cococandy:


@bold exactly. It's always worth giving the best shot at least.

I've seen it work for some, but eloping just isn't the best idea IMO.

Na wa to op ooo!

so you don't know that marriage is a bond between, not just the man and woman, but the two families?

you don't know the meaning or significance of in-laws in traditional African culture?

you don't know that nations, in the time of kings, used marriages to maintain peace and prosperous diplomatic links?

you just want to marry your wife alone without "involving" the families, continue.

lawanson44:


[b]Bro...i grew up as a kid and even most of my adult years loving the yoruba culture. I was a kid out of the 90s during the Afrobeat DUDU music era of Shina Peters. I enjoyed his music as a child. I loved to watch them play their drums with zest and at a time, we (my parents and i) lived in a compound with yorubas where i played together with the kids. Look at my NL moniker "Lawanson"...is it not a Yoruba Lagos Name?

But as i grew up, experiences began to open my eyes.

I don't even want to talk about the bigotry anti-igbo comments i see here when i began my sojourn into NL

Let me give you an instance...My cousin (My Dad's elder brother's daughter) served in Osun state and i remember how she recounted her ordeal as a corper in the West due to segregation as an omo-ibo. At a time, she almost died because all of a sudden, her face and feet began to swell as a result of some diabolic stuff which was sent to her there. We had to bring her back to the East and took her to various hospitals where they ran all the Tests in the world and saw nothing until she was taken to Okigwe where herbs were administered before she recovered.

Will i leave out the incident about a family friend who worked in a Federal Govt Parastatal in Abia where he was promoted above 2 of his superiors who were yorubas. According to one of the staff (a lady who lived in lagos and understood yoruba language very well), she overheard where one of the guys was boasting that he will make sure that Omo-ibo does not enjoy the promotion. The particular guy in question took leave and came back after a week and became uncontrollably close to this my friend unlike before and before you know it, Jidechukwu became terribly sick and was in a vegetative state for months before he finally died.

Let me talk about myself who has also witnessed my own share of livid hatred. I was invited to come deploy a network server for an office and when i did the job very well, the man in charge offered that i work with them part-time so that whenever there is an issue, i can be easily accessed. I was overjoyed and returned to the place to take the offer when i was told by the man's PA that his secretary and clerk who were yorubas quickly arranged for another guy who was into the same thing and convinced their boss that he should take him instead because i said i was not going to take the job. I got in touch with the man and he confirmed that it was what his secretary told him. His PA confided in me that when he asked the sec and the clerk why they were conniving to out-do me, they simply said that they didn't want an Omo-Ibo to come and start "RUBBING SHOULDERS WITH THEM" in that office! ( The boss and his PA are from Edo)....That was to me the last straw!

That was when i started to hate yorubas and i will ever continue to hate them forever and make sure it trickles down to my children and grandchildren.


Case closed![/b]

I understand your point.... Its nauseating.... I don't know how long people will continue to live like this...

The hausa man who lives in Nnewi has a similar story


An igbo man living in the north has a story to tell.... Likewise a yoruba man in the same enviroment


The circle goes on...... It didn't start from our generation, the bad blood arose from our fathers who kept feeding hateful stories about other tribes to their innocent children...... You don't wanna keep that goin.... Do you


Bro......these things are bound to happen in a country like ours where tribal and religious bigotry is the way of life.......I really can't comprehend why people haven't d
one away with these generalisation shii


A friend of mine told me how he was treated badly somewhere in Abia.... Because he was not from their tribe.....

The crazy part is even among similar tribes.........people still do these act of generalising things


If you were hurt by a group of people from a particular tribe...... It does not in any way justify hatred towards the whole tribe


A yoruba man did business with a group of igbo men and he was murdered before they could share the proceeds........this has not stop people from different tribes doing business with one another


I ve been treated badly by*some* people from other tribes........that hasn't changed anything cos' im enlightened


Ion believe there are bad tribes.........There are only bad people

You said you lived in Gidi......you should know better


Do away with your evil toughts......of passing this down to your forthcoming generations...... It will not do us any good

Do not judge people based on their tribal affliations

lawanson44:


[b]Bro...i grew up as a kid and even most of my adult years loving the yoruba culture. I was a kid out of the 90s during the Afrobeat DUDU music era of Shina Peters. I enjoyed his music as a child. I loved to watch them play their drums with zest and at a time, we (my parents and i) lived in a compound with yorubas where i played together with the kids. Look at my NL moniker "Lawanson"...is it not a Yoruba Lagos Name?

But as i grew up, experiences began to open my eyes.

I don't even want to talk about the bigotry anti-igbo comments i see here when i began my sojourn into NL

Let me give you an instance...My cousin (My Dad's elder brother's daughter) served in Osun state and i remember how she recounted her ordeal as a corper in the West due to segregation as an omo-ibo. At a time, she almost died because all of a sudden, her face and feet began to swell as a result of some diabolic stuff which was sent to her there. We had to bring her back to the East and took her to various hospitals where they ran all the Tests in the world and saw nothing until she was taken to Okigwe where herbs were administered before she recovered.

Will i leave out the incident about a family friend who worked in a Federal Govt Parastatal in Abia where he was promoted above 2 of his superiors who were yorubas. According to one of the staff (a lady who lived in lagos and understood yoruba language very well), she overheard where one of the guys was boasting that he will make sure that Omo-ibo does not enjoy the promotion. The particular guy in question took leave and came back after a week and became uncontrollably close to this my friend unlike before and before you know it, Jidechukwu became terribly sick and was in a vegetative state for months before he finally died.

Let me talk about myself who has also witnessed my own share of livid hatred. I was invited to come deploy a network server for an office and when i did the job very well, the man in charge offered that i work with them part-time so that whenever there is an issue, i can be easily accessed. I was overjoyed and returned to the place to take the offer when i was told by the man's PA that his secretary and clerk who were yorubas quickly arranged for another guy who was into the same thing and convinced their boss that he should take him instead because i said i was not going to take the job. I got in touch with the man and he confirmed that it was what his secretary told him. His PA confided in me that when he asked the sec and the clerk why they were conniving to out-do me, they simply said that they didn't want an Omo-Ibo to come and start "RUBBING SHOULDERS WITH THEM" in that office! ( The boss and his PA are from Edo)....That was to me the last straw!

That was when i started to hate yorubas and i will ever continue to hate them forever and make sure it trickles down to my children and grandchildren.


Case closed![/b]

Should we because the bone in cow meat is very hard and may break our teeth abandon the sweet beef?

People can tell you what some ibos too have done and you'll marvel. There are yorubas who hate yorubas because the uncouth ones can't live without causing diabolical trouble. I for one is frustrated by this. But, you'll still find loving and wonderful yoruba people. There will always be a judas among 12 good people. Judge people based on good and evil not their tribe because no man's attitude represents his tribe's. There are some ibo dudes that disgust me yet I know some that I just can't do without.

Please don't hate the yoruba tribe.

About the anti-igbo folks on NL you need to see the anti-yoruba infact all ibos here at estimate, a good 98% hate yoruba people since this biafra things started. The way you feel is the way another may feel about the negative side of something.

So don't hate' especially if you are a christian.

Esdb3:


Should we because the bone in cow meat is very hard and may break our teeth abandon the sweet beef?

People can tell you what some ibos too have done and you'll marvel. There are yorubas who hate yorubas because the uncouth ones can't live without causing diabolical trouble. I for one is frustrated by this. But, you'll still find loving and wonderful yoruba people. There will always be a judas among 12 good people. Judge people based on good and evil not their tribe because no man's attitude represents his tribe's. There are some ibo dudes that disgust me yet I know some that I just can't do without.

Please don't hate the yoruba tribe.

About the anti-igbo folks on NL you need to see the anti-yoruba infact all ibos here at estimate, a good 98% hate yoruba people since this biafra things started. The way you feel is the way another may feel about the negative side of something.

So don't hate' especially if you are a christian.

Thank you for the summary

EnlightenedSoul:


I've seen it work for some, but eloping just isn't the best idea IMO.

I wasn't supporting the eloping part.

Esdb3:


I don't like that you are suggesting this.

This is how America started and threw away culture thereby plunging their marital system into divorce. Don't get me wrong, am not against you. I love it when young people have opinions.

The families should not be involved after the marriage that is the system I support. If you suggest this then Nigeria will start having stories of two corpers dating for 7 months, getting married and divorcing in 3 months(this would be against the dictions of the bible). Sometimes Parents say no because of something they've seen either spiritually or by intuition.

Yes, I agree with you. I made that comment out of desperation...in fact, this thread has to do with what I'm currently experiencing.

Incest would be encouraged by your system. I don't even know how branched my family tree is. As old as my mom is she isn't sure of all her cousins. I was went for a family burial and I saw a babe and wanted to go for her before I was warned that she was my cousin.

Sir, except she's a prostitute you met in a brothel, where you don't need any formalities, there's no how you'd meet a girl now without asking her background. In fact, that should be the one of the first few start up lines to wooing her. What I'm discussing here is marriage, so I think the incest issue is clearly avoidable.

Take for example a situation of a boy that likes a girl who has been promiscuous all her life to the extent that she had a damaged womb. But he brought her home and his junior sister was able to stop the marriage because she knew the girl. A potential divorce has been stopped isn't it?

Bearing children is one of the good things about marriage but I think true love supersedes that. If the boy and the girl were truly in love with each other, nothing could have stopped their marriage. Her attitude in the past can be forgiven. Although, I wouldn't marry a girl whom my elder or younger brother had dated before

Parents should not be involved after marriage. It should be you and your family. Involvement of Parents after wedding could be disastrous. You can before the wedding decide you are marrying this lady and that's final. If they don't support you don't care. If your marriage breaks up, you'll learn. But having your family bicker into your marriage life can cause a break-up that shouldn't exist.

Yes, I agree with you. But still they can't make decisions for me. The fear of breaking up and getting snubbed by parents wouldn't deter me. After all, arranged marriages are more prone to crash

Finally, it will seem awkward in that your family will just be getting to know your wife after the wedding.
Please don't let european culture throw our culture away. We can perfect our system and make them even be allured by us.

Agreed. They have the right to be informed

cococandy:

I wasn't supporting the eloping part.

Oh, I know. I was JS. How r u?

Esdb3:



People can tell you what some ibos too have done and you'll marvel.

the poster just did.

EnlightenedSoul:


Oh, I know. I was JS. How r u?

I'm fine .you?

RasheedUmar:

And because he paid my bills I should be obliged to repay him with my happiness?

Will you be happy if your child do d same to you in d future?

I was so happy my dad and mum witnessed my wedding. It gave me so much joy.

Even my grad pa was 93 and I was happy he witnessed d ceremony. He died 3 months after though.

Well, it depends on the kind of family u're from

How can ur happiness be dat ur dad must not attend ur wedding?

menxer:
Na wa to op ooo!

so you don't know that marriage is a bond between, not just the man and woman, but the two families?

Totally agreed.

you don't know the meaning or significance of in-laws in traditional African culture?

Are they that significant? I don't know

you don't know that nations, in the time of kings, used marriages to maintain peace and prosperous diplomatic links?

LOL! I don't care about kings, kingdoms and marriage alliances. I only care about the love I have for the woman with whom I'll spend my eternity.

you just want to marry your wife alone without "involving" the families, continue.

Thanks

cococandy:


I'm fine .you?

I'm glad. Honestly, not my best but I think I'll be OK.

your writeup is beyond human comprehension ... Geez! what planet are u from?

your writeup is beyond human comprehension ... Geez! what planet are u from?

Omotayor123:

Kai.... And your wife to be go gree

Why not

juwoonn:


Will you be happy if your child do d same to you in d future?

I was so happy my dad and mum witnessed my wedding. It gave me so much joy.

Even my grad pa was 93 and I was happy he witnessed d ceremony. He died 3 months after though.

Well, it depends on the kind of family u're from

How can ur happiness be dat ur dad must not attend ur wedding?

I won't be happy but to avoid stories that touch it's better I don't tell them. i think I have the same issue with the op

freecocoa:
Not when it comes to my own marriage, nobody can tell me who to marry, I will marry who I want, if they don't like that, to blazes with them.

You are just saying it. When you get to that bridge then you will understand. For clarity purpose which part of the country are you from and which tribe?

Umuchoke:

Yes, in Europe a guy can fall in love with a lady, take her to court for marriage. Then ring the fam next day like "Hey, dad! I just got married to one Cynthia. Coming home soon to introduce her". Now that's how it's supposed to be, bro. Not first of all telling ur parents, who would in turn ask their own parents if they know the girl's people history. That sucks!

That is the same reason in Europe they also run out so easily from marriage because there was no body to teach them what it means to stay married. Even in Africa we are now experiencing higher divorce cases because most of them jumped into it in the name of civilization and I can do it alone.

I reserve my comments

EnlightenedSoul:


You know, I also completely understand where you're coming from. My parents don't like my man (the reason being sort of related to the one in your OP). My own father would not speak a word to me for months, and if you were someone who knew us, you'd understand the depth of that and the massive impact it had on me. If the relationship had been a flimsy one or the man any less the person he is, I imagine it would've fallen to pieces right then and there. There's been all kinds of schemes and 'drama' since, and its all very odd because you - and more importantly they - know they're being incredibly irrational but you work on them still 'cuz they're your folks. Its not the easiest road to take, but all things considered I def think it worthwhile enough. Even if it doesn't work out in the end, you'll know you tried. You'll know you weren't the one who threw it all away.

Yes I understand you. The truth is that every parent wants the best for you as child so they wouldn't keep quite if they see anything wrong that will harm you in the future. The best thing to do is to listen to them and convince them beyond reasonable doubt that he is the best for you. And also let the guy prove himself to be the best for you even if he has to pretend. On most occasion the fear of the parents for not agreeing initially is always confirmed later on after the marriage as years goes on. You need your family for support and advice to a level in taking marital decision

First of all, marriage is a serious business/affair.

The family needs to carried along.

Part of showing you are ready to be married is to take hard and bold decissions.

Are you still depending on them financially or in one way?

Are you truly independent?

You should be able to draw some respect from your parents and family and if they do respect you and your decissions you let them know your stand and open up your ears to their comments advise and if their points dont hold water stand your ground.

It wont be easy but if they love you and see the two of you are serios just wait and see.

RasheedUmar:

It's not a curse

Just karma

U can't eliminate them from the process but you can control the narrative and be strong in your conviction. I support doing a court wedding private ceremony, then do a big one or more inclusive one later.

But if you have understanding and open minded family members who are not stuck in archaic times, then please involve them.

RasheedUmar:

No, my own case is not up to that level. My father loves me but he's too tribalistic and i won't let him get in my way if by chance I find a wife from another tribe he doesn't approve of

lol, its not upto dat level ......

*I just wish*

kilokeys:
Stupid post..

Its like wanting chilled drinks and not needing a fridge..


U wanna create a family and u don't need family?

Smh

Please read again

megamank:


That is the same reason in Europe they also run out so easily from marriage because there was no body to teach them what it means to stay married. Even in Africa we are now experiencing higher divorce cases because most of them jumped into it in the name of civilization and I can do it alone.

No, sir. The cause is more on parent-arranged marriages than those borne out of true love

Ginaz:
I dont think its a good ideal because the marriage is involving two families. the families need to know each other and will act as a pillar to the young couples in troubles times.

I know family can be frustrating sometimes, you can limit them completely only when you have started your family.
but when two couples are about getting married, both families needs to be involved and introduced.

If you don't leave your family, you can't cleave. Family should not be involved with newly wedded couples cos u guys are understanding each other.

Blossom023:


If you don't leave your family, you can't cleave. Family should not be involved with newly wedded couples cos u guys are understanding each other.

you misunderstood what I was implying, I said that families must be involved when couples are about getting married but after ward they can be completely left out after the union.

it makes sense because as a parent, you would want to know the family your child wants to marry to, you would wanna know them in person so that at least, if anything goes wrong you would know who to contact.

can you let your Child marry into a family you dont know and have not seen?

You don't need your family around you, if you still depend on your family financially, you're worse than an infidel. What about people who don't have the mom or dad, didn't they make it? If you have your family around you, you will not be able to understand each other, when you have problems, everyone will interfere, you wont understand each other as you're supposed to.. So leave your family out of your marriage.