Umuchoke:

Trust me, the Yoruba girl did not love the Igbo guy otherwise the fear of being called iyawo omo Ibo wouldn't have deterred her. True love breaks across family/tribal barriers!

OP u actually have thw right mentality towards marriage. If you love this girl, sit with her and pour your mindset into her. Once she understands ur heart, pick up the phone or pay a visit to your dad and this time let him know you are going to dialogue with him for the last time on this issue. If he still refuses walk away and go get married in court, take a friend or 2 and perform her marriage rites if they do that in Togo. Let me see if your dad will barge into your home and demand that she must not sleep on your bed.

Parents are not always right. When you know and are sure u are right why allow them to scuttle you?

Umuchoke:
Don't get the message wrong; I'm not totally against involving families in marriage but I feel it's better done after the young man and lady has tied the nuptial knots in the court of law. I've seen many cases where a guy would take a girl to his parents to introduce her as his future wife. The parents may accept initially but there would always be one grandpa with so much history in his bald head to ruin the show. He would tell you how the girl's people treated his own village in 1857, and for that reason the marriage shouldn't hold. This can be just so frustrating, especially when the young people involved are seriously in love with each other. Since bigotry and tribal sentiments can't be removed, I suggest we limit families involvement in marriage affairs.

how wud you feel if you son or daughter or even your grand children decides to do it without your knowledge?

Ginaz:
I dont think its a good ideal because the marriage is involving two families. the families need to know each other and will act as a pillar to the young couples in troubles times.

I know family can be frustrating sometimes, you can limit them completely only when you have started your family.
but when two couples are about getting married, both families needs to be involved and introduced.

Crap.

When Cain marriedhis wife did he invite family?
When Isaac married his wife do you see any relative there?

Humblebloke:



You should probably know this is outta context



You sound like an unrepentant tribal bigot!!!!

[b]Bro...i grew up as a kid and even most of my adult years loving the yoruba culture. I was a kid out of the 90s during the Afrobeat DUDU music era of Shina Peters. I enjoyed his music as a child. I loved to watch them play their drums with zest and at a time, we (my parents and i) lived in a compound with yorubas where i played together with the kids. Look at my NL moniker "Lawanson"...is it not a Yoruba Lagos Name?

But as i grew up, experiences began to open my eyes.

I don't even want to talk about the bigotry anti-igbo comments i see here when i began my sojourn into NL

Let me give you an instance...My cousin (My Dad's elder brother's daughter) served in Osun state and i remember how she recounted her ordeal as a corper in the West due to segregation as an omo-ibo. At a time, she almost died because all of a sudden, her face and feet began to swell as a result of some diabolic stuff which was sent to her there. We had to bring her back to the East and took her to various hospitals where they ran all the Tests in the world and saw nothing until she was taken to Okigwe where herbs were administered before she recovered.

Will i leave out the incident about a family friend who worked in a Federal Govt Parastatal in Abia where he was promoted above 2 of his superiors who were yorubas. According to one of the staff (a lady who lived in lagos and understood yoruba language very well), she overheard where one of the guys was boasting that he will make sure that Omo-ibo does not enjoy the promotion. The particular guy in question took leave and came back after a week and became uncontrollably close to this my friend unlike before and before you know it, Jidechukwu became terribly sick and was in a vegetative state for months before he finally died.

Let me talk about myself who has also witnessed my own share of livid hatred. I was invited to come deploy a network server for an office and when i did the job very well, the man in charge offered that i work with them part-time so that whenever there is an issue, i can be easily accessed. I was overjoyed and returned to the place to take the offer when i was told by the man's PA that his secretary and clerk who were yorubas quickly arranged for another guy who was into the same thing and convinced their boss that he should take him instead because i said i was not going to take the job. I got in touch with the man and he confirmed that it was what his secretary told him. His PA confided in me that when he asked the sec and the clerk why they were conniving to out-do me, they simply said that they didn't want an Omo-Ibo to come and start "RUBBING SHOULDERS WITH THEM" in that office! ( The boss and his PA are from Edo)....That was to me the last straw!

That was when i started to hate yorubas and i will ever continue to hate them forever and make sure it trickles down to my children and grandchildren.


Case closed![/b]

Kingstone32:
how wud you feel if you son or daughter or even your grand children decides to do it without your knowledge?

Lord knows I'd never stop my son or daughter from marrying people of their own choice. I'll prioritize their happiness above my own choices

RasheedUmar:
I've already said it. My dad won't know when I get married but I'll show him my children

Hope u'll be happy when your child do same to you in the future?

Imagine..your dad, that gave birth to you and pay ur bills @least @primary sch before u came what u are today.

RasheedUmar:
I've already said it. My dad won't know when I get married but I'll show him my children

my dear dis is exactly what a friend of mine did, he didn't know his daughter was getn married cos he maltreated her,but his own was worse cos he died out of shock receiving d news dat his daughter was already married nd d daughter still didn't care, na wa sha ....

@OP will you acept your own children to get married without telling you, as their mother after nine months of pregnancy, pains of labor,and stress of training them from credle to adulthood.can you parmit that be sincered please.

Umuchoke:

Hahaha! You're so on perfectly on point, sir! our so-called elders are tribal jingoists and they've somehow passed the poison to the younger/upcoming generation. And I'm afraid the trend will continue till God knows when. It's such a pity! I thank God I'm not part of it...I see every living being as equal. Thank you, sir

The only solution is a rebellion or revolution of our core belief system.

Since you're in this kind of situation, why don't you get married to her. Your struggle will set as an example for many people suffering from the same predicament in years to come. Whether you succeed or not

Get married without your family n then b on your own for better for worst... Except for some serious case that will make them invervene.even when its very very rosy for u,u still need your families.

naijadeyhia:


OP u actually have thw right mentality towards marriage. If you love this girl, sit with her and pour your mindset into her. Once she understands ur heart, pick up the phone or pay a visit to your dad and this time let him know you are going to dialogue with him for the last time on this issue. If he still refuses walk away and go get married in court, take a friend or 2 and perform her marriage rites if they do that in Togo. Let me see if your dad will barge into your home and demand that she must not sleep on your bed.

Parents are not always right. When you know and are sure u are right why allow them to scuttle you?

Seriously, I'm happy the girl's people have accepted me. All they care for is their daughter's happiness, although they hinted me that they wouldn't like any misunderstanding from my folks, that I should try my best to convince them. That's the part currently working on

And must we africans copy all that is bad in oyinbo culture?

We, african should learn to preserve our identity and culture.

hahn:


The only solution is a rebellion or revolution of our core belief system.

Since you're in this kind of situation, why don't you get married to her. Your struggle will set as an example for many people suffering from the same predicament in years to come. Whether you succeed or not

Of course, I have that in mind. I'm just waiting for some things to click for me before I make my move. My happiness is that the girl truly loves me as I much as I love her. So I have nothing to worry about

Umuchoke:

Of course, I have that in mind. I'm just waiting for some things to click for me before I make my move. My happiness is that the girl truly loves me as I much as I love her. So I have nothing to worry about

I remember when I wanted to get married, I called my aunt and told her and the first thing she asked was, "I hope she is not Ijaw o?". My wife is actually Ijaw and there's is this beef btew the Ijaws and the Itsekiris. Like I care

Good luck. Don't forget to update us o

Stupid post..

Its like wanting chilled drinks and not needing a fridge..


U wanna create a family and u don't need family?

Smh

crackhaus:

Wrong!


Wrong!!


Wrong again!!!

wet the 'rights' naw?
abi na only wrong wrong full ur head?

no vex.

then dont involve family when ur spouse starts keeping late nights at the beer parlour or starts bringing women into ur home or starts cheating on u with other men. or when ur spouse refuses to do her house chores as a wife including cooking, dnt involve her family biko. since una wan marry wifouy family's conscent.

hahn:


I remember when I wanted to get married, I called my aunt and told her and the first thing she asked was, "I hope she is not Ijaw o?". My wife is actually Ijaw and there's is this beef btew the Ijaws and the Itsekiris. Like I care

Good luck. Don't forget to update us o

Hahaha! Imagine that. Congrats though that you succeeded.
Yes, I'll update u in due course. Thanks, sir

I de tell u I wish so...naija too get many wahaala when person wan marry na fear de some guys mind...emergency weddin na d best o

juwoonn:

Hope u'll be happy when your child do same to you in the future?

Imagine..your dad, that gave birth to you and pay ur bills @least @primary sch before u came what u are today.

And because he paid my bills I should be obliged to repay him with my happiness?

Eyekandi:
Op r u from ehime mbano

Madam what part of Ehime Mbano are you from?... I'm from Umualumaku.

MrsAnyanwu:
my dear dis is exactly what a friend of mine did, he didn't know his daughter was getn married cos he maltreated her,but his own was worse cos he died out of shock receiving d news dat his daughter was already married nd d daughter still didn't care, na wa sha ....

No, my own case is not up to that level. My father loves me but he's too tribalistic and i won't let him get in my way if by chance I find a wife from another tribe he doesn't approve of

Umuchoke:

Seriously, I'm happy the girl's people have accepted me. All they care for is their daughter's happiness, although they hinted me that they wouldn't like any misunderstanding from my folks, that I should try my best to convince them. That's the part currently working on

Young man I speak from experience.. do not put your life on hold just because of some sentimental opinion from your dad. Your girls parents would never have any misunderstanding with your parents because you are the one in focus and not your parents.

So if your dad says you must not marry her you would actually consider accepting that?

Perhaps I am being too radical with my approach but as a man who has seen the before and the after of marriage, my parents have no say in this. They will come around....they always do and if per adventure they refuse to love you as a son simply because you got married which is a good thing and not that you killed or robbed someone then so be it as this would prove your point regarding their mindset.

I remember growing up and being disowned by my father for refusing to study what he demanded me to study and I lived and ate with strangers.... did they stop being my parents? No! All entrities fell on deaf ears but today I am the pillar of the family to the glory of God! Nothing happens without me and my wife is a gem in their eyes. What I call what your dad is doing is initial gragra... He will chill.

I was even discussing with my wife a couple of days ago that this issue of bride price would not happen with my daughter, if and when she introduces a man to me as her fiance and he wiahes to get married, my talk would be with her and it would be centered on love...if she is sure of her love for him and vice versa and if she says yes, I will gladly give him her hand FOR FREE! .....NA MY PIKIN I NO DEY SELL AM NEITHER AM I TAKING A DIME ON HER HEAD...MY PERMISSION IS ENOUGH... Afterall she will never cease to be my daughter even when she becomes someone else's wife.

RasheedUmar:
I've already said it. My dad won't know when I get married but I'll show him my children

Kai.... And your wife to be go gree

lawanson44:


[b]Bro...i grew up as a kid and even most of my adult years loving the yoruba culture. I was a kid out of the 90s during the Afrobeat DUDU music era of Shina Peters. I enjoyed his music as a child. I loved to watch them play their drums with zest and at a time, we (my parents and i) lived in a compound with yorubas where i played together with the kids. Look at my NL moniker "Lawanson"...is it not a Yoruba Lagos Name?

But as i grew up, experiences began to open my eyes.

I don't even want to talk about the bigotry anti-igbo comments i see here when i began my sojourn into NL

Let me give you an instance...My cousin (My Dad's elder brother's daughter) served in Osun state and i remember how she recounted her ordeal as a corper in the West due to segregation as an omo-ibo. At a time, she almost died because all of a sudden, her face and feet began to swell as a result of some diabolic stuff which was sent to her there. We had to bring her back to the East and took her to various hospitals where they ran all the Tests in the world and saw nothing until she was taken to Okigwe where herbs were administered before she recovered.

Will i leave out the incident about a family friend who worked in a Federal Govt Parastatal in Abia where he was promoted above 2 of his superiors who were yorubas. According to one of the staff (a lady who lived in lagos and understood yoruba language very well), she overheard where one of the guys was boasting that he will make sure that Omo-ibo does not enjoy the promotion. The particular guy in question took leave and came back after a week and became uncontrollably close to this my friend unlike before and before you know it, Jidechukwu became terribly sick and was in a vegetative state for months before he finally died.

Let me talk about myself who has also witnessed my own share of livid hatred. I was invited to come deploy a network server for an office and when i did the job very well, the man in charge offered that i work with them part-time so that whenever there is an issue, i can be easily accessed. I was overjoyed and returned to the place to take the offer when i was told by the man's PA that his secretary and clerk who were yorubas quickly arranged for another guy who was into the same thing and convinced their boss that he should take him instead because i said i was not going to take the job. I got in touch with the man and he confirmed that it was what his secretary told him. His PA confided in me that when he asked the sec and the clerk why they were conniving to out-do me, they simply said that they didn't want an Omo-Ibo to come and start "RUBBING SHOULDERS WITH THEM" in that office! ( The boss and his PA are from Edo)....That was to me the last straw!

That was when i started to hate yorubas and i will ever continue to hate them forever and make sure it trickles down to my children and grandchildren.


Case closed![/b]

Your story is a touching one and I'm truly sorry. I myself have experienced hatred from Yoruba people but funny enough most of my friends are Yorubas. So it would be wrong for me to conclude that Yorubas are too tribalistic because there are Igbos that hate Yorubas too. Jingoists are everywhere but the best bait is not to be part of it

Eyekandi:
Op r u from ehime mbano

Tell me something about Ehime mbano.

naijadeyhia:


Young man I speak from experience.. do not put your life on hold just because of some sentimental opinion from your dad. Your girls parents would never have any misunderstanding with your parents because you are the one in focus and not your parents.

So if your dad says you must not marry her you would actually consider accepting that?

Perhaps I am being too radical with my approach but as a man who has seen the before and the after of marriage, my parents have no say in this. They will come around....they always do and if per adventure they refuse to love you as a son simply because you got married which is a good thing and not that you killed or robbed someone then so be it as this would prove your point regarding their mindset.

I remember growing up and being disowned by my father for refusing to study what he demanded me to study and I lived and ate with strangers.... did they stop being my parents? No! All entrities fell on deaf ears but today I am the pillar of the family to the glory of God! Nothing happens without me and my wife is a gem in their eyes. What I call what your dad is doing is initial gragra... He will chill.

I was even discussing with my wife a couple of days ago that this issue of bride price would not happen with my daughter, if and when she introduces a man to me as her fiance and he wiahes to get married, my talk would be with her and it would be centered on love...if she is sure of her love for him and vice versa and if she says yes, I will gladly give him her hand FOR FREE! .....NA MY PIKIN I NO DEY SELL AM NEITHER AM I TAKING A DIME ON HER HEAD...MY PERMISSION IS ENOUGH... Afterall she will never cease to be my daughter even when she becomes someone else's wife.

Wow! I love this! You are happy today because you were very bold and courageous to take your stand. Just imagine what difference it could have made if you had followed your family's choice. You probably could be having a bad marriage now and wouldn't give a damn about your family. Thanks for the advice, sir

lawanson44:


[b]Bro...i grew up as a kid and even most of my adult years loving the yoruba culture. I was a kid out of the 90s during the Afrobeat DUDU music era of Shina Peters. I enjoyed his music as a child. I loved to watch them play their drums with zest and at a time, we (my parents and i) lived in a compound with yorubas where i played together with the kids. Look at my NL moniker "Lawanson"...is it not a Yoruba Lagos Name?

But as i grew up, experiences began to open my eyes.

I don't even want to talk about the bigotry anti-igbo comments i see here when i began my sojourn into NL

Let me give you an instance...My cousin (My Dad's elder brother's daughter) served in Osun state and i remember how she recounted her ordeal as a corper in the West due to segregation as an omo-ibo. At a time, she almost died because all of a sudden, her face and feet began to swell as a result of some diabolic stuff which was sent to her there. We had to bring her back to the East and took her to various hospitals where they ran all the Tests in the world and saw nothing until she was taken to Okigwe where herbs were administered before she recovered.

Will i leave out the incident about a family friend who worked in a Federal Govt Parastatal in Abia where he was promoted above 2 of his superiors who were yorubas. According to one of the staff (a lady who lived in lagos and understood yoruba language very well), she overheard where one of the guys was boasting that he will make sure that Omo-ibo does not enjoy the promotion. The particular guy in question took leave and came back after a week and became uncontrollably close to this my friend unlike before and before you know it, Jidechukwu became terribly sick and was in a vegetative state for months before he finally died.

Let me talk about myself who has also witnessed my own share of livid hatred. I was invited to come deploy a network server for an office and when i did the job very well, the man in charge offered that i work with them part-time so that whenever there is an issue, i can be easily accessed. I was overjoyed and returned to the place to take the offer when i was told by the man's PA that his secretary and clerk who were yorubas quickly arranged for another guy who was into the same thing and convinced their boss that he should take him instead because i said i was not going to take the job. I got in touch with the man and he confirmed that it was what his secretary told him. His PA confided in me that when he asked the sec and the clerk why they were conniving to out-do me, they simply said that they didn't want an Omo-Ibo to come and start "RUBBING SHOULDERS WITH THEM" in that office! ( The boss and his PA are from Edo)....That was to me the last straw!

That was when i started to hate yorubas and i will ever continue to hate them forever and make sure it trickles down to my children and grandchildren.


Case closed![/b]

you don't say.

Umuchoke:

Wow! I love this! You are happy today because you were very bold and courageous to take your stand. Just imagine what difference it could have made if you had followed your family's choice. You probably could be having a bad marriage now and wouldn't give a damn about your family. Thanks for the advice, sir

Yes in life ur middle name should be boldness especially when u are on the right track. In my life as an igbo man I have loved yoruba, hausa, delta but today i am married to a PH damsel from a royal family and despite the royalty bullshit we broke that barrier.

Like I said they always come around. I am a father now so I totally understand. If you loved your kids right and not thinking love is about sending the kid to school and clothing and feeding but actually caring emotionally and being there for them and listening.... then you would love them always no matter what!

Today people fall in love over whatsapp, facebook, instagram and there is nothing anybody can do about it. True love is the focus and if the love is true, then by all means let it continue.

Umuchoke:
Don't get the message wrong; I'm not totally against involving families in marriage but I feel it's better done after the young man and lady has tied the nuptial knots in the court of law. I've seen many cases where a guy would take a girl to his parents to introduce her as his future wife. The parents may accept initially but there would always be one grandpa with so much history in his bald head to ruin the show. He would tell you how the girl's people treated his own village in 1857, and for that reason the marriage shouldn't hold. This can be just so frustrating, especially when the young people involved are seriously in love with each other. Since bigotry and tribal sentiments can't be removed, I suggest we limit families involvement in marriage affairs.

I don't like that you are suggesting this.

This is how America started and threw away culture thereby plunging their marital system into divorce. Don't get me wrong, am not against you. I love it when young people have opinions.

The families should not be involved after the marriage that is the system I support. If you suggest this then Nigeria will start having stories of two corpers dating for 7 months, getting married and divorcing in 3 months(this would be against the dictions of the bible). Sometimes Parents say no because of something they've seen either spiritually or by intuition.

Incest would be encouraged by your system. I don't even know how branched my family tree is. As old as my mom is she isn't sure of all her cousins. I was went for a family burial and I saw a babe and wanted to go for her before I was warned that she was my cousin.

Take for example a situation of a boy that likes a girl who has been promiscuous all her life to the extent that she had a damaged womb. But he brought her home and his junior sister was able to stop the marriage because she knew the girl. A potential divorce has been stopped isn't it?

Parents should not be involved after marriage. It should be you and your family. Involvement of Parents after wedding could be disastrous. You can before the weddding decide you are marrying this lady and that's final. If they don't support you don't care. If your marriage breaks up, you'll learn. But having your family bicker into your marriage life can cause a break-up that shouldn't exist.


Finally, it will seem awkward in that your family will just be getting to know your wife after the wedding.

Please don't let european culture throw our culture away. We can perfect our system and make them even be allured by us.