hotice01:


What a mother sees while lying down,a child on top of MTN mast would not see it.
You won't value what you have until its gone.
In the fullness of time,when you mature,U'll understand better.

Talk to her,she might have some bitter psychological experience
from her childhood that might be influencing her attitude towards
u and making her over protective.
Hating her ain't the best option,you need to apply wisdom.
Age has nothing to do with maturity,u might be in ur mid twenties but u may be acting like a teenager which is making her afraid and over protective of u.cuz she doesn't trust ur sense of judgement.
Try to improve communication with your mom,and gradually work your way to finding out the root cause of her attitude.
Once you earn the trust and respect of your parents,and they trust your sense of judgement and you show good signs of maturity(not in terms of age) u get adequate freedom.
Trust me I once hated my mom and attempted running away from home when I was younger but today my mom is my best friend in the world,love her more than my own life.

. My dear don't make it sound simple,I for one is going through this stage.am a through with school and nysc,job hunting right now and d silly rules are seriously killing me,depression is an understatement,I don't even talk to her these days,I just go for errands and am glued to my phone and room.imagine an extrovert being forcefully turned to an introvert or should I say locked up. At OP since u are a guy,find a job to use no matter how small the pay is and bail out.who knows about others.

Before i say anything, let me say this. Your mom loves you and wants the very best for you and it'll hurt her to know you created this kinda thread.

That being said, i think your mom is going about it the wrong way. No offense intended but i think she is a control freak with what you said about your grandma always bowing to her orders. There are different reasons why a woman turns into a control freak.
When they are bread winners at a very young age, when they are used to getting what they want, when they are frustrated or a painful past. This is not supposed to affect us the children but at the end of the day, we suffer most for it.
I think you should try and identify the reason behind hers. If she doesnt tell you, ask her mom, her siblings or her friends.
Dont force her to let go of the control. Do it gradually not all at once.
Buy her books on anger management, about letting go and about God's love. Please dont buy her books on good parenting cos she'll get the message and feel bad.
What she's doing to you will do you no good so the earlier you start working on it, the better for you. Some say you are not mature but how can you be when your mom has totally refused to let you grow up?
Parents should allow us make our mistakes and learn from them. It wont kill us.
I think the society has a role to play in situations like this too.
Everyone is concerned about the youths. Seminars, meetings, preachings and even adverts telling us what to do and what not to do. The disadvantages of premarital sex and side effects of abortion. Why we should go to school and take education seriously. We have heard it all. I think its time to focus all that energy on the parents. Nobody is teaching them anything. They dont know it all.
They should also learn to respect their children and not always expect us to fear them and do whatever they say.

I think i derailed a bit. Pardon me. I just think its time our parents start learning.

fhunn:
One thinq the op needs to know is that you cant stay under someonew roof and even expect 40% responsibility to be on you.....like my 'mother' (dont need insuts on top her matter oo) used to tell me...if the circumstances in her house isnt suitable for you, you leave to your house you have built (or not built), where you can have 100% responsibility but as lonq as you are under her roof you abide by her rules.....no two ways...

. Would have been happier if am given option number 2.

misssclassy:


Did you read what he wrote?
She is destroying his life and you are talking about MTN mast.

He is almost into his mid twenties and you are talking about maturity.
A lot of his mates are married with kids and his mother is treating him like a child that just reached puberty and you are saying when he is mature he will understand.

my dear, hotice01 is right . Maybe he acts like a child n the mother doesn't trust his judgements . Am a mother and I can tell you btw my kids the one that won't leave my sight in a long while .as a mum I know them from birth , their character, their weaknesss and strength and I can tell the one that needs protection . Parents just know ! Another example is my family , my elder sister got OAU admission but my parents didn't let her go, the next year I got mine and there was no argument cos my parents knew I can not be influenced n intimidated .

misssclassy:


Did you read what he wrote?
She is destroying his life and you are talking about MTN mast.

He is almost into his mid twenties and you are talking about maturity.
A lot of his mates are married with kids and his mother is treating him like a child that just reached puberty and you are saying when he is mature he will understand.

Exactly. A lot of his mates are paying rent and supporting their parents and this old man is complaining that his mother treats him like a child. He should concentrate on graduating and moving out.

African parents always try to treat you like shit, u have t olet her know that you are grown up, and try also to respect urself

You said nothing about your dad. I'd like to be very succinct. If she is a single parent, you shouldn't expect less especially when she bears your financial burden alone. Please confirm my suspicion. Is she a single parent? Your answer would guide me to advise appropriately.

williams368:
She is fraustrated. She needs a dick.

Bro u said this as a joke, but don't b surprised u are 100% right.

misssclassy:


Did you read what he wrote?
She is destroying his life and you are talking about MTN mast.

He is almost into his mid twenties and you are talking about maturity.
A lot of his mates are married with kids and his mother is treating him like a child that just reached puberty and you are saying when he is mature he will understand.

You just heard one side of the issue and u re giving a verdict! If the mom were to be here and give her own account, you'll soft-pedal. You talk as if a man in his mid 20s knows everything he's suppose to know. The mom maybe be overreacting, but there're issues we may not know. He didn't mention his dad, probably the mom is a single parent. And the pressure of raising two boys by herself is taking its tow on her. She may have a relative who's had bad experiences cos of lifestyle choices or perhaps her own experience is making her over protective, we'll never know. The best advice is the one the guy u quoted just gave. He should talk to his mum as calmly as possible, tell her how he feel. He should deal with the issue (which is more freedom), than attack his mom. He may end up appreciating her methods sometime in life!

guente02:
Dear All.

I don't really know how to start this. I'm close to my mid twenties but my mom won't let me be. She's always introducing one law or the other.

She didn't start this recently, since i was barely 14 when she locked me and my brother outside in a cold northern summer night. Now she wants me to stop having friends entirely, she doesn't want to see me talking to any girl on phone or physically. She doesn't want me to go to some particular quarters of my compound because I have a friend she feels is influencing me negatively. She doesn't want me to visit any friend of mine that they should be the ones doing the visit.

I'm in my HND and I cant just wait to leave her alone, because the more i see her the more i hate her because all she's doing.

I don't drink, i don't smoke neither do I sleep around with girls. My life is really introverted and if i'm to go by her words I'm going be plugged into depression.

She's now saying that if i default in any of the things she said i shouldn't even see her as my mom. I don't know what she'll gain when I'm feeling bad of myself by obeying her.

I'm tired.

Someone should please give me an advice.

I believe there are no trolls in the family section.

Dude enjoy it,
I wish my mama will give me laws once more and whupp me to shape

misssclassy:


Did you read what he wrote?
She is destroying his life and you are talking about MTN mast.

He is almost into his mid twenties and you are talking about maturity.
A lot of his mates are married with kids and his mother is treating him like a child that just reached puberty and you are saying when he is mature he will understand.

If at 20 he acts like a child then he should be beaten like one

guente02:
Dear All.

I don't really know how to start this. I'm close to my mid twenties but my mom won't let me be. She's always introducing one law or the other.

She didn't start this recently, since i was barely 14 when she locked me and my brother outside in a cold northern summer night. Now she wants me to stop having friends entirely, she doesn't want to see me talking to any girl on phone or physically. She doesn't want me to go to some particular quarters of my compound because I have a friend she feels is influencing me negatively. She doesn't want me to visit any friend of mine that they should be the ones doing the visit.

I'm in my HND and I cant just wait to leave her alone, because the more i see her the more i hate her because all she's doing.

I don't drink, i don't smoke neither do I sleep around with girls. My life is really introverted and if i'm to go by her words I'm going be plugged into depression.

She's now saying that if i default in any of the things she said i shouldn't even see her as my mom. I don't know what she'll gain when I'm feeling bad of myself by obeying her.

I'm tired.

Someone should please give me an advice.

I believe there are no trolls in the family section.

Sorry to tell you something but I will be blunt.

Your mother is not mentally sound based on your description above. It is not everyone you see who can make decisions, communicate and live a normal indepedent life that is necessarily mentally balanced. Some can be mentally-ill and not be the rambling, confused, disengaged and wandering na'ked fellows we tend to normally attribute with mentally-ill people. Examples even exist on NL with the likes of GenBuhari, Cap28, Becomerich/Musiwa and Rossike.

They are what you call "Functional Lunatics". They are lunatics that can function almost normally in society without easy detection of their mental illness for it to require sectioning or treatment suggested.

Your mother's behaviours (as you described them) are not normal nor sane especially when relating to treatment of a(n) child adult who (as you described) is not some wayward, troublesome child.

You are better off disobeying all her rules as required and pleases you, and enjoy your life instead of living in bondage of someone not completely alright.

"You have only one life and there is NO rewind button. Enjoy it!" - Axiom by Sagamite (2015)

Lol op, your Mum must've mistook you for some Sissy soft punk, looking for some nooky or bosom! Well, I knew it was hopeless when you said that you went outside to avoid her scolding you about your phone.. The only way you can solve this your problem is for you to endure till you move out, meanwhile man the fucck up!! You're almost 25!! Stop acting like a lil bitcch... stop cowering or whimpering about or in front of your mum. It's pathetic, man up, prove yourself worthy, the day you start acting like a man, even your mum will know and back off...

bro. wat is happen to u is currently happening to me. but the easy way solve this without fueling it are;
-if u are workin try to gather some cash and rent an apartment of ur own or not working re-locate to 1 of ur relatives the undastanding one or any of ur paddy wey they undastanding
-if u are ready to leave. go to ur dad and mum mayb at nite b4 bed. kneel b4 them and apologise for any wrong u ve done to them after accepting ur apology.seek for their blessing and reveal ur plan to them about leaving home.BROS LEAVING HOME DOSE NOT MEAN U ARE RUNNING AWAY BUT THE BEGINNING OF UR LIFE TO BECOME A MAN.TO STAND INDEPENDENTLY.
AFTER all this them go they call u for phone say them dey miss u. and after five months visit them bros them go hug u tight.try to buy gift for them oo.most especially ur mum.
THE MAIN REASON Y UR MUM IS DOING DIS WAY IS BECAUSE SHE FEELS DAT AFTER TAKING CARE OF U OTHER PEOPLE ARE ENJOY WAT U HAVE INSTEAD OF HER.TRY BUYING THINGS FOR HER. TRY THIS AND U WILL SEE HOW WONDERFUL IT WILL WORK

misssclassy:


Have you ever lived under over possessive parents before?

Do you know how it feels to live under parents who already have a pattern of the lifestyle they want you to live drawn in their minds and they force you to live by it not minding your choice, thoughts, emotions and feelings?

Do you have the slightest idea what it's like to have a parent who pushes you to the edge just because they don't want you to "be like other children"

Do you know what's it's like to be controlled all your life. To not have a say in thing that concern you? To be constantly forced against your will over and over and you powerless enough do anything about it.

Do you know what that does to the mind of a child? especially one that's not emotionally and psychologically strong or stable. Do you know the psychological effect that has on a person?

You are looking at things from only one standpoint.
Something you have never experienced, you will never fully understand.

you are only fueling this guys wrath against his mum,u ain't helping him at all,someday you"l be a mother and issues like this will always pop out,yea have been there cuz he aint the only one going through such,ma mum spreads her wings over me like am a child,naturally i love wearing my hair high(afro)she hates it,would always mk me cut em even after keeping it for months when i was in the boarding school,same goes for my nails,mama stopped me from playing football when i was a lil child her excuse was d various wounds i do get,i dont drink,smoke,making phone calls atimes was hell,but along the line everything reduced once she knew i was getting older and that i never disobeyed her,yea i was dead mad at her but i never showed it,sometimes parents does one or two things that we find hurting and intruding,but its just a matter of time,@op i feel your pains,all you need do is call her attention to the havoc her extreme treatment is doing to u psychologically in a mild and respectful way,she'l ease up on the reins if of a truth she is your mum and wants the best for you,which obviously is true with the lil u posted,packing out and looking her in the eye would make matters worse for you not her.

Tallesty1:
A child will never know that her parents are right until he/she begets a child.



*Goes Back To Sleep*

You really need to go back to sleep and come back to comment when you're fully awake

Apart from few matured advice, the rest are just teenagers advising teenagers. I really don't blame them because some of us have gone through the same phase!
OP, it is perfectly normal to hate your parent at your stage, especially the very strict ones. Those of us that grew under strict parenthood all hated out parents at one point. It happens again when they are single parents either from death or divorce. Be patient , it would pass. Your NYSC is around the corner then you will leave home. In the future when you turn out well, you will appreciate all she did! Ask any of us with strict parents !

This is exactly what happened to me.it destroyed my life despite my immense potential.i didnt know what was my problem until i clocked 26yrs after my last super failure.initially i thought my problem was spiritual until i began to search within.my friend am sure your confidence and self esteem is already destroyed and it will get worst if dont do something drastic.you need to begin taken your destiny in your hand and trust me your mum will eventually trust you,respect you and even fear you.you are only responsible for yourself

A frustrating situation. Sounds a bit like "codependency". You could look it up.

http://lanablackmoor.hubpages.com/hub/8-Signs-You-May-Have-a-Codependent-Parent

African parents and their over-bearing attitude.
Most Naija parents do this, but it all depends on the child.
Some teenagers won't tolerate that crap once they're 18. My mum was once like that...she wanted to monitor everything I did, but I wasn't the kind of person you could monitor like that.
My freedom was more important to me than anything else, so I refused to be controlled the she wanted and she had to give in.
The op needs to stand his ground and tell the mum he's no longer a kid. He needs to do that in a firm way, but he should be polite cos she's still his mother.
It may be difficult for the her to accept it at first, but gradually, she's gonna come to terms with reality.
Most times the mothers believe there are doing it to protect their kids, but it's the other way round.
They end up destroying every iota of confidence in their kids.

guente02:

Please dont add obey her. She's treating me how a girl will treat a maga she catches. She knows that I've been obeying her and we've been living cool. But im tired. Some part of my life is out of shape because I'm obeying her.
The funny thing is that the exact thing she's saying i shouldn't do is what i have no idea of. If im out by 8pm she'll be thinking im fvckin some girl that is none existent.
Please help

Aaahhh, dont hate your mum abeg; she is only being over-protective & most parents are guilty of this.

Just bear with her for this period you two are still together cos soonest, a time will come when you two will be living apart from each other. Remember you wont be staying with her forever.

My parents were over-protective too while i was still with them but it was after i began living on my own that i realised all they had for me were purely good intentions based.

Infact, lemme share with you a little bit of my own experience to enable you understand me better.
While i was still with my parents (& a university student at the time) my parents barred me from staying out late at night, hence, i was always expected back home on/or b4 7:30pm daily.
At that time, i also considered that rule as disrespectful & unfair to me.
Therefore, i was so happy the day i finally left my parents & moved into my own apartment. And to celebrate the moment, i went out at night to have unlimited fun with some friends. Then at about some few mins.-to-11pm, we set off back home. Unfortunately for me however, few minutes after i had alighted from my friend's car (about 2 streets from my place) & was trekking down to my area, some fugly-looking hoodlums from only God knows where attacked me & dispossessed me of the small money i had amidst slaps on the face.
Since from that day, i was this time around the one that barred myself from keeping late nights cos i dont pray to ever witness such an incident again.

BTW I was brought up in the north & still reside in the north also. So dont allow your mum's excessive control over you to weigh you down ooo. Its just a phase that will soon pass away starting from the moment you leave for nysc.
On the other hand, why not stay on campus in sch.?

guente02:

I would.
I don't think i can take it again.
I'll definitely update this thread and quote/mention you when i do.
Really appreciate your time.

I will advice you like a brother! Since you have been tolerating your mum since all this while I will urge you to continue or pretend as if everything is ok atleast pending the time you will finish your studies unless you are well prepared to cross through that chapter on your own.


Your Mum's problem is psychological and it may be as a result of broken relationship ( btw where is your DAD). You must handle the situation cautiously because a minute mistake can derail your dream for 20years and you may be back to square one if care is not taken.


Try to be strong mentally and set your set a target and you know pretty soon you will be out of her control.

Hmm......

Purple hibiscus

NEROSKY:



you're stupi.d for the bolded... well ur experience is different, i hate my own mum, left the house 4 her, but i can't still say she didn't contribute anytin 2 my life

Can't your express urself without insults?

Please you can't afford to hate your mum. In this part of the world a child would always be a child to his mum, no matter the age. Make out time to express how you feel to her and prayerfully trust God to make her understand you. She might still be nursing some secret fear of the unknown past experiencies. With time you will appreciate your mum for all these...it is all for your own good. God will make a way out for you. Cheers.

neoapocalypse:


How old are you ?
If you have a great mother it doesn't mean every other person does , I'm in my late 30's and I don't feel so much different from the poster. We may not have the same experience with our parents but a lot of parents get it wrong nowadays , agreed that my parents ( father and mother ) may not have bossed me around but they took some very vital decisions which has affected me negatively till this very day and I still struggle with career and finances. Not everyone has/had it good , even in affluence some parents still get it wrong. Try to empathize with the poster.

well age has nothing to do with my post.I empathize with you and the poster but I was trying to be objectic.Yes we all have different experiences but common outcomes.It took patience,endurance and wisdom to get to where I am,and I'm still working on it.its a never ending process.

Some mothers can b very strict

waistaa:
. My dear don't make it sound simple,I for one is going through this stage.am a through with school and nysc,job hunting right now and d silly rules are seriously killing me,depression is an understatement,I don't even talk to her these days,I just go for errands and am glued to my phone and room.imagine an extrovert being forcefully turned to an introvert or should I say locked up. At OP since u are a guy,find a job to use no matter how small the pay is and bail out.who knows about others.

I loved your response cuz its devoid of insults and has much empathy.I'll like to get in contact with you if you don't mind.how can I get to reach u?

I want to believe that you are only passing through a phase and it will soon pass.
She may be overbearing and all that but are you sure you comport yourself and get across to her as a matured adult
Most parents behave this way cus they were brought up like that if not in a more harsh manner
You can speak with her like an adult. tell her you understand her fears and assure her of being a reaponsible young man as you have never disobeyed her
I want to believe you will not feel this way in some 4 or 5 years to come as you would have realised she meant well for you
Be grateful you even have a mother that cares that much.
Show her love and care and step up your game with her as an adult as per your mode of speaking and relating with her.
I am sure she will see reasons with you.

waistaa:
. Would have been happier if am given option number 2.

dear waistaa, in my family tellinq you to qo and build your house....lemme say means more than just that...and it would be better to stay under our mothers roof than buildinq our house....thats for ma family...dont know 'bout yours

Dear OP,
This story touches my heart deeply cause I thought I was only going through it, My mother is generous and kind but always want you the child to be very Greatful in everything she does for you, whether she buys you chewing gum or biscuit, as I talk to you I feel very weak because seeing how much have tried to make my mother happy has proved futile, she has a very strong personality that overpowers others, your case is very similar to mine if not Identical all I have to say is have faith, Let that anger and hatred in you turn to positive thinking on how you will make it in future, because if you keep on thinking about the emotional trauma and psychological abuse u go through you will definitely commit murder, as for me I will soon have my chance to go for my service after that my mother will Beg and Roll on the floor before she can see my Shadow. Dont worry just focus because have learnt that nothing u do pleases them, Look at me that had good results in Waec consisting of A's and B's and later went on to graduate with a 2.1 in a foreign University did it make her happy,just let me not drag my issues into this thread or else no sleep. JUST PRAY AND KEEP FAITH GOD WILL MAKE A WAY..