I got involved in a relationship which was sweet ealrier but now all ruined. The guys stays overseas and suspects me. He has numerous doubts but wants to marry me. He came and beat me black n blue one day when he thought I was lying and suspects me of having an affair with someone!

I am processing my Visa to go and marry this guy and will get it soon as early as next month. The guy says he loves me but treats me like Sh#t, is this because of distance and will get alright with time? or will this never chyange>? I am in a fix, trapped in a relationship, everyone in the family n frens know that I am marrying him and if I back off now I will be in a big social emabbarrassment.

I am independant, good looking, smart girl but he doesn't seem to treat me well.  I dunno what to do,, I can't go away and stay around!!! He never makes an eye contact or even lets me walk out of the relationship!!! Says he loves me a lottt, n can't let me go. He needs our family, he is 35 and I am 28, this is the peak age we should get married! I am in a experinecing a great emotional instability right now.

Tell  me what do I do? I am very badly getting affected by the whole thing

the relationship is been for 9 months, now

You said you're smart!!! So tell us what is your smart brain really telling you to do? I dont know if you really love this guy, but from your story, i would say once beaten forever beaten. He might even kill you if you try leaving cause i can see he is possessive. Anyway your family and community is not marrying him so better think about your future and life because in the end you will be facing your decision in isolation.

baby4u2:

You said you're smart!!! So tell us what is your smart brain really telling you to do? I dont know if you really love this guy, but from your story, i would say once beaten forever beaten. He might even kill you if you try leaving cause i can see he is possessive. Anyway your family and community is not marrying him so better think about your future and life because in the end you will be facing your decision in isolation.

I concur

Umm, you know the answer!
You're still processing the visa Why?
Nothing is going to change. What does love mean to you? Saying you love someone doesn't mean anything! Actions are what prove our love, not just saying it. I can say anything doesn't mean I mean it. Even if he means it, he still has a problem and doesn't know how to have a normal relationship. It doesn't matter that your family and friends are aware that you're marrying him. What is "embarassment" for a few months as opposed to a LIFETIME of unhappiness? Because that's what you are going to be, unhappy! For the rest of your life, that's a very long time!

~ Marry & Die ~

Run as fast as your legs can carry you. . .And i wanna ask you. . .why would you put yourself in an uncomfortable situation to please others or avoid embarrassment?

sorry to say but that's some lame excuse you gat there.

i guess you must be desperate to take a beating and be disrespected by this man for no apparent reason(after 9months) and still stick to marriage and visa plans.
you only known him for 9months, slow down, there is much you obviously dont know about this alien of a man. relax, sit down and open your eyes. life might be tough where you are but it aint worth throwing it away to the first puppet.
what is it that you are looking for? i know marriage is a Nigerian semblant of success but this has got to stop.
what do you imagine will happen in the future since he has already beaten you black and blue? it will only escalate until the next step which is death baby.
you better run from this guy while you can!!!!

somebody u're not married to beats and u're still thinking marrying him

think twice or else u'll regret it for the rest life

Actions speak louder than words, use ur head since ur smart!

Girl, you might HAVE TO Run away from the dude NOW!!! ---- Listen, you're not married to him and he beats you like that, whats gonna  happen when he marries you? he will feel he owns you and can do anything he wants to do to you. I am sure you deserve better. You also said he is processing a visa for you, if you dont know, YOUR WAHALA HAS JUST STARTED. You have not seen anything yet, this is just the introduction. If he does your visa and you make that deadly mistake of marrying him, YOU WILL BECOME HIS CUSTOM MADE PUNCHING BAG. Why?? because he will be completely posesive of you. He will use that to talk to you anyhow girl and you're gonna loose your dignity and respect. He'll be like "I BROUGHT YOU TO THIS COUNTRY AND I CAN DO WHATEVER I LIKE" in this case what can you do? shey na mummy and daddy you go call?? or u gonna run away? Omo, call you parents jeje now and explain to them that this man is a monster, no GOOD parent will pray that their child falls into the hands of someone like that, you cant trade living happilly married with a Visa!!!

SHINE YOUR EYES OOO!!!

RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

THAT IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY

I feel crazzyyy!!!!

Crazy but alive!

Now leave the man that will beat you even now he is supposed to pamper you. When you get inside, na prison with torture.

Its hard, i admit It is very hard, but please think about your life. You at this point will never change him only GOD can, and unless you are ready to to deal with that for the rest of your life, Please leave.

Him beating you is a warning to your life, some ladies never get that chance. There was a woman around my job , making very good money , left her husband because he was abusing her. 10 days later her stabbed her 38 times in her office.

Please, take your chanve now while you can, a visa is not worth you life

@poster
ur kidding me!
u mean a man hit u and ur still dey talking about love. slap ur sef any time u make a mistake, and tell me if u did that wid love in ur heart

Where's your so-called to be married bloke based?Sure not in the US or UK cause he would be sleeping in jail by now.No man or woman has the right to raise their hands on another.If a relationship isn't working or you suspect foul play, all you can do within reason is to back off.With homo sapien, a fool at forty is a fool forever but not with God.I've heard of women in their forties and fifties getting happily married so drop the idea of your "ideal" age of getting married.To be honest with you, call off the relationship cause if he beat you black n blue for whatever reason, he's gonna beat you yellow and red again and again.Sure you don't wanna live with that for the rest of your life.As to family and friends, the're not gonna be there when he gives you a black eye after marriage or kill you by mistake so wake up from your slumber and take the bull by the horn.By that I mean call it quits with him!

Or you can learn Tae kwon do, karate, boxing, and weightlifting before the wedding.

invisible!:

Or you can learn Tae kwon do, karate, boxing, and weightlifting before the wedding.

lmao

invisible!:

Or you can learn Tae kwon do, karate, boxing, and weightlifting before the wedding.

yeah. and she can also build a ring in the house. the children could be the refree

Na waa for Nlder's responses! If you know the cause of the problem  and  the solution to it, I'd say give it a try,he may change, remember that ''one man's meat  can be anther's poison'',but if you don't know the reason and solution. . . you indeed need to find your way.
I wish you all the best.

Igwe, so your advice is that she finds out the problem that made the man beat her so seriously? Suspicion of course!

Someone that will beat you black and blue on mere suspicion will lynch you for confirmed mistakes- and they happen aplenty in marriages.

@Polina, you're feeling crazy 'bout the whole thing cause you're not true to yourself and are allergic to the truth.What has obtaining a visa got to do with you being killed slowly but surely?Oh I see, you wanna get a visa to go to your death?

Abi she wan answer yankee missus! Hehehehehe.

Igwe.:

Na waa for Nlder's responses! If you know the cause of the problem  and  the solution to it, I'd say give it a try,he may change, remember that ''one man's meat  can be anther's poison'',but if you don't know the reason and solution. . . you indeed need to find your way.
I wish you all the best.

Abeg, there is no problem nor a solution for her to stay. The only solution is to leave! It's not about what she did. Many times that men beat women, it's not about anything they did, but about the man's lack of confidence and ability to be a rational human being. People don't change easily. When getting married, why hang on to people can change? I don't understand. You're not married to the guy, he's not even in the same country as you are. It really shouldn't be as hard as you're making it out to be. Is it the visa that's exciting you? Listen to what everyone has said here. It's not worth it. Or if you think it's worh it to you, then resign yourself to be beaten every time he sees fit. If you're ready to live with that, then you can go ahead. Just expect it at anytime!

@Igwe, beating your partner is an unacceptable and buttfucking way to be a man in a relationship.No excusing away the action of this shit ass of a guy.Some things never change in a man!

fs:

Abeg, there is no problem nor a solution for her to stay. The only solution is to leave! It's not about what she did. Many times that men beat women, it's not about anything they did, but about the man's lack of confidence and ability to be a rational human being. People don't change easily. When getting married, why hang on to people can change? I don't understand. You're not married to the guy, he's not even in the same country as you are. It really shouldn't be as hard as you're making it out to be. Is it the visa that's exciting you? Listen to what everyone has said here. It's not worth it. Or if you think it's worh it to you, then resign yourself to be beaten every time he sees fit. If you're ready to live with that, then you can go ahead. Just expect it at anytime!

We all are advising that she should go, I'd advise so when she tells me that he is cheating on her or  that her mouth runs like river.
Some spoken words are even worse than beating atimes.

@SoAmazing!
Maturity atimes has nothing to do with age but exposure, maybe the guy needs to be exposed to where beating a lady is demonic/condemnable.

Hello Igwe sorry for the digression
 Bros please can you help me with this Vin/chasis number

JMZGE12A201316991

tell me its details okay

Plus i need ur advice i want to get a tokunbo car from a dealer in Akure but i am also staying there will i have to change all keylocks and ignition after purchase.cos its possible the keep a spare key and come some months for the car again(stealing it away)
please advice
you can email or chat with me now on jeffdavon@yahoo.com
thanks
God bless

Dont mind what these jerks are saying that your not smart for still wanting to go ahead to marry him. You obviously know that you derive some form of pleasure from the beatings which these nairaland jerks will never comprehend. I am sure you like it rough and nasty and your guy sure does a number on you by beating you blue and black to evoke a sexual release.

I admire your bloke and he is my hero. Dont mind all these people here. If you love him and when he pounds the shit outta ya, just assume its part of the love that we UN-SMART nairalands cannot comprehend.

Sleep tight and dream of one very powerful upper cut from your bloke this night

Marry him ASAP. If i had a sista, i will surely advise her to marry such a role model; but then again, i dont have one, so temporarily your my adopted nairaland sista, so follow your senior brother's advise sharp sharp!!!!