brother the best advice i can give to you now is to keep loving your wife....
secondly see a good marriage counsellor

Every marriage starts having trouble around that same time. Talk to her about her malice keeping style,let her you don't want to build your home using her style. If she persists,you should ignore her. Get involve in activities that will not make you develop high blood pressure. Don't let your wife turn you into what you are not. Welcome to the new "world order".

I don't have any advice except maybe to try to call her sometimes and call her back when she calls you. It will probably be easier to do this than face the consequences of not doing it.

My bros urs is even beta she does not make atempt 2 fight u or boo u till u get 2 where u are going. Ask her y she choose that life style. Attend marriage seminar with her. Encourage her 2 read gud books. Find out much abt their family setting in the past. Hv u complain 2 any of her family memba abt this? Let me no.

aflyingbird:
i like your reply but i find it so peculiar how you spelled marriage like "marraige" throughout. why?

Despite the poster's apparent good mastery of Queen's English, he used the word 'marriage' 11 times, but misspelt the word 10 times. We really need to ask him the reasons behind the error. He might be in the same shoe with Op, I presume.

multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

Its inconsequential what happened in ur courtship the fact is u need professional help go talk to a councillor as your marriage is already on the highway to divorce its only a matter of time true frustration sets in. And pray the devil is after marriages don't let him get yours.

coogar:
•forming
•storming
•norming
•performing

you are at the storming stage in your marriage. endure it, persevere it and you would soon get past this phase. at least, she's decent enough to apologise whenever she says things that are bang out of order.

there's light at the end of the tunnel.

Is this the new and improved coogar ? I was expecting a barrage of words expressing the vile and inconsiderate nature of the woman but you didn't even chide her , not even in the least bit.

Moana:
Tell us more about your bbm chats

Typical

Did your wife ever catch you with another lady while dating? Possibly she's reacting on past experience.
I think your wife needs reassurance of your undying love. Tell her practical reasons why you will never cheat on her apart from the fact that you love her. What your marriage vows mean to you.
Tell her husbands who cheat never go far in life, some die prematurely while others get ruined.
Your wife will stop insulting you once she stops suspecting you.

jauntty:
Op...its nice that you are acting maturely by not joining issues with your wife and keeping malice. Its always an honorable thing to say "sorry" just to avoid quarrels.

I've discover people don't really change...they get better or worst at who they are. So if she was stubborn @ Dating...she will continue with that attitude especially if you have overlooked it before marriage...(when u were still 'Love Blind"

Way Forward:

To be a Man you just have to be the man. Women are like Children, to be @ peace with them YOU MUST use the "Carrot and Stick " approach.

Be Firm and yet gentle with her.

Lastly communication is the KEY.

good advice. Its like he married someone I used to know, only it didn't get to marriage. If there is one trait I hate in women its that ability to keep malice and be unforgiving but the good thing is you still have the good ones that will make your life like paradise on earth. Bro you're in it already so its damage control from now on with lots of prayers to back it up. Goodluck with your marriage.

Moana:
if you are married to someone sweet why are you so bitter?

i dnt think i told you that i regret my marriage,i only stressed the thngs that were happening whch i dnt want,and i dealt with them appropriately

U probably made her a full time house wife. Get her busy.

Just divorce her and save your self this headache. Ain't you too young for all this rubbish?

jauntty:
Op...its nice that you are acting maturely by not joining issues with your wife and keeping malice. Its always an honorable thing to say "sorry" just to avoid quarrels.

I've discover people don't really change...they get better or worst at who they are. So if she was stubborn @ Dating...she will continue with that attitude especially if you have overlooked it before marriage...(when u were still 'Love Blind"

Way Forward:

To be a Man you just have to be the man. Women are like Children, to be @ peace with them YOU MUST use the "Carrot and Stick " approach.

Be Firm and yet gentle with her.

Lastly communication is the KEY.

Kindly elaborate the bolded please!

multicast:
she was a little bit of a stubborn and volatile person but its worse now.

dat was a sign den dat u took 4 granted, bros u need nt give up. Just persevere n b patient wit her, also pray 4 her.

coogar:
•forming
•storming
•norming
•performing

you are at the storming stage in your marriage. endure it, persevere it and you would soon get past this phase. at least, she's decent enough to apologise whenever she says things that are bang out of order.

there's light at the end of the tunnel.

U did not read in between the lines, she is not apologising ooh! only the husband that is giving series of apologies.

My guy u are the cause of this problem. U saw it coming but u blindly ignore it in d name of love during your courtship cos u said she was stubborn. You are in deep in love with her and she will continue to be treating you like that. What you are seen now is the d second face what u noticed during ur courtship but u failed to address and I can BOLDLY tell u the 3rd face and the 4th face is coming. Am sorry to tell u this your wife Is not totally in love with u and she still thinking of those thing she left behind and invariably regretting her action of marrying u and that is y she picks issues with every little thing. U got to stand up on your feet as the head and correct these issues by telling her to put an end to all those things u said u told her not to do but still doing it and be firm with it, it will look like hard decision to make because u love her but u need to do that to save ur marriage and yourself from life embarrassments.

You probably used the words 'I so much love her' for the umpteenth time. I believe there lies the problem. Your wife is not emotionally stable and mature and she has successfully blackmailed you emotionally to the point of domination.

She knows what buttons to press and there you go working to please her like a robot while she enjoys herself. You have been rewarding this behavior by omission and commission. That's marriage is recommended only for mature people especially emotion and psychological maturity. She is dominating your psyche. She is marking and protecting her territory of which you are a part.

You have failed to assert yourself and the modus operandi for your relationship and that's why she is filling the gap. There is a role reversal going on. You have been too soft or love struck to see and play your role as the man of the house and now she is assuming that role. It's like spoiling a child and not being firm to punish bad behavior and expect that by some miracle when the child grows, she/he will suddenly become a good adult.

My advice for you is to use your head more than your heart. Take control of the situation. Tell her in very clear terms that in a marriage, there is a head and there is an assistant. You are the head and she is the vice. She should let you take care if her and she should take care of you. At the moment she is trying to usurp your place instead of doing well in her place. You should not tolerate any of the nonsense. You have tolerated enough. Tell her that she is forgiven unconditionally for previous sins but she should go and sin no more. Pray for her in your quiet time.

Institute a family devotion on a regular basis. Take the lead in sharing scripture and praying for her and the family. Be her pastor in the home and get involved in her affairs outside the home. For instance, spend time with her to know about her day at work and on your own study a little about her work so you can meaningfully contribute helpful ideas to her. Be her hero/superstar. Be the strong go to man, who needs for all her problems to be solved. It does appear to me that for now, you place too much demand on her to meet your emotional needs. You seem to me like you overwhelm her with your need for emotional affirmation - more like a child in need of attention and seeking to be pampered. She sees you like couch potatoes. It's time to be the man and temper some of this your 'I so much love you' stuff.

You can reach me privately if you wish for more man to man talk.

GOOD MORNING..
JUST know that MOST PASTORS will still tell u NEVER to treat ALL LADIES with KIDS GLOVES...

Hope u can recall what Happened to PRESIDENT JONATHAN...?
Hope u can recall how his WIFE, the 1st LADY spearheaded about 80% of his DOWNFALL..?

It's simply because he TREATS her with BABY GLOVES and thereby extended that to the BOKO HARAMS as well...

One thing, U must know about LADIES is that ,their BRAINS are always GROWING..
ANOTHER is that , they NEVER FORGET the ADVANTAGE they have over a MAN, especially in an ARGUMENT.
I can now guess that her DAD, may likely be the RICHER DAD.

PLEASE, be a MAN even if it is for once.
Don't follow the TRAILS of GEJ..,,PLS! PLS!!!

multicast:
thanks brother, i was never love bling, i wasnt the kind of newby in relationship so there was never a time i was love blind, i have always call her attention to the issue and how much it brings gap into a marriage, now i need to know what exactly do i do to solve this problem, i dont wanna have to join the league of divorced couple but i must say, i cant focus once she starts cuz i love her a lot.

You don't need to divorce her, a lil bit of separation would do. Familiarity breeds contempt and .... makes hearts grow fonder. You can travel or something for some time and let her feel your absence, reduce your attention and let her know she caused it then bounce back.

This separation thing works, we all appreciate what we don't have easy access to or better still let her swear that she won't start that mumu drama again and when she does, remind her of her vow.

SaMajeste:
Didn't you notice her attitude when you were dating? I don't want to believe she just started exhibiting such all of a sudden.
As you said, maybe she's taking advantage of your regard for women knowing you would tolerate such rubbish. As much as I love your respect for women, I feel you should be a bit tougher because sadly, not all women should be treated with kid gloves. Some don't understand gentility, they see it as a sign of weakness.
Pray for her too.
It is well with you!

I agree. They say women love men women whoee feelings are not sure. That's not always but in ur case and most, I suspect it is. Women love to chase more than we think. It makes them feel the idea is hers. In ur case, u seem to show all the love and she is bored. Usually, this does no5 lead to attractoon. It is amazing u guys got married. If you were dating, she would likely to be attracted to amother guy who she is not sure loves her. I pray that is not the case. She isbtesting your strength and uu have to find it. It sounds unfair that you love her but if u want this to work, please start giving her some distance and coldness. Get a distraction that shows u having fub0n. A sport, regular hangout. You are living a life of scarcity. Women take sdvantage of dat and push u around. Once she knows u have a life outside her, she will sit up. Bros, you have to be strong and treat her wiyh less attention. They don't like attention the way we see iy. It is a big lie. I have experienced dis a lot. Meet them, be nice then back off. If u start lovey lovey, it p4ojects uncertainty of ur confidence. She has mo work to do and they like to work for the relationship. Also pray bro but stop showing all this love. You will loose her and hate yourself. Is there someone else? I know u don't wanna hear that. But, she might be attracted to someone treating her coldly sef. Buiod ur attraction back. You can goohle in that area too. Start treating her like a normalerson. Tge way u talk and trwat ur friends. Take her hang out. No lovey lovey. Said enough. Pele.

[quote author=multicast post=32535385] she was a little bit of a stubborn and volatile person but its worse now quote.[ any eyes dat will go blind at nite will begin to produce puss in the morng, u dnt expect tings to get better in marriage wen they are bad in courtship. I really empathise with u but I tink ur wife need to be taughht a lesson to enable her wake up from her slumber, perhaps she tinks she is still your girlfriend. ignore her for sometime but pls dnt give reason to suspect u r cheating. and report her to her patents let dem call her to order odawise u will find urself walk away.

multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

Be patient with her it. Will pass.you got married febuary. She is still cominng to terms With spending the rest of hher life with you or she is just trying to let herself trust you with her heart and life by pushing you to your limits and watching ur reaction. Donnt confirm her fears by being violent,just continue with the maturity it will pass. Happy married life.

multicast:
she was a little bit of a stubborn and volatile person but its worse now.

so she isn't being strange after all,just advancing from what you knew

Savvyij:
i dont think is best 4 u 2 say ur marriage is crashing. Anyway all u ave to do is sit her down n talk to u, tell her about d way u feel, expecially d words she uses on u. I wish u d best.

don't u people ever get tired? Every iSsue raised is "sit down aand talk to her" ah ah!!! Even when the guy said he has don dat countless times! I just tire for this NL females; if u really lack ideas why not refrain and allow people dat do to comment.... Mchewww!!!

pomsky:

[size=15pt]......my friend, what you're experiencing is called incipient death. You are in the first stages of marital death. Don't let anyone here deceive you that it's normal in marriage. I bet you will NEVER have entered the marriage if you knew it would be like this!
With the present personality you are approaching your marriage with, you will NEVER go far. This is because no man has the natural capacity to remain and live for extended periods in such environment. This is one of the reasons i laugh when i hear people talking about always petting their wives and allowing them have their way......you are experiencing the consequences first hand.
Marriage requires situational management, the situation you find yourself in should determine your actions. You don't employ a fixed response to every situation in your home. In other words, you cannot always end up every situation with begging, apologizing and pleasing the wife. You will kill yourself and the marriage becos you also have a right to be happy and pleased in as much as your wife too! But where it's one partner's pleasure that is being served continually, there will be issues big time!
I have a younger friend, he dated his wife for 7yrs and married her as a virgin. About 5 months into his marriage i visited him and asked how his marriage was? His reply:" Bros, if i know say na like this the marriage go be, i swear bros, i for no marry. God forbid!" Even marrying a virgin doesn't guarantee happiness in marriage.
Coming home, my wife used to be someone who could get angry over a matter and keep the anger for 3 weeks. We were not married then and i would just wonder how it was possible for one to be angry for that long. Inbetween, that anger, other things would happen again which would make for an extension of the anger again for some weeks. As you know the anger would breed arguments, then arguments will breed more anger and so on. Ol boy, e no easy o! I was getting REALLY worn out and tired. I began to detest and hate her anger. I began to reason that why did she feel her way was the right way and only her had the right to be angry.
I initially was the cool, petting type, but i discovered this was not helping me IN ANY WAY! I had to survive and not drown in the emotions her anger were creating in me. Listen my friend, don't listen to other people who say they let their wives have their way or whatever! It's becos they are not married to your type of woman! Find out what will work for you and dive into it with vigor. I had to change to survive, situational management is the name of the game. I BECAME A LION. Not that i beat her or physically abused her, no! But ANYTIME she got angry, i got angrier. Her anger began to breed anger in me. It wasn't easy, and at that point i was ready to end the relationship and told her so. I continually told her that the survival of the relationship was in her hands not mine!
Slowly but surely she began to change, and change she did, becos i learnt to roar. I know some people will bash me, but menh, i don't give a hoot! I survived, she survived, my marriage is on. We have been together now February this year makes it 15yrs. And guess what, she's madly inlove with me, believes I'm the best(though i sometimes wonder what she sees in me that makes her think so), and she treats me like a king.
In conclusion, my friend, CHANGE is the key!
God help [/size]you!

when u hear men talk u know; u can see and feel it as displayed here, not that small girl coming to disturb the peace of NL with the overflogged plattitude "sit down and talk to her" ... Nonsense

darlenese:
Bro the first 2years of marriage is not all rosy, and that is because u are two separate individual who has agreed to live together,
i'll suggest u let her know ur Pains and how far u have gone seeking for helP to save ur marriage, let her know her duty is to build the home and not to wreck it with those negative attributes of hers. Look into her eyes and tell her that her attitude is breaking ur heart and ur love for her is fading away gradually and u feel very helpless about it!
I'm 100% certain that she'll change For good!

u see them; them don come again; why won't u people just restt and stayy clear of this thread! Kai!!! I hate u girls.. ITK dat knows notthing.... Mchew!!!!

Lizabeth25:
How often do you pray together?
Even when she's forming to keep malice, try draw her closer, go on your kneels and pray together.
Try this method every morning and night before you sleep....prayers keep families together.
God bless you!

. Madam whatt is ur problem? Are u alright? So now to solve practtical problems is to kneel down every morning... And dat will "transform " her abruptly... I pity u all...


OP my advice; please fellow what pelumsky(hope I got that right) has writtten; dat is 1st hhand experience talking... Donot mind all these kids advicing in what tthey know notthing about (most of them not even been to the frontyard of marriage)... If that approach doesn't work n every other means fails; my brother pls feel free to go ur seperate ways; Marriage is not a must; u shouldn't die or get frustrated in it... All the best sire..

boluyongp:


What are you saying friend? So what's their frienship-courtship phase for.. Your comment makes sense but its not applicable in this stage of their relationship.. Re-advice him pls, if you can.. Cheers!

He missed some stages. Time to restart. Treat her with less interest and love. Wonen mo dey respect I am sorry men oh. Leave allbthat I want a caring man and God fearing. What does that mean anyway? I am sur the OP has better chemistry with oyher women. Why does OP love her anyway?

Its common with ladies..but don;t stop loving her as you have. Doing house chores et al is great inspiration for your future kids

I think her studies and work may be aggravating things.

Kidnap her to a secluded place and reason it out...together...alone....

and PRAY

Bro my advice for you is to take it easy with her and keep calm...but if this behavior continues then you need to go thru some process wit her like....

*afford taken her food
*dont sleep on same bed
*keep ur plans away from her
*treat her like a stranger

If dis can go for a week den she will feel lonely and judged...she will be forced to approach u and beg you and das all...u live happily after

When its works don't thank me...

Sorry it happened this soon,some ladys r just like this but my advice wake her up in d night when everywhere is silent tell her u know she cant change dis soon cos it has been her life but let her kn dat her attitude may make d love u have for her to decrease and when dat happens it will be late for her and if it didn't work out. Leave her for abt 2weeks she will change by force. Dont 4get to take it to God in prayer[color=#006600][/color]

lofty900:
kinda tired of reading this same story on nairaland, so let me give u the popular nairaland answer: "sit her down and discuss ur frustrations with her"

guy you are so on point. I so much hate that sit her down statement. before will I stand her up? Lol

multicast:
thanks brother, i was never love bling, i wasnt the kind of newby in relationship so there was never a time i was love blind, i have always call her attention to the issue and how much it brings gap into a marriage, now i need to know what exactly do i do to solve this problem, i dont wanna have to join the league of divorced couple but i must say, i cant focus once she starts cuz i love her a lot.

Power of a relationship lies in the hand of one who cares less.

Look her in the eyes and tell her that you will kick her a.ss out of the house if she does not change her ways. Be serious about it. Man up.

Your marriage is too early not too young to be having problem or challenges!

Meaning your Marriage is too young or over young to encounter this challenges, marriage of how many month?

God forbid Devil, Amen

Sit your wife down whenever you see she is in happy or good mood let her know her attitude and tell her what you are going through whenever she is misbehaving

Let your wife know that her attitude can push YOU away or make her marriage crash before her own eye

Get her a books or movie that will help your marriage on attitude

If she did not improve pray for her, involve your pastor or imam, a marriage counsellor,please make sure the person know more about marriage or the person have experience about marriage

But if you need more counselling about marriage free of charge send me a personal message I will give you a call free cos I hate marriage crashing

God will give you the wisdom you need in your home Amen