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My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME - Family (10) - Nairaland

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Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by moseseneh: 7:07am On Apr 10, 2015
I want to you to try the followings:
1. find time to study the word of God with her and also pray with her.
2. on your own find time to pray for her
3. buy books and messages that deals with characters you have she does not like and likewise characters she posses you dont like.
4. the marriage is still at the learning stage so be patient with her and continue to counsel her with love.
5. Any time she start nagging, don't respond to her(keep silence). with time she will recognise that she is fooling her self and she wil control her self.
6. Any she is keeping malice with you don't avoid her but give her responsibility and make sure you are involve also.
7. Take firm decission as the head
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by frankie4real: 7:07am On Apr 10, 2015
Op, you did not tell us your religion. But I will strongly advise you to create time to take her away from the house to a serene environment and write down your questions for her and space for her to write down your answer or at best you use your mobile device to record your heart-to-heart discussion.

Question 1. Sweetie, do you think we married accidentally?
Question 2. Do you wish our marriage to crash?
Question 3. Since marriage is full of new discoveries about each partner, what are your new discoveries about me that pisses you off?
Question 4. Would you want any third party like clergyman to interfere before we reach compromise
Question 5. Do you realise both of us are not perfect and the need to make provision for that in managing our misunderstandings?
Question 6. Do you really believe that mutual respect will go along way to make our relationship last till death do us part?
Question 7. Do you agree that no prayer between couples will be answered when malice is on-going?
Question 8. Would you want us to raise children who will see us disrespecting each other and keeping malice?
Question 9. Are you suspecting of infidelity of any sort.
Question 10. I am giving you your desired sexual satisfaction?
Question 11. I am meeting up my financial support for you.

Finally, OP, please note carefully that hardly will you find women still in the academic environment submissive, you should please understand that better, not even when she is not yet pregnant. By the time you have answers to these questions, sit down, analyse them and, you will know from her answers if she married you accidentally or not. Whichever answers, you will then know how to pray and work on those responses. Divorce is never an option, thinking on that means both of you are into a "one chance" of a marriage.

The other option I will give you now as a Christian, keep praying in a way she will be hearing you whenever she is not deeply sleeping every morning, and say 'Oh God, please help me to make my wife the best wife on earth for I love her so much and it is never my wish to end up a divorcee. Pray this with agony, and she will be smiling on the bed that so this dude loves me this much. List all the spirit of anger in her which you want God to take away. Pray that you want her to be a role model wife everyone would love to have. She will change or work on her lapses. I hope this helps you.

1 Like

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by charmingeyes(m): 7:09am On Apr 10, 2015
To handle any woman even at home, u must be a toughened disciplinarian even as lovely as u r.

Again, bring prayer to the FP in ur marriage, if possible make it a commitment for both of u to pray together every day.
If u r a CHRISTIAN, find out programs at ur place of worship which both of u will always attend together. Make it a commitment to discuss together lessons gotten from such programs, if possible, programs for married couples.

Thanks.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by RoyalRoy(m): 7:09am On Apr 10, 2015
ezembajane:
Its unfortunate. Ve u tried checking wherther ur d problem. Maybe she sees girls half naked on ur whatsapp or bbm.

Hey....Are you the wife in question?


lipsrsealed lipsrsealed


@Multicast, you need to make sure she sees a marriage councillor, she is still behaving like a girlfriend instead of a wife.

She needs to grow up and get mature!!!!
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by alterswerve(m): 7:09am On Apr 10, 2015
Wow! I'm touched by your issue sir. It is quite evident that you love your wife. I would have asked if you didn't see these signs when you were courting but that will be useless because you've already married her. Don't even think of divorce now, and if both of you don't have any kids, don't give her one now, for kids might complicate the matter if you try all the advice and they don't work and you might want to opt for a divorce.
I think your wife is just being childish, the Yorubas call it 'ayo,' and I feel its because you treat her too well. Not that treating her well is bad, but from your post, I can imagine that you stoop too low so much that she has lost respect for you. Its beautiful to do chores, very romantic, but I think you do it with more frequency than usual. You need to reduce it.
Another thing is that your wife may be insecure, but that she talks to you disrespectfully shows that there is a big problem somewhere, for you strike me as a caring hussy. Normally, I would have said you should sit down and talk with her, but she is acting childish, and she might still argue when you both chit chat.
Know what? In all, I think you should start acting like the man in the house, and by this, I don't mean that you should beat her, don't ever raise your hand against her! Ever! But be the man in the house by BEING IN CONTROL. You get back home and she nags about unpicked calls, apologise and go to somewhere where she isn't quickly so you can have peace. Depression from a woman is one thing that kills a man steadily. Please sir, for your own peace of mind and to avoid health issues. Your peace of mind is even more important than your marriage. After apologising and she still nags, keep quiet, ignore her and avoid her. She'll learn.
Still be a caring hussy. When you know you missed her call at work or that you have pissed her off, buy her something nice when going home to appease her, but reduce the frequency of you doing house chores, PLEASE!
I wish you the best sir. Put your wife in your prayers.

1 Like

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by omonnakoda: 7:10am On Apr 10, 2015
charismatic1:


If truly you're not a comedian,i pray the OP won't read this your comment.It's quite disturbing.Perhaps he does read this,i'm hoping he is wise enough to follow some Godly and matured advices on this thread,since he isn't married to a child.Some children these days do not even need to be beating before doing the right thing.
I do not know you or your background,but assault/beating a woman is not the right thing to do.It is called ABUSE,and it has never made relationships better.There are better ways that a man can make a woman respect him not by "canning",let to talk of "canning" for no reason as you've mentioned earlier.

Please stop it if you have bn assaulting/beating your wife/girlfriend.It is not good.Remember,everyday is for the thief,one day is for the owner.She might decide to kill you / poison you out of frustration.Easy does it.
People are different.Some people do not need to be beaten and that is why men should look carefully before getting into marriage.In his case it is late for that. I am lucky that I have NEVER needed to beat any woman even my children. I read women very well and can tell those who are trouble makers. However once you are in a relationship with such a woman you need to do the needful.For some women Only one beating would do for a life time and they either quit the relationship or shape up.Others need top-up beatings ,you know like recharge from time to time so that is how life is.You sound like my kind of woman so if I was with you the only beating you will ever get from me will be in bed where I will defeat you pants down
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by capip120(m): 7:12am On Apr 10, 2015
SaMajeste:
Didn't you notice her attitude when you were dating? I don't want to believe she just started exhibiting such all of a sudden.
As you said, maybe she's taking advantage of your regard for women knowing you would tolerate such rubbish. As much as I love your respect for women, I feel you should be a bit tougher because sadly, not all women should be treated with kid gloves. Some don't understand gentility, they see it as a sign of weakness.
Pray for her too.
It is well with you!
Kai!!! babe you spoketh the koko as e take be. Not every babe can say the truth as you just said. drastic measures calls for drastic actions.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by toplink11yahoo(f): 7:12am On Apr 10, 2015
Try to dialogue with her, don't get tired. Am married and in my case reverse is the case. I v been married for 14 years and I experienced worst than d ones ur wife is giving you. So my brother don't give up. Marriage is for better and for worse. You are not doing anything wrong. She wants to be the problem maker, you just keep being the peace maker.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by justinbravo: 7:12am On Apr 10, 2015
if your wife see this your thread, it's another big quarrel. hope she will not recognise ur username
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Fourwinds: 7:13am On Apr 10, 2015
qbd2:
I think ur wifehas temperissues, and umadea mistakein dfirst instanceby beingthe reciepinet (can't find wordstodescribe what I mean).
U jusst have to talk to her and let her know howhurt uu feel whenever she acts that way to u, and u can maybe buy her some books orr recommend her to videos that tell how onemanages ones temper. She mostly needs ur help.
what are u writing.?? Combining two independent words together. Nawa oooo
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Nobody: 7:16am On Apr 10, 2015
Dear OP,

As a lady who has exhibited the EXACT same traits to a man before, I can confidently tell you that your wife simply doesn't love you as much as you love her. I'm not proud of my past actions, but I would keep malice with that man for days, even weeks to the point that my malice affected his work but I couldnt care less. Its not that I enjoyed treating him like that but it was simply that I was also unhappy in a relationship with a man that I didnt love thats why it was so easy for me not to be moved when he begged and begged. I was only with him because he's a good guy. By the way, I regret my actions it's not a good feeling to be with someone you don't love.

Anyway, back to your wife.. Maybe she married you because you were her only proposal at the time, or perhaps she knows you are decent man. Most ladies take advantage of a good natured men like yourself and marry them when opportunity rises. However, you may not have been her ideal/dream man, hence why she's so irritated by you.

I'm telling you what a lot of women will never admit. If a woman truly loves and respects you she would naturally submit to you. Honestly speaking, I don't think she's going to change towards you.. in fact she will get worse when pregnancy and children comes. God forbid you even lose you job! Key word here is RESENTMENT. She might be feeling like shes trapped with you when she could've done better. You should've married a woman who loves you as the respect will naturally follow.

I hope I didnt come off too harsh, I'm just saying what a lot of women will never admit.

Take care.

5 Likes

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by creekman(m): 7:17am On Apr 10, 2015
Marriage is a longgģgggggg journey,continue to endure and be patient.The end result atimes,is sweet.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Pedy(m): 7:17am On Apr 10, 2015
There are many ways humans are affected by stress, one of such is to the head so I must advise u that whenever she comes with her show don't be confrontational just be patient and endure it. It will come to an end, I ve gone tru this before at about the same time too. Its emotional stress, there is something she enjoys b4 but lacks now and it might not be material things maybe ur presence. So be steadfast.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by ichakaobos(m): 7:17am On Apr 10, 2015
multicast:
she was a little bit of a stubborn and volatile person but its worse now.
You saw it coming but turned a blind eye, as is the case with us men. Tell her how you feel when she talks to you like she owns you. Then pray for change cause you ain't seen nothing yet.

1 Like

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Nimrod81: 7:18am On Apr 10, 2015
multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

sad sad sad cry




I think you shouldn't take her too serious... Understand that u can be happy even in the midst of your disagreements which are bound to become fewer if you both keep a positive attitude... If you don't let what she does get to you so much you would be happier... She acts like a child sha but she is ur child... Cherish her all the same as long as she is not physically abusive and not moving out of the house...
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Votukpa(m): 7:19am On Apr 10, 2015
OP,

Im a pragmatic person. Here is a pragmatic solution to ur problem. Call me on 07037913006 to tell me that this worked.

Here's the solution.
anytime she starts acting up. WARN her.
DO it THREE times, as in mess up after mess up. Three warnings.
if she persists, BEAT her!
No not with punches or kicks. Nor with a stick.

Spank!

Put her on ur laps like u would ur son or daughter and spank her mercilessly until she begins to cry. Make sure she cries. This is important. , or at least get an emotional release from her.

Then comes the best part.

Make sweet love to her
coax her to understand that it hurt every time she yelled in pain but it was necessary that you do that. She will feel sorry for being such a foool for not seeing that she was married to superman in the first place.

Make looove to her passionately. Hold her by her neck, fix ur gaze on hers and give her missionary relentlessly.

By the time u do this like 3 times, she will fall in line.

Ur welcome.

4 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Moana(f): 7:20am On Apr 10, 2015
frank043:


See question! How is your question going to help? You previously asked for details of his bbm chats,without reading carefully,who does that? Now you ask this?!! You really don't need to go into these details in order to advice,and if you can't advice,just sit back and learn.
the OP didnt have issues with answering my question, maybe you should be the one to sit back and stop quoting me because e no concern you smiley thank you
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Moana(f): 7:21am On Apr 10, 2015
OkikiOluwa1:


That's none of your biz
how does it make you have sleepless nights? if you have nothing to do go to sleep!
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by ewizard1: 7:22am On Apr 10, 2015
Abegi joor, like you all didnt read what the OP wrote all tru... "...She feels sober, apologize then REPEATS another episode the next day... " such a woman will never change. Simply because she knows you would always come to beg. You are the man... Some women are even stupid to the level of bragging when with their friends saying " My husband knows me, when i start my wahala, na him go tire..." Thats very bad.

IMO, i think the OP needs to let the wife taste a little of how he feels when she starts those silly attitudes of hers... then she knows her worth. Scare her with divorce, i'm sure she would be scared of being "once a wife" in 2 months.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Moana(f): 7:22am On Apr 10, 2015
thelifechangers:

Y u no ask for the guy address, and go and listen to full gist
Because he asked on NL genuis undecided
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by drbunmi(f): 7:23am On Apr 10, 2015
u dont have any problem here! for more info contactdrbunmi@gmail.com.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by ladibright(f): 7:24am On Apr 10, 2015
Shes always repeating d malice thing bcus she knows u wil always com around, saying sorry n wanting reconciliation. Now, d nxt time she keeps malice wit u, ignore her, don't make any mov towards reconciliation, trust me, No woman wants to loose her man.. She wil automatically settle it n dt wil b d end of malice drama. Lov is a beautiful thing,... #goodluck! grin
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by darlenese(f): 7:24am On Apr 10, 2015
killerman47:
don't u people ever get tired? Every iSsue raised is "sit down aand talk to her" ah ah!!! Even when the guy said he has don dat countless times! I just tire for this NL females; if u really lack ideas why not refrain and allow people dat do to comment.... Mchewww!!! when u hear men talk u know; u can see and feel it as displayed here, not that small girl coming to disturb the peace of NL with the overflogged plattitude "sit down and talk to her" ... Nonsense u see them; them don come again; why won't u people just restt and stayy clear of this thread! Kai!!! I hate u girls.. ITK dat knows notthing.... Mchew!!!!. Madam whatt is ur problem? Are u alright? So now to solve practtical problems is to kneel down every morning... And dat will "transform " her abruptly... I pity u all...


OP my advice; please fellow what pelumsky(hope I got that right) has writtten; dat is 1st hhand experience talking... Donot mind all these kids advicing in what tthey know notthing about (most of them not even been to the frontyard of marriage)... If that approach doesn't work n every other means fails; my brother pls feel free to go ur seperate ways; Marriage is not a must; u shouldn't die or get frustrated in it... All the best sire..


Mr killerman, so u are advising this man leave his wife? What Part of hell are u from embarassed
Ur advice is so wack, u can give that to ur brothers and sisters
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Moana(f): 7:25am On Apr 10, 2015
freshdude99:

She asked bcz she reasons well, the moment I saw the question from moana, something struck me, I think she kinda have much more to say... I call such peeps experienced murrano cheesy
Cc: Moana
i just want to understand if something ever came up that makes her behave this way. To every story there are 3sides his, hers and the truth. I cannot give advice on simply hearing one side

1 Like

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by aduje(m): 7:26am On Apr 10, 2015
@ op, i suggest you take her to do pregnancy test to confirm she is pregnant. Some young women behave madly at early pregnancy stage. My wife was like that when our marriage was about 3 months old.

Also, it takes the grace of God for two individuals with separate backgrounds to live together. It does not matter how long you were friends; it is a different ball game when you come together as husband and wife. Little things like sleeping with our without electric bulbs on, how to press tooth paste, the man's shoe smelling and therefore should be kept in the balcony, etc. could cause quarrels at this early stage of marriage. My mentor calls it early marital morning storm. Be man enough, be determined to bear it since she is not violent. Be careful who you meet for counselling as you may be misled. In five years time, you will be surprised at the level of respect your wife will be giving you.

HAPPY MARRIED LIFE.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by KegMaZi: 7:27am On Apr 10, 2015
U guys need counselling, individually and as a couple. Everyone has someone the r accountable to. Plus u shud av a spiritual leader. She is probably insecure or still struggling with something from her past. Communication is very important. Control ur tone and body language when u talk to her, women read body language n tone more than what you say. Divorce is not an option, she can change, be patient with her.
But counseling cannot be underestimated.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by ewizard1: 7:27am On Apr 10, 2015
Moana:
the OP didnt have issues with answering my question, maybe you should be the one to sit back and stop quoting me because e no concern you smiley thank you
But next time, try read a post properly before commenting. .. it would save you a lot of stress and bash Quotes. wink
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by maut(m): 7:28am On Apr 10, 2015
[quote author=multicast post=32535037]I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

sad sad sad cry


take it easy with her.always communicate.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by flyingdutchman(m): 7:29am On Apr 10, 2015
coogar:
•forming
•storming
•norming
•performing

you are at the storming stage in your marriage. endure it, persevere it and you would soon get past this phase. at least, she's decent enough to apologise whenever she says things that are bang out of order.

there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Team building
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by maut(m): 7:30am On Apr 10, 2015
l ve similar case, wat l use to do is calm, take it easy wt her.She loves
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by ewizard1: 7:31am On Apr 10, 2015
darlenese:



Mr killerman, so u are advising this man leave his wife? What Part of hell are u from embarassed
Ur advice is so wack, u can give that to ur brothers and sisters

No, all Killerman is saying is... " OP needs to be a MAN! "

#Simple
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Brugo(m): 7:31am On Apr 10, 2015
This marriage thing is scary.

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