Hello, y'all . Am a new girl in the house. I came to nairaland for something else but I was seduced into joining just by reading the interesting(and addictive ) stuff you guys bring up.

I grew up believing in love and I kept myself chaste all through my teen-age years, in the hope of finding a true love at the right time. It wasn't easy, but because I'm also a natural introvert, I did it. I was(and still am) d good girl, and while in school, a lot of girls(acquintances) would always advise me that I was letting my beauty go to waste by not taking what men had to offer. I bore everything and still held on to my virginity, because I reasoned it would be worth it when I meet my man and then he would cherish the gift I have to give. 

I love my boyfriend who I have been going out with for some time, we are in love AND we are compatible, but there are indications our relationship might not work out, though I could still stay and watch and see where it takes us. Now my friends are advising me to pick one of the compatible men asking for my hand( who am not in love with),as it is more realistic and that I would eventually grow to love the one I pick. I would love to get your opinions.






NB- This latest addition is only being added today 6th of Feb, days after the original post. People seem to have alot of questions. Well, I have replied u guys on the 2nd page. Its been so nice seeing this issue from so many different perspectives. Really appreciate evryone.

hi aameya, i'm so tripped you kept yourself. a lot of guys respect and want virgins. love and compatibility are both important. there is no perfect couple, so dont expect perfect congruity. i'll advise u to first look within u and find out what you really want, then have a sincere talk with ur boyfriend, let him know what u want, and find out what he wants (from life, the relationship etc). grade the compatibilit , if above 60% go ahead.
love is ultimate, it keeps u going when its not all rosy, LOVE first (but it is not enough)

Could U specify on what U mean by compatibility? Cos as far as I'm concerned U ve 2 1st of all be compatible b4 U strt falling in love.Goodluck wit ur guys sha.

Truly it is women like you that still give us hope,i will advice you follow your heart,that is where the battle lies there and your heart will never fail you or deceive you,do not mind those other girls they want you to be like them.good for nothing,they are jealous of you.relationship is about communication,talk to him and know what he wants and if its different from what you want then you can always find someone else in your life but do not lose your virginity,stuck to your guns and wait for the right man,.

The thread is abt love and compatibility and NOT virginity

ravenzord:

Could U specify on what U mean by compatibility? Cos as far as I'm concerned U ve 2 1st of all be compatible b4 U strt falling in love.Goodluck wit ur guys sha.

u can share alot with someone without being in love with him.have same hobbies,intrests and see life from same angle without necessarily being in love with the person.
@topic,Personally,i wud go with the one am compatible with,love wud flow along the way laters but then its your choice to make.

Compatibility!!!!!!!!!

Compatibility!!!!!!!!!

you sound so sure

Honestly, d replies so far have been so supportive and encouraging, that I feel touched . Even though the replies are few because the thread is not one of those attention grabbing headlines, the few who actually took the tym to give their own little advice, make me feel lyk I'm still on the right track. All ur advice is appreciated and noted. .

@poster,

Anyone can get close to/nurture feelings for anyone - it's human nature. What's important is if the love is there. You can be "compatible" all you like, but such an attribute can only enhance the love but not replace it. Most people fall into the habit of seeing if they are "compatible" before they discuss love. While I can't say it's the way to go, it seems widely acceptable (as you pointed out in the advice of your friends).

_{and besides, what kind of mindset would make someone something like "your beauty is wasting". you need new friends o! kai}

its a good thing u kept u virginity,please keep it till the very end,ur husband and must especially God will appreciate and bless u 4 it.then back to the issue on ground,love and compatibility.i believe strongly(personal opinion)that u can only be in love with someone you are compatible with.as for you present boyfriend if u are not compatible there is no need continuing with the relationship especially sine you already feel it wont last,just break it up and start a meaningful relationship with someone who you are first compatible with and with whom u will eventually fall in love with.i wish you all the best.

Tegwins:

i believe strongly(personal opinion)that u can only be in love with someone you are compatible with.

@tegwins, i disagree with that statement of yours and i acknowledge the fact that you emphasized it was your personal opinion!

actually, like some of the earlier posters have mentioned, you can be in love with someone you're totally incompatible with.you can be in love with someone who's views and mindset are completely at variance with yours. what it just means is making an intimate relationship work with that type of person will be very challenging.

in the case of the subject poster, i sense this boyfriend of hers is her first real boyfriend and she's holding on to him for sentimental reasons and maybe a fear of starting a fresh relationship with someone new with all the attendant risk.

interesting post if you ask me. for me virginity is not and would never be an issue with me. infact, i dont expect any girl to be a virgin in this new age. For me friendship matters, i have met alot of girls that are virgins and for me, most of the time they are not good in bed, so of what use is that to me?

Always know that, the man may not be a virgin, you must find out what exactly trips him, if a woman brings virginity to me, the first thing that would come to my mind is "i am not ready to teach any woman about sexual issues". I dont have a problem with your keeping yourself, but, it might not trip your boyfy or proposed husband. Different folks for different strokes. For me virginity does not trip me. (No be issue)

Compartibility comes before love, its only when you are compartible that you can build love. Coming to think of it, what area of compartibility are you talking about? No sex yet? Wahala can come where your not compartble sexually o, so if you dont want to have sex before marriage, you have to discuss it extensively and get convinced. You can never know a man's true intention until after he has had you (my opinion though).

Girl,we have many types of compatibility.We have physical compatibility,mental compatibility, etc,which one are talking about.Anyway love is better and more important than any type of compatibility,Bible says that love covereth multitude of sin.Love covereth all things.So Whatever ur heart tells u,do it.It won't mislead u.But baby,guard dat treasure in ur honeypot,don't lose it,no penetration plz.

Erm, err, pls excuse my post 2nite, am a bit tipsy 2nite, aka some shots 2 many lol!

@ Topic; Falling inlove wth someone u not compatible wth seems more like a recipe 4 disaster!

Sefini!

For me, I'd have to go with compatibility (on any and all levels) first then love.

@Aragonic
I don't think anyone can love sin away. I'm also don't think anyone can love evil away, so I'd think that no one can love compatibility into existence. Hearts aren't perfect either, so they could always mislead someone.

@Poster
   Compatibility? Expantiate it!

aameyah:

Hello, y'all . Am a new girl in the house. I came to nairaland for something else but I was seduced into joining just by reading the interesting(and addictive ) stuff you guys bring up.

I grew up believing in love and I kept myself chaste all through my teen-age years, in the hope of finding a true love at the right time. It wasn't easy, but because I'm also a natural introvert, I did it. I was(and still am) d good girl, and while in school, a lot of girls(acquintances) would always advise me that I was letting my beauty go to waste by not taking what men had to offer. I bore everything and still held on to my virginity, because I reasoned it would be worth it when I meet my man and then he would cherish the gift I have to give.

I love my boyfriend who I have been going out with for some time, we are in love AND we are compatible, but there are indications our relationship might not work out, though I could still stay and watch and see where it takes us. Now my friends are advising me to pick one of the compatible men asking for my hand( who am not in love with),as it is more realistic and that I would eventually grow to love the one I pick. I would love to get your opinions.

You see?

Forget all you heard, or what you [size=5pt][think you] [/size]know . , ,.

Love comes 1st, If its Strong Enough It'll overcome anything else

4real

There's nothin wrong in teaching,virginity is an honour.compatibility without respect and appreciation equals 2 nothin.if love doesn't stand d test of time,then it's not true love.

Love versus compatibility? Hmm'n, let me see . . . . LOVE!!! Sista, when its cold n hard, and the worse comes to worst, itz the love what counts, not how well u get along. Marry someone for compatibility, you'll always wonder what u are missing. And trust me, u will be missing something . . . .

I love my boyfriend who I have been going out with for some time, we are in love AND we are compatible, but there are indications our relationship might not work out, though I could still stay and watch and see where it takes us. Now my friends are advising me to pick one of the compatible men asking for my hand( who am not in love with),as it is more realistic and that I would eventually grow to love the one I pick. I would love to get your opinions.

Well I dont get it, u are compartible and u love him yet you forsee the relationship not working out,

na wah o, is it that he does not love you or what, anyhow sha, I will choose Compartibility since love has a lot to do with understanding each other.

Me thinks both r important
buf if i had to choose i will go with love

if u truly love someone u must learn to live that person,there comes in compatibility

i love my husband or wife,i must learn to live wt that persons likes and dislikes

love is a root wt so many branches,and compatibility is one of them branches

amebo no.1:

if u truly love someone u must learn to live that person,there comes in compatibility

i love my husband or wife,i must learn to live wt that persons likes and dislikes

love is a root wt so many branches,and compatibility is one of them branches

Gbam
_{How u dey ojare}

Love is not a feeling but action.
love is not what you gain from someone
But love is what you give


If you feel love
Then you are not in love

Love is a law of God
Love is something you must give people
Even when they do not deserve it


http://.com

I don't think anyone here is saying that love is not important as well, we're only saying that we'd prefer for there to be a foundation for us to build that love upon (at least, that's what I'm saying. . .). Maybe we're not on the same page here. The problem maybe what is meant by "compatibility" and "love".

For me, when I first see/hear the word "love", I automatically equate it to "affection" because that's how people seem to toss the word around these days. I'm also going to assume that we're all on the same page with "compatibility", because compatibility is more or less, "agreeability", and I believe everyone understands that.

So that's why I'd prefer compatibility before love.

@Post
Is there even anything like love? Fall in love today, Fall out of love 2moro.They say love is blind, but thats just a very big lie. Love is not blind, but what is actually blind is passion.As long as you are passionate about something u wld fail to see anything bad in that thing. Is just like passionate football fans, Thier teams are always the best. Love's "eyes" are very wide open looking 4 whom it can spend a lifetime with, but how can u spend a lifetime with someone u are not compatible with?What is d cause of most celebrities divorce (especially in the US)? at first they wld be blinded by passion in d name of love,along d line they wld find out that thier lifestyles just dont match,you would see them filing 4 divorce.My dear my advice to u is just look 4 someone u feel u can spend a lifetime with,u wld soon find urself lovin him.Its a thing of d mind.U cant cope with someone is that u cant cope with d person,its just as plain as that and there is nothing love can do about dat.Shine ur eyes!!

Could U specify on what U mean by compatibility? Cos as far as I'm concerned U ve 2 1st of all be compatible b4 U strt falling in love.Goodluck wit ur guys sha, but you sound so sure.

ChinenyeN & zaragoza

Thank you for your depth on this issue.

People who say you cannot love someone you are not compatible with are also soooooooooo right.

It simply means many of these things we call love is far from love.

How long can someone carry the burden of living with someone whose values are completely different from yours?

All the giz giz you felt when you met the person will fly away in a matter of years when he/she starts to irritate you with his/her way of life and decisions.

It is even tougher for a woman, who is expected to subject her will to the husband, so you end up subjecting yourself to a kind of life you never wanted to live.

What I would tell the poster to do is to check the areas where there is incompatibility in her relationship, how important is that aspect of life to you? if it is very important, I beg move forward.


About the virginity stuff, It is true that many guys would want a virgin but do not have what it takes to be with one, because many moral issues have been directed to the female gender for years, men have been allowed to roam and many have developed sexual appetite and taste that a virgin may not be able to handle, some have even become perverts, so it becomes a problem after marrigae, a virgin will naturally need sometime to flow sexually, so this guys may end up having extramarital affairs if he is the type that lacks discipline and has never learnt to put his body under control.

My advice to girls who have kept themselves is that they should also look out for guys who have exercised control and are disciplined. Let the two of you discover all that you need to discover together!

ummmm definitely be compatibility cuz love will eventually fizzle out after awhile u really can’t bank on love . . .it goes the way it comes and the real thing surfaces

Love surpasses all things !!!!!!!!

Love is always not enough!!!

Compatibility is very important.

Looking at the dictionary definition of compatibility which is a humorous or agreeable combination, i think without love two people from different background can not agree. so for them to be compatible they must agree with/(love)one another so i think love is more important.