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My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME - Family (7) - Nairaland

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Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by omonnakoda: 3:24am On Apr 10, 2015
charismatic1:


Are you a comedian?
Are you ? no jokes . The first time a woman misspeaks is the time to put a stop to it PERMANENTLY otherwise it will grow like Boko Haram. The reaction should be so severe that she NEVER tries it again. Now it appears to have become a habit but my question is what did the OP do the FIRST time she talked down at him. There are dozens of women out there and so no woman should hold any man to ransom. Give her a sound trashing regularly and you would see changes

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by BuddhaPalm(m): 3:26am On Apr 10, 2015
My sympathies are with you bro...

You see, when you treat a woman like a Queen, the tendency is that you behave as her subject in the process.

And guess what? She will treat you as a subject.

Don't treat your wife like a queen; but like a princess... a little princess.

5 Likes

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by emmylight4u: 3:27am On Apr 10, 2015
Pls look for this film.... FIRE PROOF. Watch it alone first later make her watch also. It may help. Thanks

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by micktoxin(m): 3:27am On Apr 10, 2015
multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

sad sad sad cry



I am sorry about your ordeals. Hence you are married I shall out of respect for you say nothing bad about your wife.
As a man you need to take control, It's too late now but this shouldve been done before marriage. I have dated crazy girls, they tend to calm down if you are also crazy with them. Sometimes it might come down to not caring about where the relationship ends up, again this mind state is only advisable before marriage.
In short you need to put the gird down.

Edit: It appears she doesn't see you as alpha male and she is rightly just like with most girls, taking advantage of it.
Can't deal man Grrr.

5 Likes

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Nobody: 3:32am On Apr 10, 2015
omonnakoda:
You need to beat her.Now I am not talking about beating her for her bad behaviour and all that just come home and beat her for no reason. If she does not talk to you the next day beat her some more..
If you search your conscience and you cannot do this then I am sorry you are not the right match.Do not let anyone deceive you with that modern man nonsense and for god's sake stop doing house chores.what is that?
Don't mistake me when I say beat,do not use your fists go out and get several durable canes and the next time she misbehaves give her full body head to toe trashing.Trash her until she confesses you are lord,show no mercy. Next beat her for no reason so she does not know what is coming I suggest at least 3 times a week but you an increase the dose depending on tolerance and response.
lmfao....goddam morafuçka
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by smartigo: 3:43am On Apr 10, 2015
whosefault:
Your problem is that you leave your wife you should be talking to and typing on Seun forum. If she complains that you are not calling. load credit and start calling. when you see bird fly, call her and tell her. when you are eating, call her and tell her. in the toilet, call her and tell her, about to leave the office, call her and tell her. when you have a client in front of you .......
she go call you and tell you to stop all these calls. apologize to her and stop the calls.
you don marry...

You be robot programmed to be calling when u can text if u want to be communicating constantly.

The problem with the op is he is too mindful of his wife's attitude. Do your duty n leave the rest. Don't lose ur job and mind becos of your wife. Don't over love sm1,they always hurt d most.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by NobleG1(m): 3:43am On Apr 10, 2015
multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

sad sad sad cry



Did you guys court long before marriage? If you guys did, well, it's a known fact that some women do change after marriage. That's when their true colours are exhibited. I don't know whether they think marriage can't be ended. If you guys didn't court long, then you made a terrible mistake.

It's always a great idea to court long enough before thinking about marriage. Although it doesn't always guarantee a happy marriage but at least, you're are familiar with who want to marry.

Try discussing your frustrations with her. Listen to what she has to say, then you make your decision. If she promises to change, then give her another chance. But if she thinks you've no clue what you're talking, end the marriage.

There's no need wasting time with someone who will reduce your life span with problems. Marriage is not easy (that's true), but when you marry a wrong person, you'll only have problems.

Sometimes we fall in love with wrong people. That you love someone doesn't guarantee good marriage. That you have a good courtship doesn't necessarily mean the person will be a good wife or husband. Marriage is a different ball game.

Do something about it now before she ruins your life forever. Either it works or it doesn't. If she promises to change and actually changes for good, then enjoy your marriage. But if she's not willing to change, END it. After all there are millions of women in Nigeria and you have thousands of good potential partners you could love.

Anybody who is very happy in his or her marriage was only lucky to meet one of their many potential partners.

Goodluck!

1 Like

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Classicman47(m): 3:46am On Apr 10, 2015
i see sincerity written all over this and i am pained. such a young marriage.
but sir, i think @coogar makes a good point. i dnt knw how exactly frustrasting this is for u(considering that i am not u) but i can feel ur sincerity. two months is too short a time to pack up and leave. endure just a little longer and i presume she might come to her senses. but if not, u can ask for a separation not even outright divorce. if you are a christian, i am sure you how God's view on divorce. just keep talking to her. and like someone also said, sometimes you need to take back some of ur powers u have surrendered to her. U can do this by acting uninterested in her rants, and generaly doing that shld project u as the man of the house.
Best of luck to you bro. and to us who are still single too.

3 Likes

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by samuelson06(m): 3:47am On Apr 10, 2015
Bro, I don't see much issue here. Visit the SCOAN in Lagos with your wife. There's a loophole from her part that the Devil is exploiting to destroy the union. She is still your wife. No challenge is bigger than God to handle. Just a touch from the man of God and that demonic spirit would leave her alone and thereafter you start taking in a handful dose of God's Word to stay on top of your game. It's time to let God take absolute control of your home. Cheers.

Cc: multicast
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by frank043(m): 3:48am On Apr 10, 2015
Moana:
oh okay. Does your wife have a job?

See question! How is your question going to help? You previously asked for details of his bbm chats,without reading carefully,who does that? Now you ask this?!! You really don't need to go into these details in order to advice,and if you can't advice,just sit back and learn.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by smartigo: 3:51am On Apr 10, 2015
emmylight4u:
Pls look for this film.... FIRE PROOF. Watch it alone first later make her watch also. It may help. Thanks

grin grin grin Fireproof!? I can't see the correlation btw the two. But you may be right though. @multicast, u too always return ur call, courtesy demands that.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Nobody: 3:55am On Apr 10, 2015
How often do you pray together?

Even when she's forming to keep malice, try draw her closer, go on your kneels and pray together.

Try this method every morning and night before you sleep....prayers keep families together.

God bless you!

5 Likes

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by charismatic1(f): 3:58am On Apr 10, 2015
omonnakoda:
Are you ? no jokes . The first time a woman misspeaks is the time to put a stop to it PERMANENTLY otherwise it will grow like Boko Haram. The reaction should be so severe that she NEVER tries it again. Now it appears to have become a habit but my question is what did the OP do the FIRST time she talked down at him. There are dozens of women out there and so no woman should hold any man to ransom. Give her a sound trashing regularly and you would see changes

If truly you're not a comedian,i pray the OP won't read this your comment.It's quite disturbing.Perhaps he does read this,i'm hoping he is wise enough to follow some Godly and matured advices on this thread,since he isn't married to a child.Some children these days do not even need to be beating before doing the right thing.
I do not know you or your background,but assault/beating a woman is not the right thing to do.It is called ABUSE,and it has never made relationships better.There are better ways that a man can make a woman respect him not by "canning",let to talk of "canning" for no reason as you've mentioned earlier.

Please stop it if you have bn assaulting/beating your wife/girlfriend.It is not good.Remember,everyday is for the thief,one day is for the owner.She might decide to kill you / poison you out of frustration.Easy does it.

1 Like

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Bergs(m): 4:00am On Apr 10, 2015
e-marriage

gone are days when extended families meddle into family affairs...so sorry!!!!

the place of elders in the homes has been circumvented to electronic hullabaloo and e-ranting that cant help families to grow


bro, i would rather advice u to c an elder.. probably, ur mother, father, uncle or any elderly inlaw....they knw much better than we do....

NB: UR MARRIAGE IS TOO YOUNG TO BE XPOSED....OTHERWISE C A MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR



#MY 2 PENCE
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by sendmeonly(m): 4:05am On Apr 10, 2015
i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.



My brother in my existence so far and having studied i think it is unhygienic, not a good thing to beg a woman if you must once in a big blue moon, some women are a thorn therefore you must stand your ground,make her respect if possible in a fearing way otherwise they use youbas their rag.
I think what you need to do is make her understand the pros and cons of being submissivr the man and stop being a pusi...in short mtchew
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Nobody: 4:06am On Apr 10, 2015
RiffRaff:
Guy relax, i once read somewhere that the first 3 years of marriage is usually the hardest, after that it gets better so please be patient.
You guys courted, u knew her habit & attitude before u married her but u choose to go ahead with her. There must be a reason why u made that choice, dont let it change.
Familiarity breeds contempt, now that u live in the same house, her attitude are magnified 10X. It will seem overwhelming but in time u will get used to it.
I am glad u love her & u have been reasonable so far. Dont change please, u are well on the right track.
So many ladies will always act like babies but as they grow in marriage, they understand better the responsibilities of being a wife & keeping a family together.
Dont even think of divorce.. It should never be an option for u.
Whenever she starts her drama or talks to u rudely. Just excuse yourself till she calms down. Then u can talk to her & sort things out.
On the flip side, sum ladies are hot tempered and rude. I recon u must have known that before u married her. U felt u could cope, so that is something u might have to deal with for the rest of ur life if that is her nature.
Unhappy & depressed 2 months into a new marriage.. Man shouldnt this still be the honey moon phase?
Abeg find books on marriage and read up. Talk to a marriage counselor or an older person with a successful marriage that you will not to lead u astray.
I wish u Gudluck man!

¤Off Topic¤
NB: For those of u reading who are not married yet. Never ever get married! i repeat dont ever get married! Its a setup.
Dont let the society pressure u to or the fact that ur friends are all married & u feel left out.
U will end up miserable like a whole lot of people, Love fades away in time.
People change.
U can live a much more happier & fufilled life being single.
U can get laid by different chicks anytime u want without any drama.
I feel sorry for a whole lot of people. Religion & Societal expectations has really lead to people making bad choice in life. Dont be one of those people, choose how u write the script of ur own life.
If after all i have written up their the devil finally suceed in winning u heart & you choose to get Married..
Never Eva Marry a Nigerian Woman!
bros, i really like this your (*off topic* NB). This same @op may advice another young man to get married. You know misery loves company

2 Likes

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by NobleG1(m): 4:14am On Apr 10, 2015
coogar:
•forming
•storming
•norming
•performing

you are at the storming stage in your marriage. endure it, persevere it and you would soon get past this phase. at least, she's decent enough to apologise whenever she says things that are bang out of order.

there's light at the end of the tunnel.

It doesn't happen that way in every marraige.

1 Like

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by wwwbabe(f): 4:26am On Apr 10, 2015
This stage will come and go. it doesnt matter if you have dated for years. she still loves u.

But,
Bonding takes some time.
what to do
1) let her know how hurtful her insults make you feel
2) show her maturity by being matured urself
3) let her know that her actions can tear the young family apart
4)pray with her evry time even when u a angry with jer
5) dont let any body in ur families no about dis

when all this fails find out from her if she is still intereted in the marriage
and involve her on how to work it out
pere

2 Likes

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by InvertedHammer: 4:31am On Apr 10, 2015
multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

sad sad sad cry




/
She is having "Buyer's remorse"...the same feeling you have after buying a new car--you start wondering if you made the right decision after finding out the car is not what it is meant to be.

Perhaps you are her 2nd choice.

You are in a precarious situation that will find a balance after awhile. But do you have the temperament to wait it out?

And yes! You saw the warning signals and ignored them. And in situations like that, one can only learn the hard way.

Where is the condolence register? You may need it.
\
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by allcomage: 4:38am On Apr 10, 2015
MARKone:
OP, I have to confess, I have experienced what you've just narrated, maybe even worse, some wives are just naturally stubborn and disrespectful, which might be attributed to their upbringing, bad friends and what have you. You see your marriage is still young, so don't despair, but the sooner you make her realise that you are the man of the house, the better for you. If you do not handle it well, it might lead to another thing, too much thinking, fear of coming home, hate and depression as the case is now. Oga you need to man up, if you want to save your marriage, be aggressive, am not saying you should beat her, if she doesn't talk to you, don't talk to her, if she doesn't serve you food, go to the kitchen and prepare food for yourself, Infact learn to ignore her, enough of the sorry sorry, it makes you look weak in front of her, abi is not you that married her undecided

As you make your bed so you lie my brother. Anybody that tells you that, you can make a stubborn lady less stubborn by showing her more love, is not telling you the truth. Your union is still budding, you deserve a life time of happiness so does your wife, this, you need to make her understand.
I wish I could give you 1000 likes. Op should sit up and deal with this issue now or never especially now there are no kids. With some women it is like a contest. She will never change instead it will get worst.You can imagine when she is pregnant and kids wahala? You will definitely run mad and even your work/business will suffer terribly.
My experience: I love my wife madly and she loves me madly too but i put mine in check because of my observations and experiences with ladies. When it was getting out of hand,I started keeping secret notes like of days/hours of not talking,nagging,carrying faces,bad words,food issues etc .i deliberately became a recluse and emotionless. When I had enough facts that she would not even like her people will to hear,I struck. I called her for a talk and told her that I know marriage is sweetbitter but I never thought ours would be like this so soon.I bared my facts and she was surprised. I told her I want ed to live a happy life and equally wanted her too but we can't achieve it the way we lived therefore as consenting adults am working out of this marriage for good of us and that I will never,I repeat never attend any reconciliation talks even if it is called by the pope. My disposition was firm and serious. I watched my sweetie fall like a pack of cards because she never in her widest dream thought I would thread that part.8 years down the line,we are the best of couple.
Man up and use psychology to whip her into line.
For the unmarried,don't overlook those things you feel you won't tolerate when courting because they hardly change instead it becomes worst in marriage and that is the essence of courting.

3 Likes

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Nobody: 4:40am On Apr 10, 2015
i like your reply but i find it so peculiar how you spelled marriage like "marraige" throughout. why?


NobleG1:


Did you guys court long before marraige? If you guys did, well, it's a known fact that some women do change after marraige. That's when their true colours are exhibited. I don't know whether they think marraige can't be ended. If you guys didn't court long, then you made a terrible mistake.

It's always a great idea to court long enough before thinking about marraige. Although it doesn't always guarantee a happy marraige but at least, you're are familiar with who want to marry.

Try discussing your frustrations with her. Listen to what she has to say, then you make your decision. If she promises to change, then give her another chance. But if she thinks you've no clue what you're talking, end the marraige.

There's no need wasting time with someone who will reduce your life span with problems. Marraige is not easy (that's true), but when you marry a wrong person, you'll only have problems.

Sometimes we fall in love with wrong people. That you love someone doesn't guarantee good marriage. That you have a good courtship doesn't necessarily mean the person will be a good wife or husband. Marraige is a different ball game.

Do something about it now before she ruins your life forever. Either it works or it doesn't. If she promises to change and actually changes for good, then enjoy your marraige. But if she's not willing to change, END it. After all there are millions of women in Nigeria and you have thousands of good potential partners you could love.

Anybody who is very happy in his or her marraige was only lucky to meet one of their many potential partners.

Goodluck!
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by pragmatistm(m): 4:43am On Apr 10, 2015
Im sorry about your predicament. The first year of marriage can be turbulent you know. This is my third year of marriage and I know these things can happen.

Please Go to this link on how to handle first year of marriage and other issues in marriage. There are many topics there on marriage.

http://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/family/couples-parents/

The points there have helped many.

Having said that, I feel your wife still loves u and that's why she can't withstand your missing her calls. so u must as a matter of duty return her call whenever u missed it. Apart from that, find like one time to initiate the call when u are away. She need to be reassured of your love. When u just get married like this, the love can overwhelm her and she will always feel like seeing u. Maybe that's why it pains her u are missing her call. I will advice u regularly have heart to heart talk. Yes, meaningful communication.

Finally, I invite the both of u to attend jehovah's witnesses meeting this Sunday to listen to a sermon that is going to be delivered worldwide on marriage. The theme is "A promise of perfect family happiness".

1 Like

Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by 9cbaby(f): 4:48am On Apr 10, 2015
Young03:


all u will do is dt,any day she is rantin,just remain silent and feel less concern,,if u do dt 4 like 3tym she will be feelin ashamed each tym she taks to u in dt manner
seconded
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Layk(m): 4:54am On Apr 10, 2015
OMG! I really feel your pain. I think what you are going through now is transient, it will not last, your marriage will soon be like heaven on earth. I dont know ur belief but i strongly believe in mutuality (if you guys did it in courtship), reading and meditating in the WORD of God together, praying together, ask her questions that can make her express her feelings. I will recommend these books for u: what makes a woman feel loved? by Emily Barnes. See you are in that marriage to complement each other's flaws. Keep praying and i know God will see you through.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Ayodeb(m): 5:00am On Apr 10, 2015
If you are a Christian you should have a Family Bible Study together at home using the book "The Secret of Family Happiness" published by Jehovah's Witnesses. It is free. Begin and end it with prayers. This Bible based book has helped many families.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by sammyjo64: 5:05am On Apr 10, 2015
For me i'l say you never did well at all.because if you guyz had a long courtship before marriage,that gives you time to know her more,if she's really the one you ought to spend your life with. Thats on your part, secondly, you're the man of the house,you don't start acting like a lady or she'll take your placeg. Thirdly, you dont manage in marriages or you'l die young. 4. Reduce everything the level or priority you give to her,put more time into your work, make her feel your absence. Reduce your level of communication(i.e, dont talk too much) saying am sorry once or twice is enough..but dont be neither harsh or warm... Let her know your the man of the house. And ask God to give you the wisdom you need to followup that woman, else ....
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by Nobody: 5:08am On Apr 10, 2015
multicast:
yes there was years of courtship, she might have anger management issues but i am not a psychologist, all i can do is talk to her but how do u talk about same thing every now and then. i hope u understand my point
There is a script I want you to act: if you are nt a drunkard, start drinking and coming home late; nt necessarily womanizing. Drinking alcohol, wic wasn't your way before, will teach her that fire is on the mountain. On getting back home late at night, you will just go to bed to sleep without eating the food you gave her money to prepare. I've said this before: respect women beyond normal during and after marriage at your peril. No matter how strong you love her, let her hav the instinct that she can lose you at any time. Take it or leave it, women don't want absolutely happy marriage, just the same way you lose appetite for food when you are supper rich.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by olorogun1: 5:11am On Apr 10, 2015
I tried to read some of the comments here and I actually skipped some,maybe what am about to say has already been pointed out I wouldn't know, at OP, please who's actually the head of that your house/home?,I mean who's actually the husband? I asked this question because these days in most homes the wife assumes the post of the husband by being in the fore-front,playing the lead role,sustaining and making sure you guys (family)are comfortable,not because she actually enjoy to do so but simply because that's the situation she finds herself,in all of these some men will still want their wife to be as submissive/respectful as a wife should,believe me it would take a God fearing woman to do that.
You need to check yourself also,fine,you've identified the flaws of your wife,what are your own shortcomings too,though sometimes you actually need someone to point out these things to you because you might be right in your own judgment and the reverse is always the case,ask your wife for those things you do that always makes her change attitude like someone said (sit her down to talk to).ask her how she wants you to improve and work on yourself,do same to her.and if in all of these the symptom persist pls consult her parents/ siblings/your pastor/imam.but pls rule out divorce it's almost the same everywhere.some marriage are even worse than yours.please don't mind my English communication ooo lo matter.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by 9jatatafo(m): 5:12am On Apr 10, 2015
The good part is that your wife tells you sorry. Your marriage is young and things like these are expected but you have to be more mature, you are her husband, let her realize that what is doing is not right and she should change. If possible talk to her in bed after bleeping her, at that moment her brain will calm down.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by jaksontun: 5:12am On Apr 10, 2015
So sad no one talked about prayer. Have you prayed about it. Do you guys pray together in the morning and at night? That is where you can pour your heart to God and to her. Try this, it works.
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by darlenese(f): 5:15am On Apr 10, 2015
Bro the first 2years of marriage is not all rosy, and that is because u are two separate individual who has agreed to live together,

i'll suggest u let her know ur Pains and how far u have gone seeking for helP to save ur marriage, let her know her duty is to build the home and not to wreck it with those negative attributes of hers. Look into her eyes and tell her that her attitude is breaking ur heart and ur love for her is fading away gradually and u feel very helpless about it!
I'm 100% certain that she'll change For good!
Re: My 2 Months Old Marriage Is Crashing - HELP ME by pomsky: 5:16am On Apr 10, 2015
multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced [b]but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.[/b]

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

sad sad sad cry



[size=15pt]......my friend, what you're experiencing is called incipient death. You are in the first stages of marital death. Don't let anyone here deceive you that it's normal in marriage. I bet you will NEVER have entered the marriage if you knew it would be like this!
With the present personality you are approaching your marriage with, you will NEVER go far. This is because no man has the natural capacity to remain and live for extended periods in such environment. This is one of the reasons i laugh when i hear people talking about always petting their wives and allowing them have their way......you are experiencing the consequences first hand.
Marriage requires situational management, the situation you find yourself in should determine your actions. You don't employ a fixed response to every situation in your home. In other words, you cannot always end up every situation with begging, apologizing and pleasing the wife. You will kill yourself and the marriage becos you also have a right to be happy and pleased in as much as your wife too! But where it's one partner's pleasure that is being served continually, there will be issues big time!

I have a younger friend, he dated his wife for 7yrs and married her as a virgin. About 5 months into his marriage i visited him and asked how his marriage was? His reply:" Bros, if i know say na like this the marriage go be, i swear bros, i for no marry. God forbid!" Even marrying a virgin doesn't guarantee happiness in marriage.
Coming home, my wife used to be someone who could get angry over a matter and keep the anger for 3 weeks. We were not married then and i would just wonder how it was possible for one to be angry for that long. Inbetween, that anger, other things would happen again which would make for an extension of the anger again for some weeks. As you know the anger would breed arguments, then arguments will breed more anger and so on. Ol boy, e no easy o! I was getting REALLY worn out and tired. I began to detest and hate her anger. I began to reason that why did she feel her way was the right way and only her had the right to be angry.
I initially was the cool, petting type, but i discovered this was not helping me IN ANY WAY! I had to survive and not drown in the emotions her anger were creating in me. Listen my friend, don't listen to other people who say they let their wives have their way or whatever! It's becos they are not married to your type of woman! Find out what will work for you and dive into it with vigor. I had to change to survive, situational management is the name of the game. I BECAME A LION. Not that i beat her or physically abused her, no! But ANYTIME she got angry, i got angrier. Her anger began to breed anger in me. It wasn't easy, and at that point i was ready to end the relationship and told her so. I continually told her that the survival of the relationship was in her hands not mine!
Slowly but surely she began to change, and change she did, becos i learnt to roar. I know some people will bash me, but menh, i don't give a hoot! I survived, she survived, my marriage is on. We have been together now February this year makes it 15yrs. And guess what, she's madly inlove with me, believes I'm the best(though i sometimes wonder what she sees in me that makes her think so), and she treats me like a king.
In conclusion, my friend, CHANGE is the key!
God help [/size]you!

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