johnny1980:


And we all utterly condemn it.

It's very rare to see a man that verbally abuses his partner but all the same. It is very wrong and sane men condemn such act by any man. We don't believe bad behaviour as such is because of nature, hormones, stereotypes or his environment and would not excuse such irresponsibility.

A man who verbally abuses his wife is a bad man. No two definition for such. The difference is clear.

moca:
Nawaa o!
, it has not come to this now.
U guys should stop doing this.
It's very immature abeg.

Johnny, abeg swerve one side
My initial post started with a response to what coogar said.
He understands where I'm coming from and where I'm going.

I hv never condoned abuse of any kind and will not.

I've written extensively on verbal abuse with my lost moniker.

But as it is now, I wan lash out to coogar cos he is an abuser

lolababe331e:
It's an unfortunate cycle, the Dad beats the Mum regularly. The kids see her stay and claim she is happy in her marriage so the girls think beating is part of a good marriage and the boys think it's an acceptable way to "correct" their wives. On the front page someone confronted his Dad for slapping his Mum who is above 60 by the way showing that abusers rarely ever stop, yet most of the comments there are blaming him. Saying thinks like after all the Dad had probably been slapping the Mum since and they were still "happily" married so he should mind his business and watch his Mum get slapped around

moca:

Examples of men that will verbally abuse their wives are.
Coogar
FFK
Rotimi Amaechi
Fayose

Abeg they should legalize gun for naija o
So I can blow ur head if u dare lay ur hand on me since I can't match u strength for strength

Jonny,hope this is a good idea?

freecocoa:
I will keep saying it.

If a woman hits first then she invited whatever she gets, the judge doesn't care who hit harder, he just wants to know who started it.

The issue of domestic abuse is not as one sided and simple as people make it out to be, I have grown enough to realize this, let us face facts please.

freecocoa:
But is it a bad thing is women control themselves too? Why does it have to be the men who have to learn self control?

johnny1980:


Hmm...Because you were called out on that line that's why you are changing thoughts now.

A vast number of ladies believe verbal abuse is nothing and a lady would always run her mouth because nature has created her that way. They would never take responsibility for such but always give the lame excuse "but she's a lady na".

coogar:


verbally abusive only after they have been abused. no man goes about the forum looking for a woman to abuse. it's always in retaliation.

freecocoa:
But is it a bad thing if women control themselves too? Why does it have to be the men who have to learn self control?

BABE3:


I always wonder why this "nature" excuse can't be readily used for men too.

One mgbeke dolt ( ) on here said "men should understand that women have wahala, it's their nature. And men are the cause of the constant disagreements between mother in laws and daughter in laws."

Back to the million dollar question; when will women ever take responsibility for their actions?

babyosisi:


Are you talking about controlling themselves in not hitting the man or?

Research suggests that while some men who are violent may think about getting help, the majority of them don’t. Some of the reasons men do not seek out help include:
Acceptance of violence – a man who thinks that he is entitled to dominate family members, and that it is okay to solve problems with violence, may not believe that he needs help. He may blame the victim for ‘provoking’ his behaviour.
Notions of masculinity – the idea of what it means to be a man, for many men, includes silence and strength. A man may avoid seeking help because he doesn’t want to look ‘weak’ or feminine.
Ignorance – about half of the men who get help or counselling for their violent behaviour report that they had tried unsuccessfully in the past to find help but didn’t know where to go.
Fear – most men who don’t seek help report that feeling ashamed stops them from seeking help.

freecocoa:
In that and verbal abuse.

Ewuro4:

I'm afraid but NEVER!

And it's So sad coz they're in the majority of the crowd seeking equality ... They are the ones holding that 'cause' backwards from thriving.

They want to eat their cake and hold it. So sad.

BABE3:


Excellent.

Equality ko, equation ni.

when women are ready to drop the victim mentality and "be a man" then we can talk equality.

Ewuro4:
Greatgod please




My perspective to different life situations is case by case. Therefore I share a different moral on this one , compared to different opinions I've read on this forum so far ( in regards to disagreements&Abuse in relationships)

Nevertheless, I respect everyone's opinion, yours inclusive.

My dear, men's (gays inclusive) physical makeup is likely 10x stronger than women's. If a man lands you a slap during heated argument in angst, I swear you're likely to go down in concoction.

For the record, Abuse of any kind should be widely denounced and condemned. Verbal & emotional abuse hurts more if not even than physical abuse because the thought of those hurtful words will linger in your head for the rest of your life.

Maybe my mentality is shaped in this direction because I grew up among all men and
raised by one. My Daddy said a man who hits a woman is a wussie (easy for him to say) but I say he should pack his overnight bag and take a walk. That's the kind of man I'm willing to raise. A gentleman.




Not trying to digress but The equality battle messed things up. Most relationships are 'No holds barred' now, men are not leaving any factors out in regards to being 'equal' but the truth remain that Men are not equal to women in physical strength. Men are stronger and should PLEASE restrain themselves when these tantrums starts.
( I wonder why there's one in the first place?)

babyosisi:


Are you of the opinion that men are not verbally abusive?
My dear there is no justification for physical abuse
Period!
That is the issue you ought to stress
There is absolutely no condition where a man should lift up his hand and strike a woman
We can them build from there
Many men who abuse their wives are also substance abusers
Do you know that fact?
Many are drunkards or drug abusers,smokers of substances,people with mental issues
Do you want to excuse that also?
Or you would rather not discuss that?

moca:

R u coogar?
Cos u always appear when he appears!

If not,call him back let me finish him here.
My mouth sharp today

freecocoa:
I am not disputing any of those facts, I'm only saying, it goes both ways.

Do you also know that, some of these women who end up getting pummeled by men, hit the man first?

Do you know that some of them lock the men's shirt? And insist on being killed than letting him walk away from the situation?
[size=18pt]
Why are you only talking about men beating women, when above 80% of the time, it is the women that hit first[/size] and expect the man not to hit back because they are supposedly the "weaker" sex?

babyosisi:


Can you share your statistics and the source
I started off this thread with a survey that says that 2/3rd of women in subsaharan Africa have been physically abused by their significant other
Where is your source?

freecocoa:
My dear, for how long will he keep packing a bag? What if his wife is the type that insists he talks and tries to prevent him from walking, some people don't like to be ignored when talking to you, what do you advise him to do?
Well, we disagree on men and women not being equal, so if I hit my man first, he should hit me back and yea, I know men are physically stronger than women, this is why I will restrain myself from verbally, physically or emotionally abusing him, and if in any case he abuses me first, then he will pay for it.

freecocoa:
My source is real life experiences, I believe it's actually more authentic than all these reports on the internet.

BABE3:


Freecocoa is in the best position to answer that question.

Ewuro4:


What you described up there is no more a happy marriage but a hell hole.

And begs the question : why would a gentleman marry a rascal dog with no decorum and self control?
If he has to go out everytime to cool off then both families must sit down and talk about this, afteral its not a do or die and its not acceptable to be bullied by my better half from the comfort of my home. Hia.. We must call the elders for a round table intervention abeg.

That's why its advisable to date for a while before saying I DO.

My dear, I don't get the 'opposite attract' idiom, I think its a recipe for disaster waiting to kaboom.

babyosisi:



Hahahahahahaha
I am glad you put a smiley there
Puts it in perspective

Sir says the first time he laid his hands on his wife, Christy, was just weeks after their wedding. He says he got jealous after a party where she was dancing with someone else.

"It set me off. I remember walking up to her and smacking her full force," Sir says. "I grabbed her by her neck, and I kind of held her against the car. Then, I walked her over to the bushes and threw her in there, and I just started choking her. It was with every bit of rage, every bit of anger I've ever had."

After the first incident of abuse, Sir says he held a gun to his head. "It was very hard for me to come to grips with the man that I was," he says. Sir promised Christy it would never happen again, and she forgave him
Though Sir swore to his wife that the abuse would stop, it continued for the next two-and-a-half years. Even while Christy was pregnant, she says Sir beat her to the point where she feared for her life. "She didn't want to be intimate with me, she didn't want to have sex with me and I got very furious," Sir says. "I got on top of her and sat on her stomach."

Though Sir can't speak for all men, he believes his own abusive behavior was triggered by his past. "Kids are precious -- they record everything," he says. "I grew up in an abusive household, so I didn't know how to verbally communicate with my wife without putting her down. I didn't know how to verbally disagree with her and say, 'We don't see eye to eye,' a
.

Tony says a grooming process tends to take place within abusive relationships. "In a sense, you gain their trust, but it's all lust and lies. The relationship is built on deception," he says. "They feel like you love them, and when you get close enough to them, you're able to critique them and criticize them in a way that they feel like, 'He loves me, so I need to change this.'"

The grooming, Sir and Tony say, stems from the man's own lack of self-worth. "In public I'm a very confident male; at home I'm very insecure," Sir says.