hedonistic:


Hehehehehe. Nairaland is truly incredible.

swagloverss:


What would it take for you to take the natural order of the way things should be in cultivating a relationship with her?
[size=23pt]Would a time out at a restaurant be too much to ask?[/size] It doesn’t even have to be a classy restaurant – just a neutral place where you both can talk that’s not your house.



SOURCE

angieberry:
From what I can deduce from the comments, most Nigerian men are douche bags, and of course a lot of them are broke ass negroes and are hiding under the excuse that Nigerian girls are too greedy to take out on proper dates. Lame much.

angieberry:
Did you read the post at all or do you simply lack understanding skills? Where was anything about virginity mentioned in the post? And how many girls have you come into contact with to make you come to such an absurd conclusion? Please do not derail this post.

swagloverss:
It was intended to be a simple PM on my BBM but the number of furious replies I got indicated that I had to expand my reach. The said PM was – “Naija men with come to my house, come to my house.” Is there seriously no young man who can advise his fellow men on dating etiquettes? Help us plssssss”

I sincerely felt that I was alone in this predicament till I started getting pings from people who were even more angry about it than I was. And then I realized that this is a general epidemic.

Now, I had different responses from people and I will attempt to put those responses into consideration and not be too streamlined with my views.

Most of the males who responded to my PM agreed with the fact that their brothers are not representing the male folks as well as they should in this area but one of the men made a case for our culture being the reason for this predicament.

According to him, Nigerians do not see the home as a private place and can invite just about anyone into their home. He also talked about the mentality that has been deeply ingrained in us – some men just don’t think that going on dates is necessary, or rather, “we can meet up at my house, there’s no need to go through all that white culture ish” (paraphrased)

As much as I understand where he was coming from and I agree with him that the Nigerian mentality has a lot to bear with this situation. I also think that there are two reasons why the “come to my house issue” is so rampant today.

(1) Some men just don’t think that it’s necessary to go through all that stress in wooing a lady anymore.

A friend of mine actually said that chivalry is dead in response to my PM but I am a positive person, so I refuse to believe that there is no single man on this earth who knows how to take a woman on a date and win her heart slowly – no, there must surely be such men left on earth. (yes, I am rooting for the male folks)

Some Nigerian men just believe that all that “taking a woman to a lovely restaurant and stuff” is for “oyibo people“. I mean, you will be surprised at the number of educated men who would invite you to their house at first meeting.

The man who inspired my PM is a lecturer. Another man who contributed to my cry for help studied law as a first degree. He is involved in media and publicity for a while, and is a called pastor… so you can go figure out the thing about education being a way to raise up people with a modern outlook on things.

(2) 80 % of the men who invite ladies to come to their house at first meeting have no good intentions at heart.

Now, I have to be very careful with how I say this, because I understand like my male friend stated above: that for some men, inviting a lady to their house at first meeting just doesn’t mean anything to them.

They weren’t raised with the mentality that the home is a private place. So even if they just met a lady they are interested in, they can hang out at their house as a first date – with no ulterior motive involved on their part. So yes, I agree that those kind of men exist.

We don’t need to go deep down into stories do we? Or maybe we do. Listen carefully and you will hear stories from the lady who has true stories to tell on how she had to fend off SERIOUS sexual advances just because she believed a man who said he had no ulterior motive for inviting her to his house.

Some of our female friends won’t open up to us but some ladies have been raped because of the “come to my house syndrome”. They cower in shame and guilt, berating their selves that they should have known better than to go to his house. And the society doesn’t make it easy on them too.

Most people would say things like – “Why did you go to his house? That’s a sign that you wanted the sexual act to happen” So the victims keep quiet and bottle up the hurt and shame inside.

What about the guy that tells you to just come into his house while he dresses up so you both can go out and then, under the guise of that excuse starts drawing close for a kiss?

So the “come to my house syndrome” is a serious one. Aside from the serious underlying issues of ladies who have had sad stories of sexual assault and rape to tell, it also begs for a total overhauling of the way some Nigerian men view wooing a lady – an overhauling of faulty dating mentalities.

If the woman was to be a street lady, we might pardon you, but no, you see a decent lady with her worth shining through and you just don’t want to put in an effort into treating her like the jewel that she is.

What would it take for you to take the natural order of the way things should be in cultivating a relationship with her?
Would a time out at a restaurant be too much to ask? It doesn’t even have to be a classy restaurant – just a neutral place where you both can talk that’s not your house.

So I plead again, don’t we have young mighty men of valor who can advise their fellow men on dating etiquettes? Men who can organize classes and teach their fellow men these things – if it comes to that.

Or maybe I should be pleading with our churches too. Almost every church organizes programmes for ladies on how to be virtuous women, how to behave themselves while on a date, etc. Can’t such programmes be held for men too? Women aren’t the only ones who need to be groomed, men need to be groomed too.

So gentlemen, I sincerely still believe that there are a lot of you who are getting it right in the area of what I just talked about.
Please teach your fellow men about these things, we will be absolutely grateful to you all.

Signed,
The community of ladies who are tired of the “come to my house syndrome”

SOURCE

angieberry:
"They weren’t raised with the mentality that the home is a private place. So even if they just met a lady they are interested in, they can hang out at their house as a first date – with no ulterior motive involved on their part."
Ebelebe! These men know what they are looking for! Any man that tells you to come to his house, especially if he is not a close relative, is simply suggesting activities that goes beyond eating , talking and watching movies and hanging out. And if the girl agrees, in the man's mind, she has agreed to take part in those activities.
How many men will not try to get fresh with a lady when they are alone in his house? Biko, let me hear word. They should just accept the fact, and no decent or sensible young lady will want to visit a man alone. Too risky!

Timbuktou:
Nigerian women are becoming sick jokes en masse. What exactly is the point of going on a date with a bunch of women who have decided to feast to their hearts' content at the expense of their male companion? What exactly is a date meant to achieve in the scheme of things? You want to go to an impressive restaurant to 'assess' whether the guy is good enough for your time, at his expense.
No, my brothers would rather cut to the chase and if you're not coming to his place, it's on to the next one. There's really not much sense in wooing today's Nigerian woman. It. Is. All. About. The. Money. We now live in an era of 'no romance without finance'. Why should I woo you when all you're after is the money? You can swerve if you want to eat at Barcelos.

Secondly, whether there's a date or you've been invited to his house at first invite, there's no good intentions. He wants to lay you. Stop acting like a trip to a posh restaurant will suddenly wipe out sexual fantasies about you. Or maybe you're saying it's only ok to have those sexual fantasies after you've been wined and dined?


In conclusion, the 'come to my house dynamic' is mostly a move to economise the expenditure of time and other resources considering the margin of success/lack of.

Don't mind them jare, which dignity is left in a Nigerian lady of nowadays that are only after your doe.

Ask the postet if Dangote invites her to his house will she hesitate??

coogar:
different strokes for different folks....

from my own personal experience, nigerian ladies actually prefer coming to the house than going out to eat somewhere. all those church girls who love doing things behind closed doors would never agree to go out on a date where they can be seen & gossiped about. they would rather chop & clean mouth.

Acidosis:
My advice for the ladies.


I beg you in the name of the powers and forces of the world, if you know you have a BOYFRIEND, A SPOUSE, HUBBY or a BLOKOS you currently rock; kindly desist from running around in the name of dates.


No Nigerian guy is ready to spend money on someone else's babe. Stay with your boyfriend and stop test-running blokoses in the name of dates. If you know you have a boyfriend, breakup if you must test another blokos.

Stop forming single when your heart belongs to someone else. Before you take that ice-cream from a 'stranger' - date, make sure you're ready to pay in kind. No man is ready to spend such time and money in the name of FUN.


We men do not catch any damn fun in sitting ideal in a mall paying bills like idio.ts. Stay with your boyfriend!


Nigerian girls, stay with your boyfriends!!!! If you're bored, get an android phone and play candy crush, or invite your boyfriend over.

For those in distant relationships, stop killing boredom with the resources and time of other men. We have our responsibilities.

Timbuktou:
Nigerian women are becoming sick jokes en masse. What exactly is the point of going on a date with a bunch of women who have decided to feast to their hearts' content at the expense of their male companion? What exactly is a date meant to achieve in the scheme of things? You want to go to an impressive restaurant to 'assess' whether the guy is good enough for your time, at his expense.
No, my brothers would rather cut to the chase and if you're not coming to his place, it's on to the next one. There's really not much sense in wooing today's Nigerian woman. It. Is. All. About. The. Money. We now live in an era of 'no romance without finance'. Why should I woo you when all you're after is the money? You can swerve if you want to eat at Barcelos.

Secondly, whether there's a date or you've been invited to his house at first invite, there's no good intentions. He wants to lay you. Stop acting like a trip to a posh restaurant will suddenly wipe out sexual fantasies about you. Or maybe you're saying it's only ok to have those sexual fantasies after you've been wined and dined?


In conclusion, the 'come to my house dynamic' is mostly a move to economise the expenditure of time and other resources considering the margin of success/lack of.

coogar:


strolling under the hot sun & chewing roasted corn? hahahaha - he won't be getting laid ever.

joywendy:


Did the op say anything about ladies not staying with their boyfriends, fiancée or husbandWhy the emphasis on such?

FYI a date doesn't necessarily mean that you are going into a relationship. A lady can decide to hangout with her male friend, relative or business associate. Do you know that can also be considered as going on a date?

Maybe you should check the dictionary for the word and know the concept behind it before coming to give advise.

BTW Do you have problems with people in LDR? Because i fail to see how it relates to the topic

bukatyne:


You read my mind

Come to my house 90% of the time is an invitation to sex especially when there is no foundational relationship.

Ladies be wise

cococandy:
If I haven't read multiple situations where a lady was raped and was also blamed for agreeing to go to the guy's house in the first place, I'd believe those who say they have no ulterior motives when they invite you to their house.

Most of them do because somehow they believe agreeing to visit them in the privacy of their homes is an implicit agreement to having intimate relations. Don't be deceived.

Just go if you're into the dude and want to do it with him. Otherwise, na yourself is to blame if you believe his 'professed' innocence. You will be also blamed for believing him. Even those who told you not to stereotype will join in blaming you.
That's how twisted it is.
It's a lose-lose situation.

LadyBoss1:
Op they might want you to come to their house doesnt mean he wants to bang! Or has funny intentions if the guy no b rapist its up to d chic if she wants anything to happen
Its how u carry urself .
Also its a cheaper option n safe bet for guys these'days.. He might want to know the type of chic the girl is .. And not want to spend money yet.

My opinion