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I Was Married To A Psychopath And Did Not Know It. by oluwatomisin93(m): 9:02am On Aug 02, 2015 |
y Bunmi Sofola
He was every woman’s dream of the ideal man come true.
Fade was fresh out of college and looking for a job when a
friend introduced her to Godwin. “He was much older than
my 22-year old but I didn’t see him as a potential lover –
just a boss”, confessed Fade. “My friend had filled me in
that most of his empire was in Nigeria but he had a very
impressive office in London. His personal assistant just left
to get married and he needed an urgent replacement. I
didn’t have any working experience but he told me I would
do. I had the job!
“Within months, we’d attended various meetings and social
events together. I didn’t know what I was expected to do
officially, but he said I should just look pretty and serve
coffee and be his `man Friday’ until I got the hang of the
office routine.
Before I could do that however, things took on a new
dimension. Godwin constantly turned on the charm
whenever we were together that it was easy to fall in love
with him. He swept me off my feet – flowers, extravagant
meals, jewellery – h made me feel like a princess. It was
like a dream come true, like I was living a fairytale.
“When he asked me to move into his house nine months
later, I didn’t hesitate. He had a house-keeper – all I had to
do was give instructions and be at his beck and call all the
time, dressed to the nines. He was generous with money
too and gave me a gold card.
I was in cloud nine and when I got pregnant and feared he
would ask me to get rid of it, I was surprised when he
suggested we get married. He had a wife and children who
lived in one of his property in Nigeria but he told me they
were never legally married. All they did was a traditional
marriage.
“When I met Godwin, marriage was the furtherest thing on
my mind. Now it’s staring me in the face. I know getting
hitched so soon was moving too fast but I was in love with
the man and he really was charming, funny, handsome and
romantic.
What would I gain by waiting? I may have only been 24, but
I was ready for this good fortune. Within three years, I’d
given birth to a set of twins and an adorable son. My
husband’s career had really taken off by now and we had
moved house twice – upgrading every time. Though his
business schedule meant he had to work long hours, but it
was worth it. He was a good dad – just not around that
often. Every night, I’d go on my knees and pray to God
before bed to thank Him for my blessings.
“Sadly, I would soon discover that Godwin was far from
perfect. In fact my husband was one of the most ruthless
men on earth – an evil monster, a sick and twisted man
who caused unimaginable pain and suffering. He was a con
artiste per excellence! People had asked me: ‘How could
you not know?’ But the thing with psychopaths is you can’t
tell. It’s part of the condition. They mimic normal people
and it takes an expert to spot one. According to experts, a
psychopath is wired towards making people do their bidding
and they can be so charming. Some can go through their
entire life undetected. Some even end up running
corporations. The business world is rife with them as their
utter lack of human compassion makes them good
businessmen.
“Almost ten years after we tied the knot, my life fell apart
when the police knocked at my door in the early hours of a
cold morning waving a search warrant in my face. I told
them Godwin had travelled to Nigeria the previous day, but
they didn’t believe me.
They turned the house upside down, seized all the
computers in the house. And nothing they said made sense.
The police were telling me about my husband but it seemed
like they were talking about a completely different person.
This person didn’t run a legitimate business. He was a scam
artiste, a `yahoo-yahoo’ expert with a string of workers
working for him at home and abroad. Several of his victims
had been financially ruined beyond recover and he’d also
dabbled into drugs. The police had been on his trail for
weeks after one of his men was arrested with almost four
kilograms of cocaine. In exchange for a prosecution deal,
he’d told them everything about Godwin.
“My jaw nearly hit the floor as I listened to these horrid
stories about my husband and the police refused to believe I
knew nothing about his crimes. But they had no evidence
against me and they left me alone. I couldn’t get hold of
Godwin in Nigeria – he’d changed all his phones and I didn’t
have any address or contact though which I could reach
him. He’s wanted for a string of crimes – racketeering,
trafficking cocaine, human trafficking, prostitution charges
and fraud. It’s obvious he’s not expected back in Britain any
time soon. Meanwhile, my whole life has been ripped from
me.
I had no idea what my husband way up to, yet I am being
punished for his crimes. The house we lived in, which was
in his name, has been confiscated, and I’m now living in a
rented flat.
I can’t imagine what the families of his victims are going
through and I’m truly sorry for what he did. Yet the children
and I are victims too …”
Partners seldom see eye-to-eye when they argue
It’s been confirmed that there are some general differences
in the way men and women behave in arguments. These
differences don’t generally apply to all men and women, but
it is worth recognising the tendencies. Women generally
want to pursue arguments longer than men do, following
their partner from room to room, trying to get a resolution
when it would be wiser to let things calm down. They almost
always cry more easily than men too, and are more likely to
phone their mothers, sisters and friends as a way of escape
or to gain sympathy.
Men tend to opt for the quiet life at first, avoiding
arguments and hoping they will go away. Or they withdraw
from them by finding something ‘urgent’ to do: getting
engrossed in a paper or watching TV. They are also more
likely to escape to the club or to drink too much if the going
gets touch. And they often attribute what they see as
‘unreasonableness’ in their partners to premenstrual tension
– though it may be the cause, men can overdo the
accusation.
Generally, men argue about: Th amount of time they want to
spend playing or watching sports, or pursuing their hobby,
which tends to be more than their partners want. The boss
expects long hours, while getting home on time is for
‘whimps’. Money: why is he married to a spendthrift?
Surely, the shopping cannot cost quite so much?
The mismatch of sexual desire: Has she really got a
headache? Why is she asleep when he comes to bed and
‘too busy’ in the morning?
Women on the other hand argue about: His untidiness. Why
does he always leave his towel on the4 bathroom floor, or
fails to put the seat on? Why can’t he spend more time on
her and the children?
Why are the household chores rarely shared? Why does he
see them as her responsibility? And why, when he does
them, does he expect her to thank him? Why is he heavy-
handed when disciplining the children? Why is he so tight
about money? Doesn’t he realise that food and children’s
clothes are expensive?
Thankfully, some marriage councillors agree there are
negotiating rules. Avoiding the pitfalls of a negative
approach and understanding how we tend to believe when
arguing lead to more positive negotiation. Keep to the point.
Don’t set out to win at all costs. Really listen to each other.
Avoid giving long monologues on withdrawing into silence.
http//.www.vabguardngr.com |
Re: I Was Married To A Psychopath And Did Not Know It. by Nobody: 9:16am On Aug 02, 2015 |
Oh h h h h h sory. That is what you get when you are motivated by money. |
Re: I Was Married To A Psychopath And Did Not Know It. by Nobody: 9:28am On Aug 02, 2015 |
When he was splashing the money on you, he was charming and as the onye anya ukwu you are, you never bothered to probe what he did for a living. Now that he is caught, he is a psychopath. Umunwanyi ndi ara. |
Re: I Was Married To A Psychopath And Did Not Know It. by donholy28(m): 9:28am On Aug 02, 2015 |
YAHOO BOY....u just talk psychopath but d guy no be psychopath...he be yahoo boy and u follow chop d money |
Re: I Was Married To A Psychopath And Did Not Know It. by Afrok(m): 9:35am On Aug 02, 2015 |
Wetin be this nah? That thing too long for me to read nah, haha... still has Ade goes to school to read o jare. |
(1) (Reply)
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