Hi,

I found this site yesterday and have been reading lots of the threads here and found it really an eye-opener. For example, I didn't know it was offensive to use your left hand to pass things until I read it here (my boyfriend is not very helpful when it comes to explaining his culture. I suppose there are so many things that you just take for granted about your own culture that you don't think to explain them) I must have offended so many people as we don't have that rule in the UK. Oops.

I am an English woman in a relationship with a Yoruba man (nearly 4 years) and I wondered if there are any other people here in this situation? It can be hard to be in a relationship with someone from such a different culture and I don't know anyone else with an English /Nigerian mix. It would be nice to swap stories and advice. Or if anyone Nigerian could help me out a bit, that would be great too.

It's not all problems of course, there are a lot of rewards in being with someone different, and I'm happy, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to about it who understands.

Hi,
Culture to nigerians is like breath-intake. For ethnic groups it differs though. For the Yoruba's, nhmmm, mine, mine! You have to brace up to meet up with the challenge. It is very interesting when you take it up with interest. The yorubas are one of the cultural people in Nigeria that are culturally-respectful. So, if you are marrying a yoruba man, get ready to be really submissive.

Monday
mondollar2003@yahoo.com

Thanks for the reply Monday.

Yes I've got to say that the attitude towards women is something that causes a certain amount of friction between us! but I wouldn't say he follows Yoruba culture 100%. From what I've seen of his friends and family he is not as traditional as they are. I think because he moved to the UK and decided that that was where he was going to make his home and life without any intention to return to Nigeria one day, unlike most of them, he has made the effort to adapt more.

He imagines he is head of our household when it comes to the really important stuff but he isn't as far as I'm concerned. I could call myself the Queen of England but if no-one else agreed with me, what could I do? He'll get a nasty shock if he tries to throw his weight around too much,

When it comes to household stuff we have managed to find a compromise. I hate the way that he refuses to have anything to do with food. He won't shop, cook, or wash up. He says that is for women or servants (and you can imagine how I feel about being compared to a servant!) BUT I go along with it because he can't help how he was brought up and it's not as if he refuses to do anything else. He's perfectly ok about cleaning the house, doing laundry, making drinks etc, so I suppose it evens out in the end. I know a lot of his friends won't lift a finger in the house and their wives run around waiting on them hand and foot doing everything. Yeah, as if!

I've got to say, that the traditional relationship between Yoruba men and women is very shocking to a western woman. If I thought he was like that I would not be in a relationship with him. I've seen things that I just couldn't believe. Why do the women let the men treat them like slaves? .

Hi. Unfortunately, it's not just the yoruba men that have the 'Lord and Master' mentality. It's prevalent among nigerian men, regardless of the tribe.

@ English
hi sister,
feel your story but have a question to ask do u really enjoy every bit of this man despite his lordship servant cuture? if yes ignore what ever rubbish people out there will advise and be focused with your dream i know u will understand and appreciate every bit of Yoruba culture easily. that dose not mean he didn't loves you honestly he is the real man for you because of his Originality concept u should appriciate every opportunity given u to learn a new culturte welcome to our country Nigeria and tribe Yoruba the people with a long history.
It shall be well with u.

Hi English1,
Isuppose the challenge about the yoruba culture thing is not with the culture, but, with the personality of your man. This is only a guess and I wouldn't want you to look at the yoruba culture as a man-domineering amplitude or something else whatsoever.
Pls, talk to your friend about what you are probably uncomfortable with and I am hopeful with you that things wil turn for the better. If you can 'flow' with him as a person, I can assure you that his culture is just secondary.

Cheers!
Monday
mondollar2003@yahoo.com

Hi English1 and everyone,
It will be myopic to generalise a man's trait for a whole cultural group.
Our personalities are the soul-born of why we do the things we do. Culture is an old tradition for generalising person(s).

I am a christian and believe in God giving you your right partner and being compatible with the partner too.
I will recommend we deal with this issue based on the young ladys' man's personality. Afterall, the culture is not so deadly; besides, she is not primaryily marrying His culture but the man.

Thank you.

Monday
mondollar2003@yahoo.com

Hi English1

I am a foreigner (Oz) seeing a yoruba guy. I found this site yesterday whe I was looking for youruba phrases online. I can relate to what you have said and I also would like to get some advice and tips. he is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. we are in the same country just in different suburbs. He never wants to cook with me but if he is alone he cooks for himself. I even asked if he could teach me to cook a native dish but he told his brother to do it. I can cook and clean and what not, I know this important as it is in my culture. We have been together a year now and we want to get married soon. I havent met his parents as they live in Nigeria nor have I spoken to them. I kinda think that there is something more as to why he hasnt made the effort for me to speak to his family. He wants us to get married and when I am pregnant then we will go to Nigeria with baby. I am older than him and Ithink he is testing me to see is I can get pregnant and if I dont then what?? I beleive he is genuine when he says he loves me and will stick by whether I conceive or not but I feel his cultural roots are deeper than our love. This guy treats me like a queen. I have met his brothers and his family know about me but my gut feeling is cautioning me to be cautious. I am very independant and we have many 'debates' especially about him being bossy etc. Im not asking advice whether to dump him or not, im in this and im committed. I just want a heads up of what to expect and maybe any similarities.

There aren't that much different between NIGERIANS AND NON-NIGERIANS. You can easily adapt to the Nigerian culture and he can easily adapt to your culture.


It not that complicated as people make it to be. IF you really love each others then compromise wouldn't be an issue. SIMPLE!

@ Mrs Eve

yes it sound simple and SHOULD be simple but we often forget that love is sacrifice and both sides have to learn to choose what is worth the sacrifice. I think both parties need to agree on the non-negotiables, thats a good start and helps eachother to know when to backdown or agree to disagree.

POSTER.

i CHECK YOUR PROFILE YOU ARE NOT NEW ON THIS SITE, YOU HAVE BEEN HERE EVEN BEFORE MANY OF US HERE, IF YOU WANT TO SAY SOMETHING IMPORTANT COMES OUT OPENLY WITH YOUR CONCERN.

I couldn't help but chime in on this discussion.  I'm a American black woman born and raised in Michigan and I'm currently engaged to an Nigerian Yoruba man and he is wonderful.  I must concur with you that he is protective over me (which for some reason I think is a turn on  ) and I know he takes on that *King* role but he also treats me like a "Queen".  I have NEVER an Afican man like him or any other man I was in a relationship with. (American, black and mixed) I've been with another African man before and he was NOTHING like him.  My fiancee shops, cleans, cooks, washes my clothes, hang them up and folds them.  He makes sure I am taken care of which is so awesome.  We both take care of each other. He is like no other. I'm sorry if I seem to be boasting about him, but I have never been this happy before with him.  He is such a blessing. I thank God each and every day for him.  I don't have a problem submitting to him. He is respectful and is good to me, so it's an honor because it is equal with love/giving.  That is why I don't mind submitting to him. Shoot, he submits to me too!    I couldn't ask for anything more.  The most important men in my life is God and then my fiancee. 

But I feel you on the culture thing. I'm still learning. I'm still trying to learn his language. Lol That is new to me about passing something with your left hand? Have you tried talking to him expressing how you feel.  I'm sure he is also aware of the culture differences with you too. It's gonna take alot of patience and understanding on BOTH of your parts.  You said you tried talking to him before and it was not useful.  Have you tried expressing to him how important it is to YOU to learn more about him and his culture?  Just express to him (in a none nagging or pressured way) that it will make you more comfortable and happy learning more about him.  He should be honored that you want to take an interest in him/culture.  And as that cliche goes, it's not what you say, but it's how you say it and the right time to say it.

No seat to rset ma azz on . . .So i continue the waka . . . . .

D-sense:

No seat to rset ma azz on . . .So i continue the waka . . . . .

I beg continue to waka jare~ because the poster na one kain liar and the tread is as old as Methuselah

loool. ;d

No be only English1 be your name carry Slovakia 1 join am hiss

My man is yoruba too, there are cultural differences but I found it excited and not a problem. It depends on how traditional someone is but the young generation living abroad is much more modern and adapted to the western life. I never had any issues with my boyfriend to act as the king of the house or whatever, he cooks, cleans, washing and ironing my clothes on the same way that I am doing these stuff for him. Our cultures are similar when it comes to respect, family values etc. The only thing I can say is that nigerian men are less romantic but this is something that he can learn if he wants you to be happy. From what I know if a man loves a woman will try to make the woman happy no matter where he is from. I lough every year on Valentine's day when my boyfriend buys me a gift and he plans a romantic dinner or sth like this (without asking him) but he always mentions that he doesn't believe on valentine's day, that this is too western etc I think nigerians are afraid to come across very romantic and they want to look stong as they fear that they are loosing from their masculinity. I see non nigerian women complaining on this forum on how some nigerian men treat them, the truth is that the problem is not the culture or cultural differences but the fact that these men don't love them.

Yoruba men ARE SUBMISSIVE?

/\ /\ /\

how did you came up with this?

I am responding to what someone said,

hmm i guess as of last night its nolonger 2006 to the guy who "called out" the poster for being here long LOL!

hmmm,My fiance is a Nigerian and I am an Asian,I haven't seen any problem in our relationship.We are in love,compatible and happy.Regardless of race in any relationship,it's up to the couple to add spices and color to achieve their happiness.

Hello Am in 2 years in relationship with Nigeria boyfriend thinghs arent so well i dont understand if is the different culture or is up to personality . My boyfriend is not working and he is here not legaly all 2 years, from beggining he was studying after he stop the school and we moved together. im suporting him in any how but is look like is problem beacause he lost any respect in me and am having the trouses role which i didnt want to, anything i will say he think is an order but he dont want to change a thing. im really sad i feel like he hates me, anytime we had an issue abouth his future or something else he is ignoring me, I do have a feelings for him, he is really lovely person but sometimes i dont reliaze him how cold he can act. am really psychicly suffer from that ignoring of any mine feelings, He did made disicion he will go back to school he already had money for the ticket to go back to Nigeria to fix the visa, but is look like he spend it when i ask he ignore me again, dont know what to do i can not see things what supose to be in relationship i have also in my mind then he using me for some things, im really not happy is only me trying to things work, im sorry my english is not so corect i hope u gonna understand me, thank you for advices or opinium beacase if i ask my closest people i know they dont like him, i was so positive and full of life before now im so negative and sad feellin i failled,