Burden of a frustrated single mum
‘I need someone to adopt my son’
By TESSY IGOMU
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
•Lilian and Jerry
Photo: THE SUN PUBLISHING

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What mother would carry a pregnancy for nine months, go through the harrowing experience of childbirth in the labour room, nurture and breastfeed the innocent little son for many months only to want to give him up for adoption in his infancy?
Well, tough as this question might be, it is actually the plight of a beautiful young woman who once graced the popular page three of the Daily Sun in 2004. It is one hard decision that has almost battered her emotion, but one she strongly believes would secure the future for her three-year old son.

“I don’t want him to end up in the street. I grew up in the ghetto and I know what life is like out there. I am confused”, she mouthed in tears.

When Lilian, a native of Umunede, Delta State, walked into the premises of The Sun Publishing Limited clutching the tiny hands of her son, Jeremiah, she walked with a droop. Though well dressed, her eyes were glazed and sunken. Looking into them was like walking into a void. They seemed utterly clueless.
“I am confused. I want to give up my son”, were the words that escaped her quivering mouth several times. Fidgeting with her unsteady hands, she tried hard to control the emotion that was struggling to break loose in her.

“I am sure it is not the right thing to do at this point, but I am frustrated. I have been pushed to the wall. I know he would cry his heart out if that eventually happens”. These words unarguably were emptied from the depth of her heart as her eyes melted in tears. After the sobbing had wracked her body and subsided, she just sat motionless and stared into space.

Getting her to speak after she regained her composure was like squeezing water out of stone. When she finally did, it was with an emotion laden voice that she told her story of a love gone sour. A tale of trust and betrayal which brought her to the crossroads she has since found herself. Casting her mind back to her youth service year when she met the father of her son, she broke down again and sobbed uncontrollably.

“Sometimes I wish women could actually tell the container apart from the content. Men are wicked, I must confess. Which father would deliberately abandon a child he sired? This is his first child, the first born from his groin. This child is made to suffer deprivation due to the fault of his father”, she muttered amid tears.

According to the distraught lady who is heartbroken over her inability to fulfil her motherly obligations, living without a job for eight months brought about her resolve.
“I was pushed to the wall after losing my last teaching job at Children International School in Lekki. That was actually my second working experience after graduation. I was forced to work for the first time when my baby was six months old. For the past eight months, I have been without a job. I have attended many job interviews without success. I can’t even get a menial job to support myself. I braved all odds to publicise my problem. I want Nigerians to feel my pain and come to my aid. Somebody should please come and take my son and give him a secured future.”

Flashing back to her national youth service year in Ekiti State after her graduation from the University of Ibadan, she cursed the day she met her son’s father whose first name she gave as Valentine (surname withheld).

Her words: “I served in Ekiti State with Valentine. I blame him for my woes. He mortgaged my future for his wild oats. Look at me, the first in a family of seven living from hand to mouth. It is quite painful. I came to the media to assuage my family of the distressing pain I caused them. I curse Valentine for putting me and my son through trauma.

He stopped seeing me when he learnt about the pregnancy. I survived by begging for alms on the streets of Lagos. I begged till I put to bed. He was not there when the baby was born and christened. I was forced to look for him when the baby was four months old. He is what I would describe as living dead. He is dead to us.”

Lilian disclosed that she had to withdraw little Jerry from school because she could no longer afford his school fees.

Looking at the youngster who was running around in a carefree manner, she said, “He is a very intelligent child and has the ability to read moods at his age. I had to withdraw him from school because I could not afford his school fees. Can you imagine a child using only two textbook out of nine for two terms? Well meaning Nigerians should please come to my aid in terms of employment or finance. I don’t mind working anywhere.”

Though she confessed that her heart would break at the sight of another woman walking away with Jeremiah, she believes it is the best decision for the boy.

“Though I have been advised against giving up my child for adoption, I just want to do it to secure his future. Giving him out would not have been an option if I have a job. I would painfully give him to any responsible couple looking for a child. I would not mind doing this to help fulfil his destiny to be great in life. It is painful when you have the sinking feeling that your son might starve to death one day because you don’t know where the next meal would come from? Have you imagined your son running around in rags because you can’t even afford second hand clothes for him? I am not scared of losing him forever because I would make sure I either work with such family or live close to them. I don’t want the emotional link between us to be completely severed.”

Speaking of her many dreams which she said suffered setbacks because of her situation, she stressed that if given an opportunity, she would live to work with handicapped children.
In her words: “I am in love with children with special needs. It is a ministry God has called me into. I get fulfilled being around children generally. It breaks my heart when they don’t get the attention they deserve. I am also interested in working with any NGO that believes in giving hope to children from less privileged background. I have written proposals on how to enhance the lives of children living in ghettoes across the country. But there is no money to pursue them”.

Lilian took time to reflect on the challenges faced by single mothers in the society, noting that they are stigmatized and disrespected even by their family members.
“I am a strong woman. That is why I have been able to survive all the dangers that came with raising a child alone. It is a painful experience that I don’t wish for any lady out there. I have learnt to shun prejudice to survive”.

Just like most women that have been hurt, taking another plunge at love or relationship is far from Lilian’s itinerary at the moment, though she is not ruling out marriage. She believes that the lucky man must be able to woo and win her heart. “Such a man must be for marriage not relationship. In order to bring honour to my already shattered image, the lucky man should be ready to follow tradition and seek the consent of my parents. At this stage, I am only interested in living right for myself and my son. I thought love found me when I met Jerry’s father. I was blinded by love and gave so much to nurture it. I became the victim of a man’s deceit. That is one torturous road I am not willing to travel again.”

She however, handed out a stern warning for any lady that might fall for the charm of her estranged lover. The warning, she said, isn’t borne out of jealousy, but out of the need to protect the heart of any woman that might be on the verge of being deceived.

“If any woman comes in contact with Valentine, she should be careful. He is not worth the effort. He is not worth being called a good father because he neglected his son. He is a negative influence on any woman out there”.


http://www.sunnewsonline.com/webpages/features/citysun/2009/feb/04/citysun-02-04-2009-001.htm



What can you say about this?

This is very sad story. This is for women who just follow a man without being friends etc b4. How can the woman be reached because I did like to help

I hope she make it throught by Gods grace.~~That is why EDUCATION and a GOOD JOB is a must have before bringing kids into this world.

@Hotstepper,

She can be contacted through Sun Newspapers. Thanks for the anticipated assistance.

SeanT21:

I hope she make it throught by Gods grace.~~That is why EDUCATION and a GOOD JOB is a must have before bringing kids into this world.

The article said shes a graduate
sad story.i pray the right ppl reads her story and helps.she might just be lucky and get a job.i wish her well.

Very sad!

I had to wipe-off my tears several times before i was able to type. This story really got my emotions. It takes a woman who had gone through the nine months process to understand the depth of this lady's agony. Just look at the innocent handsome boy, clinging onto the mother, not knowing he's about to be "sold" out like a sheep. May God have mercy.

She actually took a bold step by going public, instead of dying in silence or doing something drastic. I'm sure she'll get some assistance, probably a good job to sustain both the baby and herself. The baby shouldn't be given up, she's a good mother, and God will surely see her through.

Since she is a gruaduate, i advise she meet Cecilia Ibru, Femi Otedola and others, they might help her for a job. Let her not give that child out for adoption.

Giving a child up for adoption is not the equivalent of selling the child. Stop with the misinformation. there are many adopted or foster kids who have turned out to be productive citizens. This is a warning to people that engage in unprotected sex all in the name of love.

bawomolo:

Giving a child up for adoption is not the equivalent of selling the child. Stop with the misinformation. there are many adopted or foster kids who have turned out to be productive citizens. This is a warning to people that engage in unprotected sex all in the name of love.

I assume you don't know the significance of " " , otherwise you wouldn't have made those statements. Moreover, nobody says adopted kids aren't useful in life. The issue here is the agony of separation, both the mother and child will pass through. I think you really need to get the message right.

Wow, the story is so provoking and emotional!

i was actually trying to wipe back tears while reading the story!
It is so touching.

one reason why i always say no sex till you are married.


i put it down for who ever want to date with me, i don't do the sex thingy so get your act together!

i hope she is able to find open adoption in this case.

pathetic