Starieangel:
Hmmmm.......my brother ur marriage was in feb mine was n march.....I no hw u feel bt uv got to persevere.......talk to her bout her attitude....bin married for 3weeks and sumdays has taught me a lot......husbands re to be respected,cherished and loved.well,I dnt allow the sn go down wifout us settling our issues...........pls make her see dt u re the man,u re the head......one tyn dt makes a lady sober is wen her cooking is rejected.if u rili love her tell her u aint gonna eat until u guys sort out ur issues(if she loves u,she wud listen).....lyk dis mornin my husband tried pissing me off and I told him u aint goin to make me angry today den I peckd him.he looked@me strangely,lafd and dt was the end.b determined to make it work bro.pls be vry prayeful.God bless ur home

You're a good woman, God bless your home.. You almost changed my perception, but still, your case is one in a trillion, so it's negligible

The girlfriend you think you have known for seven years of courtship will suddenly start acting strangely, its VERY normal...Its just a phase that will soon pass. Every married person also went through it, just that the degree varies...stay calm, love her the more, tolerate her...THIS TOO SHALL SOON PASS AWAY.

"HOPE I DID NOT DO A MISTAKE BY MARRYING THIS MAN/WOMAN?" Any man/woman who never for once have this thought flash through his/her mind is still single!!!

@lofty900 you are on point, right decision I have a bitch sister like that the moment she said she wanted to marry I supported her with all my heart it can be frustrating sit her arse down and pour out your anger and be firm about it then walk away and be calm... pretend as if you dont care and house chore you used to help her with stop it even though you will still help her after the fight and if it doesn't work my man take a walk because how long are we going to leave in this life to suffer.

multicast:
she was a little bit of a stubborn and volatile person but its worse now.

(Take this advice if you can endure abit) when she starts her tantrums, keep calm like you are'nt noticing her screams, harsh words and attitude and give only calm brief answers when asked questions. E.g: "why did you miss my BBM call?" your response should be "Bad Network"then carry on like you are'nt noticing someone is talking(note: dont act like she's hurting you. carry Urself normal). When she's tired of screaming and starts with her malice, act like she isnt even there(pls never be the one to break it off cos she's expecting you to do so from her past experiences. She feels you cant survive without her. Like she has you in her palm) go about your daily routine like you are happy without her. Dont speak except when spoken to or when you cant find where sth is placed. e.g U cnt find the remote, simply ask " have you seen the remote?" if she doesnt answer you, dont push it... Just walk away like you no send but if she answers you, just say "OKAY thanks" and walk away happily.... she shouldnt last up to a week with this when she starts having thoughts that you are losing interest in her to someone else and she would bring it up.... Dont jump at her yet.... do a little "guy" for her. When she starts putting pressure on U with obvious concern, then you spill it to her and tell her how she's trying you make your marriage to her hell for you and tall her how you've chosen not to let her ruin your life by making yourself happy. Tell her you are gradually getting tired of her and her tantrums( note.. Say it sternly and mean it). One thing you have to know is that not all women appreciate it when a man makes it obvious He cant do without her so you give the impression that you can have a life without her(but deep withing pls dont mean it.. It should only be a hoax) when she feels like she might lose you, she'll have to start trying to please and make you happy..... Its just a mind game and note it that you dont actually mean any of the moving on thingy..... Its just to put a leash on her.....


Before I forget, please, NEVER EVER lay your hands on your wife or any woman.... Dont even think about it... Be a gentle man even if she's strangling you....

All the best Bro...

(was typing in a hurry so excuse whatever typographical errors you might find)

tiwiex:

I agree. They say women love men women whoee feelings are not sure. That's not always but in ur case and most, I suspect it is. Women love to chase more than we think. It makes them feel the idea is hers. In ur case, u seem to show all the love and she is bored. Usually, this does no5 lead to attractoon. It is amazing u guys got married. If you were dating, she would likely to be attracted to amother guy who she is not sure loves her. I pray that is not the case. She isbtesting your strength and uu have to find it. It sounds unfair that you love her but if u want this to work, please start giving her some distance and coldness. Get a distraction that shows u having fub0n. A sport, regular hangout. You are living a life of scarcity. Women take sdvantage of dat and push u around. Once she knows u have a life outside her, she will sit up. Bros, you have to be strong and treat her wiyh less attention. They don't like attention the way we see iy. It is a big lie. I have experienced dis a lot. Meet them, be nice then back off. If u start lovey lovey, it p4ojects uncertainty of ur confidence. She has mo work to do and they like to work for the relationship. Also pray bro but stop showing all this love. You will loose her and hate yourself. Is there someone else? I know u don't wanna hear that. But, she might be attracted to someone treating her coldly sef. Buiod ur attraction back. You can goohle in that area too. Start treating her like a normalerson. Tge way u talk and trwat ur friends. Take her hang out. No lovey lovey. Said enough. Pele.

im ok with dis post

Moana:
how does it make you have sleepless nights? if you have nothing to do go to sleep!

Come back here, am I ya mate?

jauntty:
Op...its nice that you are acting maturely by not joining issues with your wife and keeping malice. Its always an honorable thing to say "sorry" just to avoid quarrels.

I've discover people don't really change...they get better or worst at who they are. So if she was stubborn @ Dating...she will continue with that attitude especially if you have overlooked it before marriage...(when u were still 'Love Blind"

Way Forward:

To be a Man you just have to be the man. Women are like Children, to be @ peace with them YOU MUST use the "Carrot and Stick " approach.

Be Firm and yet gentle with her.

Lastly communication is the KEY.

You have made a valid point here. But to be candid, this dude has tolerated what he is not supposed to tolerate during courtship. He overlooked some things that needed to be corrected all in the name of love. Love is not blind, it is we human being that blindfolded ourselves.

Man must be man anytime, anyday.

multicast:
thanks brother, i was never love bling, i wasnt the kind of newby in relationship so there was never a time i was love blind, i have always call her attention to the issue and how much it brings gap into a marriage, now i need to know what exactly do i do to solve this problem, i dont wanna have to join the league of divorced couple but i must say, i cant focus once she starts cuz i love her a lot.

i will be hash with you in this matter. It is all your fault. You saw all these things when you were dating but u thought u could manage them & now they are here hunting & hurting you.

Lessons i will like the unmarried ones here to learn in this your case is this: NEVER condone silly behavious while dating.
If you notice any kill joy attitude while dating if after talking it over and the person continues with it, RUN away from that relationship.
NEVER think you can manage him/her. Yes u can but it might take years & that will depend if you are alive & mentally healthy at the time.

Back to you OP: the only solution left for you now is to get close to GOD. I dont know your religious belief. But i will advice you to go to GOD in fasting & praying & ask HIM
1-to help you survive ur marriage.
2-to make your wife understand how hurt u are & change her ways.
3-to open your eyes to ways to break the ice that hold ur marrital joy & finally also very important
4-if you are not a born again christian, this is the time to reconsile with GOD. U & ur wife so that GOD himself will take over ur marriage.

I hope is not the woman i divorced u went to marry? cus your story is just like mine. i lasted 3months with my ex wife. my brother divorce her b4 its too late. i almost lost my life loving and wanting my marriage to stay. move on for fresh air and change

multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

multicast:
yes there was years of courtship, she might have anger management issues but i am not a psychologist, all i can do is talk to her but how do u talk about same thing every now and then. i hope u understand my point

I have one practical advice bro.
Download the move called 'FIREPROOF'
After eating together, and doing all beautiful things married people do, tell her you want to see a movie with her. You guys can now watch 'FIREPROOF'

After the movie, tell her this is how you feel and if not well managed it could break you as a man and break your marriage.
Tell her you want a happy home where you can come to without problems.
Talk to her and tell her you want all those dating phase shenanigans to stop.
You guys are married now.

Sowie for wot u r going tru early in ur marriage. I think both of u dont ve the same background n she is exhibiting wot she had seen her mother doing or did. ( for does that r nt married watch ur financee mother from a far n u will know Hw shewill behave wen u r married. so if u comfortable wit dat then go ahead) U overlooked all these behaviors during courtship
Dont ever say u r sorry again. Dont help her in the domestic chores it is unafrican n because she does nt appreciate u. if u don't curtail her behavior now u will wash babies clothes wen u start having them. When she starts her malicious behavior look for something u love doing n ignore her
And above u r nt of the same upbringing or class. My own class has nothing to do wit affluence o. U LOVE. HER MORE THEN SHE LOVES. I HOPE UVE NT MADE MISTAKE OF UR LIFE

Fourwinds:
what are u writing.?? Combining two independent words together. Nawa oooo

Typing issues dude, d Space function wouldn't work.

aflyingbird:
go for therapy together

A woman like dt will use her 2 legs nd follow him to therapy??..,U tink dt won't cause anoda "war" again considerin wat it mite be implyin?..,I seriously doubt dt solution

j

multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

i have dated someone like that and i must tell you that
its frustrating and depressing
the truth is, its only God that can intervene in your case.


its really going to be difficult before she changes...

but was she like that when you guys where dating?

farem:
[color=#000099][/color]

Honestly, this is not about being holier than thou thing: Any courtship that does not see sex-outside-marriage as very wrong mostly end up this way! Ask me: does a client pay attention to the wife-material in a prostitute? Sex before marriage makes all things emotional and blinds the eyes of the parties involved. The only issue almost always occuring in sex-courtship thing is bed-incompatibility, and once this is not there, NOTHING else will matter until 'marriage' starts.

If you check throughout the World,marriages are now breaking and crashing in days and the curve shows the relationship with this social menace.

Conspiracy theory from a conspiracy theorist...
Stop this lies jare, the increasing rate of divorce being alarming in the 21st century is caused by civilization, unlike the primitive era when people were more religious ''deluded'' to believe marraige is for better for worse, this days, people dont believe that crap, with me inclusive.
Societal stance on equality (Equal rights between Man and Woman) and equal responsibility between husband and wife in a home where men are no longer the only bread winners, what do you expect?
Women who naturally are power drunk want financial independence, and that is the greatest undoing of man, women no longer have respect and reverence for their husband cos they see themselves as equal partners.
This alone is why the world will never remain thesame, and it will only get worser...

Babymama1:


The man is talking about marriage and you are giving examples with JSS puppy love

Learn to put ur money where ur mouth is..

Go and get a girlfriend outside,trust me,it works ,so that you won't notice anything she does ,enjoy your life my brother because If you die tomorrow, she will still remarry

omonnakoda:
I believe they are Nigerian. Long walk to where? Is he Mandela??

Hehehe

befor my brother married this lady she was so sweet and gentle. infact after the wedding that eveing the kind of attitude i saw in her i could not belive it. uptil now she is an angry person and my family have givng them distance.

my brother some ladies have terrible attitude, anger and dislike for people. the way u have discribed your wife is how my brother wife is.. my brother is not finding it funny in the marrige, they are inside now for 9 year now. it is terrible
i wish you the best you have to be patient and manage the situation because if you think of Divorce or Divorce her you will be regarded as a failure. remember marriage is for better for worst.
pray and God can melt that stubborn heart.

Like. Several people have commented, u need to keep ur cool as a man, marriage is a school of learning from which u never graduate until death( well u can drop out by divorcing) so u keep learning ur subject (ur spouse). One good thing about ur wife is that, she apologises, that is a virtue on its own, i have lived with people that will never apologies for anything and patience helpedme survive, u need to be more patient, as long as she is not cheating, be patient. Some times some people shows this kind of attitude when they are so passionate about thier spouse, she might just want to be angry @ u to later spark up the love.one last thing, try to make her miss u while performing ur role as her hubby, be apologetic for everything even when is clearly wrong, guilty conscience will make her change. Peace

helen4:
pregnancy should not be the reason for one to act this way. At least it shouldn't be always that she'll feel bitchy.

JESUS CHRIST!!! Are you really a woman? I have my doubt. If you are a woman then u must be about 13-15 years because from 16years wont think like this.
Take this lesson now: when SOME women gets pregnant because of the mental & physical discomfort that comes with pregnancy their behaviour alters so much. SOME might nag & quarel even without any reason for that.
That is why living with a girlfreind is not the same as living with a wife.
That is another reason why marriage is for men & not for boys.
Finally my advice to u: u should not comment on adult matters, wait until you grow up enough to comment on issues like this.

Thanks for your understanding. I love you so much.

multicast:
thanks brother, i was never love bling, i wasnt the kind of newby in relationship so there was never a time i was love blind, i have always call her attention to the issue and how much it brings gap into a marriage, now i need to know what exactly do i do to solve this problem, i dont wanna have to join the league of divorced couple but i must say, i cant focus once she starts cuz i love her a lot.

See OP u made a wrong choice period. Although I havent met you but I think u married her because of one advantage or the other - beauty, her family wealth, influence, etc. You thought u were lucky to marry her and SHE HAS THAT IMPRESSION that u feel lucky. And obviously from the way u continue acting like the peacemaker u will continue to carry the burden of the relationship. She has labelled u a weak character who CANNOT DO WITHOUT HER and I bet u, no jupiter, no pastor intervention or group of elders will change the way she treats u. And all those telling u here on NL to continue acting the peacemaker are just a bunch of thoughtless people who just recite what they are also told.
This is what u should do - get ready to lose or make ur marriage - that is the truth, u see there is this wisdom that u often lose what u hold too tightly and gain what u let go. U have to let ur wife go in your mindset, just make sure u are not the one that is wrong. If she comes up with any issues again, just stay away quietly AND DONT EVER EVER GO BACK TO MAKE HER SEE REASON. If she likes let it be for a year. And calmly go about your business. Dont ever show any sign of wanting to settle, if u do u are finished. She knows how much u love her and she feels she is too good for u, and until u teach her that u can carry on with ur life this will never ever end. And if she even apologizes after this contest, DONT EVER APPEAR TOO EAGAR TO ACCEPT HER BACK - just tell her u wont be having time for such quarrels again and after that let it be clear that u are no more overly in love with her (appear reserved from that moment, let it be clear to her that this guy is alredy one leg out of this rship). And finaly if she sticks to the malice for up to 6 weeks, call the marriage off, if u dont she will be the one to kill u one day while u lie asleep - quote me. you can Send me personal messages here on NL as things unfold. Goodluck

Pls be patient with her.Love is patient. Sit down with her on a gud day ant let her knw how bad u feel abt her actions. Take ur time to pray for her and let her knw u are prayin abt this.Get books for her on marriage and character.Read the book "why u act the way u do" and get to knw more abt her temprament,her weaknessess and strength and see how u can help her overcome this weakness.She nids u more now than ever though she may not say it.Pls dont giv her any reason to doubt ur commitment to her.Be as transparent as possible in ur dealings with her.Try as much as possible not to miss her calls.THE TRUTH IS THAT NO MAN CAN PLEASE ANOTHER BUT U CAN JUST DO UR BEST AND ASK GOD TO TAKE OVER. Pray together with concerning ur marriage.Be sure that u will overcome all this at the end and enjoy the marriage of ur dream.

Ma brother, the only solution to this prblem is to keep talking b/c marriage is patience if it must be enjoyed. Maybe, let assume u hav'nt use the right words and aproach dat dis situation requires. 1. How much value does she attach to marriage. Jokingly let her know that a woman can loose her man cause of such attitude. 2. Laugh over those attitude of hers not to make mokery of her but rather a way of telling her that she's acting childishly and need to grow up. Pls gat no time wul ve love to continue. 08169582770 if?

egbaguy:
Give her the 'silent treatment'.......or just pack ur bag and go spend a weekend with a friend without informing her.....if she calls,dnt pick it during d duration of ur 'travel' i try? @ dyt

Well I dunno
Cos I am quite troublesome too
It's all love for me
I am very troublesome
*truethat
And when its distance?
I fucking need u remind me how much u fucking love n miss me every of the time
I pick fights with lil things o
Don't read or reply?
Don't pick on time
Hmmmmm
Who u bn chatting with
When I love, its obsession
I can do same thing OPs wife is doing
I won't lie
But same time I can give him best of love

spyg1:
It could be that she is pregnant, pregnancy makes a wife to hate her husband sometimes.

That is d point, when they are pregnant, they will start behaving in a strange manner, so try to endure, it wil soon over

Hello my bro
first-in-first prayer my bro is d main thing cos God is d principal actor devil is d defendant he dos not want anything to work.i bliv u must hav bn noticing ds wen u are courting but u ignore it.
secondly u also need to check ursef im presently 2yrs in married i think every marriage hav dere ups n downs so buil ursef to manage any circumstance she display promise ursef u wont engage in divorce.
Thirdly, always learn how to talk things tru, study her well anytime shes happy cal and talk it tru make sure u set an objective in any discussion wit her u can even bring out a note during ur meeting let her kw ds will speak for u incase divorce come up.
Lastly prepare a marriage ALTAR in ur house were both of u will be praying to God
buy spiritual books for both of u dnt make her feel shes d one that have issue
pray personally abt her to God
I bliv wit God all things are possible luke 1:37

coogar:
•forming
•storming
•norming
•performing

you are at the storming stage in your marriage. endure it, persevere it and you would soon get past this phase. at least, she's decent enough to apologise whenever she says things that are bang out of order.

there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Good one, God bless you sir

Throw her some good d1ck each time she starts nagging, they love that shiet. If your stroke game ain't shut her up for a good 1 week, bruh she definitely cheating and mad at her side nigga, not you. This is science.

momodub:
was she like this when you guys were dating

I am very sure He would have been seeing this before getting married but thought she will grow over it after marriage which doesn't work that way.

Chigold101:
JESUS CHRIST!!! Are you really a woman? I have my doubt. If you are a woman then u must be about 13-15 years because from 16years wont think like this.
Take this lesson now: when SOME women gets pregnant because of the mental & physical discomfort that comes with pregnancy their behaviour alters so much. SOME might nag & quarel even without any reason for that.
That is why living with a girlfreind is not the same as living with a wife.
That is another reason why marriage is for men & not for boys.
Finally my advice to u: u should not comment on adult matters, wait until you grow up enough to comment on issues like this.

Thanks for your understanding. I love you so much.

sweety u're entitle to ur opinion, so am i. Did the guy say she's pregnant?