where someone said he's a full grown man and can take any decision he likes. Nonsense!! He's grown right? Why couldn't he hustle for himself and move over there?? What insolence!! Ingrate because she brought him to yankee? So because of that he should become a slave? Mother inlaw needs to stay in her foorking home and stop meddling in another mans business. I bet they keep singing everyday about how they brought him to america. If the daughter was all that, another suitor would have proposed to her right here in Yankee. This stupid mentality that someone owes you because you brought them over has to stop. The only person being disrespected is the man. Why the hell is the wifes brother calling him? Why are they so into his business? This is what happens when inlaws think they did someone a favour and need to be all up in his business. Leave the man alone. If he beat her, shey the girl no sabi call 911 by herself. I freaking hate nosey inlaws. 3 Likes |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by kandiikane(m): 12:27pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
MrMandilas:
No bro. Let her tell us the begining of this whole thing. There was one easter like that we traveled. I left home to see some old friends. When i returned i saw my wife exchanging words with my mother, i took my wife to know what happened. She is on her right. Inside the room i had to beg her to forgive my mum. I also begged to be calm anytime something like that comes up because that woman is my mother. I went to my mom because i know her so well. She told me the same story. I told my mom she was wrong, my wife still came to beg her. Why because i did not take side with my mom. Please lets call a spade a spade not a farm tool. Ok the beginning is the husband has a girlfriend, beats the wife and disrespects the Inlaw. |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Dlionsheart: 12:27pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
MrMandilas:
I will not go for her because i did not send her away. Paper or no paper. You don't look down on people u helped because u helped them. If am the man, because she prefared her mum to me, she should stay with her mum till she come to her senses. Right on point bro. Her reasons for packing out of the house is insubstantial, watery, and unverifiable in the eyes of the African culture (as regards marriage). 2 Likes |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by EbolaParasite: 12:27pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
kraftsta:
God forbid! I can neva imagine doing dat..
Buh now d arguement her is not abt beating d wife buh rather its abt d man not obliging to visit his in-law which from my deduction should be a result of accumulated grudges againts d mother in-law whom I believe might b over interfering in her inmature daughter's marital problems...if my mother in-law does not see me as worthy of her daughter I too will not see her as worthy of my time...I guess u aint married yet. A man should not have to visit his mother inlaw if he doesnt feel like it. Na by force 2 Likes |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by EbolaParasite: 12:29pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
kandiikane:
Ok the beginning is the husband has a girlfriend, beats the wife and disrespects the Inlaw. Probably started disrespecting because they did the same to him 1 Like |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by kandiikane(m): 12:30pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
EbolaParasite:
Probably started disrespecting because they did the same to him So the wife had a girlfriend, beats the husband and disrespects her inlaw? Yep, makes sense. |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by MrMandilas: 12:32pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
kraftsta:
God forbid! I can neva imagine doing dat..
Buh now d arguement her is not abt beating d wife buh rather its abt d man not obliging to visit his in-law which from my deduction should be a result of accumulated grudges againts d mother in-law whom I believe might b over interfering in her inmature daughter's marital problems...if my mother in-law does not see me as worthy of her daughter I too will not see her as worthy of my time...I guess u aint married yet. This is the exact thing in my mind. And people are here blaming the the man. Because the broght him over does not make him loose his respect. 1 Like |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by EbolaParasite: 12:36pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
kandiikane:
So the wife had a girlfriend, beats the husband and disrespects her inlaw? Yep, makes sense. Have you heard the mans side? Women make up all sorts of stories in order to play victim juh. The main problem here is that they probably rub it into his face everyday that they brought him to America. It happens all the time. The wife will eventually get what she is asking for which is become a single mother. Maybe when that happens, her mother can become her husband |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by MIKOLOWISKA: 12:40pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
Rose2014:
Sorry I don't mean to bash u sweetheart
I just don't like the fact u don't seem to see anything wrong with domestic abuse.
Everything is wrong with domestic violence. Let the man go out there n wrestle a fellow man. Or will he claim that other men don't drive him crazy out there. Even his female bosses do drive him crazy but he'll rather show his power on d mother of his kids. I find it disgusting to say the least
My kids can tell me any other marital issue they have and I'll encourage them to return home but I show no pity when it comes to violence. I suffered a lot to birth them
I can't afford to lose my child in an abusive home. God forbid!. Maybe cos I didn't have it easy like the Hebrew women 
No vex
which one be domestic Violence is violence why do women get with violent guys guys don't beat their female bosses or girls that won't stand for it girls too should not do what will get them bitchslapped when they know they cant get away with it |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by Dlionsheart: 12:40pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
vizion:
Advise your friend to read/watch T. D. Jake's NOT EASILY BROKEN. People should understand that only God (Love) is the third and last part any marriage. If any of the partners decide to bring in father, mother, extended family, children, friends, pastors, pets, ego, etc, into the union, they do so at their own peril, and they would live to regret it.
well said, you have my support on this one |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by MORNDEW(m): 12:40pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
rokiatu:
Please note this is not about me but someone very close. I need only serious advice please, if you have nothing better to say keep off.
There's someone very very dear to me that this is happening this to right now. And the lady in question is so confuse as to what step to take. This is how the story goes,her mother was having a family dinner and invite both she and her husband but the husband refused to go. Keep in mind that the husband don't love her mother at all. She have tried everything for him to love her mom to no avail. So this time she decided to take a step just to teach him a little lesson. After the family dinner, she decided to pack some of her clothes and take her two little girls and went over to her mom. She explained everything to her mother, and the mother didn't call her son in law either because of anger, so her elder brother decided to call him and talk to him about the whole situation. But he already decided he's never stepping to his mother in law house, never! And the wife may as well stay there because he ain't going for her, and he's not apologizing to the mother either, he don't like her and he's never putting foot to her house.
To cut long story short, the lady is now in a dilemma. To go back or not? He disrespected the family so now the decision is on her shoulders to make. They want nothing to do with it. She loves him, and they have two little kids together. The marriage is barely four years. They were high school sweethearts in Africa, the lady worked her butt off to bring him over, and now that he's settled and got all his papers he's acting like this. Her world is like crushing down.
Which bring me to the question, if you were the lady in question, what would you do? they use to call ur name on dis forum so much reason for dat i dnt know. But from this post, its glaring u hv dumb frnds. How can a lady wanna teach her hubby a lesson as what his hubby pricipal who is punishing him cos he came late to school? To make things worst she does nt know weda to go backor not? Meaning? She does not know road to her hubby place anymore? U see how ppl reason? Is d mum her hubby? Better tel her to go back to her hubby unless she is tired of d union. Hope u ar not arrogant or full of pride like ur frnd? Smh. 1 Like |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by allcomage: 12:43pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
Rose2014:
Really? I hope u'll say the same thing if ur daughter is being physically abused by her husband This your abuse is becoming irritating. Have we heard from the guy?from op report,we don't know if it was that once he hit her or has he been beating her? She came home very late may be against repeated warnings. Some facts are missing. He hit her and the mil called police and social welfare etc. The woman was hasty in that decision. If I were the mother ,I would not have done that,nothing to show her life was endangered.marriage is a serious business. Some times giving issues time helps to solve problems especially in marriage and relationship. Okay now,the overwhelming majority feel the lady acted wrongly by going with the kids,and from all indications she still loves him but dancing to her mother tunes.She should be matured and go back before it is late. Married women shouldn't tell their people every minor issue especially when there is frosty relationship between inlaws. Even that dinner they wanted him so much to be part of is not the right place for reconciliation. I am against abuse in all ramifications but one or two slip ups can be pardoned. |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by MrMandilas: 12:46pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
kandiikane:
Ok the beginning is the husband has a girlfriend, beats the wife and disrespects the Inlaw. U are wrong bro. What kind of respect are u talking about. Doing whatever ur inlaws asked u to do is not respect. Taking whatever they say happens to ur marriage is not respect it is slavery in marriage bro. My father inlaw is a military man. We don't agree at all. He alway wants her daughter to answer his calls b/4 mine. And i made him understand that she may be his daughter, but now my wife, and that should be respected. 1 Like |
| Re: If This Was Your Husband What Would You Do? by MrMandilas: 12:46pm On Mar 14, 2015 |
kandiikane:
Ok the beginning is the husband has a girlfriend, beats the wife and disrespects the Inlaw. |
