First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies - Romance - Nairaland
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| First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by PROPUNTER(m): 3:09pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
Any sex after that first time, sure, we can talk poetry and
passion. But first-time sex? It never plays out like in the movies.
See, I’ve got one of two ways my first-time sex usually goes:
The first kind is all awkward pauses, heavy with anticipation and
uncertainty: do we?, are we?, is this ok?, mind the parrot, this
zipper is stuck, here let me … just … pull my panty down, push
all the books and clothes and food off the bed, oh look you
have a huge tattoo of a woman’s butt on your chest… The second kind is where I am prepped to get my sex on. I’ve got the silky teddy, the candles, the incense, the massage oils, my bed is made … and the new Mr Man is usually so overwhelmed by it all, he practically loses his erection with worry about the expectations my Nights in White Satin set-up is raising. Basically, instead of naked ballet, there is a fumbled groping towards coital bliss. Instead of perfectly directed orgasms, a flirtation with flaccidity and sexual anxiety. To be honest, my experience of first-time sex is really rather more a Woody Allen production than a lush, exotic romance taking its fornication very seriously. And while some part of me longs to be king of smooth manoeuvring (can you blame me? I was raised on ‘80s soapies…) I like the authenticity of real people getting pretty, damn real when the clothes come off. I don’t care if a guy looks like David Beckham, kisses like the hero from a Nicholas Sparks movie, and has the smooth moves of the Old Spice guy on a horse. Until he gets naked and gets his sex moves on, there is no telling what his bedroom game is – or how generous and sensitive a lover he really is. I’ve come to see sex as the great unveiling to the real person behind all the day-to-day razzmatazz we like to put on. And first-time sex with a new partner is just the ribbon cutting on that process. But we all know how fraught those sorts of ceremonies can be – someone forgets the scissors, the Champagne goes flat while everyone waits, someone cuts the ribbon before the speech is finished… In short: Don’t judge your boo by your first bonk. Unless he’s actually a terrible lay or a creep with a woman’s butt tattooed on his chest, you’re probably not going to know much about his capacity to fulfil your life’s great sex scenes from the very first shag. You’ll need at least three to be sure. 5 Likes |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Nobody: 3:44pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
Ok  |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Nobody: 3:46pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
2 Likes |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Nobody: 3:52pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
STFUareyouGod: Lolzzzz.. ...heheheheheheheheheheheheheheh u dis gurl or guy don't knw....nowadays lots of dude hiding in ladies moniker I no fit shout  |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Nobody: 3:54pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
avasweet:Is that same with you? Are you a dude in female moniker? Which do you think I am? Dude or lady? |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Nobody: 4:16pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
STFUareyouGod: Ofcos I knw u are dude....y will be hiding in a female moniker...am a full blood lady |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Nobody: 4:19pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
avasweet:pic of a full 'blood lady' or |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Adasun(m): 4:31pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
What is the op saying  |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Nobody: 4:32pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Nobody: 4:34pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
avasweet:there is every need for that. I need to be sure |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by PROPUNTER(m): 5:02pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
Adasun: Hmmm Are u blind or you dnt understand English |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by pTomz(m): 5:08pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
lol, articles everywhere  |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Adasun(m): 5:12pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
PROPUNTER:ar u talking to me man:-/ |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by PROPUNTER(m): 5:16pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
Adasun:Are you High or What ? Some of you guys will be commenting under Highness.... |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by PROPUNTER(m): 5:18pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
pTomz:why Lol mtchew Just to create awareness.. |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Adasun(m): 5:18pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
PROPUNTER:what do you mean by highness |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by PROPUNTER(m): 5:18pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
pTomz:why Lol mtchew Just to create awareness.. |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by pTomz(m): 5:20pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
PROPUNTER:Ok sire . . . but LOL |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by PROPUNTER(m): 5:23pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
pTomz:Do you smoke Weed bcoz na only dem dey laugh always................ |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by PROPUNTER(m): 5:25pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
Adasun: Which Northern state are you from ? Mix Alomo & Tramadol you go understand....... |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Adasun(m): 5:28pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
PROPUNTER:what is tramadol |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Vinshu(f): 5:39pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
Lol.. |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by PROPUNTER(m): 5:43pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
Adasun:Ask your Pastor or Imam ? |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by PROPUNTER(m): 5:45pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
Vinshu:you will not only Lol but scream when time reach..................... |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by anigbajumo(m): 5:46pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
PROPUNTER: Tramadol like 500g |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by pTomz(m): 5:47pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
PROPUNTER:E dey pain u as i dey laugh?  |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by PROPUNTER(m): 5:49pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
anigbajumo: Bro you are mouthed better mixed with a bottle of Coke the first day i took 500 G it i was eable to bang three Ebonys..Lifted 200Kg Weight....... |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Vinshu(f): 5:51pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
PROPUNTER: I don't understand. Scream for what? |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by anigbajumo(m): 5:53pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
PROPUNTER: I takes it to read overnight......my eyes go just open like day time..... Av never used it to bang b4,ah dnt like taken drugs to shyne totoh |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by PROPUNTER(m): 5:57pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
Vinshu:Do you Want to Scream ? Because When time go reach i wont hear Abeg.... |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by PROPUNTER(m): 5:59pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
anigbajumo:Give it a try the Girl will be calling you everyday........ |
| Re: First-time Sex Is Never Like The Movies by Vinshu(f): 6:01pm On Oct 12, 2015 |
PROPUNTER: I don't understand you still. |
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