cococandy:
Since he can cook and cooks better, plus he has a more flexible job, why is he making his life more difficult by insisting she cooks because he's the man? See as people make their lives difficult because they want to live by the dictates of the society.

He should cook when he can and when he can't let her know he can't.

I won't totally blame the wife. If she been the type that used to do all that before marriage and the changed after marriage, then I'd blame her. Everyone should endeavor to marry those who share their views on marriage. Not marry them and try to bend them into what you feel they should be. Recipe for friction.

For all the guy knows, she may have married him because of his skills in the kitchen.
That's why you don't marry someone and hope they change overnight.

What they need is compromise.
Both of them should meet each other half way.

Since the wife is here as you said, I suggest she stops dragging her feet because he's always doing it. She should sit up and try too. Nobody appreciates being left to do it all. She should stop taking it for granted.

JayJustus:



nope...never...cooking is never a duty of a wife...where did you see that?? from all the Asian countries I've visited and lived with locals, cooking is done by whoever is available...it is a stoooooooopid African mentality that a woman should cook, clean and still work...what the hell?? in my family you arrange food as availability is... all my life my mum doesn't do the most cooking as my dad could do it, a private chef could...women are humans and not marital objects...nonsense

FolarinLondon:

I once had a date with a lady in one of these cool restaurants in town. We got there and made our way to a nice corner within the restaurant. However, it was time for her to make an order; but instead she asked me if i could grab her a cup of cappuccino with please though. I pretended as if i didn't hear her. She called out my name this time around and made her demand for cappuccino known to my face cos she saw that i wasn't cool with the demand going by my body countenance.

At this juncture, i told her that the onus of getting her perfect flavour falls on her instead of asking me to struggle with that simply cos you wanted me to be a gentleman. I could have started the relationship on that note of being an errand boy but i choose not to. Why? I knew it won't last. She was shocked cos nobody has ever turned her down. I told her right there at our first date that i was being real and guess what, she still fell in love with me.


As if i knew that this issue is affecting Marriages when i was advising some ladies last weekend about how they easily get carried away by a guy's cooking on a first and second date.

It's totally unnecessary and silly for a guy to start a relationship with cooking skill and all that crap. If you have an excellent cooking skill, keep it to yourself as a man and waoh your wife to nice and wonderful dinner once in a while. She ll love it to bit cos it's not everyday thing.

The moment you start your relationship with 21st century lady with cooking skill, you are already telling her that you are the lady in the relationship unless she is one of those good and well brought ladies. If she happens to be one of those well brought ladies, she won't even allow you to cook in the first place cos she didn't grow up seeing her daddy making dinner.

In some homes, mothers have turned their hhusband to cooks; so the children grow up seeing their dad in the kitchen all day. What do you expect from a lady raised in such homes?

A lady, raised in a good homes where core values of marriage is defined, embraced and appreciated wouldn't be able to stand her man doing d cooking on a regular basis. You can only surprise such lady with your cooking skill when she is not in the house. The same thing applicable to a guy raised in this home, they would strictly stick to their responsibility of loving and looking after their family with 100% commitment.

GboyegaD:


Hell for some people be like paradise to others ooo.

jamex93:
wife wey him go don too go flog like small pikin

freecocoa:
It's beyond sad, just take a look at this thread, she has to start doing what the man wants to avoid losing him, like she'd die if he's no longer in her life. I'd be damned, when my dad/brother cooked and still does? One man will come and tell me "I am the man" therefore I'll have to cook, them never born that man. I can cook for the rest of my days, out of the abundance of my heart for a hubby who isn't a good cook or provided I have more time on my hands than he does, without much ado, but to do it because he is a man? My parents and unborn children will not forgive me.

Nigerian women have refused to be their own persons, let them continue limiting themselves to the kitchen of a man because he is a man since that's what they prefer.

I'm still try to imagine something like this happening to me, how he would keep mouth when trying to tell me "you must cook for me because I'm a man" it will be very funny.

ideology:

From your post, i could deduce that the wife is immature, very at that, she's may not listen to anyone at the moment, except someone who is advanced in age. She doesn't even know that "minor " issues like this could spilt a home.

Since your friend opened up to you, its already public knowledge,
My advice is that
1. The guy should be patient
2 your friend should pray, minor issues like this do degenerate into bigger ones
3. As he prays wisdom will come to him on how to handle the situation.
4. If she doesn't change before Dec 1, he should arrange a visit to her parents and from there call only her mum aside and explain everything to her in her wife's presence.
5. If he intends consulting anyone outside family, he should speak with his pastor's wife or someone very matured in marriage and age eg the couple that chaired their wedding ceremony.

Thank you

Btw, i had similar thoughts while preparing meal yesterday, anyway, I'll always try to be available to assist but My wife is a wise woman, full of grace and love and she knows what is proper, she's blessed and a blessing to many, amen.

A home is built by both sides not one side, howbeit, the husband should not see kitchen as the lady's office, if you return home before your wife, take off your ties and make the meal, shikena!! it won't take any hair from your head or change your name or your position in the family

cococandy:


Well obviously OP's friend's wife
Your answer is right in your face.

babygirlfl:


Those funnily annoying comments are the reason we somehow keep finding ourselves in Nairaland. ;DThis place will be dull without them.
Some things I read here is just hilarious. Seriously it's obvious the kind of women they roll with. Quite frankly, they carefully select them. That's their definition of wife material. If the woman was a doctor who has to be at work the next day, she would not follow the man to her mums and then wait for renegotiation. With Nairaland who needs comedy.

ireneidiva:

Thank you o. Don't mind all these 'I'm the man' people. Half men

martyns303:
One of my friend just got married four months ago and already there is fuss in his marriage. I have known both of the couple right from when their relationship was a hide and seek thing to when both families became involved, needless to say I know them very well and they are a perfect match. Let me start by introducing the guy, he used to be my roommate back in school, friends usually tease him calling him "100 yards husband material" for his attributes, this guy can keep the room sparkling clean all day and cooks better than some of our moms, not exaggerating.


He wedded his girlfriend just a month after her final exams, she is 24 (my friend is 27). 2 days ago he came to my place complaining that his wife seldom cooks and that he can count the number of times she had cooked. I told him maybe she is intimidated by his cooking, but he says he doesn't mind and just want her to do her wifey duties. I called his wife and asked her what's going on, and she said he had always cooked while they were dating and don't know why he his fussing now.


From what I can deduce, my guy is trying to be authoritative, he kept using the phrase "I am the man", he have the time as his job is flexible, so cooking shouldn't be a problem, at the same time the wife is failing to do her duties. I don't know how to advice them without taking sides. 


The wife is a registered NLer, so am sure she will see this and get the necessary advice.


Lalasticlala please help this young couple.

Ishilove do your thing. 

FolarinLondon:

I once had a date with a lady in one of these cool restaurants in town. We got there and made our way to a nice corner within the restaurant. However, it was time for her to make an order; but instead she asked me if i could grab her a cup of cappuccino with please though. I pretended as if i didn't hear her. She called out my name this time around and made her demand for cappuccino known to my face cos she saw that i wasn't cool with the demand going by my body countenance.

At this juncture, i told her that the onus of getting her perfect flavour falls on her instead of asking me to struggle with that simply cos you wanted me to be a gentleman. I could have started the relationship on that note of being an errand boy but i choose not to. Why? I knew it won't last. She was shocked cos nobody has ever turned her down. I told her right there at our first date that i was being real and guess what, she still fell in love with me.


As if i knew that this issue is affecting Marriages when i was advising some ladies last weekend about how they easily get carried away by a guy's cooking on a first and second date.

It's totally unnecessary and silly for a guy to start a relationship with cooking skill and all that crap. If you have an excellent cooking skill, keep it to yourself as a man and waoh your wife to nice and wonderful dinner once in a while. She ll love it to bit cos it's not everyday thing.

The moment you start your relationship with 21st century lady with cooking skill, you are already telling her that you are the lady in the relationship unless she is one of those good and well brought ladies. If she happens to be one of those well brought ladies, she won't even allow you to cook in the first place cos she didn't grow up seeing her daddy making dinner.

In some homes, mothers have turned their hhusband to cooks; so the children grow up seeing their dad in the kitchen all day. What do you expect from a lady raised in such homes?

A lady, raised in a good homes where core values of marriage is defined, embraced and appreciated wouldn't be able to stand her man doing d cooking on a regular basis. You can only surprise such lady with your cooking skill when she is not in the house. The same thing applicable to a guy raised in this home, they would strictly stick to their responsibility of loving and looking after their family with 100% commitment.

Olalan:
Cooking is one of the core duty of a wife in marriages in all cultures and religion all over the world, so whatever the hubby does is just an assistance to his wife. The earlier the wife realises this the better for her.

ireneidiva:

Crap. If a wife can work and use that money to provide for her family, what stops the husband from doing the cooking whenever he is available?

Zeeblamj01:

The only answer I have to this is: don't start what u cannot finish!
The problem here is that the guy was cooking before and she got used to it. Didn't he know he was the man when he was cooking before? Lol.
Is the woman super busy with work? If no, then she doesn't love him well enough. Every woman who loves a man is always happy to see him eat what she cooked. Even if she is a horrible cook. I don't see a reason why this people are already having problems at this early stage.
How long did they court? How long did they live together before marriage? Cause if they did, they would have sorted out the issue before they got married. He over pampered her and they both pretended to be perfect, and now after marriage they have both been unmasked... He should stop cooking for a while. and they should talk about sharing the duties in the house. Maybe then they can sort it out...
This is a ridiculous story by the way!

babygirlfl:


Even a woman who already built her house before getting married will be sent back to her fathers house . Even the men who are living in the woman's house will also send her to her fathers house . The woman who met her husband and they got married abroad will still be sent back to her fathers house in Nigeria . The one sharing rent with the woman will send her to her fathers house . Very funny people.

FolarinLondon:


A single mum or potential single mum you are i guess. It's quite easy to spot one from distance.

You better embrace your responsibility and stop being silly with it. There are million good looking and well brought up ladies out there begging for good husbands.

It's quite unfortunate that some mumus called husbands are now slaves in their own homes simply cos they ffoolishly fall in love with lazy lady like you.

Simply cos you are contributing 15% to the expenses of the household, your husbands(Cos your husbands ll be many with this your reasoning) must pay back by cooking for your lazy and silly ass.

If you eventually become a single mum, guess what!!! Your new boyfriend would have your body, your food, no stake in your children lives, probably be taking money of you to look good and still stay away from your kitchen.

JayJustus:



nope...never...cooking is never a duty of a wife...where did you see that?? from all the Asian countries I've visited and lived with locals, cooking is done by whoever is available...it is a stoooooooopid African mentality that a woman should cook, clean and still work...what the hell?? in my family you arrange food as availability is... all my life my mum doesn't do the most cooking as my dad could do it, a private chef could...women are humans and not marital objects...nonsense

pmc01:
If I were to drop my opinion on this matter ehn, I see no way I won't insult the cocoa flavour twins (freecocoa and cococandy), as well as one babygirl bla bla.

Sincerely, some ladies should still be refered to as girls, no matter how old they are. Immature and arrogant breed.

#Married but living single.

DeeTus:
Half men, huh? You're not from Asia. Asian culture is totally different from African culture. Embrace what the dude has written up there and lose your husband's attention to another woman.

It's only a question of time. Not sure if you really understand the difference between a man and a woman.

Go learn some cooking skills, won't say sorry to you if you come here someday and complain about your man.

OPUSDEI1:
LESSON-When it comes to women,Never start what you cannot finish.
My MUM gave me this advice when i was preparing to get married. All my friends from Uni&NYSC days compliment my culinary skills to date, but based on the advice above I only showcase it once in a long while and it is always highly appreciated.
One Big mistake guys always make is trying too hard to impress a lady.I believe your wife to be should get the least of that until you sign the dotted lines then you have till death do you part to gradually unwrap your goodie pack. Marriage is like wine that gets better with time,but youths of today prefer "fruit-juice marriage" where all the sweetness is enjoyed pre-marital and after that what do you expect.
The young man in question should find reasons to diplomatically but gradually stop cooking for now without nagging his wife,with time she will adjust.

cyberdurable:

An hand? u still type this kinda Grammar at your age?

DeeTus:
Nice. You made a lot of good points. I guess you already knew why the man complained about the wife. Not like the crazy girl up there who seemed so confused about the whole thing and as a result, taking Asian culture or Western culture as if it's hers.

ireneidiva:

Childish write up.

martyns303:
One of my friend just got married four months ago and already there is fuss in his marriage. I have known both of the couple right from when their relationship was a hide and seek thing to when both families became involved, needless to say I know them very well and they are a perfect match. Let me start by introducing the guy, he used to be my roommate back in school, friends usually tease him calling him "100 yards husband material" for his attributes, this guy can keep the room sparkling clean all day and cooks better than some of our moms, not exaggerating.


He wedded his girlfriend just a month after her final exams, she is 24 (my friend is 27). 2 days ago he came to my place complaining that his wife seldom cooks and that he can count the number of times she had cooked. I told him maybe she is intimidated by his cooking, but he says he doesn't mind and just want her to do her wifey duties. I called his wife and asked her what's going on, and she said he had always cooked while they were dating and don't know why he his fussing now.


From what I can deduce, my guy is trying to be authoritative, he kept using the phrase "I am the man", he have the time as his job is flexible, so cooking shouldn't be a problem, at the same time the wife is failing to do her duties. I don't know how to advice them without taking sides. 


The wife is a registered NLer, so am sure she will see this and get the necessary advice.


Lalasticlala please help this young couple.

Ishilove do your thing.