Blue eyes, a smile that could heal, yet she said she wasn't pretty. We started as friends, then we became friends and then... She thought WE were okay being friends. Everything she did pushed me away and I wondered; why I was never a way.
It was Friday, after my "I Love you and I want more than friendship" sessions when she said "Ladiii, I am different... I hate Men, I hate when they touch me". I looked into her eyes and I saw her soul (at least I thought I saw it), darkened, battling to be let loose.
"What... What.. What do you mean?" I stuttered...
She broke down in tears, I wasn't sure what to do, tell her sorry or go to her and cuddle her? Cuddle? Common, I was... I am among "MEN!!!". I took a step towards her and I heard her say " I am damaged, can't you see?".
See? All I could see was me poised to do whatever could make her stop crying. "You are not" (It was dumb right? since i couldn't see x_x)... Then she let it loose, she said;
"He told me not to tell anybody, I was just 7 and he... He was..." she placed her right hand on her mouth like she was trying to stop herself from talking, I could see her dark mascara washed on the tiled floor.
"He was my... My Dad... Oh God, please give me the strength"... Her cries ululated. I knew what was coming but I begged God to be wrong…" God, don't let this be what I am thinking"... I prayed.
"Then he told me I would die... When I became 12, my innocence was gone. I became a slave and when I tried telling my Mum, she told me I was possessed, after all I ended her first wedding, and yes, he was my step. And... then I was addicted, I hated my Mum, In my quest for Love, I slept with anyone.. everyone... Anybody Danladiii..."
I couldn’t take it anymore, then I felt something die in me and down to the ground I went; on my knees , trying to tell her to stop but she said she would die if she doesn't let it out.
"It never seemed like true love but as far I get laid, I didn't care, the urge drives me nut, Sex, Drugs, Money, and forge it… Abortions ... I couldn't bother about my Mum and her wedding again because SHE died... after the F...ag wounded her, DEATH ended her second wedding!!!!". She let an evil smile erupt amidst her cries.
"He deserved no life, he was discharged and acquitted... And he lived... I hate him, I hate everybody, I hate my existence!!!!... I am walking dead, haunted by my past and I swear I want to stop... I want to go, go to a place where people go when they are gone but I am scared. And yes Ladiii!!!, you have been good but I am just damaged, poised for a revenge, I don’t know how to love …" . that was the last I heard.
I was supposed to be consoling, instead I was broken. A Good Girl Damaged by the system. I tried telling her things would be alright but I guess she thought things were already right. She didn't want my help and my sympathy. I left her house that faithful night and we were still "Just" friends until she graduated. Then she went into oblivion, she was 20.
I look back now and I regret leaving her house that night without saying what I should have told her. Maybe she just wanted me to listen to her story and feel her pain, maybe she had an excuse to be "different"... Maybe she wanted me to tell her that her “step” Dad deserved to die, perhaps help her destroy him. What if she wanted me to tell her something? something I Wished I told her.
Hey Beautiful, You are beautiful, I never got a chance to tell you that and I never got to tell you bye because I had an Exam, the fact is you are strong, and you are Loved, by a billion people out there and a God up there. I am sorry for what happened to you, and I wished it wasn't true, wherever you are, I don't know. But what I do know is that there is a billion people just like you. Millions of people damaged by other people, people... hurting people, rich people, poor people, deformed people, all... hurt by people. You are beautiful even if your life hasn't been, you might have been hurt by Man but you are Loved by him, you are not alone in the pains and if you ever want to experience TRUE LOVE, let Christ take the burden away from you. For you are saved by grace, a royal priesthood to him, facing no condemnation before man and God. You are not alone, you are not damaged and I LOVE you, I still pray for you.
I Love you, God Loves you More, I love you morer, God Loves you morest.
Love, MMD Danladiii. #wihss |
that's the world we live in......