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My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME - Family (11) - Nairaland

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Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Nobody: 7:31am On Apr 10, 2015
First, I want you to know that your marriage will succeed and not crash, Infact you'll look back in a few years from now and thank God for the wonderful gift of a wife.
However you must first make that decision.

More to the issues, I advise that you spend time praying together, when a couple pray together there's a way they are meshed together and aligned with each other(this will reduce friction and unnecessary hassles as this). If you've not tried that I suggest you should at least try, you could also add a devotional that you share together at intervals.

I also think that you should show her how much you love and value her by witholding your affection and concern until she sees the point.(ironic you might say).
Sometimes withdrawal and feigned disinterestedness could help you make the point. (if she shouts or blows up, act contrary to her expectations. Certainly don't exchange words with her. Just keep your cool and act unmoved. After a few days she may begin to wonder...

Above all I wish you well and you'll find joy in your home. Amen.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Digriz(m): 7:32am On Apr 10, 2015
SaMajeste:
Didn't you notice her attitude when you were dating? I don't want to believe she just started exhibiting such all of a sudden.
As you said, maybe she's taking advantage of your regard for women knowing you would tolerate such rubbish. As much as I love your respect for women, I feel you should be a bit tougher because sadly, not all women should be treated with kid gloves. Some don't understand gentility, they see it as a sign of weakness.
Pray for her too.
It is well with you!
good point..,not all women should be treated wt kid gloves bt still show love.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by deebrain(m): 7:33am On Apr 10, 2015
Did u notice these things while dating before marriage?
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Obynolee(f): 7:34am On Apr 10, 2015
jauntty:
Keeping Malice is a "Lagoon Spirit".

Take her to Oba Akiolu for deliverance
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Moana(f): 7:35am On Apr 10, 2015
Sit down and talk to her one day and figure out whats really going on. There is no smoke without fire. Look for a day when you can do things just the 2 of you, talk through everything.

Sometimes it could even be frustrations from work or school that get the best of her and then she ends up misplacing her anger. And if this is truly the case help her deal with her issues.

It doesnt help to just say im tired of this marriage and not do anything about it. Figure out where the root of the problem is and fix it.

Another thing, are you still doing the fun things you used to do when you were dating? is there still spark in the relationship? Do you guys still behave like you are a young couple? Do you still go out for dinner or long walks like before?
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Fourwinds: 7:35am On Apr 10, 2015
Savvyij:
i dont think is best 4 u 2 say ur marriage is crashing. Anyway all u ave to do is sit her down n talk to u, tell her about d way u feel, expecially d words she uses on u. I wish u d best.
girls shebi una don see marriage, now see as dis girl dey nag. So so complain dat guys no wan settle down, guys are not romantic but see wetin OP has offered yet d stu..pid woman no appreciate. Nonsense dey smell
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Moana(f): 7:37am On Apr 10, 2015
ewizard1:

But next time, try read a post properly before commenting. .. it would save you a lot of stress and bash Quotes. wink
you can always close your eyes and pretend like you didnt see my post instead of trying to make me a punchbag for your frustrations. Thats what mature people do smiley
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Nobody: 7:38am On Apr 10, 2015
Bro,if u both of u are christains,i will advice you discuss this to ur pastor or a marriage councillor if u have tried ur best & is not working out...@first is always like that but as time goes on u both will get to understand eachother.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by mya1: 7:38am On Apr 10, 2015
Op omitted a vital information in his original post and that's the fact that they are in a long distance marriage.

Multitask, from your description of your woman ,she's actually someone that loves attention and needs you to fawn over her.
The fact that you're in a long distance relationship means you have to do more to assure her of this.
Besides, your marriage is only a few months old hence you guys should still be in the honeymoon phase.

If you miss her calls, sincerely apologize before she even complains, keep her in the 'know' about your movements, let her be able to predict where you are most times.When she starts her tantrums, ( I know this is difficult) reassure her of your love and your pledge to be faithful.


Your wife is feeling insecure, firstly because you guys are not physically together and because your marriage is still very young ,hence the need for TLC.

What you need to do at this stage is to constantly assure her of your love for her.
Be the bigger person here.

As your marriage grows ,you guys would start getting used to eachother and tolerant of one another.

Note: First year of marriage is usually the most difficult, so there's (more often than not) always this stage of fed upness...Trust me, if you guys can get past this successfully, marriage could be sweet.

I liken marriage to a honeycomb- get past the bees and sit to enjoy the sweetness of the honey.

Don't give up dear!There's still a lot to be enjoyed in your marriage.

2 Likes

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by omonnakoda: 7:38am On Apr 10, 2015
Moana:
Sit down and talk to her one day and figure out whats really going on. There is no smoke without fire. Look for a day when you can do things just the 2 of you, talk through everything.

Sometimes it could even be frustrations from work or school that get the best of her and then she ends up misplacing her anger. And if this is truly the case help her deal with her issues.

It doesnt help to just say im tired of this marriage and not do anything about it. Figure out where the root of the problem is and fix it.

Another thing, are you still doing the fun things you used to do when you were dating? is there still spark in the relationship? Do you guys still behave like you are a young couple? Do you still go out for dinner or long walks like before?
I believe they are Nigerian. Long walk to where? Is he Mandela??

2 Likes

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Moana(f): 7:40am On Apr 10, 2015
omonnakoda:
I believe they are Nigerian. Long walk to where? Is he Mandela??
shoprite, the beach.... undecided he doesnt have to be a typical frustrated Nigerian who finds pleasure in complaining rather than fixing the problem.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by LoidPaschal(m): 7:40am On Apr 10, 2015
multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

sad sad sad cry



mehn, nw dats 4cked up,@list u hv seen all her flaws early so its beta n easier 4 u 2 try correctin her while its still early n u still got time, how u do dat? Dnt ask me mehn I aint Einstein
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by bimolowo(f): 7:41am On Apr 10, 2015
Get her pregnant. Am writing from experience.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Fourwinds: 7:42am On Apr 10, 2015
Moana:
Sit down and talk to her one day and figure out whats really going on. There is no smoke without fire. Look for a day when you can do things just the 2 of you, talk through everything.

Sometimes it could even be frustrations from work or school that get the best of her and then she ends up misplacing her anger. And if this is truly the case help her deal with her issues.

It doesnt help to just say im tired of this marriage and not do anything about it. Figure out where the root of the problem is and fix it.

Another thing, are you still doing the fun things you used to do when you were dating? is there still spark in the relationship? Do you guys still behave like you are a young couple? Do you still go out for dinner or long walks like before?
naturally some women think childishly. Dey nag and u don't see any importance in it. If a married woman cannt handle herself how will she handle d children. I keep saying d result of bad parenting is what is affecting d larger society of today. Sometimes i hear some stu..pid advice parenting gives d children. So appalling.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by ewizard1: 7:43am On Apr 10, 2015
Moana:
you can always close your eyes and pretend like you didnt see my post instead of trying to make me a punchbag for your frustrations. Thats what mature people do smiley

Mature people dont ask immature questions in the first instance!

Anyways, I've moved further!

Have fun! wink
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Moana(f): 7:44am On Apr 10, 2015
Fourwinds:
naturally some women think childishly. Dey nag and u don't see any importance in it. If a married woman cannt handle herself how will she handle d children. I keep saying d result of bad parenting is what is affecting d larger society of today. Sometimes i hear some stu..pid advice parenting gives d children. So appalling.
one more question, how does this help the OP in anyway?
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Delary: 7:45am On Apr 10, 2015
Please, my brida, what u need is endurance. my wife who is here with me as am writing is just the same. she is the one encouraging me to write u. so she is aware of her miss behaviour. we have being together as friend from 2000 to 2013, when we got married and she started that atitute of disrespect and sees me and talks to me as a fool when she gets angry. what i do as solution is to ignor her and hope that she will change when the kids starts coming in; even when she did not change the kids will be a source of consolation. remember it was for beter or for worse. endure while u still tell her how u feel in all situtions hopping she will change with time.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Nobody: 7:45am On Apr 10, 2015
Guess u married a virgin. it's more common among them.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Fourwinds: 7:46am On Apr 10, 2015
bimolowo:
Get her pregnant. Am writing from experience.
hmmm. Nawa, she no get mouth to talk am herself. Dese are things i don't like about women, even wen married dey cannt approach deir husband to say i want sex. Very strange beings
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by ogianyo(m): 7:46am On Apr 10, 2015
It's too early to consider divorce. The first three years of a marriage are critical but the first year is the most critical.
Your wife is obviously childish and thinks you re still dating. She has read you as being slack because she sees how much her behaviour affects you. You need to get someone she respects to come have a talk with her. If that doesn't work then pull back a bit and let her taste a bit of her own pill.whatever you do don't get physical with her.the threat of getting physical is more powerful than the actual beating up. Develop new interests to keep you occupied on your own. Her malice will die if you don't acknowledged it. You take her too seriously. Pull back a bit.observe from that distance. As she tests your determination and notices your new strength, she will start a painful process of adjustment but she will continue to be the shrew she obviously is if you continue this your nice guy behaviour

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Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by BuddhaPalm(m): 7:47am On Apr 10, 2015
Sike:
Kindly elaborate the bolded please!

Think donkey...

Reward & punishment.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by farem: 7:48am On Apr 10, 2015
[color=#000099][/color]
momodub:
was she like this when you guys were dating

Honestly, this is not about being holier than thou thing: Any courtship that does not see sex-outside-marriage as very wrong mostly end up this way! Ask me: does a client pay attention to the wife-material in a prostitute? Sex before marriage makes all things emotional and blinds the eyes of the parties involved. The only issue almost always occuring in sex-courtship thing is bed-incompatibility, and once this is not there, NOTHING else will matter until 'marriage' starts.

If you check throughout the World,marriages are now breaking and crashing in days and the curve shows the relationship with this social menace.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by omonnakoda: 7:48am On Apr 10, 2015
Moana:
shoprite, the beach.... undecided he doesnt have to be a typical frustrated Nigerian who finds pleasure in complaining rather than fixing the problem.
Long walk to shoprite grin OK
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by sam121(m): 7:50am On Apr 10, 2015
SaMajeste:
Didn't you notice her attitude when you were dating? I don't want to believe she just started exhibiting such all of a sudden.
As you said, maybe she's taking advantage of your regard for women knowing you would tolerate such rubbish. As much as I love your respect for women, I feel you should be a bit tougher because sadly, not all women should be treated with kid gloves. Some don't understand gentility, they see it as a sign of weakness.
Pray for her too.
It is well with you!


U are the only female who said something reasonable on this thread...Thank u so much...
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by freshdude99(m): 7:50am On Apr 10, 2015
Moana:
i just to understand if something ever came that makes her behave this way. To every story there are 3sides his, hers and the truth. I cannot give advice on simply hearing one side
U knw I can't agree more or less, ur ryt spot on kiss
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Nobody: 7:51am On Apr 10, 2015
OP, You are the cause of your problem. You stated that you spent time on a Nairaland section every day. Who does that ?

You said you missed your wife calls, and and I ask you. Do you always call back for EVERY missed call ?

Again you stated that she makes trouble for every little issue. Dont you know that's women's way of showing their weaknesses ? No husband responds to wife minor bickering these days. Keep them quiet and they go crazy and stop. Respond to them and your problem continues.

Best formula which works for a woman like your wife is; When she raises troublesome issue, ignore that and ask her silly question like; Do you believe Enyimba can play better than Chelsea sometimes ? Add issues like, Why did we even elect this Buhari sef, he cant fix electricity. Your wife will get the message if it persists.

Now lastly, marriages do not fail, we fail marriages. Cos we expected perfection from a humanly constituted unnatural union of diverse personalities. Na today your woman start to show these signs ? Dont you think these acts are magnified in your eyes because your love for her is dimished by that side chic you admire outside your marriage ? Bite me.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Nobody: 7:51am On Apr 10, 2015
Your Wife May Be Pregnant. Just Keep On Playing The Angel Role. Bear With Her, Pamper Her.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Fourwinds: 7:52am On Apr 10, 2015
Moana:
one more question, how does this help the OP in anyway?
im looking at it in its broad form. Not just d OP to learn but other potential girls who wants to marry dat are here reading. One's actions have a serious ripple effects.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by kushsy: 7:55am On Apr 10, 2015
The first Three month of marriage is usually stormy....bear it and see..she will adjust but she doesn't after these period...be a little hard on her..she will change..i am not an advocate of un happy marriage..if things are not working and you have tried your best..let the person go so that you both will be happy...God hate divorce but what do we do? some people are just unmanageable .
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Nobody: 7:56am On Apr 10, 2015
multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

sad sad sad cry


Yes she's doing it cos u apologising na attention she de seek na obviously I was like dat early in my marriage nd my hubby was always begging den one day he started ignoring me even if I want toa stay 4 days witout tlking he talks like greets me in de morning nd @ nite den he calls 4rm wrk but no begging den my brain reset u need to firm up nd stop begging her u will see she will stop it als ignore her wenever sshe in de mood just go abt ur business she will start crying u don't give her attention again bla bla jst ignore her. Chees
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by patrickmuf(m): 8:04am On Apr 10, 2015
When you start shagging bitches out there, you'll feel less concerned about her childish acts and bang, she'll readjust almost immediately... It's just the way it is...Take charge boss
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by jacko007(m): 8:08am On Apr 10, 2015
hmm, women r very hard to read sometimes but have seen situations like this.the only solution is to ignore her ,when she starts nagging ,as time goes on,she will tink over it,else you might just end up losing Ur wife n your dreams wif her.

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