Sapphic:

Unfortunately, some people do not know how bad a partner is until they have been married and started living together. There are many habits that can be hidden (or which are not minifested) until 2 people start to live together. I personally think it is a good idea to live with your intended for a while (a year at least) before doing the marriage thing. That might give you an insider view of what living with him/her is likely to be for the rest of your life.

fs:

I understand what you mean Sapphic, but personally I wouldn't recommend that. That's just me. I've heard from many non Nigerians that it's better to live together first so you learn your partner's habits, and then some of these same people, say things change when you get married. If you're lving together before you get married and then you get married things change. What has really changed? It works for some though (if you have no underlying beliefs) that hinder you from doing it, sure.

I personally believe that if you're close to your partner. If both of you are honest with each other (no fronting and all that crap), you'll know what you're getting into. How would you not know if your guy cooks? How would you not know if he only does it because he's not married? Don't you have discussions? I know quite a number of guys that cook, my husband, my brother in law, a couple of guy friends, and they all still cook after marriage. That's just an example. You have discussions with them and you get to understand their core beliefs.

I wish the best for everyone.

Sisi Jinx:


_{*Sing and Dancing*}

Oh Mai gida has Spoke, Yes he has.

What he says is law, Yes it is.

Because he knows best, Yes he does.

Oh Mai gida na, Mai gida na!!

Thank you Allah for giving me this mai gida

*dances with her*  

Sisi Jinx:


I mean Fs in you honest opinion, is there anything wrong with a man saying "Darlin' don't worry I'll take care of my meal, you get ready for work so you won't be late" Is it. . . is it? 

I find it truly sad that  some men think this is just women being belligerent when it isn't. I'll tell you what, a woman who doesn't know how to cook will go the extra miles to learn just so she can cook for a husband who is considerate. CONSIDERATION. . . that is the key here. Nothing more, nothing less. COOKING, CLEANING, WASHING AND LAUNDRY (ING) should not be anybody work in a marriage, it should be shared. We. . . man and woman, husband and wife are supposed to find ways to make life easier for each other. . . why is this a hard concept to grasps for some men??!!

Sisi Jinx:

We. . . man and woman, husband and wife are supposed to find ways to make life easier for each other.

Sapphic:

Unfortunately, some people do not know how bad a partner is until they have been married and started living together. There are many habits that can be hidden (or which are not minifested) until 2 people start to live together. I personally think it is a good idea to live with your intended for a while (a year at least) before doing the marriage thing. That might give you an insider view of what living with him/her is likely to be for the rest of your life.

Mai Suya:


No madam.

Those duties are primarily those of the wife; however, like I said earlier, I would GLADLY do them if ,firstly, she recognizes them as being primarily hers, and secondly, she asks NICELY.

BEAUTIFUL!! now you are talking. The best way to make life easier for each other is when each party sticks to his/her roles. shikena  

teddyseun:

wow ,what if you seems not to like somethings about him ,do you move on to live with another man,for how long are you gonna be living with different men ,the point is we all have our differences and the ability to understand and copy with things makes it work.
tell me most people are still working where they working now cos they are coping with the stress of the work and the money involved, so if you want to stay married try n cope

DaPhoenix:

First off, I'll like to thank you all for your views. It's nice to see how opinionated Nairaland can be lol. I think I agree most with the reciprocation idea. You cannot or let me say, should not make your wife or girlfriend a slave all in the name of respect. If you love her right, she'll respect in ways you never imagined.

Also, I do not know where people are getting this notion that house chores are a woman's work. She has a job too, you know? She is contributing to the family financial well-being like a partner is supposed to. She can't do some of the house work before she goes to work then come back from work and do the rest . . . afterall, she isn't living in the house alone. If she is at work or she is shopping for the family and you are home and hungry, it's best you don't feel disrespected, get off the couch, go into the fridge and make yourself something to eat. If you can't cook, ask her for cooking lessons. That will be a way to make her feel special and at the same time bond with her.

Crude Oil:

Nigerian men this, Nigerian men that. What do you know about nigerian men? All you women do is generalise and stereotype nigerian men in a very negative way. Every human being is different, because you meet a nigerian man that is disrespectful to you doesnt mean all nigerian men are like that.
Next time you raise topics like these, back them up with facts and stop generalising.

van der jo:

For a man to respect you,first you have to respect who you are cuz it all starts from there,you cannot be a LovePeddler and expect respect from your man,if you a woman that knows what you want,i will respect you,infact i give too much respect to women that knows who they are,and respects themselves,moreover when a man truely loves a woman,naturally he won't like to hurt that woman and the respect will always be there,agreed most Nigerian men has ego problem and the would want to show thier"bruise ego".that is why they do not respect women but there are lots of us that respect women in  nigeria.i am certainly one of them.
hush.

JJYOU:

i am beginning to think majority of the younger men are safer marrying outside africa.

JJYOU:

  i am beginning to think majority of the younger men are safer marrying outside africa.

van der jo:

For a man to respect you,first you have to respect who you are cuz it all starts from there,you cannot be a LovePeddler and expect respect from your man,if you a woman that knows what you want,i will respect you,infact i give too much respect to women that knows who they are,and respects themselves,moreover when a man truely loves a woman,naturally he won't like to hurt that woman and the respect will always be there,agreed most Nigerian men has ego problem and the would want to show thier"bruise ego".that is why they do not respect women but there are lots of us that respect women in  nigeria.i am certainly one of them.
hush.

stillwater:

I'll say treat each man individually, not as the collective idea of "the Nigerian man". What one considers as respect could be different to another.