*Toyinrayo:

@michelin89

It is a big deal.

No matter how much you try to please them, step daughters and step sons will still see you as their father's wife.

I should know.

Are you ready to deal with a rebellious daughter? Are you ready to deal with the "you are not my mother, so don't tell me what to do" drama?

The disrespect?

Your step trying to divide the family? Reporting you to your husband?

Are you ready to feel like a nanny?

etc.

And this is not only about you, this is also about the little boy/girl who wishes "mommy and daddy" stayed together.

Ahahahhahha! All these are just talks to me. They mean nothing. I am not going to write how I'd act in every circumstance but I won't discharge the idea of dating a single parent. That's just me.

davidylan:

You are a woman . . . would you feel comfortable if your husband's ex kept showing up frequently to see her children and also collect money that you both work hard for?

How would you treat those kids if they spend plenty of time with their mum? Would you be an auxiliary mum or what?

you dont seem to have thought this thing through at all . . . rhetoric is easy.

I don't go gaga because of an ex. I have been through that before. Secondly the way I'd like to organize my home won't put me in the position to question what my husband does with his money.

David it seems you want to force yourself into being those kids' father, but you simply can't. Even the simgle parent knows that and I am sure she'd never ask you to take the missing parent's place. You are not alone in this whole mess. Where is the loner?

michelin89:

@ Sauron and David

What you are implying are:

1. No child outside wedlock.
2. When a child comes in no more divorce.

Isn't that just too unfair? Even single parents deserve some love. And if the other partner is dead, the surviving one must move on with or without a kid.

Why have a child outside wedlock? Is it so hard to use protection or keep the legs sealed until marriage?

Why are people so quick to flash the "divorce" card over simple marital problems? Abegi once you have kids you owe them the responsibility to provide a stable loving family to them.

Divorce to me is the solution for selfish people who only pretend to love their kids. I'm sure none of us would love being shipped from one parent to another every week . . . all in the name of "differences".

y me:

@toyin

u are kind of wrong there

I might be. . . .give your reason

michelin89:

Ahahahhahha! All these are just talks to me. They mean nothing. I am not going to write how I'd act in every circumstance but I won't discharge the idea of dating a single parent. That's just me.

Well, you do that.

michelin89:

@ Sauron and David

What you are implying are:

1. No child outside wedlock.
2. When a child comes in no more divorce.

No child outside wedlock. . . . . .and once a child comes into it, no divorce.

Isn't that just too unfair? Even single parents deserve some love. And if the other partner is dead, the surviving one must move on with or without a kid.

Different strokes for different folks.

The disadvantages of dating a single mother is monstrous.
She has baggage, more bills to pay, more stress and she's got less time for leisure.
Her kid/kids would be the default recipient of her love, devotion and sympathy.
I can be many things but i don't play second fiddle to anyone.

@toyin
forget reason for now


@sauron

exactly

davidylan:

Why have a child outside wedlock? Is it so hard to use protection or keep the legs sealed until marriage?

Why are people so quick to flash the "divorce" card over simple marital problems? Abegi once you have kids you owe them the responsibility to provide a stable loving family to them.

Divorce to me is the solution for selfish people who only pretend to love their kids. I'm sure none of us would love being shipped from one parent to another every week . . . all in the name of "differences".

That's yours and obviously not mine.

~Sauron~:

No child outside wedlock. . . . . .and once a child comes into it, no divorce.

Different strokes for different folks.

The disadvantages of dating a single mother is monstrous.
She has baggage, more bills to pay, more stress and she's got less time for leisure.
Her kid/kids would be the default recipient of her love, devotion and sympathy.
I can be many things but i don't play second fiddle to anyone.

I see. Different strokes for different folks.

It is good you people are discussing these issues. The lesson to be learn is that couple with child(ren) should stay together as much as possible for the sake of the kids. The kids suffer most in any divorce or break up. Those with dead spouse should try and stay single until the children grow and flee the nest.
Personnally, I am looking to marry a virgin, so that rule out single mothers.

Obodo999:

Personnally, I am looking to marry a virgin, so that rule out single mothers.

Goodness Gracious!!!!

U want to marry a PHAR-GIN??

davidylan:

Why have a child outside wedlock? Is it so hard to use protection or keep the legs sealed until marriage?

Why are people so quick to flash the "divorce" card over simple marital problems? Abegi once you have kids you owe them the responsibility to provide a stable loving family to them.

Divorce to me is the solution for selfish people who only pretend to love their kids. I'm sure none of us would love being shipped from one parent to another every week . . . all in the name of "differences".

This statement kinda hit me, i have been so relaxed when it comes to Divorce although i am not married. Lately i have been the type that says hey if it is not working or you are not happy get a divorce.

Thanks for waking me up, unless there is abuse in a marriage, people should learn to put their kids first. I cant imagine being shipped from one parents house to another .

What about people who were dumped by their husbands?

Divorce is not always mutual.

When someone is telling you I have moved on you need as well.

What can one do?

Single parents are humans too. Every situation is different. If its not your cup of tea fine but dont condemn others who are not as self-centered selfish or dogmatic as you maybe. Dating a single parent is not a shameful thing.

i honestly dont know. . .
but the age of the kids, their willingness to accept me as a mother will be a huge factor

It is crazy to say that once you have children you cant divorce.

should i stay with a man that beats me?

Should I stay with a man that cheats on me and brings home other children or STD's?

Should I stay with a man that physically and or mentally abuses me or the children?

Should I stay with a man that cant provide for his family finacially and has no resp. toward his family in this regard?

Should I stay with a man who does not keep a stable roof over our heads or food on the table?

All in the name of marriage??


Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

@poster, to me i will prefer to date a single parent

LadyT:

What about people who were dumped by their husbands?

Divorce is not always mutual.

When someone is telling you I have moved on you need as well.

What can one do?

Single parents are humans too. Every situation is different. If its not your cup of tea fine but dont condemn others who are not as self-centered selfish or dogmatic as you maybe. Dating a single parent is not a shameful thing.

I agree!!!

sistawoman:

It is crazy to say that once you have children you cant divorce.

should i stay with a man that beats me?

Should I stay with a man that cheats on me and brings home other children or STD's?

Should I stay with a man that physically and or mentally abuses me or the children?

Should I stay with a man that cant provide for his family finacially and has no resp. toward his family in this regard?

Should I stay with a man who does not keep a stable roof over our heads or food on the table?

All in the name of marriage??


Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Gbam!!!

Sauron, i hope it also applies to a man (no baggage on his side too)

Sistahwoman, capital NO.

i'd prefer a single guy without baggage. unless a widower. i wouldn't pray or wish for divorce but if it happens, then am on my own.

~ I tink not ~ Reason: She has kids ~

I believe that experience is the best teacher in life. So single mothers and fathers are better dates and candidates for marriage.
As long as she or he can discipline the kids and do not let them get in the way of the love affair.

I dont think I would want to.

I can discipline my own child the way I want Not someone elses.

If I have 3 children I can give one a bigger chunk of the cake and reverse the order the next day. Not with a step child.

The step child still has allegiance to the biological dad. And can decide to hang out with the dad without my consent.

A woman once divorced sees no BIG deal about being divorced and she can pack out once more at the slightest inconvenience.

A woman with 2-3 kids marry her and I still intend to have about 3-4 kids of mine making 6-7 children to take care of. The extra baggage

I think divorcees would do better with divorcees.

For me? No!!!

We have enough single never married ladies

^^^Very true o.

I did things with my mom that I'd never do with my stepdad.

I told her everything and acted like a stranger to him.

That's what am saying. . . .all you people that thinks oh "no big deal", it s a big deal

LadyT:

What about people who were dumped by their husbands?

Divorce is not always mutual.

When someone is telling you I have moved on you need as well.

What can one do?

Single parents are humans too.  Every situation is different. If its not your cup of tea fine but dont condemn others who are not as self-centered selfish or dogmatic as you maybe. Dating a single parent is not a shameful thing.

It is a matter of choice not being "selfish, self-centered or dogmatic" . . .

sistawoman:

It is crazy to say that once you have children you cant divorce.

should i stay with a man that beats me?

Should I stay with a man that cheats on me and brings home other children or STD's?

Should I stay with a man that physically and or mentally abuses me or the children?

Should I stay with a man that cant provide for his family finacially and has no resp. toward his family in this regard?

Should I stay with a man who does not keep a stable roof over our heads or food on the table?

All in the name of marriage??


Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

This is all hogwash to me . . . where you blind before you married the dude? Did you not know he was a serial cheater? Did he not show signs of being a wife-beater? Did you not see traces that he wont be able to financially provide for his family? Was he a loving, caring, trustworthy fellow who suddenly morphed into a monster overnight?

You owe it to your kids unborn to make sure you choose who will be the co-parent with you VERY CAREFULLY AND PRAYERFULLY. If you make the bad choice of having kids with an irresponsible partner well the unfortunate consequences are yours alone to bear.

dayokanu:

I dont think I would want to.

I can discipline my own child the way I want Not someone elses.

If I have 3 children I can give one a bigger chunk of the cake and reverse the order the next day. Not with a step child.

The step child still has allegiance to the biological dad. And can decide to hang out with the dad without my consent.

A woman once divorced sees no BIG deal about being divorced and she can pack out once more at the slightest inconvenience.

A woman with 2-3 kids marry her and I still intend to have about 3-4 kids of mine making 6-7 children to take care of. The extra baggage

I think divorcees would do better with divorcees.

For me? No!!!

We have enough single never married ladies

Hmmmmmm . . .true talk

@Poster

It depends. If it's just a child then maybe yes. 2 or more is a pronounced NO!. How we suppose to go to the movies with 2-3 kids? How we suppose go to the beach without the fear of losing the kids? And how do we have some quiet time for ourselves with the loud noise of Cartoon networks?

i just cant. its a choice
nothing wrong with single parents or kids from such homes
i cant just fit for the drama when it comes to my life personally as it relates to marriage
and i know what m talking about

@ poster very interesting topic BUT i guess ONLY those in that shoes can really tell where it pinches. Am 24 i have a daughter i have encounterd alot in my little life meet people who say they would never date single moms, people that say why did you have to get preg out of wedluck. meet mother that told me his son lookin for a wife not a mom, i've seen a lot but i still BELEIVE it boils down to ORIENTATION most people come from a world that everything has to be WHITE people dont make mistakes in them while some come from A COLOURED world where they look at the 2 SIDES OF THE COIN.
That's why most single mom find it difficult in the society because of the STIGMA attached to been a divirced or a single single mom.

ijleke:

@ poster very interesting topic BUT i guess ONLY those in that shoes can really tell where it pinches. Am 24 i have a daughter i have encounterd alot in my little life meet people who say they would never date single moms, people that say why did you have to get preg out of wedluck. meet mother that told me his son lookin for a wife not a mom, i've seen a lot but i still BELEIVE it boils down to ORIENTATION most people come from a world that everything has to be WHITE people dont make mistakes in them while some come from A COLOURED world where they look at the 2 SIDES OF THE COIN.
That's why most single mom find it difficult in the society because of the STIGMA attached to been a divirced or a single single mom.

I can only imagine, but have you found it difficult meeting 'sincere' guys who want a serious relationship? and do you feel you carry excess baggage? like extra bills? lack of leisure time? father of the child issues etc etc?

davidylan:

. where you blind before you married the dude? Did you not know he was a serial cheater? Did he not show signs of being a wife-beater? Did you not see traces that he wont be able to financially provide for his family? Was he a loving, caring, trustworthy fellow who suddenly morphed into a monster overnight?

but David, you have  to realize that sometimes there isn't always a telltale signs of those things before you get married it is usually in the middle of  the marriage that some folks start exhibiting  those signs. you maybe ask what about during the dating period? also some folks are the greatest pretenders and they will hide those signs till the show starts.  i mean if those signs were there, i don't think anyone in their right mind would hit the altar with the person, it is usually during the marriage years that those signs start to show. people behavior/attitudes are never constant IMO.

@ post

while i realize that single parents are also humans  with feelings and sometimes circumstances beyond their control put them in that situation i wouldn't still date any man with children. not my type,  unless maybe if i was a single parent myself

@ Secretz, yes its difficult but as time goes on it becomes a part of you, you tend to leave with it. My daughter is 9 now am 24 gettin married in months.
Its fun, its different, i think about her before every decision i make, she is the first in my life. But its not like wat most people think its is.

davidylan:

It is a matter of choice not being "selfish, self-centered or dogmatic" . . .

This is all hogwash to me . . . where you blind before you married the dude? Did you not know he was a serial cheater? Did he not show signs of being a wife-beater? Did you not see traces that he wont be able to financially provide for his family? Was he a loving, caring, trustworthy fellow who suddenly morphed into a monster overnight?

You owe it to your kids unborn to make sure you choose who will be the co-parent with you VERY CAREFULLY AND PRAYERFULLY. If you make the bad choice of having kids with an irresponsible partner well the unfortunate consequences are yours alone to bear.

David how can that be hogwash? Have you not heard of people making mistakes in the name of love? The only perfect person I know is Jesus, other than him the rest of us do the best with what knowledge we have right now.

If you would have told me that my ex-husband was going to turn his back on his children, esp. his son that carries his full name, I would have slapped you in the face. He was the most caring loving and attentive father. Where he went so did his children. But when we separated he did an about face and never turned around again.

If you would have told me that my ex-husband would be inefficient in handling money and paying bills, again I would have slapped you in the face. His bills were paid on time for his age he was making good money, he had the finest things and lacked for nothing. When we married i realized it was a woman, his mother, that was standing behind him pushing him and that i had to do the same. It was his mother that helped him make his decisions and now it was me that was making the decisions.

People can deceive you. And you can deceive your self. Love will sometimes blind you log enough to bind you.

Looking back now out of my 34 year old eyes I know that I should have never married him when I was 17. But I did and to save my family i had to cut my losses and fly alone.

@dayokanu

I think for divorced women we work harder at our second time around. We look closer at the mate we are choosing. We know what it is to fail in a marriage and dont want to fail again. So your argument that we would walk away at the slightest problem is false. We would prob. try to make it work harder and stay longer than someone who not experienced the stigma of being divorced.

So much emotions are being generated over this matter. It is however understandable though. Nevertheless, should a single parent not have the right to enjoying marital if so desired? I believe, a single parent has the right to enjoy marital bliss with a sincere hearted partner. The major question is that - would the child/children in question accept and submit to the fact another individual who is not his/her parent would be parenting him/her? It is a major heartache and source of worry.

Left to me, I do rather wish, the situation was not so.

@ ijleke congrats,

@ sistawoman, u really hit the nail on the head there! People show their true colours when circumstances arise or they have to face things in life they have never had to face before.

@ Pataki, I hear you, but the single parent in question would also worry that their partner would treat their child as their own, so it goes both ways,