Lady, he doesn't love you. And I doubt if he ever would. Move on with your life, you're just 25 for heaven's sake

egbaguy:
want u as my 'special adviser on marital issues'

Pay me

@OP, my dear... all i see in the marriage is bad news. U might be weak now, as time goes on if he doesnt change U might be even harder than him. alot of bad blood in ther future for tha marriage and kids. its not worth it, U need love.... he doesnt love U. get ursolf together, there are things I wud want to discuss with u off this thread. u can mail me thezorani(at) gmail dot com

remain blessed

Dyt:


Pay me

tot u are 'adigun'....u no nice oooo.

very sad, but i cud seat here are write a 3000 word essay on why she shudnt marry him,

but i know, she will go ahead and marry this guy. some marraiges are not meant to be peaceful.

and the said man is on NL, let him come and defend himself

bebe2:


very sad, but i cud seat here are write a 3000 word essay on why she shudnt marry him,

but i know, she will go ahead and marry this guy. some marraiges are not meant to be peaceful.

and the said man is on NL, let him come and defend himself

Exactly,i felt so drained just reading this...

This guy hasn't hurt you enough that is why you are still there.
When you reach your limit, no one will tell you to pick race.

The trend today for women like you is to make that leap into marriage and divorce later, since divorce is not as taboo as it used to be but there is still emphasis on having a wedding day not marriage to fulfill all righteousness that society demands . You are on that path. Good luck.

What is the title again?

Help me or something

This Social media thingy is really having negative impact on people's real lives , so NLers will make your decisions for you

Mon lo miotide

You are not making the right decision at all.

What good is left in this man that will give you an inch of happiness?

My dear,you dont force people to love you,the more you love such people,the more they resent you. He is not seeing you at all,I doubt if he knows you exist. If he does only as a roadblock ooo.

He doesnt love you means he doesnt love you,there is no translation for it.

Pls nne,I know it will be hard for you but you have to leave this man asap.

May God grant you the strength and grace to do so.

you need to get yourself a self esteem and think highly of yourself. That man has no respect for you at all. And you have a son for God sake, what kind of example are you setting for him when his father is treating you like a piece of shiit. Do you want your son to be like mini daddy to other women? He also had sex with you 3 wks after CS . what if your incision had ripped and you started bleeding internally?

Forget about that guy, and work on your self worth and self esteem and start falling in love with yourself. How can you say you love him when you don't even love yourself? When you learn to love yourself and have high regard and standard for yourself, then the correct man will come your way. If you stay in self pity and have no love for you and not in love with yourself, even if you leave him, men like him will still manage to find you.

As a woman to a woman, please learn from your mistake, get away from him and start working on your self esteem and self worth, please love and fall in love with yourself.

PS., if you must have sex with him, please please use condom, you do not need anymore pregnancy in your life at this moment.

Emeraldey:
Hello awesome people of this thread, I decided to post this here and not the 'Romance' section because this has to do with a 'Home in view'. I created this 'Moniker' because the other party is a member of NL too. My story is quite long but please bear with me and kindly advice me.
I'll be 25 years later this year. This guy and I met way back in the university, I was naïve and knew nothing much about relationships. I loved him so much from the very start of the relationship, yes I know it shouldn't be but yes I loved him outrightly. It was 2months into the relationship that I discovered he has other relationships. I naively stayed cos I thought I could change him. Different fights occurred especially over other ladies, but in all I stayed put in the relationship. I still stayed even after I realised he doesn't love me, rather he wants me for sex, to cook for him and his pals and even do his laundry.
Two years into the relationship, I got pregnant and since he had graduated I called to inform him, but he told me to get rid of it and move on with my life. I couldn't bring myself to abort the innocent child, so I kept it, my mum contacted his mum and they came over to meet my people, shortly before I put to bed. It was like he was even forced to come. I had the child through C.S and on our child's naming he specifically referred to me as 'My Child's Mum', right there in front of everyone. I kept smiling like a fool just so people will believe all is well. I should also mention that 3weeks after the CS I agreed to sleep with him, just to keep him from sleeping with other women.
He claims he has grown to love me, but hey, he cheats on me, and whenever I get to know, he calls me degrading names, insults d living daylight out of me, uses names like 'Hoe, Bitch' and co. He talks to me without any Iota of respect, even before his family and friends. Whenever I talk to him about how he treats me, he says I complain too much, he says I nag and all. And just lately, he has been all and about me walking away if I can't take him for who he is. Our son is going on 3, and am supposed to get married to this man after my 'Masters' programe, which am almost through with. Its like the only thing we do is have s*x, he can't even hug me outside or be proud of me whenever we are outside, he once insulted me in d presence of his friends on one of our occasional visits. Yet he claims to love me. I can't even touch his phone, because he made me realise I have no right whatsoever to touch his phone. I feel like am not good enough, I feel like those other ladies he keeps are better than me. I am suppose to get married to this man in six months time but I don't see myself been happy in that marriage. At the same time his mum talked to me that she doesn't wish for me to have my kids born to different fathers. He keeps telling me at every quarrel that if I want to leave I am free to. He doesn't care if I stay or leave I.e he is indifferent about the whole marriage issue. His mum wants us to end up together. Am really confused, my happiness is at stake. Pls advice me. Mutter, Babyosisi, EfemenaXY, ShiningMama, Moca and the rest, please help me. I'm really loosing my sanity.

I have no clue what you would have us say
The man has told you in every possible way that he doesn't love you why are you still sticking around?
Are you marrying him or his mother
What type of nonsense is this?
His mother wants you alright but the man doesn't want you,can't you see that clearly ?
Having a baby is not the end of the world so my dear,pick up the pieces of your broken heart and move on, whatever pain you experience today will be one hundred fold worse if you marry him,I promise you that.
If you are losing your sanity now,you will surely enter market stark naked after marriage
The ball is in your court
A woman and a mother smart enough to get a master's degree shouldn't allow herself to be played in this fashion
Wake up!

Emeraldey:
Thanks to u all for ur advice. He has this kind of hold on me that I just don't get. Each time I say I quit, he seems to always find his way back. He knows I have a soft spot for him, he knows I love him and yes he uses it well to his advantage. I really need to break free from this hold he has. Pls how can I break free, am so confused. His mum and everyone keeps encouraging me to keep praying for him, that he'll change.

Where is your own mother
Where are your aunties?
Why are you gravitating to his own family
Who is your own support system?

He is finding his way back because he knows he can,you are an enabler here.
Lovu gba kwa oku
A man is treating you like garbage and you are talking about love
If your love could make him love you,shouldn't that have happened years ago?
You are only 25 for crying out loud
You have already wasted three full years with this man
Imagine that
I can't even call him names because he has shown you who he is from day one but you chose to stay because he is touching your waist
Why are you still staying ?
Is he the only man in your town?


Let me tell you this bluntly
You don't pray for situations like this,you are living in sin and praying and expecting God to hear you?
The only prayer you need is how to break the ungodly soul ties you put yourself into and then close your legs firmly

You berra go and check yourself for HIV and other things before we talk another thing

bukatyne:
@OP:

Why are still with this man?

What are you enjoying in the relationship?

Maybe she doesn't realize that there are 7 million men within a fifty mile radius of her that could do exactly what he does in bed and even better with more gbim gbim apparatus.

No offence, but I find it extremely irritating to be mentioned / called upon to give advice on threads such as this.

Seriously.

Emeraldey:
Hello awesome people of this thread, I decided to post this here and not the 'Romance' section because this has to do with a 'Home in view'. I created this 'Moniker' because the other party is a member of NL too. My story is quite long but please bear with me and kindly advice me.
I'll be 25 years later this year. This guy and I met way back in the university, I was naïve and knew nothing much about relationships. I loved him so much from the very start of the relationship, yes I know it shouldn't be but yes I loved him outrightly. It was 2months into the relationship that I discovered he has other relationships. I naively stayed cos I thought I could change him. Different fights occurred especially over other ladies, but in all I stayed put in the relationship. I still stayed even after I realised he doesn't love me, rather he wants me for sex, to cook for him and his pals and even do his laundry.
Two years into the relationship, I got pregnant and since he had graduated I called to inform him, but he told me to get rid of it and move on with my life. I couldn't bring myself to abort the innocent child, so I kept it, my mum contacted his mum and they came over to meet my people, shortly before I put to bed. It was like he was even forced to come. I had the child through C.S and on our child's naming he specifically referred to me as 'My Child's Mum', right there in front of everyone. I kept smiling like a fool just so people will believe all is well. I should also mention that 3weeks after the CS I agreed to sleep with him, just to keep him from sleeping with other women.
He claims he has grown to love me, but hey, he cheats on me, and whenever I get to know, he calls me degrading names, insults d living daylight out of me, uses names like 'Hoe, Bitch' and co. He talks to me without any Iota of respect, even before his family and friends. Whenever I talk to him about how he treats me, he says I complain too much, he says I nag and all. And just lately, he has been all and about me walking away if I can't take him for who he is. Our son is going on 3, and am supposed to get married to this man after my 'Masters' programe, which am almost through with. Its like the only thing we do is have s*x, he can't even hug me outside or be proud of me whenever we are outside, he once insulted me in d presence of his friends on one of our occasional visits. Yet he claims to love me. I can't even touch his phone, because he made me realise I have no right whatsoever to touch his phone. I feel like am not good enough, I feel like those other ladies he keeps are better than me. I am suppose to get married to this man in six months time but I don't see myself been happy in that marriage. At the same time his mum talked to me that she doesn't wish for me to have my kids born to different fathers. He keeps telling me at every quarrel that if I want to leave I am free to. He doesn't care if I stay or leave I.e he is indifferent about the whole marriage issue. His mum wants us to end up together. Am really confused, my happiness is at stake. Pls advice me. Mutter, Babyosisi, EfemenaXY, ShiningMama, Moca and the rest, please help me. I'm really loosing my sanity.

I wish my benefit is transferable .... You need like 200 sessions of intense shrinking. As in

Who's this dude sef , he's on NL you said, Abi I'm on a wrong thread ni?

lagunna1:


Idipa mi

Oniro oshi

I Couldn't read thru half the story.

if only I know where you stay!
I would really want to see you,
I will give you a wwe smack down slap that will give you the ability to see your cheeks without looking into a mirror.

why do you want to live in bondage my sister?
since I can't see you to slap.
I sincerely beg you to move away from him and get a happy life.
thank you.

but if you know you are a chronic nag, again I beg you,
please repent, otherwise the next happy partner will turn into another monster.

@ Poster, you caused the problem totally. A guy has shown you even before you got pregnant that he does not love you. Yet you got pregnant! He made it clear that he does not want the baby at the moment but you took your own decision to have the baby all by yourself. My dear, the guy feels trapped in a loveless relationship.

Thanks a lot everyone for ur constructive criticism and advice, I really appreciate everyone.

EfemenaXY:
No offence, but I find it extremely irritating to be mentioned / called upon to give advice on threads such as this.

Seriously.

Its understandable. Am so sorry.

babyosisi:



The only prayer you need is how to break the ungodly soul ties you put yourself into and then close your legs firmly

Thanks a bunch for this, may God Almighty help me to break free from the soulties.

Emeraldey:

Thanks a bunch for this, may God Almighty help me to break free from the soulties.

I hope this thread and the responses you've gotten so far make you so angry and so disgusted with yourself and your choices that you vow not to let anyone treat you like a worthless piece of meat any longer
For three years you have dished out sex thinking it amounts to love
You even end up with a baby,it didn't work
And you think marriage will make it better?
No matter how much and how well you chop this man,it will not make any difference.
You might as well stop and get yourself some respect
Every second you spend with this man is a second lost in meeting your own special man
Do you realize you could actually be the butt of the jokes around his friends?
Imagine that
Imagine him telling people how cheap and useless and pestering you are
And when you call he might actually put you on speaker so his friends can hear you make a fool of yourself and have a good laugh
Is that the story you want following you?
I grew up with boys so I know these things

I want to get you so mad that next time his blokoss starts itching him and none of the other girls are available and he comes,you have the courage to say enough is enough
Don't you love yourself enough to do this for you?
Don't tell me you are living with this man or that his family is sustaining you
Where is your own family in all this I ask again

Nne sex is not food,trust me
You can do without it a while
You won't die

NO, you are NOT making the right decision. It does appear to me that you are either not physically attractive or not taking good care of your look (please, no pun intended)? If you were, I guess you should have been in another relationship and perhaps, you also would have moved on.
Got pregnant for him. He asked you to abort it and move on, you did not move on.
He is cheating on you despite satisfying him with sex, even three weeks after CS!
He disrespects you in front of everyone.
He has NEVER loved you.
He used you as his rebound for SEX.
You can't fend for yourself, your parents take care of you.
Sister, round off your MSc programme and look for a decent job to be able to take care of yourself and baby. Look up unto God and the person who truly loves and adores you will come around.

Emeraldey:
Hello awesome people of this thread, I decided to post this here and not the 'Romance' section because this has to do with a 'Home in view'. I created this 'Moniker' for the sake of confidentiality.. My story is quite long but please bear with me and kindly advice me.
I'll be 25 years later this year. This guy and I met way back in the university, I was naïve and knew nothing much about relationships. I loved him so much from the very start of the relationship, yes I know it shouldn't be but yes I loved him outrightly. It was 2months into the relationship that I discovered he has other relationships. I naively stayed cos I thought I could change him. Different fights occurred especially over other ladies, but in all I stayed put in the relationship. I still stayed even after I realised he doesn't love me, rather he wants me for sex, to cook for him and his pals and even do his laundry.
Two years into the relationship, I got pregnant and since he had graduated I called to inform him, but he told me to get rid of it and move on with my life. I couldn't bring myself to abort the innocent child, so I kept it, my mum contacted his mum and they came over to meet my people, shortly before I put to bed. It was like he was even forced to come. I had the child through C.S and on our child's naming he specifically referred to me as 'My Child's Mum', right there in front of everyone. I kept smiling like a fool just so people will believe all is well. I should also mention that 3weeks after the CS I agreed to sleep with him, just to keep him from sleeping with other women.
He claims he has grown to love me, but hey, he cheats on me, and whenever I get to know, he calls me degrading names, insults d living daylight out of me, uses names like 'Hoe, Bitch' and co. He talks to me without any Iota of respect, even before his family and friends. Whenever I talk to him about how he treats me, he says I complain too much, he says I nag and all. And just lately, he has been all and about me walking away if I can't take him for who he is. Our son is going on 3, and am supposed to get married to this man after my 'Masters' programe, which am almost through with. Its like the only thing we do is have s*x, he can't even hug me outside or be proud of me whenever we are outside, he once insulted me in d presence of his friends on one of our occasional visits. Yet he claims to love me. I can't even touch his phone, because he made me realise I have no right whatsoever to touch his phone. I feel like am not good enough, I feel like those other ladies he keeps are better than me. I am suppose to get married to this man in six months time but I don't see myself been happy in that marriage. At the same time his mum talked to me that she doesn't wish for me to have my kids born to different fathers. He keeps telling me at every quarrel that if I want to leave I am free to. He doesn't care if I stay or leave I.e he is indifferent about the whole marriage issue. His mum wants us to end up together. Am really confused, my happiness is at stake. Pls advice me. Mutter, Babyosisi, EfemenaXY, ShiningMama, Moca and the rest, please help me. I'm really loosing my sanity.

Nothing I say here is going to change anything. I'm very sure you will still marry him.

Know that marriage where everything seems right, is still not a bed of roses, not to talk of. . . Goodluck hun. You will be needing loads of it.

This family section can be so depressing. Gosh!

seriously, it just baffles me to knw hw full grown ladies just like messing up themselves on relationship issues all cos d dude in question gives them d best Bleep treatment they can ever best imagine and they end up by saying "I love him and I don't want to leave him".

OP, do u have a job or better still do u earn money on ur own? Or u have 2 depend on him 4 everything u need? Also, I understand ur mums fears, but hey, we're talking abt ur life here, its not ur mum dat is going thru dese, u know where d shoe is pinching u. Dis guy will soon start beating u blue black. He obviously doesn't care, so he can't take d child 4rm u, go if want 2, xcept is sumthing else keeping u.

Emeraldey:



On the contrary dearie, am not fending for myself yet, as am yet to get a job. My parents footed d bills for my masters.

which means ur parents can afford to take care u. am sure u better to them alive than dead. pls use ur head ur life and sanity is as stake. my two kobo.

capricun:


Oniro oshi

Oga mi patapata

I wouldn't have commented if not for my friend Phema whose comment dragged me here
Lady, you have to wake up. Marriage is not a total bed of roses so if you think your baby daddy is going to change after the wedding, then guess what, you are so wrong. Its going to get worse, sorry I sound like a prophet of doom but that is the sad truth.
Package yourself well, pick up the pieces of what is left of your dignity and finish your masters. Make yourself right and the right man who will love and adore you will come. Sex is not love, in fact I have tried to see hope for your union to this guy but I can't see any. His mum won't be there with you when you start facing challenges in your marriage.

E go pain me small if you come back here one year from now and tell us how the guy disfigured your face.

Na wa o.

Pak come and advice this lady please.

This type of stories make me weak.

Emeraldey:
Hello awesome people of this thread, I decided to post this here and not the 'Romance' section because this has to do with a 'Home in view'. I created this 'Moniker' for the sake of confidentiality.. My story is quite long but please bear with me and kindly advice me.
I'll be 25 years later this year. This guy and I met way back in the university, I was naïve and knew nothing much about relationships. I loved him so much from the very start of the relationship, yes I know it shouldn't be but yes I loved him outrightly. It was 2months into the relationship that I discovered he has other relationships. I naively stayed cos I thought I could change him. Different fights occurred especially over other ladies, but in all I stayed put in the relationship. I still stayed even after I realised he doesn't love me, rather he wants me for sex, to cook for him and his pals and even do his laundry.
Two years into the relationship, I got pregnant and since he had graduated I called to inform him, but he told me to get rid of it and move on with my life. I couldn't bring myself to abort the innocent child, so I kept it, my mum contacted his mum and they came over to meet my people, shortly before I put to bed. It was like he was even forced to come. I had the child through C.S and on our child's naming he specifically referred to me as 'My Child's Mum', right there in front of everyone. I kept smiling like a fool just so people will believe all is well. I should also mention that 3weeks after the CS I agreed to sleep with him, just to keep him from sleeping with other women.
He claims he has grown to love me, but hey, he cheats on me, and whenever I get to know, he calls me degrading names, insults d living daylight out of me, uses names like 'Hoe, Bitch' and co. He talks to me without any Iota of respect, even before his family and friends. Whenever I talk to him about how he treats me, he says I complain too much, he says I nag and all. And just lately, he has been all and about me walking away if I can't take him for who he is. Our son is going on 3, and am supposed to get married to this man after my 'Masters' programe, which am almost through with. Its like the only thing we do is have s*x, he can't even hug me outside or be proud of me whenever we are outside, he once insulted me in d presence of his friends on one of our occasional visits. Yet he claims to love me. I can't even touch his phone, because he made me realise I have no right whatsoever to touch his phone. I feel like am not good enough, I feel like those other ladies he keeps are better than me. I am suppose to get married to this man in six months time but I don't see myself been happy in that marriage. At the same time his mum talked to me that she doesn't wish for me to have my kids born to different fathers. He keeps telling me at every quarrel that if I want to leave I am free to. He doesn't care if I stay or leave I.e he is indifferent about the whole marriage issue. His mum wants us to end up together. Am really confused, my happiness is at stake. Pls advice me. Mutter, Babyosisi, EfemenaXY, ShiningMama, Moca and the rest, please help me. I'm really loosing my sanity.

the truth is that you dnt love urslf. u hv to strt loving urslf pls,hw can u allow a mere mortal to treat you like shitdnt u think u deserve better if u marry dt man u may end up killing urslf wt rat poison since u hate urslf.