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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. (53731 Views)
I'm Tired Of My Marriage!!! Please Help / Long Distance Marriage And Trying to conceive a baby / Can Long-distance Marriage Work Out Between Newlyweds? (2) (3) (4)
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Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by spikezz: 8:31am On Jul 30, 2015 |
prinwa: ok it was arranged. hw long did yuh date b4 marriage? abi did yuh marri him in hope of securing European citizenship? if so, OYO na ur case 1 Like |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by innervoice(m): 8:34am On Jul 30, 2015 |
prinwa: All you can do is wait. 1 Like |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Nobody: 8:35am On Jul 30, 2015 |
prinwa:All I can say is just make yourself happy and if you ask me, it's not that difficult a thing to achieve. You already have two wonderful kids so count your blessing. 5 Likes |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Nobody: 8:42am On Jul 30, 2015 |
prinwa:There's nothing you can do asides waiting and praying. .. except you want to get a divorce and start living a free life ... Why is he reluctant about the citizenship stuff? I think you should disturb him further. .. It's really hard but find other ways of keeping yourself happy and busy.... All d best... 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Jorussia(m): 8:47am On Jul 30, 2015 |
prinwa:OP,i quite understand your feelings.this scenario is very common here in benin city.You are very lucky that your husband comes home every year, as there many women here in benin, whose husbands have not come home for than 5years and they have endured. I know of a young pretty law graduate,whose husband has been away for about 2years now,and she has endured it.A lady in my church, waited for almost 10years for her husband, who should be in Nigeria anytime soon.I don't support long distance marriage, but i urge you to continue to pay the sacrifice of endurance to keep your marriage. 20 Likes |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by BluStreak(m): 8:55am On Jul 30, 2015 |
I feel your pain @OP. Nothing can be as traumatising as having your partner Oceans away when you are legally bound together. It becomes even more burdensome when you respect your dignity and marriage vows (which is fast eroding in today's Nigeria) and choose not to step out on your partner or form an unholy liaison with the opposite sex. It doesn't all have to be about s#x but the very basic ingredient that marriage is built on which is companionship. This very type of companionship cannot be provided by ones kids or relative. So I really do feel your pain prinwa. May God intervene in your situation and also hold you together not to loose it. I'll remember you in my prayers. 20 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by estheremma(f): 8:55am On Jul 30, 2015 |
lolaxavier:dont mind these teens on nairaland.ive said it,when u see a thread about husb or wife,since u knw nothin about it.ignore d thread it dosent concern u 10 Likes |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by prinwa(f): 9:16am On Jul 30, 2015 |
BluStreak: |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by lolaxavier(m): 9:16am On Jul 30, 2015 |
Brandnew2: Get a life. 26 Likes |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by capricun: 9:16am On Jul 30, 2015 |
A serious situation, and I must applaud your efforts to be faithful to your marriage. All I can say is that you continue to pray for strength and hope the papers work. Keep bugging him and hope he files the necessary papers for his citizenship. I like it when I see women who try to make their Home work. 14 Likes |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Nobody: 9:18am On Jul 30, 2015 |
lolaxavier:I suggest you get one. |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Nobody: 9:49am On Jul 30, 2015 |
prinwa: Does he have his papers? Is he living abroad legally? If not, he won't be able to take you and the kids over. If however, he is living there legally, not doing badly financially and still refuses to take you guys, then something is definitely fishy. Another Have you been able to visit him within these 5 years? 1 Like |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by prinwa(f): 10:02am On Jul 30, 2015 |
Phema:he has his permanent resident. No he doesn't have another wife. |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Nobody: 10:08am On Jul 30, 2015 |
prinwa: What reason did he give for not wanting to be in his children's life? |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by TV01(m): 10:36am On Jul 30, 2015 |
prinwa:And you have every right to expect and demand that in marriage. There may well be a case of shakey foundations - were things fully disclosed, discussed understood and agreed? Having said that, situations change, and your expectations are reasonable and legitimate. I really feel for you. You need to engage your husband directly on this - preferably face to face. If his next visit is imminent, plan towards it. State exactly what you have above. Tell him about your needs, your desires - all rightful - and the frustration, temptations, and of course welfare of your children. As much as I hate involving 3rd parties, it may be an idea to discuss first with your parents and then possibly have a fuller meeting with his, and sit down with hubby whne he's back. I hope they don't have any entrenched attitudes in favour of this kind of arrangement or bias due to support they recieve from him. If it is not imminent, I think he should be impressed upon to bring his next trip forward as soon as possible. There are a number of worries here; It could genuinely be difficulties regularising his papers. You need to know the steps required, the action being taken and timelines. It could be it's easier for him to live there and fund your staying at home. The initial effort to establish or stabilise a family can be huge. But this begs questions about how he is satisfying his intimacy needs? And emphasis should always be on the kids, kids, kids. The earlier they are over there, the better they adapt. He may well think bringing you to Europe may change the dynamic of your relationship. The truth is, men are at the mercy of their wives here and he may have seen some scary things. And be willing ot think creatively and ahead. Is there a case for him returning home? Whatever the case, it's best that you are exactly clear on the situation, then you can plan accordingly and hopefully look forward to the time you'll be together. I commend you for the sacrifices you have made for the union and wish you and your family all the very best. TV 17 Likes 1 Share |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by prinwa(f): 11:19am On Jul 30, 2015 |
TV01:Thanks alot he will be home in December, I think it is time to involve. His elder brothers and my parents. I appreciate this advice and others I have gotten here. |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Blonchilli(m): 12:24pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
cococandy:Marriage and relationship counsellor 1 Like
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Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by spikezz: 12:27pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
Blonchilli: lolz i kno yuh r just bein' sarcastic be deceiving ha ok! marriage counsellor ko haz she sorted ha own marriage dat she cums online 24/7 2 be givin silly advice wu no know ha story 4 dis nairaland 8 Likes |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Blonchilli(m): 12:29pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
prinwa:they initially said no enuf money to take care of d first child now u went ahead to have a second wen u knw fully well d embassy will refuse. Eleyi gidi gaan 5 Likes
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Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Blonchilli(m): 12:34pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
spikezz:we're helping d ministry
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Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by damiso(f): 12:37pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
TV's advice was spot on. Just to add to that when having that heart to heart conversation try to leave out too many emotional outbursts( I feel you and I know that it is an emotive issue and you might have to pull at his heart strings ) but try to adopt a goal/resolution approach to the issue. Try to get him to commit to realistic timelines as well and not just vague ' I will do it'. i.e . lets works towards the end of 2016 beginning 2017. Finance might also be a factor and you might have to be prepare yourself maybe take a cut in what he provides at the moment so he can save toward reuniting the family.If you have your own income sef volunteer to contribute towards the costs no matter how little I.e little little stuff like paying for administrative and documentation on the Nigerian end. That way he wont have the excuse of affordability.Visa and residency costs can be really high especially if he has to employ the services of an immigration lawyer. It is well with you and your home. 7 Likes |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by skyfullofstars(f): 12:44pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
Brandnew2: Will she also get sex from her friends? I've been apart from my husband for 7 months and the urge is so strong, I don't know what to do. Should I also have sex with my friends? 3 Likes |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Blonchilli(m): 12:46pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
prinwa:are u sure? I don't take marriages dat one spouse live abroad and d oda here seriously @ all 1 Like |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Blonchilli(m): 12:49pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
spikezz:Lol. U badt 1 Like |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Nobody: 1:02pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
skyfullofstars:Get a phone and a toy. |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by prinwa(f): 5:59pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
damiso:Thanks alot. I appreciate. |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by vague: 6:04pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
prinwa:where in Europe is he? |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by cococandy(f): 7:34pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
prinwa:yea do that. |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by skyfullofstars(f): 8:17pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
Brandnew2: I don't wanna touch myself, I want to be with a real man. A toy will not serve its purpose. |
Re: I Am Getting Tired Of My Long Distance Marriage. by Nobody: 8:43pm On Jul 30, 2015 |
skyfullofstars:Talk to your hubby about it. You guys should reach a reasonable conclusion on that. I totally understand how you feel and I'm sure if he loves you enough he would make adjustments to please you. 1 Like |
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