prinwa:
Initially when we got married he told me he will prepare my papers, which he did but it didn't work, because i already had my daughter, so the embassy said that he doesn't. Have enough income to take care of me and his daughter. We kept on trying over and over again but nothing. Seems to work. Now i have another baby who is 11months old. My daughter gave him alot of space. My concern now is that he told me February this year that when he gets back to Europe that he will apply for his citizenship, so that it will be easy for him to take us. Up till this moment he has not applied for it. He is taking good care of financial, i won't deny that. But i need companionship, i need a man in my life. I feel empty with out him. I don't want my children to grow without their father.

shaybebaby:
If she has to raise the kids by herself, satisfy herself sexually alone, live by herself alone, go to bed alone, when upset, deal with the emotions alone without the physical presence of her loved one, if the kids are ill, cope with the emotional turmoil alone without the physical support of the husband, then how does the situation qualify as Marriage and if it indeed such?
If she can pay her bills and raise her kids financially by herself, then I'm afraid the marriage bit is redundant. She is doing everything else alone so why deny herself the chance of happiness by waiting and praying.
If she moves on, it won't affect the kids.. It changes nothing. He was never physically present to begin with.

shaybebaby:
If she has to raise the kids by herself, satisfy herself sexually alone, live by herself alone, go to bed alone, when upset, deal with the emotions alone without the physical presence of her loved one, if the kids are ill, cope with the emotional turmoil alone without the physical support of the husband, then how does the situation qualify as Marriage and if it indeed such?
If she can pay her bills and raise her kids financially by herself, then I'm afraid the marriage bit is redundant. She is doing everything else alone so why deny herself the chance of happiness by waiting and praying.
If she moves on, it won't affect the kids.. It changes nothing. He was never physically present to begin with.

Brandnew2:

What are intimacy gadgets for?

prinwa:
I have friends.

innervoice:


You have asked very important questions but what other options does she have?

shaybebaby:

The ones that she creates for herself. There comes a time when you have stop waiting and act. If it is finances that is the main crux of why the husband cannot be with her, then she needs to start shouldering some of that so as to have a case to end the separation.
She can look for avenues to join him, independent of his efforts, I mean if God forbid he dies, she will need to step up. Stepping up means stepping up for herself and her kids and stop waiting for a man to give her the life she wants.
It would either make it easier to be together or if they have to go their separate ways, she is in a better position because of her foresight.

tellwisdom:
Look at you. Why bother when you can give me a call to come keep u. Do u even have big yansh to start with?

cococandy:
Didn't you discuss this before marriage?

So he means you guys will continue like this indefinitely? Pls call family meeting on his head. Let his and your parents talks sense into him.
If he's sure he has no other family over there, why won't he want you guys there?

He wants to be married and live like a bachelor. I'm sure he won't be happy if you fall into temptation but he's not helping you and your relationship at all.

skyfullofstars:


I don't wanna touch myself, I want to be with a real man. A toy will not serve its purpose.

ekamavictor:

You are a very big fool. I guess u are still a teenager. Dey wl f**k ur wife right in ur very own eyes. How can u play with such delicate situation.

gynazo:


This is one of the very noble advice here.
"All that glitter is not gold"

Skmoda360:

I think you are already cheating from my own point of view....

shaybebaby:
If she has to raise the kids by herself, satisfy herself sexually alone, live by herself alone, go to bed alone, when upset, deal with the emotions alone without the physical presence of her loved one, if the kids are ill, cope with the emotional turmoil alone without the physical support of the husband, then how does the situation qualify as Marriage and if it indeed such?
If she can pay her bills and raise her kids financially by herself, then I'm afraid the marriage bit is redundant. She is doing everything else alone so why deny herself the chance of happiness by waiting and praying.
If she moves on, it won't affect the kids.. It changes nothing. He was never physically present to begin with.

ibedun:


Listen to this one. Na so women dey make mouth "move on". Move on to where? Ones the area boys or miracle pastors get into her pants a few times what will happen next is to dump her and her children. By the time she has been sampled by a few guys and husband don hear...........she go see cry no be small.

Abeg plead with your husband and find a compromise that works for you both. Otherwise na you go suffer and lose respect even from those children o!

spikezz:
ur huzzband iz
in UK abi?
sowwi o buh the law
haz made it now impossible for
people 2 bring foreign
spouses

unless he chooses
2 return to 9ja, u juss have
to accept yuh fate.

marriage iz fo betta fo worze

teenk yuww.

shaybebaby:

Stop trying to use fear as a means of control. She is already unhappy, even if her future is uncertain, what is certain in this life? Who knows what tomorrow will bring? However in the present, she is not happy so that is starting point to trying to do differently by changing her mindset. She is not a victim except she places herself as such. Her life is hers alone, even the kids will eventually grow up and live their lives.

prinwa:
I kind of agree with you.

konvict0111:
I see you have a genuine situation right there, but please do not take advice you get from this forum seriously.

At best, it will only help fast track a divorce leaving only you at the receiving end. You may wish to carefully think about that later.

For some reasons, i have felt too lazy to try to articulate what i wish to suggest for you to do under the circumstance, however, as a general note, kindly engage with your husband in an open conversation and simply help him realise your point of view. Do this without any intention to pressure him into some hasty decision making; coupled with this, assure him that he has your support and that you have his, but most of all, your family's best interest at heart.

Now don't expect an instant miracle after this, but you must try to sustain this process and keep his mind engaged in this manner. In the end, you would be happy you took this route.

Finally, do not make the mistakes of taking what might in the meantime appear to you as an "easy decision", avoid extra-marital affairs for your own health and peace of mind, as well as, those of your kids. See your situation as a challenge, resolve to overcome it and make this story an example that will inspire many after you!

I wish you the very best in your marriage and never give up!

prinwa:
Thanks alot, but he is not the type that listens to me. He doesn't understand what I am going through.

konvict0111:
Sure, I could infer that he might be that kind of person. Still try to have a bit of patience with him.

At times, in the life of a man, there are things one might not be willing to share, until at last, victory is won!

I know this sounds a bit like a parable, yet, I hope it explains to you how difficult it is to put things across in certain situation and context.

Maybe this is your husband's dilemma,or, maybe not. But how would it interest you if I said that you husband might be thinking about this situation and feels more disturbed than you are. What if through the years your understanding and support is what has kept your man encouraged moving forward.

My dear, it should count for something if your husbands comes from europe "only once in a year" to see you and the kids, or, that he lives in far away europe and acknowledges that he has a family back home and tries to live up to this by sending something for your welfare and the well being of your God given kids.

I accept these may not be all there is to life, just as I do not object that your situation could be better than what currently obtains. The fact that I have tried to stress in my long and I hope, not too boring, episode is that you must learn to look on the brighter side of things.

Just think of the jibes people, generally, try to put up with everyday, all in a bid to survive. People go to work, get insulted but continue to work hard and nurse ambition. If we work this hard for the other affairs of life, why not for our marriage.

I am sorry this tough for you, madam, but give it your all, recondition your mindset and satisfy yourself that you did all you could to salvage your marriage but failed.

Although, I am convinced you will not fail as I see that this road is set to make all the difference for you and your family, if you factor that fortunes always favour the brave and that where there is a will, there is a way!

Again, I wish you all the best! Thank you. You have really encouraged me.

Konvict0111