This thread is an offshoot from a conversation somewhere else and I think it deserves it's own full discussion because it's an interesting one
Why do people marry?
What are the various driving forces that makes one want to be married and what factors dictate the person we decide to marry?

I remember some years ago on a forum,a lady argued that sometimes marriages could just be for convenience and it was OK.She made me see a perspective I had never before considered.
For instance ,a woman is getting older,approaching 40 and has a good career going but no suitors and she eventually marries a man one would consider to be well beneath her status,physically and economically.
One might wonder why she would " stoop that low just to marry".
However,considering that the clock is ticking by, she needs a husband ,she finds one who is willing to both be married and also raise his economic status by the marriage,it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing she argued, or would it?
It will be good if love was in the mix but if not and the marriage serves the purpose they both desired,Is it wrong?

What do you all say?

I am not married, I just want to learn. Btw, love is grossly overrated.

Space Booked

Heheheh

Initially YES but to stay in it both parties have to be comfortable with the terms and conditions.

In other words, most long term marriages are of convenience rather than love.

standd:
I am not married, I just want to learn. Btw, love is grossly overrated.

Space Booked

the annoying part of it is that we must still fall in its trap

@OP:

No

Mynd44:
Heheheh

www.nairaland.com/attachments/2484714_twitter65fe37b_jpeg3b22f99440e03a522c46c88e4ae0c289 looool.... toilet go block

If all marriage is about, why then, do we have contract marriage?

Must?

NO.

standd:
I am not married, I just want to learn. Btw, love marriage is grossly overrated.

Space Booked

marry me and let us STANDD together , on d contrary ,True love can never be overrated

Nonso23:
There is no such thing as love

A life without love is empty.

I can only speak for myself. Of all things I'll consider before getting married, love is certainly not one of them. And of all things that's going to keep my marriage going, love is the least of them.

Mum's a nurse and I'll certainly like to get married to a nurse. That's all that matters to me. Love in my opinion is too erratic to base my marriage on. After all, it's just the brain playing tricks.

For me yes.
I'm a lovebird and I don't think I'll really be happy in the true sense of happiness if I believe my partner isn't married to me because of love.

But I know people marry for their reasons which are sorta kinda ok when analyzed from their POV. Maybe when I'm 40 I'll understand.

Marrying for love is a recent phenomenon and a romantic idea

And if we would ask What is love itself?

Love is a very transient feeling that isnt enough to last. Most of us here had some bf and lovers in the past we felt we loved and we would die if we dont see them. Years later everyone has found his/her level and you wonder what you were thinking

Babymama1
What is your own all about?

Two people can sustain a home on solid finances, mutual respect, trust, loyalty, understanding and mutual interest....oh, I forgot to add plain old lust.

It's high time we stopped deceiving ourselves with love

I think that convenience is a good reason. Perhaps the sum of all possible reasons we can imagine.

Companionship, a feeling of incompleteness, societal pressure (status and children), legitimate sex to fulfill some religious law--- all boils down to convenience. If we could isolate each reason listed and eliminate others then I imagine a good number of the world's population would find marriage unnecessary.
If one didn't feel the need for a companion and society pressure isn't a factor, then why would marriage even become necessary?


Reminds me of someone who said all our actions are motivated by selfish interest.
(topic for another discussion Babymama? )

Are you rich?

My younger sister is a nurse. (We are a family of nurses too)
If you're going to marry for profession, she might as well marry you for your money

rationalmind:
I can only speak for myself. Of all things I'll consider before getting married, love is certainly not one of them. And of all things that's going to keep my marriage going, love is the least of them.

Mum's a nurse and I'll certainly like to get married to a nurse. That's all that matters to me. Love in my opinion is too erratic to base my marriage on. After all, it's just the brain playing tricks.

cococandy:
Are you rich?

My younger sister is a nurse. (We are a family of nurses too)
If you're going to marry for profession, she might as well marry you for your money

I can conveniently pay my bills. Does that qualify as rich?

Everyone has a condition for "love". Some its big breastt, Some big nyansh some specific level of education, some financial security, some certain physical attributes etc. So your "love" is conditional on these

The person you claimed you love, if they take these factors away from him/her, would you still love the person?

Nonso23:

What is love ?

Love is the feeling you get when you suck on very ripe and juicy mango

Love is giving and not asking to take.

Love is smiling at that little beggar girl on your way to work, touching her cheeks and giving her a plate of hot food.

**
Love is NOT what some random men feel when they want to dance kerewa, that's lust. Forget all the lofty promises.

Love is not what flutters in that girls stomach when she knows your salary is enough to take care of her needs, she only wants security.

Love in relationships and marriages is practically non-existent.. Yes, it may visit for a while but reality and life will finally push it out...

***
Don't blame me, I don't read Mills&Boon and I don't watch telenovelas.

rationalmind:


I can conveniently pay my bills. Does that qualify as rich?

no

not just bills. Fancy stuff, vacations in the Bahamas, luxury cars.... erm erm stuff like that

If you gotta be picky about the profession you marry from, you gotta be able to satisfy a picky wife too.

Adjusting my glasses.



Ok now

We only fall in love with personality. You can love Chamberlain/Christabel and still hate his/her character.

That's the reason Chioma, a Deeper Life girl can fall in love with 2face, a womaniser. The fact that Chioma loves 2face doesn't mean she loves cheating, womanising, and beer.

So before you marry that guy/girl, ask yourself:
1. Can I endure her inability to say "sorry"
2. He hardly say "Thank you" each time I give him gifts, can I bare this nefarious attitude?
3. He has a terrible culinary & eating habit, can I bare this?

When you marry someone with a bad attitude in the name of LOVE and you know deep down within yourself that you do not have the strength and tolerance to accept the inadequacies; truth is: complaints, nagging and ingratitude won't be far from the home.

However, count yourself LUCKY when you meet someone you LOVE truly with a good ATTITUDE. The problem with this option is that its very rare Finding true love itself is hard; let alone sharing love mutually & exclusively (i.e. no intruder/side chick/ex-factor).

In any case, you can always marry someone you feel you 'love', whose attitude you like and can tolerate.

.....

......



No interruptions please

......

cococandy:
no

not just bills. Fancy stuff, vacations in the Bahamas, luxury cars.... erm erm stuff like that

If you gotta be picky about the profession you marry from, you gotta be able to satisfy a picky wife too.

You just nailed it with the bolded. why else do you think I'm still single?

By the way, money might not matter to your sister. She might have childhood dreams of getting married to an Engineer.

Wake me up when love solves any problem in marriage