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Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Godpikin4: 2:06pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
crackhaus: He still doesn't believe me |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Godpikin4: 2:13pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
Kimoni: Don't believe what ever he tells you....never been an active member but been around |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Nobody: 2:38pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
MizMyColi: I hope you don't mind my stepping in. I think that raumdeuter raised a key issue that is crucial to answering the question why men become "emotionally unavailable". Even though he was referring to a family setting with jobs and kids, his ideas can be applied to people who are not yet married. The question that arises is, are men "emotionally unavailable" or are women too "needy"? How comes he was "emotionally available" at the beginning (you describe the process of change in your initial post) and then become "emotionally unavailable"? What I have observed many times is that a lady who has fallen in love tends to focus much of her attention and mind activity on the man she has fallen in love with. Even ladies who used to be buys and kind of independent and self-sufficient before. A man and a woman meet. The man feels attracted to the lady for several reasons. One of these reasons is her personality and life style. It makes her interesting. Once she falls in love, she starts to plan everything around the man. She is not that much into her hobbies anymore, she is not meeting up with friends like she used to. She is neglecting her other responsibilities. She changes. Men don't do it. And if they do, then only for a while when the hormones release is very intensive (at the beginning of the relationship). After a while they go back to their normal mode. They do what they used to and what they have to. And the relationship is one part of their life but not the centre of their universe. This is where the drama begins for some ladies. It might also be that a lady didn't have much going on in her life before she met the man and due to lack of meaningful activities, he becomes the centre of her universe. It is ok at the beginning of the relationship but once the man pulls away FOR A WHILE to do what he HAS TO do, drama begins again and the lady gets clingy and complains. This makes most men pull away more. Ladies do NOT feel attracted too clingy men either Therefore, it all comes down to the perspective we look at it from and depending on the perspective you will answer the question whether men are "emotionally unavailable" or women to needy / clingy, differently. 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by raumdeuter: 3:09pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
Well said. A man doesn't drop what he likes doing because he's in a relationship. He won't stop watching football. He won't stop hanging out with friends, he went stop chasing money or business. He won't stop loving cars golf tennis etc But for women some even fight their friends and expect everything to revolve round the man. They become too needy. A man is watching Arsenal with all his attention that's when the wife is telling him stories and complaining he isn't giving her attention He is gisting with friends the girl is grumbling that he's choosing friends over her He's thinking of money and business the girl is complaining he's not talking to her He's watching news or TV with great attention the girl is saying they should go out for dates He's discussing politics with all his energy the girl is complaining of neglect Some girls don't even have a social life and they think all their problems in life would be solved once they get married. Meanwhile the guy was having fun and thinks it's about time he gets married. The girl becomes too needy and the man feels nagged and choked 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by raumdeuter: 3:10pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
Double post |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 3:13pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
Mindfulness: I think you're right. This thread is meant to teach the ladies how to be their own person should the guy withdraw emotionally..... That said, I think a compromise and taking into consideration the feelings and emotional build-up of the other is important. If a guy knows that at some point he will withdraw from a lady he likes, why begin by showering her so much attention in the beginning? Why don't you be your normal aloof self and see if she falls for you? You might say that she won't notice you as such, but the things is she will if she's meant to. Don't start what you can't finish. Because of their emotional nature and need to look up to someone....there's no way a woman will fall in love and you expect her life to remain as it used to be when she didn't have you. While I do not encourage neediness, It would be fool hardy to expect her to act like you did not happen to her. You brought her joy, made her feel like heaven on earth, it is only normal for her to port her heart where her love is. Women don't just start being needy. They are sensitive beings. That neediness arises the moment they feel a vacuum. Men value desire. Women value security. She will do what's within her power to ensure that her property and the things that belong to her aren't tampered with, even if it means smothering you. Now, armed with this knowledge of women, and your likely emotional unavailability....how about trying to reach a compromise, how about taking her weakness ( which is you in this case) into consideration and see how you can reciprocate her love while encouraging her to go out there and be the best she can ( without making her feel like you're pushing her away from you)? I read a book once, and after that time, I purposed in my heart that I would try to continually be my own person and continually do the things I enjoy while creating space to love my man.... Let's not forget the fact that sometimes, the man could be just downright selfish. Whatever happened to understanding. What wins it at the end of the day is for the woman to do what she can when it comes to being her own self and not so dependent on her guy. |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 3:14pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
Cc: mindfulness This has never rang so true as far as this topic is concerned. “Sometimes, what a girl does is push the guy away to see if he’ll still come back to her to test how much he actually wants to be with her. So be the guy who will call her back when she hangs up on you out of frustration. Be the guy who will chase after her when she walks away from you out of anger. Be the guy who will comfort her when she’s too stubborn to tell you what’s wrong. Be the guy to reassure her when she’s jealous that the other girl means nothing. Be the guy who will fight for her when she’s too afraid to stay in the relationship. Be the guy who will prove to her that she’s able to trust someone again. When she feels certain you’re the one, that’s when she’ll stop pushing.” 1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Nobody: 4:54pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
MizMyColi: Is it not better to say that ladies should be their own person whether a guy is "emotionally available" or "unavailable"? That said, I think a compromise and taking into consideration the feelings and emotional build-up of the other is important. I agree but you can't force it. You can only recommend it. If a guy knows that at some point he will withdraw from a lady he likes, why begin by showering her so much attention in the beginning? Because he feels like doing it and then he doesn't and there is nothing you can do to change it. Why don't you be your normal aloof self and see if she falls for you? He is his normal self when he is showering her with attention at the beginning and also when he stops he is still the same person. You might say that she won't notice you as such, but the things is she will if she's meant to. He starts and he finishes. One could say, why do you fall for it over and over again? Because of their emotional nature and need to look up to someone....there's no way a woman will fall in love and you expect her life to remain as it used to be when she didn't have you. I could as well say: Because of his nature (whatever it may be) you can't expect him to make you the centre of his universe. While I do not encourage neediness, It would be fool hardy to expect her to act like you did not happen to her. Nobody said she should. You brought her joy, made her feel like heaven on earth, it is only normal for her to port her heart where her love is. And he is the only one who can make you feel like heaven on earth? Well, this is neediness. Women don't just start being needy. This is their problem. Why do you think a man must fill in the void? Men value desire. I am not so sure whether men value desire. She will do what's within her power to ensure that her property and the things that belong to her aren't tampered with, even if it means smothering you. Her property? Now, armed with this knowledge of women, and your likely emotional unavailability....how about trying to reach a compromise, how about taking her weakness ( which is you in this case) into consideration and see how you can reciprocate her love while encouraging her to go out there and be the best she can ( without making her feel like you're pushing her away from you)? Well, the problem might be that you think he is pushing you away because you are unable to fill the emptiness that you feel. So how about taking responsibility for your happiness instead of expecting someone else to make you happy and bring about the best in you? I read a book once, and after that time, I purposed in my heart that I would try to continually be my own person and continually do the things I enjoy while creating space to love my man.... Good idea. Let's not forget the fact that sometimes, the man could be just downright selfish. It is your decision to stay or leave if a man is selfish. You can't change someone else. What wins it at the end of the day is for the woman to do what she can when it comes to being her own self and not so dependent on her guy. This is all she can do. 2 Likes |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Nobody: 5:09pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
MizMyColi: The beginning of what you quoted sounds like the girl is very insecure. 1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 5:26pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
Okay, so what I'm getting now is this Ramdeuter Mindfulness The lady should enjoy his emotional availability while it lasts abi? Once he's over that....na all man to himself kwo? The babe should just live her life and not expect any level of emotional satisfaction from him. If he gives her, fine, if he doesn't, fine. In other words, don't show that you need to be touched, loved, encouraged or anything...so you don't come off as clingy. Errrr...tbh o, guys, you're making sense, but there's a missing link, and that's why I'm not agreeing a 100% Either ways, I maintain that openness, sincerity and trust and selflessness are key. It is always better when the man loves the woman more, else, no deal Tbh.....I would like to marry someone I'll eventually grow to love.....not someone I'm soooooo overly crazy cahoots about. That's how all the emotional unavailability shenanigans starts anyway. |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 5:44pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
Mindfulness: Are you saying that insecure people aren't meant to be loved? So the moment we notice they are needy or clingy of smothering, we just leave them out in the cold by withdrawing from them? Yet, we love them? Whatever happened to sincere communication, what about talking things through in the most loving and no-cobdemning way, even if it means that they'd hurt for a while? Don't we all have a baggage or another which we bring to relationships.... Isn't it about that person who is able to consolidate on our strengths/flaws...helping us bring out the best and vice-versa? Show me a woman who is with someone she truly loves and desires, and does not exhibit any degree of insecurity and I'll show you the fakest asss woman ever liveth. My dear, even with the knowledge I've gathered, which I want to think of as "above average"...despite my intimidating mien/intelligence/eloquence/outspokenness (that's what people say o).... When I'm around the one person whom I am truly myself with, when I don't see a need to impress whether consciously or subconsciously, when I become this tendersoul with a child like nature, and I freely speak the contents of my heart....I find that there are elements of insecurity here and there, which I discover and try to take care of. 1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Nobody: 5:58pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
MizMyColi: No. What I was trying to say in the first place is that labeling a man as "emotionally unavailable" is not necessarily right. The babe should just live her life and not expect any level of emotional satisfaction from him. You can expect whatever you want. Whether you get it, is a different thing. In other words, don't show that you need to be touched, loved, encouraged or anything...so you don't come off as clingy. Showing your needs and being needy is not the same. Whatever you need, ask for it. Just remember that he is free to say no. Can you handle it? Errrr...tbh o, guys, you're making sense, but there's a missing link, and that's why I'm not agreeing a 100% What a contradiction. One minute you talk about selflessness and then you want a man to love you more. Where is the selflessness in this? Tbh.....I would like to marry someone I'll eventually grow to love.....not someone I'm soooooo overly crazy cahoots about. That's how all the emotional unavailability shenanigans starts anyway. Like I said, ask yourself the following question: Is he really emotionally unavailable or do you only perceive him as such because you are operating from a place of neediness? |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Nobody: 6:12pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
MizMyColi: Where did I say that they are not meant to be loved? Different strokes for different folks. Are you into insecure men? Whatever happened to sincere communication, what about talking things through in the most loving and no-cobdemning way, even if it means that they'd hurt for a while? Are you able to accept that a man might have different priorities than you every now and then? How would most women react to an open `Babes, I have other things on my mind now. I can't take care of the void you are constantly feeling without me right now because I have a lot of other stuff to do.` How would they react to: 'Listen, you alone are responsible for your happiness.` Don't we all have a baggage or another which we bring to relationships.... We do but the problem begins the moment you expect the other to take care of it. The other person ALREADY has his own baggage. Isn't it about that person who is able to consolidate on our strengths/flaws...helping us bring out the best and vice-versa? Who told you so? Nollywood, Hollywood, Walt Disney? Show me a woman who is with someone she truly loves and desires, and does not exhibit any degree of insecurity and I'll show you the fakest asss woman ever liveth. There are women like this even if you have not yet met them. My sister is this kind of person. My dear, even with the knowledge I've gathered, which I want to think of as "above average"...despite my intimidatingmien/intelligence/eloquence/outspokenness (that's what people say o).... And this is where a relationship can make you grow. |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by 2sex(m): 6:51pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
MizMyColi:a lot of girls dump guys for that reason.. All this one u dey talk na your own Nuff said. |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Nobody: 6:57pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
raumdeuter: Exactly. The problem is that ladies stop doing what they used to or they had nothing going on for themselves prior to the relationship and need a man to make their boring lives more interesting. This is where you keep reading posts like, I need him to feel complete, I need him to bring out the best in me, I need him to do this and that. They operate from a state of neediness and disappointment is pre-programmed. But for women some even fight their friends and expect everything to revolve round the man. They become too needy. Some girls don't even have a social life and they think all their problems in life would be solved once they get married. Meanwhile the guy was having fun and thinks it's about time he gets married. And the hope and expectation that marriage will solve their problems lead to disappointment. The girl becomes too needy and the man feels nagged and choked Exactly. Women must learn to take care of themselves. Nobody is responsible for their happiness and for their baggage, not even in marriage. |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 7:18pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
Showing your needs and being needy is not the same. The mind is the battlefield. Personally, I think everyone should understand that they have all that they need for survival within them.... Women are raised to think that everything about them ends on the table of a man, that their happiness and worth depends on his approval of her...through words and actions. My dear, it is only a woman who is still beguiled with this base mentality that would be unable to handle rejection. Though, if I were the one, and he has the capacity and chooses not to do so for whatever reasons there might be....and does not even try to make it up to me, then there is going to be a crack. I'll withdraw in one or more ways. Judge me if you wish to, but I cannot do a man who isn't an epitome of Selflessness. What a contradiction. This is me being selfless!!! If I were to love him more than he does me, I would just suffocate him!!! Chances are that I would most likely lose myself in the process. He wouldn't want that for me either....one of the bane of my personality is putting others first, even if my blood is spilled in the process. But being the man, culturally, he is built to love me, and I to respect him, he has the emotional absorber to keep his affections in check....unlike me, when I start, the only language I understand is GO Like I said, ask yourself the following question: Why do you make out neediness to be such a bad thing to be abhored? Must the man or woman be picture perfect to be deemed worthy of your emotional availability? Would there be neediness if a vaccum has not been created in the first place? Is it not because she got intoxicated with your show of attention and care and sensuality which her cute head told her would last forever? Why then do you blame her when she starts singing *you're not the guy I used to know* song? How else do you define that save for being EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE? Women have got to be the most sensitive bunch on earth after the sensitive plant. When their man is just not into them, they know. Even if the romance in our relationship would wane, shouldn't it be such that we've built and have this connection of huge emotional reserves, which we refill from time to time. Such that there's no reason for animosity between us? God, there's nothing like a relationship between two self aware individuals, intimacy or not. No. What I was trying to say in the first place is that labeling a man as "emotionally unavailable" is not necessarily right. Men and Women should understand that they are wired differently, and as such, emotions are interpreted on different terms. If they set out on this notion, they would see a need for compromise. This is why communication is necessary.Without it there is no information, no understanding, and ultimately, no love. But how many of us are truly ready to open ourselves up to our partners whilst maintaining that sense of self? Are you saying that there aren't men out there who are actually emotionally unavailable to their women, which results in a crack of sorts...and they on their part think they have absolutely no fault? Since when did smokes start springing up without fire? Please look at the emboldened again. Is it wrong to have expectations from our partners? Can we not trust them to be sensitive enough to do stuff that gives us a sense of belonging and familialness? Must she always ask and ask? What if you're not cut out for that and she starts pouting? Isn't that the neediness you abhor? If you do not give it to her what should be her reaction? Ordinarily, the lady should be angry or agitated... But I and my fellow ladies need to get our brains opened and this stuffed into our head. His, or anyone's approval of you is WELCOME, but not NEEDED. Same for his care, his listening ability, his touch, his kiss, his embrace, his snuggling, his cuddling, and what not. Before he came on board, you were doing just fine, if he decides to start treating you differently, don't be sad for long, make peace with the fact that you can't change him and SWITCH frequencies, for God's sake, don't give up your life in its entirety for him, as hard as it might be, try to have time for yourself too.... Give him space, but don't allow yourself to be resentful.....until he comes back to you...and if you think you can't handle it, or that you deserve better, kindly move on. |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 7:37pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
What I'm doing on this thread is putting myself in the shoes of the average Nigerian woman, the average Nigerian girl, who thinks or will one day think somewhat like I do..... I am well versed in speaking up for people who do not know how to express themselves on this matter. It's not necessarily because you are needy, you prolly love him in an overdrive manner...or you love on him more than he does on you, and a part of you desires reciprocation. That said, in a nutshell, my candid advice to women who notice that their man has become emotionally unavailable is this..... Give him space Get Busy. You are not subject to your mind, your mind is subject to you. Stop following all its dictates. We cannot become what we need by remaining what we are. Take on a new hobby. Read a book. Talk to someone. By all means, be happy, be at peace. No one else is responsible for your happiness, as you are. Others trying to make you happy is veerry welcome. Like totally, but have it as a default setting that it is not needed. The most powerful person in your life is you. Take charge today!!!!!! 1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Nobody: 8:32pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
author=MizMyColi post=37228839 Some people need more than a lifetime to understand it. Women are raised to think that everything about them ends on the table of a man, that their happiness and worth depends on his approval of her...through words and actions. It is not only the way they were raised. It is in their collective consciousness. My dear, it is only a woman who is still beguiled with this base mentality that would be unable to handle rejection. True. Though, if I were the one, and he has the capacity and chooses not to do so for whatever reasons there might be....and does not even try to make it up to me, then there is going to be a crack. You would withdraw for what reason exactly? This is me being selfless!!! Then it would not longer be love but again neediness. Chances are that I would most likely lose myself in the process. If you put him first, you would not suffocate him but behave in a way that makes him feel good. But being the man, culturally, he is built to love me, and I to respect him, he has the emotional absorber to keep his affections in check....unlike me, when I start, the only language I understand is GO Disputable. Why do you make out neediness to be such a bad thing to be abhored? It destroys relationships. Must the man or woman be picture perfect to be deemed worthy of your emotional availability? Not at all. I am not looking for perfection but I believe that an unhappy / empty / needy person is not able to have a peaceful relationship. If you are not happy on your own, how can you be happy with someone else? It will only work for a short period of time and then your unhappiness / emptiness / neediness will surface again and you will make your partner responsible for it even though it was already there before you met him. Would there be neediness if a vaccum has not been created in the first place? Who created the vacuum? Is it not because she got intoxicated with your show of attention and care and sensuality which her cute head told her would last forever? Come on, when you love for the first time in your teenage years, you can believe such things but not when you already have some experience. Whatever your cute head told her, it is time to face reality. A relationship, like anything else in life, changes. It is what it is. How else do you define that save for being EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE? I don't understand your question. Women have got to be the most sensitive bunch on earth after the sensitive plant. When he is not into you, you better leave. You can't force love and affection. Even if the romance in our relationship would wane, shouldn't it be such that we've built and have this connection of huge emotional reserves, which we refill from time to time. Such that there's no reason for animosity between us? Absolutely but the emphasis is on from time to time. God, there's nothing like a relationship between two self aware individuals, intimacy or not. This is interesting. What do you mean by self-aware? Men and Women should understand that they are wired differently, and as such, emotions are interpreted on different terms. It is dangerous to assume that all men and all women are wired in a certain way and it is not true. Let me tell you about my two sisters. One of them needs a lot of attention from a man in order to be able to open up. The other one needs a lot of space or else she feels suffocated. But how many of us are truly ready to open ourselves up to our partners whilst maintaining that sense of self? I don't know. Are you saying that there aren't men out there who are actually emotionally unavailable to their women, which results in a crack of sorts...and they on their part think they have absolutely no fault? Of course such men exists but also in this scenario the woman can only take care of herself and do what is best for her. She can't change an adult. It is up to her to stay or to leave. Since when did smokes start springing up without fire? I would not say that it is wrong to have expectations but you must accept that your expectations could lead to disappointment. And the problem is that if the other does not meet your expectations, you will get sad and angry and blame the other for your unhappiness. Why do you need a sense of belonging? Do you ask your friends to create a sense of belonging or do you just know that you belong to each other as friends. Do you work on it or does it just develop naturally over the years? Must she always ask and ask? I do not abhor anything. I just think that neediness is the reason why many relationships fail. Yes, if you want anything ask. If the answer is no, accept it or fight and lose everything. If you do not give it to her what should be her reaction? Ordinarily, the lady IS angry. I can't tell anyone what their reaction should be but a content person will make no drama out of a no. But I and my fellow ladies need to get our brains opened and this stuffed into our head. His, or anyone's approval of you is WELCOME, but not NEEDED. It is not enough to put it in your head. Same for his care, his listening ability, his touch, his kiss, his embrace, his snuggling, his cuddling, and what not. For a woman who is satisfied with herself and her life, this is not even an issue. It comes naturally. |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 9:24pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
@mindfulness If I were to move up to your level of reasoning I'd agree with you 150% But agree or not... There are those times when no matter how self aware we've become...we miss it - how much more folks who know zilch about enlightenment. There are those times when we show weakness, vulnerability, even neediness. There are those times when our partner shows us love and affection, and we're just not in the mood to reciprocate. When they have our time and we just don't have their time, when they want to play, but we don't feel like it. At some point, our interests just don't align. In addition to living our lives and doing all the fun things that make us happy, we should remember that our partners do not necessarily know what we know. Their idea of loving and togetherness might not be as we perceive it. Even when they misunderstand us and think that we're shutting them out, can we for a brief moment leave the cozy world we've built for ourselves where we've learned to be happy, independent of our partners' input and speak their language of love to them? Let them know that they matter, that they are loved? - and in the way we know they prefer? I do not claim to have apprehended yet, but even with the so-called knowledge I've gathered, I know how much a kind word means to me. Not because I cannot say same to myself, but because there's this specialness and uniqueness when it comes from someone I hold in high esteem. I don't want to marry Mr Perfect, but if he is, all well and good. I am building myself to be better, for me, and for humanity. What if I grow in love for someone who wasn't needy or in emotional overdrive at first, but somewhere along the line, his drive and affection topples mine and it seems too much for me....almost to a point of irritation....what do I do then? Allow his so-called neediness destroy the relationship?Or employ wisdom and tact, compromise, and consciously bring myself to meet him halfway? Perchance I have so drifted from him and so engrossed in self sufficiency that I no longer see the angel in human vessel who is meant to be my blessing, my miracle? I no longer see a need for him? What is self happiness and awareness and sufficiency et al if it cannot be projected on another? What good is all the knowledge I've gathered if I cannot impact it in another? A person I met, and accepted, and loved. When I used the word "suffocate" I knew you'd term it neediness....i however do not see a need to be defensive about that or try to correct such notion. Let he that thinketh he stands take heed lest he falls. |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Nobody: 9:56pm On Aug 22, 2015 |
author=MizMyColi post=37232695][font=Georgia] It is ok to show weakness, vulnerability and even neediness. It is ok to feel unable to reciprocate love and affection. It is ok not to have time. It is ok to have different interests at time. I don'T see any problem here. The point is NOT to make your partner responsible for these feelings. They are your feelings. And whatever your partner is capable of doing for you at the given moment, it is what he or she is capable of. Do not blame them. Accept it or leave but if you leave, leave at and in peace "for they know not what they do". In addition to living our lives and doing all the fun things that make us happy, we should remember that our partners do not necessarily know what we know. That's ok too. Even when they misunderstand us and think that we're shutting them out, can we for a brief moment leave the cozy world we've built for ourselves where we've learned to be happy, independent of our partners' input and speak their language of love to them? I am sure many people can do it, others not. Can we judge them for not being able to? Does it solve any problem? I do not claim to have apprehended yet, but even with the so-called knowledge I've gathered, I know how much a kind word means to me. Everybody loves kindness. Be kind and you will receive plenty more. Just do not make the mistake of focusing on the kindness of one person, in this case your partner. Rather focus on being kind to everybody. I promise, you will experience kindness in abundance and that's a beautiful experience. I don't want to marry Mr Perfect, but if he is, all well and good. 10 likes! I am building myself to be better, for me, and for humanity. GREAT! Never stop, please. What if I grow in love for someone who wasn't needy or in emotional overdrive at first, but somewhere along the line, his drive and affection topples mine and it seems too much for me....almost to a point of irritation....what do I do then? You will figure it out when it happens. Perchance I have so drifted from him and so engrossed in self sufficiency that I no longer see the angel in human vessel who is meant to be my blessing, my miracle? The sooner you stop considering an ordinary human being as your angel, the better. Know that he is human like you and know that he has the same range of emotions inside like you do (even if he doesn't speak about it). He feels anger and resentment, joy and pleasure, sadness and fear just like you do, maybe even more. Why do you expect him to make yourself happy when you are not even able to do it on your own for yourself? (I do not mean it as harsh as it might sound.) Placing a man to a status of an angel or miracle will unavoidably lead to disappointment. He can't be an angel, he is human. He has flaws and weaknesses. What is self happiness and awareness and sufficiency et al if it cannot be projected on another? Why do you always feel the need to change someone? Is it not enough to just love them? When I used the word "suffocate" I knew you'd term it neediness....i however do not see a need to be defensive about that or try to correct such notion. Me neither Let he that thinketh he stands take heed lest he falls. Who is he? |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by 2sex(m): 6:36am On Aug 23, 2015 |
raumdeuter:you summed it up... Succinctly. 1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Nobody: 12:09pm On Aug 23, 2015 |
Sometimes I wonder what the essence of so called 'love' or marriage or relationships are if after a while we both have to go back to living like seperate individuals just so nobody looks too needy and clogs each others space. She can't do any lovey dovey things in her head so as to keep her position and pride as a woman and so that the guy won't lose interest cuz she got too clingy. It has to be a game where as a woman you act like you don't really care, remain unpredictable so he remains captivated. So then what's the whole use of a relationship if it's always going to be like that to keep a relationship? The loneliness , isolation is still going to be there then, and you're still a lone ranger playing the game of 'keeping the relationship interesting' . If it's like that then everyone might as well stay alone and just have sex and seperate afterwards, since the aim of even companionship can't even be assured in a relationship. U still struggle and cry alone . On the flip side, this is why loving oneself is a necessity 3 Likes |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by MizMyColi(f): 1:50pm On Aug 23, 2015 |
Krystalxxx: Wo Krystal The angel that will bless you is right before you. Heaping blessings upon blessings upon you. Yes, there are angels walking amongst us. They are not picture perfect but I bless God for the miracle and blessing these transient beings are. I've always had this mindset that my positive experiences are worth nothing if I cannot impact them in others. If I am joyful and you're always around me without catching or showing symptoms of joyfulness, then something is wrong. It is either I'm self conceited or you're simply resistant to change. I don't even need to try hard. It's contagious. The fact that I do not set out to change anyone does not mean I cannot be a catalyst to positive change that endures....in the life of those close to me. Finally, you have given me words to express the missing link....which I referred to in Ramdeuter's and mindfulness' posts. Thank You! Thanks again. You captured it. I'm sorry to say this but anyone who reads this post and still thinks otherwise on the issue being deliberated here is simply being self-conceited. 1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Nobody: 1:59pm On Aug 23, 2015 |
MizMyColi: Wow thanks. I'm glad I've been able to make things more understandable 1 Like |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by crackhaus: 6:41pm On Aug 23, 2015 |
Kimoni:Lol, oya bring your ears closer |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by pickabeau1: 9:06pm On Aug 23, 2015 |
This thread should be called philosophy of love See theories jamming axioms |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Idowuogbo(f): 9:18pm On Aug 23, 2015 |
pickabeau1:Abeg na battle of epistles o jare.. stale news! |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by pickabeau1: 10:39pm On Aug 23, 2015 |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by 2sex(m): 7:23pm On Aug 24, 2015 |
idowuogbo don carry comedy come here again. |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Mekatrust: 5:07pm On Jul 09, 2019 |
cococandy: Ecobank Nig needs FG, regulatory body to discipline them for in justice, humiliation, casualties they are melting on Nigeria youths. FG should sit up for their responsibility 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by bukatyne(f): 7:01pm On Jul 09, 2019 |
MizMyColi: Just stumbled on this. He is obviously not getting his holy kiss |
Re: When He Becomes Emotionally Unavailable by Hangulsaram: 7:18pm On Jul 09, 2019 |
SUGARBEE:You mean to stay even when u re being battered? |
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