bukatyne:
@moca:

Please I need a top loader high efficiency (automatic) washer, which would you recommend?

Thanks.

I use LG turbo drum. Ok so far.
Go to LG shop specifically and check it out. if u like it,u can go for it.

These childcare costs are truly crazy outside Nigeria.
My cousin recently started working full-time when Kid1 was 2n a half and Kid2 1yr3months.
Prior to that kids did 2days full-time crèche covered by benefits.

She got a job cos she was 'going' cuckoo staying at home and they could not afford to live on one income. Its her dream job so she ain't leaving but the con is that she pays 1day crèche and 2days child-minder at about £900pounds per month. So half her salary is for childcare but at least she can contribute to bills and buy herself stuff.


I'm beginning to think a live-in au pair is cheaper with weekends' off.
In fact when I convert to naira sef na well paid job for Naija

.

raayah:


Exactly, I personally came from an abusive home,but in my situation, my mom was working while her husband was jobless. He didnt even care to find a job. Fo 5 years, he sat around and watched tv. My mom would work, cook, take care of the home, hand-wash clothes , give him stipends and in the night,he will still beat her for stupid reasons. My mom was slapped, kicked , etc.

One day, she was so sick, she was in the hospital for days. The doctors put her in an induced coma because she if her condition had become critical. I remember sleeping in the hospital for days and weeping my eyes out.

When we called her husband to come see her at the hospital, he said he didnt have money and that we should provide transport faare. When my mom woke up from the coma, she asked for him, she called him and he basically said the same thing to her. My mom used her phone to do credit transfer to his bank account before he came. He came and stayed only a few hours,complaining about how he hadntt eaten. I wish i could say this story is false,but it happened to me.

Reality struck my mom , she started packing her things out, packing our clothes out. Eventually,she moved out. Its almost 3 years now.

The only reason why she was able to move out of this situation was because she had her own income. She is doing fine today. Her Children are being taken care of. We dont lack anything. We are happy.

Being a stay at home mom is a huge risk especially if married to a bad man. What if the man died? What if he leaves you? I will advise all stay at home moms to save and invest. Do something. Anything is possible. I can never be a stay a home mom. Before I even get kids/married, i will ensure that i have a career.

This story is very touching. But my joy is that your mom is still alive while you tell this story. Thank God. Some didn't live to tell theirs.
What worried me more as I read your story is not even the fact that your mom was solely fending for the family but the fact that her man was still physically abusive. There is god o

You're right, being a SAHM is a risk. I think 'risk' is a better word to describe it cos while some appreciate you, some men will make u regret quitting that job to take care of their home.

babyosisi:


You said Romanian abi?
I was hoping to see nigerian
I bet you that man is cooking and cleaning and doing the whole nine yards
A nigerian man won't do that unless married to Oyibo
He will stretch hand and collect the pay while she works
He won't pound yam ,cook or wash clothes sef,his ego won't let him so he won't be that useful staying home.

As for rest the of your post you are so correct

I couldn't stop chuckling reading this
I no fit laff again o
So on point

babyosisi:


Theoretically,everything you said sounds good,I like it
It is not so in practice however.
Do you know any Nigerian couple where the man by choice stays home to take care of the children and is cooking and cleaning and doing everything you do as a stay at home mom ?
I don't know any and I know a whole lot of people
In fact many of the failed nigerian marriages here in the USA have been between women who are higher wage earners and men who earn much less
I keep saying Nigerians because most of the people I associate with are Nigerians.
Our men don't do well as husbands when they earn less than their wives let alone when they are "subjected to do jobs" that are traditionally termed female jobs.
Some may argue that our women don't do well as wives when they earn more
Could be a little bit of both
The average nigerian man will not cook,clean ,mop do laundry and pass food for a working wife if he was unemployed and staying home
I am just being real here
Neither will he tolerate a wife texting him to have her Okro soup and eba pipping hot in the next 30 mins because she has to come in briefly to eat before attending a work meeting later that evening.
That is the cause of many of the arguments in the families where the man is underemployed
The woman feels she is pulling more than her own share in the home and the man feels his manhood is being trampled upon when he is required or asked to take on some household chores .

At the bolded, me too I've never come across one walahi

As per the rest, you've said it all. One thing I admire about you is that you say it just the way it is, practically

moca:

I use LG turbo drum. Ok so far.
Go to LG shop specifically and check it out. if u like it,u can go for it.

Is that an alias for. It?

Want to check the qualities online first.

Thanks a lot

Modified; Thanks, it looks like something I love.

How much

Rose2014:

At the bolded, me too I've never come across one walahi

As per the rest, you've said it all. One thing I admire about you is that you say it just the way it is, practically

Thanks
It has it's disadvantage but the advantages far outweigh any disadvantage
there is no guess work where I stand in an issue

raayah:


Exactly, I personally came from an abusive home,but in my situation, my mom was working while her husband was jobless. He didn't even care to find a job. For 5 years, he sat around and watched TV. My mom would work, cook, take care of the home, hand-wash clothes , give him stipends and in the night,he will still beat her for stupid reasons. My mom was slapped, kicked , etc.

One day, she was so sick, she was in the hospital for days. The doctors put her in an induced coma because
her condition had become critical. I remember sleeping in the hospital for days and weeping my eyes out.

When we called her husband to come see her at the hospital, he said he didn't have money and that we should provide transport fare. When my mom woke up from the coma, she asked for him, she called him and he basically said the same thing to her. My mom used her phone to do credit transfer to his bank account before he came. He came and stayed only a few hours,complaining about how he hadn't eaten. I wish i could say this story is false,but it happened to me.

Reality struck my mom , she started packing her things out, packing our clothes out. Eventually,she moved out. Its almost 3 years now.

The only reason why she was able to move out of this situation was because she had her own income. She is doing fine today. Her Children are being taken care of. We don't lack anything. We are happy.

Being a stay at home mom is a huge risk especially if married to a bad man. What if the man died? What if he leaves you? I will advise all stay at home moms to save and invest. Do something. Anything is possible. I can never be a stay a home mom. Before I even get kids/married, i will ensure that i have a career.

Your practical example has covered everything rose2014,my self,cococandy and other ladies have been trying to say and people think its a bashing of stay at home moms
We live in a real wold and stuff happens
Anything can happen in a marriage
I will never advise any woman I know to stay at home permanently

It may not work out
The man can lose his job
The man can become disabled and out of work
The man can die sef

A woman having her own steady source of income and being in the labor market has so many advantages
I have seen a man die and his wife and children pack to the village or get on government assistance because the woman had no work skills to sustain the family and keep a roof over their heads
Nobody prays for untoward things but life happens
Thanks for sharing

babyosisi:


Your practical example has covered everything rose2014,my self,cococandy and other ladies have been trying to say and people think its a bashing of stay at home moms
We live in a real wold and stuff happens
Anything can happen in a marriage
I will never advise any woman I know to stay at home permanently

It may not work out
The man can lose his job
The man can become disabled and out of work
The man can die sef

A woman having her own steady source of income and being in the labor market has so many advantages
I have seen a man die and his wife and children pack to the village or get on government assistance because the woman had no work skills to sustain the family and keep a roof over their heads
Nobody prays for untoward things but life happens
Thanks for sharing

I don't think anyone would like to stay at home permanently earning no income however people find themselves in some conditions/situations warranting them stay home.

I totally agree with madampinkolo on this. An abuser is one irrespective of your job position, earnings et all. Infact there is a thread on fp presently talking about how a man abused his wife to the point of death just because she was barren

Before I relocated to join hubby, I was earning higher though he isn't an abusive person but I noticed he wasn't so comfortable with the fact that I had more despite I was the one paying most of the bills, rent etc. Now fast forward to my relocation had to resign to be with him, for almost a year I hadn't gotten another job and I discovered I was preg for my 2nd child. It was so depressing for me cos hubby is kinda tightfisted and I had to ask him for even money to fuel my car when going out,money for hair etc. however I used that stay at home period to nurse my kids esp the 2nd cos I exclusively breastfed her for almost a year till my prayers were answered and had a job again. All these while, hubby never talked down on me o but he did when I was earning more.

I know your stand on working women is valid but some else's stand on being a stay at home mum may also be valid because an abuser is no respecter of one's income

bukatyne:



Is that an alias for. It?

Want to check the qualities online first.

Thanks a lot

Modified; Thanks, it looks like something I love.

How much

That's what I can't say. But LG products r very cheap. Highly affordable.

moca:

That's what I can't say. But LG products r very cheap. Highly affordable.

We just got mom and dad a washer recently,can the generator carry a dryer too or you wash and spread out to dry in the sun?

babyosisi:


We just got mom and dad a washer recently,can the generator carry a dryer too or you wash and spread out to dry in the sun?

Yep. it all depends on the capacity of the gen though.

Just came on NL and it seems it's bash cococandy day.It's just so horrid the things people use against others.They go to whatever the person wrote eons ago and use it.Everyday,circumstances change and the view i hold today may be modified tomorrow,does it make what I wrote then less valid?At the point that's how I felt naa.
It seems some people have been waiting to pounce..I have noticed also that some usernames are fond of stirring trouble and leaving snide remarks..It's not nice at all.
It makes it difficult for people who truly need help to come and write in all honesty knowing that whatever they'd written before will be used against them.
Take me for eg,I had issues last year,where I was disappointed with hubby does that take away from the fact that we are a happy couple doing our best to make this work?So,one day someone will dredge up what i wrote an insult me with it?Nawaya.
Or is it my conviction of cheat i cheat or cheat i leave nko?
It really pays to remind oneself never to rise to the bait on here,faceless forum faceless people who don't matter.Write and disappear
Even internet friends using style to pass insult.tueehhhhh
I'm talking to myself o jare.

@babyosisi
I had to laugh at your friend cancelling church..Make I no lie,i'm no longer as churcheous as I used to be.Less emotional too towards church and more invested in charity..Maybe it's the devil?

I understand your view on working though..Plenty risks being SAHM esp with a bad partner.Hopefully, we all will make the best choices for us and our families.You and your hubby have really come a long way,KUdos!! I can't wait to pass this stage abeg!!

@Salsera


Yes,the costs can kill.I've been thinking of an aupair as well but i'm not too sure I want anyone living with us at the moment.So,i chose the nursery option and that's what we will keep using.When baby hits primary school age,we will use the wrapround care as per after school club.

Aupair is luck o.Someone i know got an aupair and saw shege..One day she got a call from police..Wetin happen?Fire service was at her house,trying to get in and remove the baby from the house.Apparently, au pair went out for a smoke and mistakenly locked the baby indoors with the keys stuck inside.This same aupair during the interview said she doesn't smoke and drink. She resigned though and will resume work this year cos the kid is now older.Fortunately,her hubby is wadded just that he's a tight wad and she was having to ask for everything.So she's counting the days.

Another person i know has had fantastic aupairs.Me,i don't like to take risks and i'm really hoping everything will fall in place as i start work next year.Nannies are soooooo expensive!! That's why people don't really use that option if pepper no too rest.

@shrekandfiona
You are strong oo!! ONE YEAR? How did you do it?!! I feel like a bad mother menn!!

Spent almost all night studying and have a test this morning.
I wish I could care about those lame folks but I seriously can't.

I'm glad my message was gotten by all.

So next time someone wants to privately advice me to stop siding with someone because they did this or that in their private life, that person will think long and hand before sending the useless email.

Madampinkolo:
Just came on NL and it seems it's bash cococandy day. It's just so horrid the things people use against others.They go to whatever the person wrote eons ago and use it.Everyday,circumstances change and the view i hold today will be modified tomorrow,does it make what I wrote them less valid?At the point that's how I felt naa.
It seems some people have been waiting to pounce..I have noticed also that some usernames are fond of stirring trouble and leaving snide remarks..It's not nice at all.
It makes it difficult for people who truly need help to come and write in all honesty knowing that whatever they'd written before will be used against them.
Take me for eg,I had issues last year,where I was disappointed with hubby does that take away from the fact that we are a happy couple doing our best to make this work?So,one day someone will dredge up what i wrote an insult me with it?Nawaya.
Or is it my conviction of cheat i cheat or cheat i leave nko?
It really pays to remind oneself never to rise to the bait on here,faceless forum faceless people who don't matter.Write and disappear
Even internet friends using style to pass insult.tueehhhhh
I'm talking to myself o jare.

@babyosisi
I had to laugh at your friend cancelling church..Make I no lie,i'm no longer as churcheous as I used to be.Less emotional too towards church and more invested in charity..Maybe it's the devil?

I understand your view on working though..Plenty risks being SAHM esp with a bad partner.Hopefully, we all will make the best choices for us and our families.You and your hubby have really come a long way,KUdos!! I can't wait to pass this stage abeg!!

@Salsera


Yes,the costs can kill.I've been thinking of an aupair as well but i'm not too sure I want anyone living with us at the moment.So,i chose the nursery option and that's what we will keep using.When baby hits primary school age,we will use the wrapround care as per after school club.

Aupair is luck o.Someone i know got an aupair and saw shege..One day she got a call from police..Wetin happen?Fire service was at her house,trying to get in and remove the baby from the house.Apparently, au pair went out for a smoke and mistakenly locked the baby indoors with the keys stuck inside.This same aupair during the interview said she doesn't smoke and drink. She resigned though and will resume work this year cos the kid is now older.Fortunately,her hubby is wadded just that he's a tight wad and she was having to ask for everything.So she's counting the days.

Another person i know has had fantastic aupairs.Me,i don't like to take risks and i'm really hoping everything will fall in place as i start work next year.Nannies are soooooo expensive!! That's why people don't really use that option if pepper no too rest.

Good luck with your test!!!
This NL is really something!

@raayah: thanks for sharing your story.

I love when women share their stories and get strength from each other. Love the way the thread is coming to an end.

imbless:
A real man can never make his spouse a punching bag . although, some women are annoying and troublesome.

Lie.

This is the beginning of the problem. Who is a 'real man'?

cococandy:
Spent almost all night studying and have a test this morning.
I wish I could care about those lame folks but I seriously can't.

I'm glad my message was gotten by all.

So next time someone wants to privately advice me to stop siding with someone because they did this or that in their private life, that person will think long and hand before sending the useless email.

They have now migrated to you?
Hahahahahahahahaha

Someone sent you an email
About ?
This is getting interesting
Please share and share the email too
Thanks in advance

Shollypopzz:
@raayah: thanks for sharing your story.

I love when women share their stories and get strength from each other. Love the way the thread is coming to an end.

Don't hold your breath

Personally, I won't advise any intending bride to become a permanent stay at home wife. There are no guarantees in life, anything can happen. It also diminishes the self esteem of some women.

Yet, it's also not okay for any working class woman to look down on the SAHMs. It has its numerous advantages also. There is nothing like a mother giving her children 24/7 care and attention as against having to outsource this important role to a minder, nanny or house help. There is reason why it is mothers and MILs that do omugwo.

Looks like I am talking from both sides of my mouth se . Well my siblings and I were raised by a SAHM and we could never have achieved what we have today if not that she was always there for us. I had become a professional accountant even before I finished my undergraduate study Cuz she was always there for me 24/7 through these tedious times, travelling every now and then, risking her life on those journeys to provide whatever I needed. This is asides the constant encouragement and emotional support. Same with all my siblings. We owe her all that we have and will ever achieve.

But growing up, I know she always wanted to work but my dad refused. She often had very low moments and sometimes would cry cuz she believed her self worth was nil. My heart bled for her during those times but today, I am a beneficiary of her sacrifice. Right now, she only has to mention a need and my siblings and I will be falling over ourselves to get it for her, still I wonder if that is enough compensate for her "lost" years and if she will live the same way if given the chance.

Hence, my love and respect for SAHMs but will I live the same kind of life? Capital NO however, I strive hard to achieve both goals. And I will also not advise anybody to do same except it comes from their heart. My mom had a supportive man, so it was ok, what if my dad had turned out to be an abuser like we have in so many marriages these days? Not forgetting that an angel today can become a monster tomorrow.

Herzumpther, how is pops?

Kimoni:
Personally, I won't advise any intending bride to become a permanent stay at home wife. There are no guarantees in life, anything can happen. It also diminishes the self esteem of some women.

Yet, it's also not okay for any working class woman to look down on the SAHMs. It has its numerous advantages also. There is nothing like a mother giving her children 24/7 care and attention as against having to outsource this important role to a minder, nanny or house help. There is reason why it is mothers and MILs that do omugwo.

Looks like I am talking from both sides of my mouth se . Well my siblings and I were raised by a SAHM and we could never have achieved what we have today if not that she was always there for us. I had become a professional accountant even before I finished my undergraduate study Cuz she was always there for me 24/7 through these tedious times, travelling every now and then, risking her life on those journeys to provide whatever I needed. This is asides the constant encouragement and emotional support. Same with all my siblings. We owe her all that we have and will ever achieve.

But growing up, I know she always wanted to work but my dad refused. She often had very low moments and sometimes would cry cuz she believed her self worth was nil. My heart bled for her during those times but today, I am a beneficiary of her sacrifice. Right now, she only has to mention a need and my siblings and I will be falling over ourselves to get it for her, still I wonder if that is enough compensate for her "lost" years and if she will live the same way if given the chance.

Hence, my love and respect for SAHMs but will I live the same kind of life? Capital NO however, I strive hard to achieve both goals. And I will also not advise anybody to do same except it comes from their heart. My mom had a supportive man, so it was ok, what if my dad had turned out to be an abuser like we have in so many marriages these days? Not forgetting that an angel today can become a monster tomorrow.

Herzumpther, how is pops?

Fine dear.

Good evening ma'am.

babyosisi:


They have now migrated to you?
Hahahahahahahahaha

Someone sent you an email
About ?
This is getting interesting
Please share and share the email too
Thanks in advance

Oh they did. I don't even know who they are but trust me Crackhaus and the rest you mentioned aren't the ones.
I was busy and was going to come back and type that it is not them only to see that RR had closed the thread

One guy was even sending me threat emails just now about how he and his boys will run me out of nairaland.

E be like say them get shares on the assets of nairaland and decide who will agree with who or they will deal with the person.

cococandy:


Oh they did. I don't even know who they are but trust me Crackhaus and the rest you mentioned aren't the ones.
I was busy and was going to come back and type that it is not them only to see that RR had closed the thread

One guy was even sending me threat emails just now about how he and his boys will run me out of nairaland.

E be like say them get shares on the assets of nairaland and decide who will agree with who or they will deal with the person.

Alternate accounts at work, my sister.

**Sorry, I was the one that reported the thread. I could foresee a gang-up and I just didn't want that to happen.

Shollypopzz:


Alternate accounts at work, my sister.

**Sorry, I was the one that reported the thread. I could foresee a gang-up and I just didn't want that to happen.

its fine. I don't mind. The only part of the thread I didn't like was when the innocent ppl were being mentioned.
At the least Crackhaus I know won't do that.

I'm still going to keep respecting the identity of the olodo that was threatening me until he does something foolish.
So that he and others will learn.

babyosisi:

It's just that when you respond to foolish people you end up sounding foolish and no one can tell the difference

true

cococandy:
its fine. I don't mind. The only part of the thread I didn't like was when the innocent ppl were being mentioned.
At the least Crackhaus I know won't do that.

I'm still going to keep respecting the identity of the olodo that was threatening me until he does something foolish.
So that he and others will learn.

If after all our disagreements and clashes on NL, you still know what I can or cannot do, then I have to say I'm impressed. . . all is not lost.

When I saw the mention by Chilli, I took it in good stride and decided to have fun with it because I joke around with her quite often - this was until your friend came in there to type my moniker, make false accusations and still insult my person in the process. . . the nerve, gosh.

I am not happy Roy locked that thread, I really needed to give her a piece of me as we've never had a heated exchange before.

Thanks for the vote of confidence BTW, I'm surprised by it.

RE: 'Full House-Wife' Hoopla



9ja's First Lady - Patience Jonathan - sef tagged herself so. . .


Much ado about nothing.

bukatyne:


Did you stay at home when your kids were younger?

Sorry this is coming a bit late but I do believe many ladies on here have thrown a lot of light on how being a Stay-at-home mum is not all doom and gloom, neither does it equate to being an open invitation for one's hubby to physically / emotionally abuse the SAHM.

And in response to your question, yes, I have had my fair share of being a Stay-at-home-mum. It was one of the best times in my life as it gave me the opportunity to not only spend time with my daughter and bond with her, but it also gave me the opportunity to indulge in a passion I've always secretly nursed but never had the time to indulge in - writing.

Yes, being a SAHM gave me that chance to write and publish my debut novel Mysterious Depths: An African Adventure.

And if I could do it all over again, I would. I've been at both ends of the spectrum - working part-time, studying for my masters, even while pregnant with my last son....and then many, many, many, years later, having the opportunity to save enough so when I went on maternity leave for over a year, I was able to effectively combine running the home, indulging in my passion, and helping my kids out with school work, etc whilst being a Stay-at-home-mum.

Life isn't all about working till you drop. You get to a point where you need to learn how to work "effectively". Work less for more, if you get what I mean.

bukatyne:


@bold:

If a woman is an housewife, she is totally dependent on her husband not so?

It somehow contradicts every adult should earn an income

True @ the Stockholm syndrome

And the ladies who endure abuse from boyfriends are only practicing what they saw with their parents especially when they are not separated.

No she is not.

Not when she and her husband are on the same frequency and everything they have is shared / joint, including finances. Sometimes, the SAHM has even more financial freedom than the man himself, especially if she's in charge of running the family's accounts.

Mind you, this takes a lot of trust from both ends, and I'm sure you know that trust is earned.