Dear Nairalander, this is a personal issue I need you peoples help. It is not happening to my friend or someone else but me.

I need views from everyone, especially married families.
I earn, as an average income of almost 500k per month, even when I was earning 300k plus I've been fighting this issue. My wife demands for 100k monthly to manage a home of four people, myself, she and 2 kids less than 8yrs hold.

I'm the one working she is not. Telling her to find a way to stop spends on fuel for generator but each time I raise this there will be terrible fight.

I have an opinion that we need to reduce our spends on grocery items so that we can build up enough savings for better things. She talks about savings but she finds it difficult to deny herself some pleasure.

I want to take some decisions but I think I need to seek popular opinions if I'm wrong and I'm not seeing reasons with her or my perception is wrong about what to be spent to keep the home monthly.

I need some monthly home expenditure break down, with this size of family, to help me make the right judgement because the marriage is looking to me like a fundamental mistake exists somewhere.

Please nairalanders I need your opinion, from especially mothers who are in marriage and understand what I'm talking about, because I'm the one paying all the bills. I also pay for all the TV dishes in my her for her to watch telemundo with generator.

Please what do I do. Thank you.

Pls moderators, I'll be glad if this hits the front page I need candid opinions before I run into irreparable mistakes. Thanks.

Thinking..........

dollarlander:
Dear Nairalander, this is a personal issue I need you peoples help. It is not happening to my friend or someone else but me.

I need views from everyone, especially married families.
I earn, as an average income of almost 500k per month, even when I was earning 300k plus I've been fighting this issue. My wife demands for 100k monthly to manage a home of four people, myself, she and 2 kids less than 8yrs hold.

I'm the one working she is not. Telling her to find a way to stop spends on fuel for generator but each time I raise this there will be terrible fight.

I have an opinion that we need to reduce our spends on grocery items so that we can build up enough savings for better things. She talks about savings but she finds it difficult to deny herself some pleasure.

I want to take some decisions but I think I need to seek popular opinions if I'm wrong and I'm not seeing reasons with her or my perception is wrong about what to be spent to keep the home monthly.

I need some monthly home expenditure break down, with this size of family, to help me make the right judgement because the marriage is looking to me like a fundamental mistake exists somewhere.

Please nairalanders I need your opinion, from especially mothers who are in marriage and understand what I'm talking about, because I'm the one paying all the bills. I also pay for all the TV dishes in my her for her to watch telemundo with generator.

Please what do I do. Thank you.

Pls moderators, I'll be glad if this hits the front page I need candid opinions before I run into irreparable mistakes. Thanks.

Bro I don't think she's being a smart wife. If I'm earning 500K monthly and my wife is not working, she can have 20K for her personal upkeep, 30K for foodstuff and groceries and 10K for other 'out of the book' stuffs. That's a total of 60K per month and this is only because I want her and them to have a good comfortable life.

If you were earning 100K won't she have married u and managed with like 30K monthly?

Some women just don't think far. Bro you are the man, take charge and plan for yourself and your future.

100k might not be even sufficient with serious consideration to where you people live,you might need to answer few? Sir, what was her family. Financial status before you got wedded,where do you stay,what was your wife's taste before you married her,check out the food you people eat at home, I hope you know the higher the earning. The higher your taste? ,did you all come from over comfortable family?

CHM11:

Bro I don't think she's being a smart wife. If I'm earning 500K monthly and my wife is not working, she can have 20K for her personal upkeep, 30K for foodstuff and groceries and 10K for other 'out of the book' stuffs. That's a total of 60K per month and this is only because I want her and them to have a good comfortable life.

If you were earning 100K won't she have married u and managed with like 30K monthly?

Some women just don't think far. Bro you are the man, take charge and plan for yourself and your future.

You are right, but You don't expect a man that earns 100k par month and a man that earns 500k par month to have thesame problem; perhaps, his wife maybe able to manage 20k par month if his husband earns 100k monthly.

CHM11:

Bro I don't think she's being a smart wife. If I'm earning 500K monthly and my wife is not working, she can have 20K for her personal upkeep, 30K for foodstuff and groceries and 10K for other 'out of the book' stuffs. That's a total of 60K per month and this is only because I want her and them to have a good comfortable life.

If you were earning 100K won't she have married u and managed with like 30K monthly?

Some women just don't think far. Bro you are the man, take charge and plan for yourself and your future.

For food stuffs and groceries, 30k is small, maybe 50 except he doesn't stay at home.
op, you need to seat her down, tell her your plans and make her see reasons with you.
But if she's the extravagant type, that would be difficult though.
I wish you Good luck

Clears throat...we the elder have heard ur complains,we will look into it.
Lets meet in the next eke market day

.

Like you said, its personal issue, what you and your wife spend should not be a factor of what others spend. I believe your wife knows how much you earn, hence her demands. The fact still remains that expense will increase with increased income. She can use 100k or less but i think its not bad if you give her 100k(20%) out of 500k monthly because her personal expense and savings is from there, yes that is also what she refers to when she talks about savings abi you give her seperate money for hair, clothes etc. Op, you have not really convinced me your wife is a spend thrift but you have given me a concern to warn you to watch it. You are gradually building resentments for your wife steming basically from her not working so that you are angry when you see her watching tv, buying fuel etc with "your money" to the point of asking if you didnt mistake marrying her. Btw why is she not working? did you open a business for her that she refused? Even if she is a spend thrift, she has other good qualities for which you married her. You look like your background influenced your choice with finance, possibly same with hers, in that case you should complement each other, you can make good savings from the 400k (80%), encourage her to work, focus on her good side too or you want her to only see you as stingy, you have bad sides too.

opeaceo:

For food stuffs and groceries, 30k is small, maybe 50 except he doesn't stay at home.
op, you need to seat her down, tell her your plans and make her see reasons with you.
But if she's the extravagant type, that would be difficult though.
I wish you Good luck

N30,000 for one month is not small for foodstuff. Especially for a young family. Its just 4 weeks, what is she eating that she will spend 30K on only foodstuff in a month. Abeg let's be realistic, half bag of rice is about 5K which definitely they can't finish in 2 months.

This woman is just being wasteful or she has other plans of having her own personal savings without working!!!!

Let me sit and watch...



*notmarriedyet*stillalearner*

@OP:

Why is your wife not working?

veave:
Let me sit and watch...



*notmarriedyet*stillalearner*

don't sit and watch empress contribute dearii
op should just do a sit down take with your wife if she see reasons with you she is really a good woman and wife if not rescheduled an action plan thought it a lieing scheme just tell her you have been prematurely retired and looking for a new job see her reactions
and tell her you have secured another job of 100k and see how she cope with your 40k a month,
but op didn't tell us how comfortable she was before they married
well to do babes feeling that they must enjoy marriage as their father house since the days of Methuselah
babes you mist adjust to the realities of your husband and the economy
my 2cent wish op good luck but not like jona and Patience but not like PEJ

Why don't you communicate well with her? Lay out monthly expenses and the two of you will go through it. If you are in Naija, 50k for a family is four is ok if not enough. I will use myself as an example.

I was not working and only my hubby works and it was just myself, him and our son of less than 2 yrs old but 50k was given to me for food. Food item increases everyday and now with fuel scarcity, market women will increase the price of food stuff as transportation cost also increased .

He also provided fuel as power was in my house 24/7. I mean, we had all the sizes of generator plus Lester, inverter and rechargeable fan and he wasn't making up to you plus have family members he supports, although no school fees to be paid for my son but was for his siblings in uni. Etc.

Each family is peculiar so you need to lay out things with your wife. U can also buy inverter if you don't have any yet and rechargeable fan as it will serve her during the day. If possible, take a trip to the market too etc.

It's well

@ OP I feel 100k per month for such a small family is too much for feeding+madams personal expense if that's what the money is for. I feel you might even be living in a tenanted apartment? You need to draw up a family project plan etc acquisition of your own landed property if you've got none etc Anything can happen at anytime in my view housing ranks 1 on hierarchy of needs. Lovingly have a warm discussion with wify about the need to save for rainy day if possible cook up a story on how shaky your job is if that would make her see reasons to be more frugal. I don't really believe in upping my spending substantially just because earning has increased instead I'd rather live same way I was when I was earning my smaller pay and find ways to invest the new extra! I find it quite inconsiderate for one to be burning fuel watching telemudo/africa magic when such time can be utilised for more meaningful activities. This is where you need to be firm, generator should only run from 6:00pm to 10:00pm. Maybe your wife needs to get a job to also pull in her weight as the more you bear these costs resentment might creep in gradually.
Being economical is a virtue everyone should learn, for food items bulk buying and cooking is the surest way to save. Food items which include rice,beans,stew,soups,yam,plantain,provision not more than 50k, madams hair(10k_there are cheaper salons/wig wearing saves tonnes of cash too). Also she should eschew keeping up with the Jones attitude if she's got one as this is one the attribute that keeps people in perpetual misery!
I remember when we started my hubby and I were not earning much but we had a goal to build our house within 4 years of marriage we were able to do that in 2years now unto our 2nd property. We cut off irrelevances starting with budget wedding, no honeymoon,no holiday abroad, bulk cooking and carried food from home to work, managed 1 small fuel efficient car, avoided aswebi like a plague, more wig wearing less salon visit, got a washing machine instead of drycleaning, did not encourage plenty visits by family+friends spending increases hosting & trying to make them comfortable, utilized electric in cooking when there's light in order to save cooking gas etc these and many more were part of the steps we took! Even today that our earnings have almost quadrippled we still maintain a modest spending though not as frugal but I can say the early strategy we started with has helped us alot.
With children it might be a little different though as we are yet to have ours but I believe if you work together with wify you 2 should be able to identify where you're having leakages and mend it unless she's against it or spend rift.
Her background might also be a factor, if so you still need to have that warm discussion and do not come off as rubbing it IN that you are the sole provider. Make her see the long term goal as being for the good and better life for the family if you deny yourselves certain things now to enjoy later.
I wish you the best!

It depends on where you live.

dollarlander:
Dear Nairalander, this is a personal issue I need you peoples help. It is not happening to my friend or someone else but me.

I need views from everyone, especially married families.
I earn, as an average income of almost 500k per month, even when I was earning 300k plus I've been fighting this issue. My wife demands for 100k monthly to manage a home of four people, myself, she and 2 kids less than 8yrs hold.

I'm the one working she is not. Telling her to find a way to stop spends on fuel for generator but each time I raise this there will be terrible fight.

I have an opinion that we need to reduce our spends on grocery items so that we can build up enough savings for better things. She talks about savings but she finds it difficult to deny herself some pleasure.

I want to take some decisions but I think I need to seek popular opinions if I'm wrong and I'm not seeing reasons with her or my perception is wrong about what to be spent to keep the home monthly.

I need some monthly home expenditure break down, with this size of family, to help me make the right judgement because the marriage is looking to me like a fundamental mistake exists somewhere.

Please nairalanders I need your opinion, from especially mothers who are in marriage and understand what I'm talking about, because I'm the one paying all the bills. I also pay for all the TV dishes in my her for her to watch telemundo with generator.

Please what do I do. Thank you.

Pls moderators, I'll be glad if this hits the front page I need candid opinions before I run into irreparable mistakes. Thanks.

I think you should discuss with your wife because the money you give her for up keep depends on a lot of things. Seeking for advice here is not really the best in this your case because must ppl here don't earn as much as you do & there advice will be based on what they earn & not what you earn.

Seat with your wife & you both should come up with a list on what you are to spend in a month also make her to understand that you have your own personal needs and you also have to save & invest part of your earning.

A man who earns 80k monthly & gives his wife 30k monthly with just one child or maybe no child yet will still advice you to give your wife 30k like he is giving his wife. If you must seek for advice then go to someone who earn like you do & has the same number of kids like you have.

I can not compare myself when I was earning 20k to when am earning 160k to 180k. As your income increases, you taste also increases.

bukatyne:
@OP:

Why is your wife not working?

Let's don't go there, because that's another issue entirely.

She should start working.

20% of your income is not excessive

Each member of your family literally spends 5% (25k) every month which isn't a lot when compared to what you would have spent by eating outside.

You are ignoring the fact that there is some sort of net savings on your income by her being a stay at home mum. if you were to factor that in then surely your household expenditures will increase

Having said all that though, it doesn't help that you feel you are being stretched so the best way tomgo about this is by empowering madam so she can reduce the dependency on you going forward

Good luck

I don't think 100K per month is too much however I think the OP believes it's much/ the wife is not prudent solely because the wife is NOT working. That's the truth boy!

That feeling of resentment is gradually building up, it would do your wife a lot of good to get up and find a job.

100K a month
Foodstuff, including children's lunch pack : 60K
Herself : 20K
Petty stuff she won't ask u: 20K

@bold exactly

ifyalways:
I don't think 100K per month is too much however I think the OP believes it's much/ the wife is not prudent solely because the wife is NOT working. That's the truth boy!

That feeling of resentment is gradually building up, it would do your wife a lot of good to get up and find a job.

100K a month
Foodstuff, including children's lunch pack : 60K
Herself : 20K
Petty stuff she won't ask u: 20K

dollarlander:


Let's don't go there, because that's another issue entirely.

Don't say that, tell us.
100k is not the problem here but rather the fact that she is not working.
So how much do you want to start giving her?
Does she still request for money for things like her hair, toiletries and stuff?
So you cannot spend 50k for your self and other miscellaneous out of the 400k remaining and save 350k?
Until you touch that particular 100k before you would be satisfied that you have saved enough?
Please don't look for trouble were there is none fa. I beg you in the name of God, please remove your big eye from there or better still get her a good job.

Floodgater:
Op, you have not really convinced me your wife is a spend thrift but you have given me a concern to warn you to watch it. You are gradually building resentments for your wife steming basically from her not working so that you are angry when you see her watching tv, buying fuel etc with "your money" to the point of asking if you didnt mistake marrying her.

Btw why is she not working? did you open a business for her that she refused?

You can make good savings from the 400k (80%), encourage her to work, focus on her good side too or you want her to only see you as stingy, you have bad sides too.

OP take note of the 3 points above

ifyalways:
I don't think 100K per month is too much however I think the OP believes it's much/ the wife is not prudent solely because the wife is NOT working. That's the truth boy!

That feeling of resentment is gradually building up, it would do your wife a lot of good to get up and find a job.

100K a month
Foodstuff, including children's lunch pack : 60K
Herself : 20K
Petty stuff she won't ask u: 20K

If she spends that 20k on herself and hair do I will be very happy. I fight her every time to even go to salon to fix her hair.

If I correct her dressing it is fight. That's why I find it difficult to say let's go out. I need you peoples advice, I'm actually seeing reasons from all yju guys are saying. Thanks a lot.

Pls to someone that refer me as a boy pls I'm not a boy.

Sorry Oga,the boy lingo was not out of disrespect for you. I Take that back.

Is there more to all this that you 'd want to share? Are u saying she rarely goes out? Don't she have friends? Why is she not working please?

Perhaps she is also saving or helping out family (hers) from the money you have her.

As per her dressing style and your own preferred "taste" for her,, what or who changed? Has she always been this way or changed after marriage? I think regardless of how she choose to be, you STILL should take her out whenever u want to. She's your wife. Perhaps going out, seeing other beautiful ladies would spur her up to work on herself faster than your complains.

Like others aptly put it, the real problem could be the fact that the wife is not working, so I think the OP really should indicate who's suggested her not working. Was she working before she married you? If yes, then that TV you complain about is probably her way of staying sane. Have you ever stayed home all day for 3 days consecutively to have a taste of how she feels when she's home alone? What was her income level before she married you?

Is that 100k ONLY for food? If it's not, what quality of food do you request and are you willing to have a reduced quality? Do you entertain family and friends often? Does she still come to you for other expenses including the fuelling of the generator, clothes for the kids (you'd be surprised how much those cost except you guys buy second hand clothes), Do you have a separate savings scheme for her? (Yeah! Separate savings for her because this is Nigeria where anything could happen. you could decide you want a second wife or make a bad investment or God forbid, that inevitable thing we all don't pray for happens. Even working women still get the 'our son's money' problem, how much more a stay@home wife), do you only want temporary austerity so you can invest in something?

These and others, are salient questions you need to ask yourself before you allow that seed of resentment being sown in your heart to grow. If most of the answers are in the negative, then you'd do well to let your wife have that 100k, or let her start working.

Kudos to stay home wives ooo. I know I can't ever be one especially because of situations like this.

I don't think 100k out of 500k is too much for a family of four.
Pls be considerate, you can still have good savings from the remaining 400k.
Don't you eat at home?
As per her dress sense, she needs to adjust o.

Mehn, see insult ontop 100k. That's why I can't be a housewife. How much will be okay for you to give her? 20, 30k? Let's be reasonable. If her own vice is to use the gen 24hrs, please let her be.

Do you take care of her family members? Do you buy gifts for her like a nice dress, sexy underwear, etc? Don't focus on the money she is spending as long as there is food and your kids look good.

So, from 400k, you are finding it difficult to save and you believe that she should be able to cut down on 100k that covers 4 people? Na wa u.

ifyalways:
I don't think 100K per month is too much however I think the OP believes it's much/ the wife is not prudent solely because the wife is NOT working. That's the truth boy!

That feeling of resentment is gradually building up, it would do your wife a lot of good to get up and find a job.

100K a month
Foodstuff, including children's lunch pack : 60K
Herself : 20K
Petty stuff she won't ask u: 20K

oh my God

see calculator,

@ OP, you have gotten enough reasonable advice here. Pls communicate with your wife.

Am a mother also with a family of 5. I spend 60k per month on feeding, sometimes it will be enough, sometimes it won't cos my kids are picky eaters. Plus we mothers and wives knows how to prepare good quality meals but we tend to cut down to manage things. Your wife don't need to burn fuel all the time, rather channel the cash to other areas. From 8am I drop my kids to school, i get so busy with house erands that i don't have time to watch TV or take a nap.( i don't have house help).
Pls discuss with your wife, a wife should help her hubby to manage and build the home.