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Ladies, You Should Read This Eye- Opening Article: The ‘new’ Side Chick: by jocelyncherish: 1:47pm On Nov 01, 2015 |
A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or
a woman that’s romantically involved with a man
who is in a committed relationship. However
after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not
the only type of side chick.
I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman
who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has
expressed his lack of relationship intentions with
her through his words or actions. So many
women have made this mistake at least once in
their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the
same thing.
I like to think of the new side chick as an
appetizer. You’re there just to satisfy the
immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as
that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the
table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.
Why? Because that entrée is what he
really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order
steak, not hot wings. You were just a
placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or
maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he
really wanted was presented to him. I know I
sound a bit harsh, but even I had to realize my
then-reality for what it was. Simply put: you are
not and will never be his Queen.
The truth hurts, but it can only make you
stronger.
I would like to open up about my experience with
this one particular guy where I found myself
playing the new side chick role. I will refer to him
as “Jake”.
From the moment Jake and I met, we
immediately clicked. I could talk to him about
anything. We would laugh and joke on the phone
for hours and help each other out. He was so
supportive, encouraging, and respectful. We had
such a beautiful and strong friendship. I was
attracted to his mind, personality, and character.
However, it was the magnetic chemistry and
connection we had that made me fall for him. He
became my best friend.
I thought this was it . He could possibly be the
‘one’.
We began talking every day, multiple times
throughout the day. As time went on and our
feelings for each other grew stronger, our actions
began to reflect a “more-than-friend-on-the-
verge-to-a-relationship” type thing.
At this point, I fell for him. I had given my heart
to a man who was not mine.
I need to pause my story and say this: Queens,
we need to learn to stop giving too much too
soon. Proverbs 4:23 says “Above all else, guard
your heart, for everything flows from it.” It’s
impossible to guard your heart when you’re
always giving it away. I think it’s beautiful that
God created us to be nurturers and emotional.
However, we are too quick to give away our time,
body, money, and emotions to men who have not
EARNED it.
A Queen will not have to audition her love to
her King. Her King will already recognize her
worth, virtues, and beauty. Stop giving away so
much of you that you end up with nothing for
yourself. Better yet, stop giving away so much
that a man has nothing else to work for. At this
point you’re an emotional wreck. You go out and
try to fill that void of emptiness through other
men, food, material things, etc, but always come
up short. Queen, only GOD can fill you up after
you have depleted yourself. Go to Him, not the
world.
I am speaking from experience. Though I never
gave Jake my body or money, I gave him way too
much of my time and emotions even after he
expressed to me that he did not want a
relationship.
Before a woman gets too involved with a man,
she should find out what his intentions are and
listen carefully to his answer.
When I asked Jake what his intentions were with
me, he said: “I like you and I see you as
someone for the long-term. However, I am young
and I know I still have a lot of playing left to do,
so I’m not ready for a relationship.” That reason
eventually evolved to him saying he doesn’t want
a relationship because he’s focused on school
and his internship. He wanted to secure his
future first.
I thought those reasons were valid, and that’s
why I still stuck by his side. Plus his actions
toward me did not change, so I figured he really
wanted to be with me; it was just bad timing. I
thought that one day, once he got the “play” out
his system and completed his internship, he
would be ready. So, I continued to allow myself
to get more attached emotionally and mentally.
I wish I knew then what I know now: A man who
really wants to be with you will find every
reason to be with you. A man who does not
want to be with you will find every excuse why he
can’t be with you.
Queen, don’t make the same mistake as me. You
can’t change a man nor his intentions with you.
Months went by and we continued our usual
routine. He ended up completing his internship
and securing a job post graduation. I noticed a
slight behavioral change toward me and
confronted him about it. He ended up telling me
that he met somebody new and wanted to explore
his options with her now that he had his future
secured.
And just like that, I was pushed to the side .
I was so hurt, frustrated, and disappointed. I
remember thinking: “I’ve been building and talking
to this guy for 9 months. How dare he pushes
me to the side to pursue someone else. I was the
one who always held him down, supported, and
helped him. Now that he’s “played” and secured
his future, he decides to talk to someone else. He
wasted my time! How dare him! This is not fair!”
Eventually I had to turn the mirror to myself and
take responsibility for my actions. I was the one
who decided to get attached to a man who
verbally expressed to me that he wasn’t ready for
a relationship. I was the one who allowed a man
to stick around in my life for 9 months with no
type of commitment attached. I settled for this
type of treatment because I did not see myself
worthy of something better. I thought I would
never find anyone comparable or better than Jake
if I walked away. At that point in my life, he was
the best I ever had, and I was afraid to let that
go.
I am sure many of you are or know someone who
is holding on to relationships and ‘situationships’
that God never brought together. As the year is
coming to the end, I want to challenge all Queens
to step out on faith, trust God, and release that
dead weight. For 2015, I challenge you to
redefine your worth and standards according to
who GOD says you are and to never accept any
treatment that demeans you.
Get that peasant off your throne and make room
for the King that God wants you to build an
empire with. Stop giving your body away to
someone who’s not even giving you a real
commitment. Stop cooking all of these gourmet
meals for that man who can’t even take you out
on a real date. Cut off the guy that keeps coming
in and out of your life because he doesn’t know
what he wants. Indecisiveness is a decision .
Make the decision for him and let him go . Stop
acting like an uber to some of these men who
won’t even catch a taxi for you. Just because he
sends for you, doesn’t mean you need to come.
Pick up your crown and wear it with dignity and
class.
Some of you right now may be trying to justify in
your mind on why you can’t let go and move on.
You’ve fell in love with the “what if”, his potential,
and what it could be if you stayed. Queen, stop
embracing the fantasy and accept your reality .
I know it’s easier said than done to cut off
someone you have invested in and have feelings
for, but that’s where your FAITH comes in. Is
your trust in God or the “option” of men you “see”
around you? When me and Jake abruptly ended, I
went on a “man fast”. I decided to focus on my
relationship with Jesus and allow Him to mold me
into the woman He called me to be. I decided to
not focus on my “still single” status and the lack
of man options around me. All of that time and
emotion I would’ve given to Jake, I gave to
Christ . I learned that the more I put into Christ,
the more He puts into me. I took back my crown
and regained peace, joy, confidence, purpose, and
love.
Man’s rejection is God’s protection! Jake was
never fit to be My King . I can’t thank God
enough for protecting me from a what would’ve
been unfulfilling and purposeless relationship.
Since then, God has showed me that there are
better men than the “Jakes” of this world. He’s
introduced me to much better when I least
expected it. If He did it for me, have faith that
one day He will do it for you. :-)
Be blessed. 2 Likes |
Re: Ladies, You Should Read This Eye- Opening Article: The ‘new’ Side Chick: by falconey(m): 1:48pm On Nov 01, 2015 |
ladies read it and summarise. 1 Like |
Re: Ladies, You Should Read This Eye- Opening Article: The ‘new’ Side Chick: by Anijay1212(m): 2:21pm On Nov 01, 2015 |
Ok |
Re: Ladies, You Should Read This Eye- Opening Article: The ‘new’ Side Chick: by geesilver(m): 2:23pm On Nov 01, 2015 |
What is the OP saying.......? 3 Likes |
Re: Ladies, You Should Read This Eye- Opening Article: The ‘new’ Side Chick: by Nobody: 2:24pm On Nov 01, 2015 |
Wow wonderful |
Re: Ladies, You Should Read This Eye- Opening Article: The ‘new’ Side Chick: by gamaliel121(m): 2:32pm On Nov 01, 2015 |
Nice oneeeeeeee |
Re: Ladies, You Should Read This Eye- Opening Article: The ‘new’ Side Chick: by HopeAtHand: 2:35pm On Nov 01, 2015 |
This peice is as long as river nile... 1 Like |
Re: Ladies, You Should Read This Eye- Opening Article: The ‘new’ Side Chick: by suzzy16(f): 2:37pm On Nov 01, 2015 |
Snowangel4:I'm telling u,vry wonderful thread,so nice |
Re: Ladies, You Should Read This Eye- Opening Article: The ‘new’ Side Chick: by Nobody: 2:37pm On Nov 01, 2015 |
I really can't but believe this is an abstract of your project work ... I lie? |
Re: Ladies, You Should Read This Eye- Opening Article: The ‘new’ Side Chick: by Taruson(m): 2:47pm On Nov 01, 2015 |
Allah Hoino for you..... Fulani all the way... |
Re: Ladies, You Should Read This Eye- Opening Article: The ‘new’ Side Chick: by LadyJul(f): 2:51pm On Nov 01, 2015 |
Nice one op.... |
Re: Ladies, You Should Read This Eye- Opening Article: The ‘new’ Side Chick: by Swissheart(f): 4:56pm On Nov 01, 2015 |
So inspiring ...... |
Re: Ladies, You Should Read This Eye- Opening Article: The ‘new’ Side Chick: by Cybertext(m): 5:53pm On Nov 01, 2015 |
Issokay... girls be forming as if they don't have side guys since 1899BC |
(1) (Reply)
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