Ishilove:

You are incredibly naive, young man.

When push come to shove, at the end of the day, that same family you refused to involve will be your refuge if all goes south.

When you marry into a family, you don't marry your partner alone but the entire family. The importance of investigating family background cannot also be over-emphasised.

Do they have any strange pattern in the family? E.g insanity, untimely death, poverty, polygamy, stealing etc.

Are they of good moral standing?

Is their spiritual foundation solid or they a family of witches and wizards? Lol

The point is you can't do away with family involvement when marrying because the person you're marrying comes from a family and was not picked from the street. Heck, even if the person is an orphan with no family, he or she will still have one or two people who they will take you to meet.

Are you even African? Cant believe I'm having to explain this

second this post 100%
.
.
Op i blame telemundo, hollywood and the internet for ur view about marriage. Now grow up and stop acting all childish

Emperortj93:
second this post 100%
.
.
Op i blame telemundo, hollywood and the internet for ur view about marriage. Now grow up and stop acting all childish

Smh

Ishilove:

You are incredibly naive, young man.

When push come to shove, at the end of the day, that same family you refused to involve will be your refuge if all goes south.

Are you even African? Cant believe I'm having to explain this

Are you even listening to his ridiculous comments." Dad I am married and bringing my bride home to come see you" You don't even need to bring her home. You can as well marry a ghost and not communicate with your parents anymore.


@op or Umuchoke. You are suffering from serious inferiority complex.
There is nothing that doesn't have it disadvantages as long as humans are the harbingers of it. There would always be a case of misuse or extremity but that does not invalidate the rich benefits that can be derived from such.

Yes, the kind of family setting we practice in Africa can be a bit strenuous and sometimes disadvantageous but the overall benefits of what we practise cannot be overemphasized.

As for your marriage question. You are from somewhere. You belong to somebody and she does to. No matter how much you want to preach individuality you still owe them some sort of allegiance and involving them is the least you can do.

The African marriage is premised on freedom, start of a new life and handing over the baton of responsibility to the newly weds. You can't gain freedom without the "master" giving it out to you. Parents are mostly held responsible for the actions of their kids in Africa and most parents would want their last act over you to be successful, thus more reason why the family is always deeply involved in marriages.

As for your other discuss about Europe and other individualistic cultures. You dont even need to go too far to see why we have so many mentally deranged people, high levels of depression and extreme loneliness in cultures that practise this "individualistic ideals" . Most end up committing suicide and live a life of absolute lonelinesses and dejection. Siblings, parents and kids not keeping in touch for decades is what you term progressive? SMH

The family is a fabric that holds all humans in place. The higher the cohesiveness, the saner and more peaceful the lives of the individuals are. You are still young and very naive. You would understand this better when you grow older and need to lean on "family" to get you through your challenges or share in your joy. That's when you would know what is up.

However, you can choose to so whatever you like. It is a free and individualistic world like you people would like to tell us.

Umuchoke:

My dear, I'm sure you're still a young girl but you just sounded like my old grandmother with her archaic African mentality! Why is it necessary that you carry out a thorough investigation on his family background before taking marriage decision? Where do you place LOVE, which ought to be paramount? Read my intro again; families are important but they have no right to decide your marriage choice for you. Take the example of the guy above who said the sister to his girlfriend is trying to stop their marriage. Would you listen to your sister if you were in his shoes?
Then again, I don't believe in witches and wizards but if I eventually fall in love with a witch she'd change because of me. That's love. I also know it's foolish to love a known armed robber but are you telling me you'd jilt the boy you claim you love if perchance you discover he's osu (an outcast) in his hometown? I think you have to glance over the statistics of divorce in Nigeria to realize how bitter a failure marriage really is. Most of them were manipulations of families

You gat jokes

Umuchoke:
Smh

this guy need serious brain cleansing
pls keep shaking ur dumb head, it might do u a whole lot of good

Nonso23
The two people u r chatting with that have numbers at the end of their monikers r one and the same sick person. Just so u know.

onegig:


Are you even listening to his ridiculous comments." Dad I am married and bringing my bride home to come see you" You don't even need to bring her home. You can as well marry a ghost and not communicate with your parents anymore.

@op or Umuchoke. You are suffering from serious inferiority complex.
There is nothing that doesn't have it disadvantages as long as humans are the harbingers of it. There would always be a case of misuse or extremity but that does not invalidate the rich benefits that can be derived from such.

Yes, the kind of family setting we practice in Africa can be a bit strenuous and sometimes disadvantageous but the overall benefits of what we practise cannot be overemphasized.

As for your marriage question. You are from somewhere. You belong to somebody and she does to. No matter how much you want to preach individuality you still owe them some sort of allegiance and involving them is the least you can do.
I don't think you read my post very clearly.

The African marriage is premised on freedom, start of a new life and handing over the baton of responsibility to the newly weds. You can't gain freedom without the "master" giving it out to you. Parents are mostly held responsible for the actions of their kids in Africa and most parents would want their last act over you to be successful, thus more reason why the family is always deeply involved in marriages.

I was beginning to enjoy your comment till I got to the emboldened part. Did I ever mention child marriage here? So who are the kids you're referring to, who would need the permission of their parents before they can marry? Marriage is for adults with mature minds, and of course families have to be involved but they have no right to decide our marriage mates for us.

As for your other discuss about Europe and other individualistic cultures. You dont even need to go too far to see why we have so many mentally deranged people, high levels of depression and extreme loneliness in cultures that practise this "individualistic ideals" . Most end up committing suicide and live a life of absolute lonelinesses and dejection. Siblings, parents and kids not keeping in touch for decades is what you term progressive? SMH

Sorry to bust your bubbles, but what you just listed here is ubiquitous, so why isolate the Europe alone? I advise you visit the Ikoyi Registry at ur leisure and see the number of divorces they record in a single day. I was there too last month when I traveled to Lag to witness a friend's divorce. According to him, the marriage was his 'mom's idea'. She had rejected the first girl he introduced to her and given her this one instead. Thankfully, they have a baby boy, who's now in the mom's custody in Abuja. The guy is looking so dejected and worn out now. . .any other name for that?

The family is a fabric that holds all humans in place. The higher the cohesiveness, the saner and more peaceful the lives of the individuals are. You are still young and very naive. You would understand this better when you grow older and need to lean on "family" to get you through your challenges or share in your joy. That's when you would know what is up.

I agree with you 100% that family provides an enjoyable oneness enclave and for that we need it. But inasmuch as we acknowledge their importance in our lives we, I still maintain that, as adults, must remember that true happiness can only come from the individualistic choices we make. Our families are there to give a few invaluable pointers but we are to make the decision ourselves and they ought to respect that too. Meanwhile, I'll be 27 in October by God's grace, so I'm no longer a kid.

However, you can choose to so whatever you like. It is a free and individualistic world like you people would like to tell us.

Thanks to you for your contribution. I appreciate, sir

Emperortj93:
this guy need serious brain cleansing

pls keep shaking ur dumb head, it might do u a whole lot of good

Mbanu! I will not abuse you back

Ishilove:

You gat jokes

No, I'm serious. Put this on the front page and you'll be surprised to see the number of people who share similar view with me

It just have to be like that

The best answers are often the simplest.

...Because you need a Family to start a family.

not in our custom


CHECK MY SIGNATURE

Why would u do dat?

maybe not...

it's up to you...

Joromi1:

That part got me cracking. but what u said is true

nor let igbo ppl here u o, u wn spoil business bah??

RasheedUmar:
I've already said it. My dad won't know when I get married but I'll show him my children

now am suspecting you

crackhaus:

Wrong!


Wrong!!


Wrong again!!!

everywhere and everyone wrong
so who is right na...

hope not what am thinking

RasheedUmar:
I've already said it. My dad won't know when I get married but I'll show him my children

Expect your children to do the same to you

I impregnated my wife without telling my parents. Now we have 4 kids and we still live happily

Umuchoke:
there would always be one grandpa with so much history in his bald head to ruin the show. He would tell you how the girl's people treated his own village in 1857, and for that reason the marriage shouldn't hold.

l can't stop laughing. This guy can kill someone with laugh.

Nobody respects boundaries in these part of the world. Everybody must be all up in every other person's biz like their lives depends on it. sheesh!

The annoying thing is they all see the meddling as being caring. If only......

RasheedUmar:
I've already said it. My dad won't know when I get married but I'll show him my children

See Gobe

Umuchoke:

My people say what an old man see standing, if a young person stands on top of twin tower he will not see it. We can't but involve families and seek counsel of elders who have gone that way before us. If conflicts arises we patiently and prayerfully sort it out. The wisdom of the elders is indispensable. We are gradually building up our own too so as to avail them to the future generation. The scripture says where there are no counsel, the people perish.

Umuchoke:
Don't get the message wrong; I'm not totally against involving families in marriage but I feel it's better done after the young man and lady has tied the nuptial knots in the court of law. I've seen many cases where a guy would take a girl to his parents to introduce her as his future wife. The parents may accept initially but there would always be one grandpa with so much history in his bald head to ruin the show. He would tell you how the girl's people treated his own village in 1857, and for that reason the marriage shouldn't hold. This can be just so frustrating, especially when the young people involved are seriously in love with each other. Since bigotry and tribal sentiments can't be removed, I suggest we limit families involvement in marriage affairs.

BABY MAMA IS THE BEST THING EVER IN NIGERIA,

NO STRESS AT ALL!!




NO FAMILY MATTER AT ALL!




YOU CAN EASILY QUITE THE RELATIONSHIP IF THE WOMAN'S HEAD GOES HAYWIRE



YOU CAN GO OUTSIDE AND ENJOY EVERY MERRY AND CHIDIMA OR RATHER NKECHI



NO STRESS OF DIVIDING YOUR SALARIES!!





NO STRESS OF SOLVING INTER FAMILY PROBLEM!!






FEELS LIKE YOU ARE SINGLE!!




HAVE NO FEAR OF CHEATING!!





THERE ARE JUST NUMEROUS ADVANTAGES OF BABY MAMA.

OHH LEAST I FORGET!! NO FEAR OF DIVORCE ( DIVORCÉPHOBIA)

Are you kidding.? One can't overemphasise the importance of involving family in marriage. Sometimes we can be blinded by what we call love that we tend to make mistakes that family could've helped us avoid. They r there to guide and not dictate. Don't allow veil of what u call love cover ur eyes... And u totally forget the importance of getting ur family involved in ur marriage... Else when the yawa go gas, u go use ur head carry am alone. Jukwa ajuju

Careless post from careless fellow. Na you born the girl wey you wan marry abi na court?
If you born your own, you for teach your female daughters that ideology

The op is correct abeg! Tell your family but don't let them decide for u. As for me, even if na winsh I go still her provided there's love

OP, to be realistic. In Nigeria, no. The families must always be involved. Unless you elope, I suppose.

RasheedUmar:
I've already said it. My dad won't know when I get married but I'll show him my children

hahahahahaha!!! U just made my day ooo

tete7000:


My people say what an old man see standing, if a young person stands on top of twin tower he will not see it. We can't but involve families and seek counsel of elders who have gone that way before us. If conflicts arises we prayerfully sort it out. The wisdom of the elders is indispensable. We are gradually building up own too so as to avail them to the future generation. The scripture says where there are no counsel, the people perish.

I guess the title of the thread is a bit misleading. I never opined not to seek counsels from the elders of the family. My own is just to accept their good wishes and blessings but they can't choose for me. If I love my girl and she equally loves me in return, no family can stop us from getting married