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I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. - Family (6) - Nairaland

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I'm Tired Of My Marriage!!! Please Help / Long Distance Marriage And Trying to conceive a baby / Can Long-distance Marriage Work Out Between Newlyweds? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by NemzySeries(m): 1:10am On Jul 31, 2015
phelpy:
Hmm...i guess u shld talk it over with him....i ve witnessed dis kinda situation real time, i grew up in a house with same scenario, my uncle worked in the uk and fr a long time, only comes home once in a year, leaving just the three of us, me, his wife and his son, in a big house, u saw what she went thru, but so far i know, i can tell she remained faithful....though my uncle tried many times to take them, but to no avail, but he kept on trying..applying for them to join him, and it later worked out, rite now they re all in the uk..happy together......so i'd say, kp urself faithful to him, pray and talk it over with him, or talk to his pastor or any one u knw he respects...soonest u ll have a testimony......pls dont mind my typos...na sleeep eye.
urs is fair....her hubby dunt want dem to cum ova.....konji kills faster dan cancer oooo

1 Like

Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by yeman2012(m): 1:12am On Jul 31, 2015
prinwa:
Hi
I am a lady in my late 20, I have been married for 5years now. My husband come back once in a year, I am getting tired of the loneliness and lack of sex, though I have never cheated on him. I just feel I made a huge mistake. I have 2 kids for him, and I try to keep myself busy in order to avoid temptation. My husband. Doesn't have another wife apart from me, recently I asked him about our papers and he said he doesn't want us to come and live there permanently , but we can visit and go. I want to be together with my husband. I am really getting tired of the whole situation. My children are growing up with out him and it is making me unhappy. I need your advice please. cry
sorry to say I disagree to agree..how you go say you husband come's once a year?? you ma think am na?? abi na inside Ocean him day work?
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by AdaEkube(f): 1:27am On Jul 31, 2015
Madam of all places this is where u decided to bring ur problems to.Most of them advising you r not even married and r desperately searching,some don't hv an international passport let alone applied for a visa to travel anywhere. this is something u should talk to God about,Mk Him d number one person in your home,pray for ur hubby,dats wat wives do.next time he's in town u discuss with him,tell him how u feel and u guys would settle dis with one understanding.Marriage ain't roses like dat,there are sacrifices u make to keep it going.

4 Likes

Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by mbulela: 1:32am On Jul 31, 2015
prinwa:
Initially when we got married he told me he will prepare my papers, which he did but it didn't work, because i already had my daughter, so the embassy said that he doesn't. Have enough income to take care of me and his daughter. We kept on trying over and over again but nothing. Seems to work. Now i have another baby who is 11months old. My daughter gave him alot of space. My concern now is that he told me February this year that when he gets back to Europe that he will apply for his citizenship, so that it will be easy for him to take us. Up till this moment he has not applied for it. He is taking good care of financial, i won't deny that. But i need companionship, i need a man in my life. I feel empty with out him. I don't want my children to grow without their father.
You actually do not have a marriage. What you have is a copulation arrangement.
Life is all about priorities. Two cannot walk unless they agree.
You and your husband have conflicting priorities. One has to give.
Case closed.

1 Like

Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by mbulela: 1:34am On Jul 31, 2015
AdaEkube:
tell him how u feel and u guys would settle dis with one understanding.Marriage ain't roses like dat,there are sacrifices u make to keep it going.
Some sacrifices are not worth it.
It is not that he has a plan to live together with them but it is not materializing, from her comments he has no plan.
That is completely different.
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by funkyjms: 1:35am On Jul 31, 2015
TV01:

And you have every right to expect and demand that in marriage.

There may well be a case of shakey foundations - were things fully disclosed, discussed understood and agreed? Having said that, situations change, and your expectations are reasonable and legitimate. I really feel for you.

You need to engage your husband directly on this - preferably face to face. If his next visit is imminent, plan towards it. State exactly what you have above. Tell him about your needs, your desires - all rightful - and the frustration, temptations, and of course welfare of your children.

As much as I hate involving 3rd parties, it may be an idea to discuss first with your parents and then possibly have a fuller meeting with his, and sit down with hubby whne he's back. I hope they don't have any entrenched attitudes in favour of this kind of arrangement or bias due to support they recieve from him.

If it is not imminent, I think he should be impressed upon to bring his next trip forward as soon as possible. There are a number of worries here;

It could genuinely be difficulties regularising his papers. You need to know the steps required, the action being taken and timelines. It could be it's easier for him to live there and fund your staying at home.

The initial effort to establish or stabilise a family can be huge. But this begs questions about how he is satisfying his intimacy needs? And emphasis should always be on the kids, kids, kids. The earlier they are over there, the better they adapt.

He may well think bringing you to Europe may change the dynamic of your relationship. The truth is, men are at the mercy of their wives here and he may have seen some scary things.

And be willing ot think creatively and ahead. Is there a case for him returning home?

Whatever the case, it's best that you are exactly clear on the situation, then you can plan accordingly and hopefully look forward to the time you'll be together.

I commend you for the sacrifices you have made for the union and wish you and your family all the very best.


TV

Fantastic
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by mbulela: 1:35am On Jul 31, 2015
NemzySeries:

urs is fair....her hubby dunt want dem to cum ova.....konji kills faster dan cancer oooo
konji is manageable when there is an expiry date.
This one is endless. That is what is worrying the woman most.

1 Like

Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by daradave: 1:36am On Jul 31, 2015
Dear op, I think I Ave a similar case to urs only difference is mine has bin gone for
just over 2yrs but hasn't bin home since den. We Skype daily, talking about our day. He talks to d kids to, so most times we don't feel dat we are apart, he gets to help dem with stuffs, to d extent that
wen my kids fight u hear stuffs like "I will tell dady wen he returns frm work" honestly it's not easily but it's possible to manage. The only missing part is d sexual aspect which Ave learnt to adjust too without any shady dealings. So the companionship I think u can find a way round it but the sexual aspect you Ave to find a way to adjust and adapt. Although mine is not indefinite cos we are joining him in a few months frm now.

3 Likes

Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by AdaEkube(f): 1:41am On Jul 31, 2015
mbulela:

Some sacrifices are not worth it.
It is not that he has a plan to live together with them but it is not materializing, from her comments he has no plan.
That is completely different.
From her comments she said he has tried to get their papers in d past bt to no avail.r u saying she should leave her marriage or start sleeping around or wat??.

2 Likes

Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by NemzySeries(m): 1:45am On Jul 31, 2015
mbulela:

konji is manageable when there is an expiry date.
This one is endless. That is what is worrying the woman most.
hehehe....calm dwn my fwend,make dis issues no pain or worry u pass d woman ooo cheesy ... divorce shd b d last option in dis case but e b like say widow get hope pass dis woman sef oooo
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by NemzySeries(m): 1:48am On Jul 31, 2015
AdaEkube:

From her comments she said he has tried to get their papers in d past bt to no avail.r u saying she should leave her marriage or start sleeping around or wat??.
Haba...aw wud we say she shd start sleeping arnd na? but if she open small fone boot for hauz e no bad na cheesy @least make she use dat 1 dey load emotional & intimate airtime
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by yeman2012(m): 1:50am On Jul 31, 2015
AdaEkube:
Madam of all places this is where u decided to bring ur problems to.Most of them advising you r not even married and r desperately searching,some don't hv an international passport let alone applied for a visa to travel anywhere. this is something u should talk to God about,Mk Him d number one person in your home,pray for ur hubby,dats wat wives do.next time he's in town u discuss with him,tell him how u feel and u guys would settle dis with one understanding.Marriage ain't roses like dat,there are sacrifices u make to keep it going.
she tell you say God na her neighbor ...and wytn bring international passport for this matter again..

1 Like

Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Jideams(m): 2:13am On Jul 31, 2015
Hi MADAM

Said you are in your late 20s, I cannot but drop some line of words. I have a good understanding of how you feel as I lost my marriage in the same circumstance. Truth be told, its hard and I do feel for you, not sure what your husbands position is over here but things are not what they used to be.

Now call him, sit him down and discuss the situation, let him know you cannot hold it for any longer ( but make sure you are telling the truth). Both define what is required and understand what it takes for him to move down. U both have a duty to play, once he his down he his in a strange land and cannot operate as it used to so you will both have cut down on things till you find ur ground.

If you cannot hold it, call your parents and let them know, call his and discuss with them if they are alive. Make sure you make your case know and if you want to move on let it be known to everyone before you get yourself involved with another man. Your dignity matters a lot.

1 Like

Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Certifiedboss: 2:22am On Jul 31, 2015
prinwa:
Initially when we got married he told me he will prepare my papers, which he did but it didn't work, because i already had my daughter, so the embassy said that he doesn't. Have enough income to take care of me and his daughter. We kept on trying over and over again but nothing. Seems to work. Now i have another baby who is 11months old. My daughter gave him alot of space. My concern now is that he told me February this year that when he gets back to Europe that he will apply for his citizenship, so that it will be easy for him to take us. Up till this moment he has not applied for it. He is taking good care of financial, i won't deny that. But i need companionship, i need a man in my life. I feel empty with out him. I don't want my children to grow without their father.

Dear,believe me it's difficult down there . He might have a job that can care for him over there and also he can be sending enough money for you and the kids . But sometimes taking the whole family down there is a different ball game . It might be top expensive for him . Maybe you should encourage him to save up and set up a business here and he return permanently . Life outside the shores of this country is not as rosy and it seems expecially for a family man
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Nobody: 2:24am On Jul 31, 2015
Brandnew2:

I'll strongly suggest you should stay married for better for worse.
How do you get lonely with 2 kids tho'?
so people with kids don't get lonely or emotional?
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Nobody: 2:25am On Jul 31, 2015
[quote author=Brandnew2 post=36415830]
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Nobody: 2:26am On Jul 31, 2015
Brandnew2:

What are intimacy gadgets for?
after your first post I had doubts of your sanity...buh now you've cleared my doubts with this...you're a fool!!!
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by adozie(m): 2:26am On Jul 31, 2015
Cutehector:
Though I am 100 percent not a fan of divorce but ur case is an exception...

...and after the divorce will you marry her? What's the guarantee the next bf or hubby will be any better.
I can totally understand why the guy wants his family to stay in Nigeria. He should probably make effort to visit more often and stay longer. Better still, plan on relocating back to Nigeria. Abroad is not always a bed of roses. You are always a second class citizen away from home

1 Like

Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Nobody: 2:27am On Jul 31, 2015
KanwuliaJara:
I understand your concern. The marriage is too young.
But in marriage, you don't always get what you want.
Your husband has set the tone for the relationship.

If you move in with him, he will resent you. He does not want to live with you full-time, neither does he want to have SEX with you everyday. What do you mean by "Go and Damage"?

The ball is in your court.

Either you stay and manage, or you go and DAMAGE!

A no-win situation! kiss
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Nobody: 2:30am On Jul 31, 2015
prinwa:
Initially when we got married he told me he will prepare my papers, which he did but it didn't work, because i already had my daughter, so the embassy said that he doesn't. Have enough income to take care of me and his daughter. We kept on trying over and over again but nothing. Seems to work. Now i have another baby who is 11months old. My daughter gave him alot of space. My concern now is that he told me February this year that when he gets back to Europe that he will apply for his citizenship, so that it will be easy for him to take us. Up till this moment he has not applied for it. He is taking good care of financial, i won't deny that. But i need companionship, i need a man in my life. I feel empty with out him. I don't want my children to grow without their father.
I completely understand how you feel, I just wish I could make your wish a reality. But every marriage has got its challenges. Please be calm,am sure things will work out for good.
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by pragmatistm(m): 3:13am On Jul 31, 2015
cococandy:
Didn't you discuss this before marriage?

So he means you guys will continue like this indefinitely? Pls call family meeting on his head. Let his and your parents talks sense into him.
If he's sure he has no other family over there, why won't he want you guys there?

He wants to be married and live like a bachelor. I'm sure he won't be happy if you fall into temptation but he's not helping you and your relationship at all.

Seriously seconded.

1 Like

Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by marriedvirgin: 3:39am On Jul 31, 2015
My sister what makes you think he doesn't have another wife?
My sister are you sure he has the necessary papers?
hmmm this is strange,never heard of such.Anyway,God be your strength.





prinwa:
Hi
I am a lady in my late 20, I have been married for 5years now. My husband come back once in a year, I am getting tired of the loneliness and lack of sex, though I have never cheated on him. I just feel I made a huge mistake. I have 2 kids for him, and I try to keep myself busy in order to avoid temptation. My husband. Doesn't have another wife apart from me, recently I asked him about our papers and he said he doesn't want us to come and live there permanently , but we can visit and go. I want to be together with my husband. I am really getting tired of the whole situation. My children are growing up with out him and it is making me unhappy. I need your advice please. cry
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by marriedvirgin: 3:46am On Jul 31, 2015
The Embassy is right because usually they check if your husband has been filing his taxes and they check how much he has in his account.Also if he is not yet a citizen I guess you would have to wait long before he can be able to file for you as a foreign spouse.Applying for citizenship would cost him some money so you just have to hold your heart together because eyou might still have some few years to wait.
God be your helper



prinwa:
Initially when we got married he told me he will prepare my papers, which he did but it didn't work, because i already had my daughter, so the embassy said that he doesn't. Have enough income to take care of me and his daughter. We kept on trying over and over again but nothing. Seems to work. Now i have another baby who is 11months old. My daughter gave him alot of space. My concern now is that he told me February this year that when he gets back to Europe that he will apply for his citizenship, so that it will be easy for him to take us. Up till this moment he has not applied for it. He is taking good care of financial, i won't deny that. But i need companionship, i need a man in my life. I feel empty with out him. I don't want my children to grow without their father.
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by delishpot: 3:49am On Jul 31, 2015
Brandnew2:

I'll strongly suggest you should stay married for better for worse.
How do you get lonely with 2 kids tho'?

For real? having kids wiĺl even increase that lonely feeling.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by marriedvirgin: 3:51am On Jul 31, 2015
hahahahahahah when you asked the Op if her husband be youth pastor I laf tire.
I know a Zambian pastor here in US who abandoned his wife and three kids in Zambia and came here.The pastor na total woman rapper.He even quarrel with one of his numerous girl friends the other day and called her a bi***tch grin grin grin grin grin grin









spikezz:



chooi y does diz ur
story sound so similar 2
someone i kno..
iz yuh hubby a youth pastor?
jokez apart.

tell him to recolate
back to 9ja
being wit family iz far
more important dan
anything else hez chasin' up in
d uk
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by marriedvirgin: 3:55am On Jul 31, 2015
hmm love doctor kwa tongue






Brandnew2:

Talk to your hubby about it.
You guys should reach a reasonable conclusion on that.
I totally understand how you feel and I'm sure if he loves you enough he would make adjustments to please you.
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by aspirebig: 3:58am On Jul 31, 2015
Cutehector:
Though I am 100 percent not a fan of divorce but ur case is an exception...

No just think am, once that idea is being nursed, the result is not often good.
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by aspirebig: 3:59am On Jul 31, 2015
The guy is busy catching his fun there, simple. If not, why wont he allow them to relocate permanently.
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by ibedun: 4:08am On Jul 31, 2015
whizqueen:
Eyaaa embarassed I really feel for this lady sha
How can a young marriage of 5 years be lacking good sex angry when 25 years old marriage are still banging themselves with crazy styles cry

Dirty Shiite woman, so marriage is about sex?
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by supereagle(m): 4:25am On Jul 31, 2015
Most of this people living in US particular keep one wife in Nigeria and another one in US. Those who are free bring in their wife without delay after marriage here in Nigeria, if you see anyone keeping a wife here and he doesn't want her to to join him overthere is a sign that there is a wife in US.

3 Likes

Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by crystalzoe: 5:05am On Jul 31, 2015
innervoice:


Your kids are already growing up without their father.
Our ladies are as gullible as some white ladies who fall for scam marriages.
Your man lives abroad and MOST men who live abroad and have wives back home live their lives abroad like the marriage never took place in the first place. Is that your marriage an arranged marriage?
y do we do this to folks seeking advice. how does Ur question help her? wat has happened has happened arranged or not all she needs now is advise on d way forward and not criticism.
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by oduamine: 5:09am On Jul 31, 2015
In Europe family reunion is taken serious, firstly your spouse income must be enough to feed you and your kids. My opinion wait for him to get the citizenship then you can move with him but all still come down to your hubby requirement. Another thing is if he has enough money you can join him with the 11 months baby then appeal for the older kid when you get to Europe

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