Umuchoke:
Don't get the message wrong; I'm not totally against involving families in marriage but I feel it's better done after the young man and lady has tied the nuptial knots in the court of law. I've seen many cases where a guy would take a girl to his parents to introduce her as his future wife. The parents may accept initially but there would always be one grandpa with so much history in his bald head to ruin the show. He would tell you how the girl's people treated his own village in 1857, and for that reason the marriage shouldn't hold. This can be just so frustrating, especially when the young people involved are seriously in love with each other. Since bigotry and tribal sentiments can't be removed, I suggest we limit families involvement in marriage affairs.

juwoonn:


Will you be happy if your child do d same to you in d future?

I was so happy my dad and mum witnessed my wedding. It gave me so much joy.

Even my grad pa was 93 and I was happy he witnessed d ceremony. He died 3 months after though.

Well, it depends on the kind of family u're from

How can ur happiness be dat ur dad must not attend ur wedding?

naijadeyhia:



I remember the Bible declaring that "for this cause shall a man (male and female) leave his fathers house and be joined to his wife and both shall become one flesh.

A man is never one flesh with his parents but he becomes one flesh with his wife because that is a bigger priority. If some parents need to be thrown into the mud because of their ideals towards marriage so be it. They did not initiate marriage, God did and we are all beneficiaries of that oncluding them. Same way they had me, I will have my own kids and the circle continues.

Its not about how much they spent on ur education, they chose to do that because u are under their CARE! Same way I will choose to exceed what they did for me with my own kid. Ots all about choices. I appreciate all they did but they cannot and must not hold that against me because they chose to do that and I have also chosen to take care of them wether they want me to or not.

LIFE IS ALL ABOUT CHOICES...THEY MADE THEIRS NOW WE MAKE OURS!

SirShymexx:
It all boils down to ya experience(s) in life and how close-knitted ya family is and, if you're from a family where blood is always thicker than water. If you have been through things in life, where you have seen the hearts of men, and how most people will always ride the moment with you. But disappear when things hit a snag, with only ya family as loyal ones who're always there for you - you just have to always carry them along in whatever you do.

Also, if you're trying to marry someone, you should always have it at back of ya mind that you're not just marrying the person - the person is just a branch from a tree. And if you can't get along with the family, just leave the person alone, and find an alternative. It's not just about you and the person - it's for the kids as well. Being ostracised by family is not a good thing cos you'll always need ya family.

DollyParton1:

First time Shymexx..... Well written.
You have weaned yourself off your weeds? NO?

P.S.
no insults please.

RasheedUmar:

My grandfather found my mom for my father and my father now thinks he can do the same for me. But it won't happen. He'd marry whoever he found by himself.

SirShymexx:


Shyte, any time you see get serious/spiritual on this forum - just know I'm in Ionosphere induced by zoot from the ganjar farmer. So I think you should encourage me to start burning and puffing 'em zoobie seeds more often - legal high. The forum is a toilet to take a shiit, and wipe ya bum for comic relief.

Anyway, it's nothing special, just me talking based on my experience and what life has taught me. In a space, where the journey is a roller coaster, and where you can reach the top of the mountain - then drop down to valley within the twinkling of an eye. Once you understand that, and know people for who/what they're - you'll always understand the essence of blood relations. Especially, if you're from a decent family cos when the chips are down, they'll always be there for you. That can't be said about folks who're just out there to ride the moment with you.

And also, whoever you're in a relationship with, or want to marry, is still relatively a stranger, regardless of how long you have known each other for. Then when you consider the fact that most folks are in relationships these days for the wrong reasons and what to exploit/benefit out of it - then ya family is the last thing you would want to sacrifice for the uncertainty that surrounds that. You can't let emotions called "love" becloud ya judgement/logical-reasoning in decision making.

Family first - my family got my back like the verizon man.

Umuchoke:

Sir, except she's a prostitute you met in a brothel, where you don't need any formalities, there's no how you'd meet a girl now without asking her background. In fact, that should be the one of the first few start up lines to wooing her. What I'm discussing here is marriage, so I think the incest issue is clearly avoidable.

Umuchoke:

Bearing children is one of the good things about marriage but I think true love supersedes that. If the boy and the girl were truly in love with each other, nothing could have stopped their marriage. Her attitude in the past can be forgiven. Although, I wouldn't marry a girl whom my elder or younger brother had dated before

DollyParton1:


Oh really? Bless the one who discovered ganja then. Thank God for the big mercies of ganja in the life of Shymex.

No shite!!! I don't joke with my family. I tell people that if I am forced to choose between my family and husband, my reflex will be to choose my family.
I have been through some stuffs in life, and when I think about how my family supported me and all, I just cant let them go, no matter what.

Plus no one in their right sense should make one choose between them and one's family. That's selfishness and wickedness all rolled into one. In a case like that, am not even gonna fight it. The first reflex is flight and I shall do that. Even if I have the worst family, you shouldn't be the one to tell me to flush them out of my life. That's a decision I have to come to myself.

P.S
The "you" I used here is not about you Shymex.

laudate:


LWKMD! This really cracked me up!!

RasheedUmar:

But I'm serious o

laudate:


Someone said you sound like a tribal bigot. I am inclined to agree with him.

I have also seen Igbo Yoruba guys who date Yoruba Igbo girls, (sometimes for several years), but when it comes to marriage, they take off to go and marry a girl from their village or local govt area.

I personally witnessed a case where this IgboYoruba guy dated a Yoruba Igbo girl right from her undergraduate days until she finished youth corps, got a job and everything. Their relationship spanned more than 5 years, and all their friends had assumed it would end in marriage.

She even spurned the attention of other suitors due to her love for this guy. He was her first and only lover for years. She had even introduced him to her family, and there were no objections. When the girl felt time was passing, she brokered the question about their future together. His answer was instructive: "Relationships between Igbo and Yoruba people, do not work." What kind of an answer is that? After how many years of courtship?

The girl fell into depression and almost lost her marbles. Now, if she came to you for counselling, what answer would you give her??

lawanson44:


I have corrected your LIES TRUTH the way it has always been according to past events and history. Don't come here to lie again!

laudate:


What if the girl herself does not know the full facts about her background? What if her parents were divorced several years ago, and she has lost touch with one of her parents, half-siblings, extended members of her father's family or mother's family?

Some kids brought up abroad, may have lost touch with some members of their immediate and/or extended family, so expecting them to know all about their background, is wishful thinking. Would that be their fault? A friend once shared his story with me, about how he met and married his wife abroad. The relationship later ended in divorce.

Hear his story: "My own maternal great-grandfather was a traditional ruler of a major town. He had 22 wives. Some he took as a traditional right. Others were given to him by neighbouring tribes to strengthen diplomatic ties, tributes etc. His own son, my maternal grandfather had 4 wives. Till date, I do not even know how diverse the family tree is, or who is related to what. After the wedding, we came to Nigeria only to discover from her parents that my wife was actually my cousin, who had taken on the name of her step-father, when her parents divorced. The whole relationship went downhill after that revelation."

Lessons learnt: It pays to involve your family and get their consent before the wedding.

Ehen...ok, o! True love, ke? And your marriage remains childless for 6 years or more? Come back and tell me after the next couple of years, that childlessness does not put heavy strain on an African marriage, and I will believe you!

DedeNkem:


Family is very important. Don't exclude them from your wedding (unless you know they'll create problems at the wedding) and don't let them control your marriage. Ignore any family member who disapproves your fiancee. After all, there's a good reason why you chose your fiancee.

Some families have ruined many marriages, either intentionally or otherwise.

laudate:


Haba! There is no lie in this matter, o! It is sad to see that your mind is so warped with hate that you cannot believe the truth, even when it hits you. Would you like the phone number of the Igbo guy so you can discuss directly with him? His dad is from Ajalli in Anambra State, while his mum is from Nnewi.

hahn:


[s] The average African doesn't see it that way. We keep fighting to preserve our "African values" but still end of bleaching our skin, changing our accent, killing each other, practising tribalism and still hold the title for world's most poverty stricken continent.

Someone mentioned on this thread that "what elders see sitting down a child can't see standing on a tree". While that may be true to an extent, it is important to question what exactly it is they know and how they've been able to apply that knowledge to the greater good of our people. All the corrupt officials and people who have ruined this nation are all our "elders".

It's quite a pathetic situation we are in. And our youths are simply conditioned to repeat the same mistakes our elders did [/s]

Ishilove:

You gat jokes

SirShymexx:

Ganja induced the greatness associated with Tupac, Bob Marley, and Fela Kuti. Oprah Winfrey, Obama, Steve Jobs, Steve Ballmer et al messed/still-mess with ganja. Legal high and Jah bless the ganjar farmer. Dun noe, deyah.
Yes, that's what's up. But hey, some family can be cruel. And when the case is like that: it might be up in the air. Then again, even with that - there's still something with blood connection that can't be replaced, hence occultists do blood covenants for supreme loyalty. And when you look at the hearts of men and how it's always a tad difficult to figure people out, regardless of whatever relationship you have with them - it's always going to be about those who were there through the whole metamorphosis that took place in ya life, from birth, to childhood, and adulthood and, "family first".
So you have to always carry ya family along and anyone you get involved with, has to be cordial with them, to maintain a balance. And if it comes to choosing being between the two - a known entity and an unknown one - I'm riding with my family. Not trading my family for no woman...love them too much to even contemplate that. And I won't even advise any woman to trade her family for me.
Lol, don't worry about the "You" factor - I was just trying to trigger ya fiery/feisty side the last time.

Noneroone:
you will do very well if you cure urself this slave mentality.
Is this west you are dieing for not where divorce is the order of the day?
Is the west not where you cant even scold your own child?
Is a society where the govt encourage homosexuality fit to raise a child?
European killed themselves and kills themselve more than African do, they practise racism more than Africans, they practice religious bigotry more than African (read history of ireland and north ireland)

Do you really need to know reasons why families should be involved during marriages?

Are u for real?

DollyParton1:


Good boy. You have earned yourself a bar of chocolate. Lool.....
I pray that may the source of your ganja never run out of supply.

But really some family are really cruel and the blood shared can be a curse also. No shitting some family are just not worth it, not even for the sake of the blood shared with them.

SirShymexx:


Nah, I wanna smoke-a-thon with you - puff puff pass lol. Don't worry, you won't get too lean cos it is gonna be mersh, not skunk or any of the strong ones. What say you? Lool

Yes, you are right, some families are messed up. Hence I always thank God for my fam cos without them, I won't even be where I'm today. Those are the folks who always bail me out every time I self-destruct and all these snakey humanoids have gone ghost. I won't trade them for anything on this planet.

DollyParton1:


No I'll pass on the mersh. Thanks for the thoughtfulness though.

SirShymexx:


Lol. A lot of chics do smoke that ganja on the sly...you need to try it out. Mersh is low grade and it won't fvck you up that bad, ya get me?

Err, there was this decent naij chic from naij that I met at the store when I first moved to these sides (where I live now) a few years ago. Sweet pretty face and ridiculous body. And back then, she used to come smoke-a-thon at mines all the time, every evening after work. And these times, I was on a 3-year hiatus from 'em green natural leaves, apart from when I'm on holz (I just started smoking again a few months ago). At first, I was shocked cos I know naija chics to be super-religious, judgemental, and sanctimonious (holier than thou)...and she told me a lot of chics in naij smoke weed, the same way chics out here do. Let's get high!