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What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? - Family - Nairaland

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What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 7:26pm On Oct 27, 2015
I know what it feels like to be depressed. And I know others can understand this to a ground level. Being depressed is like the weather. Some days you are sunny and bright. And without warning, you could suddenly turn cloudy and dark. The beautiful thing is, people will always want to help, but I really don't want to be helped anymore, because nobody is freaking understanding me. And they are getting tired, they are pointing fingers, they are doing all the things I just wished they'll stop. But they won't stop, because they don't even know what they're doing wrong. Now, I just want to be left alone. ( A whole lot of people feel this way)

Just to be fair, I decided to make a list of things never to say to a depressed person. You're an asshole if you read this list and still feel justified to go against it.

1. It’s just a phase. You’re just sad.
2. Other people have it worse. Life isn’t fair.
3. It’s all in your head.
4. You have no reason to be depressed.
5. Just be happy.
6. Get involved. Get out of the house. Be active!
Exercise!
7. Stop it with the self-pity!
8. I know how you feel. I was also depressed
once.
9.What is the problem? What is wrong?
10. You are bringing me down.
11. “Happiness is a choice”
12. You think *you’ve* got problems…
13. Maybe you should take vitamins for your
stress.
14. “Have you been praying/reading the Bible?
15. Well, everyone gets depressed sometimes!
16. “Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and
you cry alone.”
17. “You don’t *look* depressed!”
18. “You’re just looking for attention.
19. The only one you’re hurting is yourself.”
20. Depression is a symptom of your sin against
God.
21. That which does not kill us makes us
stronger.
22. “You don’t like feeling that way? So, change
it."

instead, you could say...
1) I believe you
2) You matter to me.
3) You are not alone
4) I'm sorry you are hurting
5) We are both here for each other.
6) I know you are not in the mood to go out but
we can do something together
7) I don't know what you're feeling, but you can
count on me
Do you want a hug?
9) I care about you
.....and etcetera....
Any questions?
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Highcuerayte: 7:36pm On Oct 27, 2015
Have not met one before though
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 8:26pm On Oct 27, 2015
In other words: Don't say anything at all to a depressed person.


I agree.


I don't feel like getting dragged into this kind of mood anyway. Happiness is a choice.

1 Like

Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by atheistandproud(m): 8:46pm On Oct 27, 2015
What do you say to a depressed person then?

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Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by darkskingoddess(f): 11:08pm On Oct 27, 2015
JustTara:
I know what it feels like to be depressed. And I know others can understand this to a ground level. Being depressed is like the weather. Some days you are sunny and bright. And without warning, you could suddenly turn cloudy and dark. The beautiful thing is, people will always want to help, but I really don't want to be helped anymore, because nobody is freaking understanding me. And they are getting tired, they are pointing fingers, they are doing all the things I just wished they'll stop. But they won't stop, because they don't even know what they're doing wrong. Now, I just want to be left alone. ( A whole lot of people feel this way)

Just to be fair, I decided to make a list of things never to say to a depressed person. You're an asshole if you read this list and still feel justified to go against it.

1. It’s just a phase. You’re just sad.
2. Other people have it worse. Life isn’t fair.
3. It’s all in your head.
4. You have no reason to be depressed.
5. Just be happy.
6. Get involved. Get out of the house. Be active!
Exercise!
7. Stop it with the self-pity!
8. I know how you feel. I was also depressed
once.


it.”

.....and etcetera....
Any questions?

If a depressed person is reading this, didn't you just kind of violate number 8?
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 4:52am On Oct 28, 2015
darkskingoddess:


If a depressed person is reading this, didn't you just kind of violate number 8?
Was I trying to console any depressed person? No. Was I saying I've been depressed before, so I'm making this list from personal experience? Yes. Will any depressed person hate me or think I violated number 8? certainly not. Feel free to mention if you didn't get this.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 4:54am On Oct 28, 2015
atheistandproud:
What do you say to a depressed person then?
You could just hold me and say nothing. That works perfectly fine for me.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 5:06am On Oct 28, 2015
Mindfulness:
In other words: Don't say anything at all to a depressed person.


I agree.


I don't feel like getting dragged into this kind of mood anyway. Happiness is a choice.
Oh, there are a whole list of things to say.
1) I believe you
2) You matter to me.
3) You are not alone
4) I'm sorry you are hurting
5) We are both here for each other.
6) I know you are not in the mood to go out but we can do something together
7) I don't know what you're feeling, but you can count on me
cool Do you want a hug?
9) I care about you
10) ‘I think you get the idea on things you can say now, so you can add yours'

Being there for a depressed person is challenging, and they know that. Depression is a mental illness not just a mood. Don't sh*t talk it if you can't handle it. They don't need that attitude from you.

1 Like

Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 12:04pm On Oct 28, 2015
JustTara:
Oh, there are a whole list of things to say.
1) I believe you
2) You matter to me.
3) You are not alone
4) I'm sorry you are hurting
5) We are both here for each other.
6) I know you are not in the mood to go out but we can do something together
7) I don't know what you're feeling, but you can count on me
cool Do you want a hug?
9) I care about you
10) ‘I think you get the idea on things you can say now, so you can add yours'

Being there for a depressed person is challenging, and they know that. Depression is a mental illness not just a mood. Don't sh*t talk it if you can't handle it. They don't need that attitude from you.

I was provocative on purpose. Your first list was very discouraging because the things you listed up there, which people should not say, is what comes most naturally to people. When you tell people what they should not to, offer alternatives or else they will feel helpless in such a context.

I would ask a depressed person what (s)he is grateful for and take it from there and then teach the person techniques that help her control and re-direct his or her negative thoughts. Unless there is nothing wrong with the person's brain, which a psychiatrist can easily tell by running some tests, depression is learned behavior and way of thinking. I know most psychologists will probably disagree.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 12:06pm On Oct 28, 2015
Mindfulness:


I was provocative on purpose. Your first list was very discouraging because the things you listed up there, which people should not say, is what comes most naturally to people. When you tell people what they should not to, offer alternatives or else they will feel helpless in such a context.

I would ask a depressed person what (s)he is grateful for and take it from there and then teach the person techniques that help her control and re-direct his or her negative thoughts. Unless there is nothing wrong with the person's brain, which a psychiatrist can easily tell by running some tests, depression is learned behavior and way of thinking. I know most psychologists will probably disagree.
Now that's a better attitude. Good for you.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 12:31pm On Oct 28, 2015
Please, please, please, I beg you in the name of God, do not say:
"Some people are dead, some are suffering, some have this sickness or that, you're still alive, why are you complaining?"

Don't tell me to not be unhappy because other people have it worse.
Else, I'll tell you to stop being happy because other people are happier.


PS: See how very few people commented on this.
Because illiterate Nigerians do not have an idea what 'depression' entails.

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Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by dhummystecah(f): 1:14pm On Oct 28, 2015
Most people have a way of hiding it so well that you have no idea that the person is depressed.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 1:18pm On Oct 28, 2015
dhummystecah:
Most people have a way of hiding it so well that you have no idea that the person is depressed.
That's true. That's why I make it a duty to connect with people on a deeper level. Especially those ones that are always smiling... they've always got issues.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by dhummystecah(f): 1:22pm On Oct 28, 2015
JustTara:
That's true. That's why I make it a duty to connect with people on a deeper level. Especially those ones that are always smiling... they've always got issues.
That's cool.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 1:23pm On Oct 28, 2015
MzNelly:
Please, please, please, I beg you in the name of God, do not say:
"Some people are dead, some are suffering, some have this sickness or that, you're still alive, why are you complaining?"

Don't tell me to not be unhappy because other people have it worse.
Else, I'll tell you to stop being happy because other people are happier.


PS: See how very few people commented on this.
Because illiterate Nigerians do not have an idea what 'depression' entails.

Very good point. You tell a person who is full of negative feelings to focus on more negativity - very counterproductive.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 1:23pm On Oct 28, 2015
JustTara:
That's true. That's why I make it a duty to connect with people on a deeper level. Especially those ones that are always smiling... they've always got issues.

You just got carried away, didn't you? cheesy
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by dhummystecah(f): 1:25pm On Oct 28, 2015
Maybe they are scared of being judged.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 1:25pm On Oct 28, 2015
Mindfulness:


You just got carried away, didn't you? cheesy
I don't get you....please rephrase
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 1:29pm On Oct 28, 2015
JustTara:
I don't get you....please rephrase

You said people who are always smiling always have issues. I can comfortably tell you that this is not true. I smile a lot because I am a VERY HAPPY person with no issues at all. And i am someone who has experienced gloomy phases in the past, went through it and came out much stronger than before. There is nothing hidden behind my smile other than HAPPINESS.

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Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 1:42pm On Oct 28, 2015
Mindfulness:


You said people who are always smiling always have issues. I can comfortably tell you that this is not true. I smile a lot because I am a VERY HAPPY person with no issues at all. And i am someone who has experienced gloomy phases in the past, went through it and came out much stronger than before. There is nothing hidden behind my smile other than HAPPINESS.

Very true. This is me exactly. I think it helps to go to a hood bible believing g church and also have plans for your future
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 1:46pm On Oct 28, 2015
Mindfulness:


You said people who are always smiling always have issues. I can comfortably tell you that this is not true. I smile a lot because I am a VERY HAPPY person with no issues at all. And i am someone who has experienced gloomy phases in the past, went through it and came out much stronger than before. There is nothing hidden behind my smile other than HAPPINESS.
Firstly. I'm really happy for you. Secondly, of course it doesn't apply to everyone. But only a few just like yourself, can actually be exempted. Experience has taught us that the people who are always smiling and ready at the go to help others are those who have been hurt the most either in the past or even currently. Again...it doesn't apply to everyone.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 1:48pm On Oct 28, 2015
JustTara:
Firstly. I'm really happy for you. Secondly, of course it doesn't apply to everyone. But only a few just like yourself, can actually be exempted. Experience has taught us that the people who are always smiling and ready at the go to help others are those who have been hurt the most either in the past or even currently. Again...it doesn't apply to everyone.

This is why I said that you got carried away. You said everyone who is always smiling is always having issues. What you are saying now is different.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 1:50pm On Oct 28, 2015
fem29:


Very true. This is me exactly. I think it helps to go to a hood bible believing g church and also have plans for your future

It is good religion helped you but I would put it more general since many people are not Christian. Faith is what you are actually talking about and yes it is VERY powerful but it is not bound to any particular religion.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 1:51pm On Oct 28, 2015
fem29:


Very true. This is me exactly. I think it helps to go to a hood bible believing g church and also have plans for your future
what Church do you suggest? because the truth is, as far as your relationship with God is a personal thing, the people you worship with will always have a way to influence it. Humans are mostly unreliable, that's why some people prefer staying in their houses rather than going to a church. But then again, this is a discussion for another day.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 1:56pm On Oct 28, 2015
Mindfulness:


This is why I said that you got carried away. You said everyone who is always smiling is always having issues. What you are saying now is different.
Lol. Are you serious? last time I checked, what I wrote there was “especially those ones that are always smiling", emphasis on “those ones". Do I need to bold and capitalize that or does it still look like “everyone" to you?
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 2:00pm On Oct 28, 2015
Mindfulness:


It is good religion helped you but I would put it more general since many people are not Christian. Faith is what you are actually talking about and yes it is VERY powerful but it is not bound to any particular religion.

Yes faith really helped me. If you go to a good church it can help you transcend whateveryou are going through. Going to my church helped me find solace , learn how to keep believing and praying no matter my circumstances. I'll admit it's a little like motivational speaking. I dunno if I truly have had clinical depression cos I was depressed due to my situation (I think anyone would be depressed if they had gone through what I have ). But u know I happy now. My situation is far from perfect but still I smile, i dance with my girls. I enjoy my life.

I'm not saying it will def work for everyone but it's definitely worth a try.

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Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 2:10pm On Oct 28, 2015
fem29:


Yes faith really helped me. If you go to a good church it can help you transcend whateveryou are going through. Going to my church helped me find solace , learn how to keep believing and praying no matter my circumstances. I'll admit it's a little like motivational speaking. I dunno if I truly have had clinical depression cos I was depressed due to my situation (I think anyone would be depressed if they had gone through what I have ). But u know I happy now. My situation is far from perfect but still I smile, i dance with my girls. I enjoy my life.

I'm not saying it will def work for everyone but it's definitely worth a try.

Beautiful. You have learned that your happiness does not depend on circumstances and conditions. Beautiful. The most important thing for everyone is to realize that nothing is more important than the way they feel because the happier you choose to be, the happier you will become.

I am not a Christian in the traditional sense but I love this Bible passage, which is very true:

Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.
Matthew 13:12

God bless you sweetheart, you will get more of what you desire. I promise you.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 2:12pm On Oct 28, 2015
JustTara:
Lol. Are you serious? last time I checked, what I wrote there was “especially those ones that are always smiling", emphasis on “those ones". Do I need to bold and capitalize that or does it still look like “everyone" to you?

All is well.
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 2:16pm On Oct 28, 2015
Mindfulness:


All is well.
Just admit you made a mistake. “those ones" doesn't equal “everyone". But then again, we all differ in the way we interpret things.

1 Like

Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 2:20pm On Oct 28, 2015
Mindfulness:


Beautiful. You have learned that your happiness does not depend on circumstances and conditions. Beautiful. The most important thing for everyone is to realize that nothing is more important than the way they feel because the happier you choose to be, the happier you will become.

I am not a Christian in the traditional sense but I love this Bible passage, which is very true:

Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.
Matthew 13:12

God bless you sweetheart, you will get more of what you desire. I promise you.

Wow thank you soo much, you are too kind. I know you said your not a christian but I just believe no matter what happens, God's got me.

I see it just like a parent. Right now there are a lot of things I do that my toddler twins don't know is for their own good but they will just think I'm being mean. I have thoughts only for their good even though they do not know it right now.that is how it is with God. He is a good parent grin
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 2:49pm On Oct 28, 2015
fem29:


Wow thank you soo much, you are too kind. I know you said your not a christian but I just believe no matter what happens, God's got me.

I also have a very strong faith in God and it has NEVER failed me. I embrace the Christian values but I prefer not to call myself a Christian.

I see it just like a parent. Right now there are a lot of things I do that my toddler twins don't know is for their own good but they will just think I'm being mean. I have thoughts only for their good even though they do not know it right now.that is how it is with God. He is a good parent grin

Sort of true.

Sweetheart, I read on the other thread that your kid has autism. I would like to recommend a book to you.

Title: I don't want to be inside me anymore. Messages from Autistic Mind.
Author: Birger Sellin

The author has autism himself. The book is very insightful and helps understand what it is like to have autism.


Your child is different, not wrong. God's child. wink
Re: What Are The Things Never To Say To A Depressed Person? by Nobody: 2:54pm On Oct 28, 2015
JustTara:
Just admit you made a mistake. “those ones" doesn't equal “everyone". But then again, we all differ in the way we interpret things.

You are very funny. cheesy

Those ones who ALWAYS smile ALWAYS have issues. The problem is with the word always and not with the words those ones or everyone.

If you say that those ones who ALWAYS smile ALWAYS have issues, it means that EVERYONE who ALWAYS smiles ALWAYS has issues. wink

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