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Judge This Case - Family (8) - Nairaland

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Re: Judge This Case by MRBrownJ: 8:33pm On May 06, 2015
ireneidiva:

Be careful with your 'ate' please.

sorry English is not my 1st language.

1 Like

Re: Judge This Case by ayokellany: 8:37pm On May 06, 2015
softysparky:

And the mother pretended that all was well yet went behind to oppose their marriage.

Don't worry she will soon get one "eye service" lady that would finish her food and kill her son for her.

Why can't some of you just learn. Must you live your life being a rebel to the norms or tradition of your society or that of those around you ?
Re: Judge This Case by eminent007(m): 8:38pm On May 06, 2015
Guy(johnydon22), without mincing words, I lap up your signature like a thirsty tired dog would lap up a bowl of milk.
Re: Judge This Case by olayinkaj2(m): 8:39pm On May 06, 2015
Hmmmm! Interesting.
Re: Judge This Case by Julinze: 8:44pm On May 06, 2015
Was it only food? Didn't she take water there or was she fasting. The mother in law wil be a troublesome persos n a fault finder,u knw ladies of nowadays Neva get sense reach dat side and no one is perfect ppl learn everyday.

1 Like

Re: Judge This Case by johnydon22(m): 8:45pm On May 06, 2015
eminent007:
Guy(johnydon22), without mincing words, I lap up your signature like a thirsty tired dog would lap up a bowl of milk.

Lol... thanks bro.
Re: Judge This Case by chigoizie7(m): 8:48pm On May 06, 2015
afilaka:



Abegi,so she shuld force herself 2 eat just 2 create gud impression,d first time my boyfriend came 2 ma house,ma mum prepared amala,ma bf's worst food,wen dey wanted 2 serve him,he immediately turned it down,ma mum herself went 2d kitchen n prepared poundo yam 4 him.she didn't take it personal because she didn't see anytin wrong in u sayin u don't want sumtyn.eeven we ar children ar nt forced 2 eat a food we don't like.


@least ur bf ate smthing from ur mother, she does not eat amala but she eats pounded yam,

This very gal refused taking anything.
Re: Judge This Case by Strongfaze(m): 8:48pm On May 06, 2015
The girl has committed a faux pas. It is un-African for a visitor not to be offered food and worse too if you reject the refreshment offered. Let's look at it this way, imagine if they had arrived and the mum offered her nothing! She would have come to Nairaland and asked if that was a sign of a potential mother- inlaw. Ladies and forming cannot be divorced. A house with a dining table clearly shows the hygiene is also of high standards. Perhaps the lady should have jokingly said; mummy, make I help you carry the food wey me and your caring son go eat. # let the guy go back to his mum and plead for her consent, I believe she will definitely forgive the lady#
Re: Judge This Case by andyanders: 8:49pm On May 06, 2015
EricRichie:
This is the most reasonable post I have read today...

The guy's mother is right..

1) the lady should have joined his mother in the kitchen and should have aided her in the preparing of the food..

2) the lady failed the so called "mother in-laws" test.. Refusing to eat the food from your potential mother inlaw is considered highly disrespectful and condemnable..

The girl is a wolf in sheep's clothing, and the mother has clearly seen that she isn't the right person for her son..




EricRichie..

Well said. At this point, it will be very difficult to get her change her mind.The lady did wrong by not accepting to eat innocently,not knowing the implication of her action. The guy too should have used style to to tell the girl to eat with him.

Too bad for this act.No mother would accept the lady's action.
Re: Judge This Case by Nobody: 8:52pm On May 06, 2015
ayokellany:


Why can't some of you just learn. Must you live your life being a rebel to the norms or tradition of your society or that of those around you ?
Biko face front, I am entitled to my opinion.

1 Like

Re: Judge This Case by Nobody: 8:53pm On May 06, 2015
Blackett:
My mother can go sit down on a nice chair in this situation.

No way am I choosing her over the woman I love and want to marry.

Mothers can be very selfish and too unreasonable sometimes. Does she know how long I searched before I found the one? Why didn't she believe when I, her son, told her that we ate before coming? If she thinks she can ruin my plans because she gave birth to me, and because of some inconsequential nonsense about food, she should think again.

You have said it all, this is the most sensible and realistic post av read on this thread. Nice one
Re: Judge This Case by shumuel(m): 9:00pm On May 06, 2015
Hmmm very sensitive one.

I blame the 3 of them.

The man first:
knowing the kind of mother you have, i expected him to have explained her to his Gf and why should he eat alone when his wife to be is not, i sense love is missing in that relationship, i trust my ex, i wont enjoy that meal alone, na she go chop all the meat finish.

The Lady second:
This is the reason why divorce rate is high these days, why ? Why ? Why would you refuse your mother-in-law's cooking and to make matters worse, she prepared pounded yam for crying out loud, an old woman went out of her way to please you and you refused it, dam i would be the one to leave her not my mom needed telling me. Now i ask if it was her who prepared such a stressful meal and her mother-in-law refused it, would she be happy ? At least she should had eaten Meat or something.

Now Mother-in-law:
it is not right to judge your son's future wife based with your daughter-in-law accepting or refusing your cookings, i know she might had felt bad feeling she refused it based on the locality that would had ride along with the preparation of the Meal, na village na, and i also expected her to ask with indepth details why she refused the meal before jumping into conclusions.

If it was me it wont even had happened, i would had forced her to eat or would had even asked her before my mom went on to dishing the food.

1 Like

Re: Judge This Case by Nobody: 9:03pm On May 06, 2015
The girl better leave this guy. Don't marry someone whose mother doesn't want you. My 50 cent
Re: Judge This Case by fairygeh(f): 9:07pm On May 06, 2015
EricRichie:



I can see you're not sensible at all.. . How can she waste the food my mum cooked if she isn't stupi.d?

Please you don't have a point. ..

Supposedly you cooked something specially for me, how would you feel if I refuse to eat it and I waste it? Talk more of your mother in law to be. ...






EricRichie
And u are very sensible right?. I refuse to pick on an e-fight tonight, in a very good mood,thank your stars.
Re: Judge This Case by pak: 9:08pm On May 06, 2015
freecocoa:
That can never be reason enough to call off the relationship.

Granted,it would have been cooler if the lady ate but you don't force people to eat, what if she doesn't like nor even eat what was served? She was full for feck's sakes, I don't know any law that says you must eat a prospective MIL's food to be accepted.

Chai, freecocoa..... I totally disagree with you. Considering the responses of females on this thread, I now begin to understand why they always have problems with one another. If the story is true. That girl was stupid and inconsiderate or worse.
Freecocoa, imagine you were transferred out of Nigeria, Ghana, Gambia or wherever and you had to trabel back to Nigeria for the first time in a year and just spend a day and travel back. And you get to your mumsy's place. You tell her you ate before coming, you don't join her in the kitchen when cooking and you refuse to take her food even till the next day and you leave without touching anything and you were not sick...haba.
Now imagine when that's a first impression.
Every thing happens within a context, everybody knows how important and sensitive a ladies relationship with her MIL is (unless she's not african, off which I give a pass) . A responsible, thinking lady (or man) knows that first visits to in-laws unless accidental is not just a social encounter but some sort of assessment
Re: Judge This Case by Venom104: 9:08pm On May 06, 2015
chigoizie7:
There is this very girl that I once dated,this girl went and became friends with all my male friends. I really suffered oooh, because no matter wetin this very gal do,my friends will always support her, @times I will want to toast another gal those guys will refuse and will always remind me that I have a gf already,they always had her back. If she does something bad and I refuses to accept apology,she will just pick her phone and call all the guys and tell them what really happened and then she will beg them to plead on her behalf, nd it works like magic. This is a gal that will go to the bar and buy beer for me and my friends with her money,whenever she wants to visit she will like to get smthing that will go round, fruits,fries and soo many things. My friends liked her for that. Funny enuf, that was my longest relationship ever since I started dating.



So my dear, u aint just getting married to ur guy,but also to the family. If not, prepare to live in hell on earth.

#ny2cents
#quotemeright

Let me guess.. She left you for one of them in the end angry

2 Likes

Re: Judge This Case by godunia(m): 9:16pm On May 06, 2015
3 hours trip is not 3 min or seconds, even if she ate plenty fufu,after 3 hours journey, there would be space for another food.that girl wasn't innocent as d op put it she deliberately refused to eat the woman's food maybe under d directives of some kind of spiritual men of God.a woman can fool a man but not a fellow woman.

1 Like

Re: Judge This Case by pak: 9:17pm On May 06, 2015
Amhappy:
wisdom is really profitable. The girl don fall hand. I dont eat foofoo even the one i cook in my own house but any time i travel to villa with hubby and mama cooked one,i make sure i take one lump then lick soup. Wahala do go be that

I wish women like you (who are probably older and more matured) should keep advising younger ones cos we seem to have a generation of people who are being raised by DSTV and African magic

1 Like

Re: Judge This Case by paulo220(m): 9:23pm On May 06, 2015
softysparky:
What kind of yeye test is this one naa, dats how people end up eating stuffs they are allergic to simply because they don't want to offend mama.

Thank God my mum is not petty, if you don't want food she will just offer you drink or give you something to take home.
how will d lady feel if d mother in-law exhibit such character if she visited them,d girl shld have pretend eat small.
Re: Judge This Case by limamintruth: 9:26pm On May 06, 2015
#My opinion#
Dat was really childish of your friend's mom @op. Cos i really wonder y she is making a big deal out of a trivial issue as this. sad
Except if there are other logical or better reasons for your friend's mom resentment towards the girl, i'd advise your friend to ignore his mom's demand & try his possible best to reconcile them both (e.g by having a heart-to-heart discussion wit his mom; where he'l politely state his reasons for chosing to settle down with dat particular girl, as well as intimate his mom about the girl's positive attributes & rare qualities. I believe she'l later come around. cool
Re: Judge This Case by freecocoa(f): 9:27pm On May 06, 2015
pak:


Chai, freecocoa..... I totally disagree with you. Considering the responses of females on this thread, I now begin to understand why they always have problems with one another. If the story is true. That girl was stupid and inconsiderate or worse.
Freecocoa, imagine you were transferred out of Nigeria, Ghana, Gambia or wherever and you had to trabel back to Nigeria for the first time in a year and just spend a day and travel back. And you get to your mumsy's place. You tell her you ate before coming, you don't join her in the kitchen when cooking and you refuse to take her food even till the next day and you leave without touching anything and you were not sick...haba.
Now imagine when that's a first impression.
Every thing happens within a context, everybody knows how important and sensitive a ladies relationship with her MIL is (unless she's not african, off which I give a pass) . A responsible, thinking lady (or man) knows that first visits to in-laws unless accidental is not just a social encounter but some sort of assessment
You know, this talk about being Africans in Africa is responsible for many things being done wrongly.

I don't understand how you expect a guest to start doing chores in a place she knows next to nothing about.

I have nothing against eating in a prospective MIL's place but then, the lady was full, what if they were too hungry to wait till they got there? Just where is the crime in that? There are certain foods I don't eat, are you saying, if my prospective MIL serves me such, I should eat it? Because it's her?

I tell you honestly, my mum will have no issues with me not eating nor touching anything, she would even ask me to rest more sef, not everything should be an issue, who did the chores before the girl got there? If she was to stay there permanently, it would be understandable, she was a guest for crying out loud.

P.S, it's okay to disagree with me, we can always disagree to agree, we all can't have the same opinions on all topics.wink
Re: Judge This Case by mekaboy(m): 9:32pm On May 06, 2015
freecocoa:
You know, this talk about being Africans in Africa is responsible for many things being done wrongly.

I don't understand how you expect a guest to start doing chores in a place she knows next to nothing about.

I have nothing against eating in a prospective MIL's place but then, the lady was full, what if they were too hungry to wait till they got there? Just where is the crime in that? There are certain foods I don't eat, are you saying, if my prospective MIL serves me such, I should eat it? Because it's her?

I tell you honestly, my mum will have no issues with me not eating nor touching anything, she would even ask me to rest more sef, not everything should be an issue, who did the chores before the girl got there? If she was to stay there permanently, it would be understandable, she was a guest for crying out loud.

P.S, it's okay to disagree with me, we can always disagree to agree, we all can't have the same opinions on all topics.wink

Your one of those who will marry their mum.
Re: Judge This Case by freecocoa(f): 9:35pm On May 06, 2015
mekaboy:


Your one of those who will marry their mum.
Buzz off.
Re: Judge This Case by chigoizie7(m): 9:43pm On May 06, 2015
Venom104:

Let me guess.. She left you for one of them in the end angry

Lolz, the reverse was the case.(Silly me) We still get on fine.


#iwasnotfaithful
Re: Judge This Case by mekaboy(m): 9:43pm On May 06, 2015
freecocoa:
Buzz off.
truth is bitter, but u will see it happening soon.
Re: Judge This Case by Nobody: 10:05pm On May 06, 2015
Venom104:
Let me guess.. She left you for one of them in the end angry
Re: Judge This Case by paulo220(m): 10:10pm On May 06, 2015
osile2012:
A young man has been dating this lady for about 2 years,They both have jobs, and get along well. The guy decides to take the relationship to the next level(Marriage). He calls his mother and tells her he will come to show her his wife to be. They traveled about 3 hrs to get there.

They got to the mans family house, she greeted the mans mother very well and everyone was happy. As the conversation went on, the mother inlaw went to the kitchen, came out and asked the girl where will she eat? in the parlour of dinning table? The young girl innocently said, "No ma, dont bother i am not hungry" . She said ok and brought pounded yam and soup for the man and he ate .

Conversation went on normally and they slept and traveled the next day.When he got back to base, called the mother and told her he had arrived. The mother said thank GOD, but what she wants to tell him is that, it is over her dead body that he will marry that girl that refused her food. He said all attempts to explain that they ate before getting there fell on deaf ears.

She said he has to choose between her and that girl.

I discussed this with some mothers, and they all said they would have done the same. No who is right and who is wrong ? Whose side are you on? the Lady or the mans mother.?

If you were the guy, what would you do? Marry her without your mothers blessing or find someone else ?
Re: Judge This Case by paulo220(m): 10:12pm On May 06, 2015
osile2012:
A young man has been dating this lady for about 2 years,They both have jobs, and get along well. The guy decides to take the relationship to the next level(Marriage). He calls his mother and tells her he will come to show her his wife to be. They traveled about 3 hrs to get there.

They got to the mans family house, she greeted the mans mother very well and everyone was happy. As the conversation went on, the mother inlaw went to the kitchen, came out and asked the girl where will she eat? in the parlour of dinning table? The young girl innocently said, "No ma, dont bother i am not hungry" . She said ok and brought pounded yam and soup for the man and he ate .

Conversation went on normally and they slept and traveled the next day.When he got back to base, called the mother and told her he had arrived. The mother said thank GOD, but what she wants to tell him is that, it is over her dead body that he will marry that girl that refused her food. He said all attempts to explain that they ate before getting there fell on deaf ears.

She said he has to choose between her and that girl.

I discussed this with some mothers, and they all said they would have done the same. No who is right and who is wrong ? Whose side are you on? the Lady or the mans mother.?

If you were the guy, what would you do? Marry her without your mothers blessing or find someone else ?
no time of coming in and going out, should be indicate
Re: Judge This Case by LogoDWhiz(m): 10:18pm On May 06, 2015
BCharlie:

wonderful response
wonderful response
wonderful response
Thanks!
Re: Judge This Case by pak: 10:19pm On May 06, 2015
@ freecocoa

You know, this talk about being Africans in Africa is responsible for many things being done wrongly.

We all think in a context - even the bible talks about behaving like Romans in Rome. Unless what you're being told to do is outright wrong.
I do business in the north and at meal times, some have this attitude of calling all the adult males in the house (even drivers) to come out and eat together (not in the same plate o..... I don't really like it but then I ALWAYS ensure I eat with them, it's a privilege in the first instance for a client to invite you into his house.


I tell you honestly, my mum will have no issues with me not eating nor touching anything, she would even ask me to rest more sef, not everything should be an issue, who did the chores before the girl got there? If she was to stay there permanently, it would be understandable, she was a guest for crying out loud.

I can assure you that every woman (at least african) would have issues with you staying over and not eating. Scratch the helping in the kitchen part, if you are really tired and they have a help in the house, they can definitely give you a pass.
Women are generally very sensitive, so it baffles me when they act insensitively to others.
Let me give you another scenario - what if it was your husband, he's been on a trip for months, he comes back home and has to leave the next day. On the day he comes, he refuses to eat claiming he has already ate, then the next day he still refuses to eat before leaving for another 6 months - I mean, you'll be right to feel slighted

She didn't commit a crime, she just showed she might lack the etiquette to be a good wife for her son.
And if she probably suspects the MIL of am ulterior motive, why then does she want to marry her son?
Re: Judge This Case by smajatt(m): 10:21pm On May 06, 2015
all these our girls this days sef... you go your mother in law house,she offer you food and you com talk say you no eat cos say your belle full SMH...

As a confirm yoruba guy oo and i value my culture to the letter, thats an insult and a slap to my face if my wife to be does that like an adage in yoruba says 'OMO YEN O MO JU' she no sabi read situation... Wonder why our great great grand fathers have very peaceful homes and why they don't have so many divorce marriages and broken homes like this present generation, its simple, it all boils down to culture... Sorry op that your babe is not Cultured... Truth is bitter but it has to be said.

We want to adopt the lifestyle of the western world, no wonder we are so backward in this part of the world 3 in every 5 American marriages breakup within 3 months... I will always respect China.... They value their culture alot...

1 Like

Re: Judge This Case by AZeD1(m): 10:25pm On May 06, 2015
EricRichie:


Loool bro she isn't a guest goddammit...

Meeting your parents is just like an interview for her...

Painting a very beautiful image for herself with your mother is her job...

Even if she can't help your mum in cooking for crying out loud, taking a little bite out of the food won't send her to jail na...

Just be realistic and you would see things my way...




EricRichie
Dude stop saying rubbish. Anyone who thinks it's disrespectful to reject food should have his examined.

Oh by the way I know a lady who from the first day she met her mother in law ate the food, and even washed the plate but I was there when she called the mother in an idiot after marriage.


Is the lady respectful?

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