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Best Way to Punish Kids? - Family - Nairaland

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How Do You Punish Your Teenage Girls When They Misbehave? / Should Parents Apologise If They Punish Their Children Wrongly / How Do You Punish Your Children? (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Best Way to Punish Kids? by salako: 2:44pm On Nov 01, 2005
Whats the best way to punish kids? All of you who are parents and those or you who are sons and daughters, which methods of punishment work best?
Grounding? Smacking? Deprivation of PlayStation?
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by vexxy(f): 3:04pm On Nov 01, 2005
First I believe that all children are different. The way you deal with one child should not be the way you deal with all of your children because they all have different personalities.

Case in point: Words have always affected me. For my parent(s) to say, "I am disappointed in you, V. I know you know better." I'd break down and cry and ask for forgivness.

My elder brother and younger sister were not that way. Punishment would have to include the taking away of prized items for it to register.

But punishment was not that way. We all got beatings. I must admit that I harvested resentment toward my father at times for the beatings and toward my mother for not stoping it.

I believe that as a parent we have the responsibility to pay close attention to our children. In doing so, we will find the correct way to punish them which may not include any physical beatings.

I'd say the best way to punish them is:

1. Make sure it is not done in anger. When you are taking anger out on a child you can potentially do more harm than good.

2. Make sure that the crime fits the punishment. Don't holler, scream, and beat for every wrong that the child does.

3. When ever you discipline, make sure it is done in love. Tell the child what they did wrong, punish them, but then take them back and talk with them. See what (if any) they have learned.


V
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by queen2(f): 4:13pm On Nov 01, 2005
This depends on your culture, country, and how educated you are,

Children can be punished in very different ways. Punishment can be physical such as slapping or spanking, or sometimes even more aggressive as when parents hit their children. Personally, I disagree with this kind of punishment.

On the other hand, emotional punishment is when the parent, in order to educate the child, doesn't let him watch TV, go to play with his friends.

I believe that punishing children with violence will just lead to more violence, fears, and traumas.

There are some punishments that will help children to understand what is good and what is not good, as for example,not allowing them to do things they love to do, such as playing in the park, riding a bicycle, or watching TV, games. If they have misbehaved, I think that these kinds of punishment will touch their souls and can be more effective. Thats what I think.
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Dorcas(f): 5:45pm On Nov 01, 2005
depending on the environment some children don't get allowances so being grounded is out of the question,also not all kids enjoy the privilege of having a play station so that too is out of it but even the bible says " spare the rod and spoil the child"simply meaning to correct a child he needs to be smacked with a cane.
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Seun(m): 5:55pm On Nov 01, 2005
Dorcas, obviously [b]the bible is wrong [/b]in this case. Violence in the name of discipline is not good.
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by IAH(f): 6:18pm On Nov 01, 2005
Seun:

Dorcas, obviously the bible is wrong [/b]in this case. Violence in the name of discipline is not good.

What?? So you mean smacking a child is [b]violence
in your own books?
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Seun(m): 6:51pm On Nov 01, 2005
Yes. And I believe it's only justified if a child is caught in act of violence (such as hitting or pushing another child). There are some children that are beaten so regularly that they can no longer respond to any discipline that does not involve beating. Every morning when I wake up there's a child crying in the next house, and sounds of beating. That's violence. That's sad.

There are a thousand and one ways to discipline a small child without resorting to violence, and once this foundation is strongly built, the temptation to resort to beating diminishes as the child grows up. This approach can only be practiced by parents who have time for their children; parents who don't have time are in the habit of using the little time they spend with their children as cain time. And that is why, when they are old, their children are not interested in taking care of them. angry
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Scorpio(f): 6:53pm On Nov 01, 2005
Depends of the type of offence commited. if my kids show up on my doorstep with a policeman and they're accused of shoplifting, they're going to get a big mama whoop down from me, but if it's a minor thing, i'll prolly yell and then talk to them about it later. Then again, too much whooping'll make the child not scared and will alwayz want to comit the offence again afterall they know it's just flogging(speakin from experience), either way, parents should be able to understand their kids, once that is done, it should be easy to figure out what punishment is best for who.
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Seun(m): 7:15pm On Nov 01, 2005
In my opinion, flogging and yelling are almost the same thing. Yelling is verbal abuse while flogging is physical abuse. Some children are more resistant to abuse than others but why not be a caring, attentive, listening parent and not a yeller or flogger?
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by IAH(f): 7:19pm On Nov 01, 2005
Seun:

In my opinion, flogging and yelling are almost the same thing. Yelling is verbal abuse while flogging is physical abuse. Some children are more resistant to abuse than others but why not be a caring, attentive, listening parent and not a yeller or flogger?

You can't be a caring, attentive, listening parent all the time! Children will definitely annoy you sometimes.
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Scorpio(f): 7:21pm On Nov 01, 2005
word!
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by queen2(f): 7:22pm On Nov 01, 2005
what do u mean by word Scorpio?
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Scorpio(f): 7:23pm On Nov 01, 2005
I agree with IAH
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Seun(m): 7:30pm On Nov 01, 2005
Children will definitely annoy you sometimes

When your children annoy you and you can't take it anymore, cover your face with a pillow and scream into it. Then you can go to your doctor and he'll prescribe some pills you can use to calm yourself down.

This new system of deal with irritability is also known as self control, and in my opinion it's much more humane than flogging and yelling.

Proper punishment is not what you do when you are annoyed; it's something you do to achieve a definite aim that betters the life of your child. It is best done when you're no longer annoyed.
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by IAH(f): 8:13pm On Nov 01, 2005
Seun:

When your children annoy you and you can't take it anymore, cover your face with a pillow and scream into it. Then you can go to your doctor and he'll prescribe some pills you can use to calm yourself down.

Hehehe...that's crazy.
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Trooper(m): 12:24am On Nov 02, 2005
Best way to punish Kids ? What a silly topic. Kids do no need punishment. They are young, they do not know anything about life........I have a son and i would never raise my hand against him......
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by damygurl(f): 12:43am On Nov 02, 2005
D punishment dat really worked on me was d bible readin. my mom would read bible verses to me of people who did d same thing i did and how they perished so i have to ask 4giveness 4rm God. i'd start crying witout even knowing it and it alwayz got me thinking about my actions
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Oracle(m): 1:15am On Nov 02, 2005
well it depends on the offence,enviroment
and everything, a parent cannot keep
talking to the kids everytime he's gotta spank him sometime
and he/she cannot keep spanking he,s gotta talk sometime
so itz vice versa.
but a wise parent wud know when to spank and when not to

Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Scorpio(f): 2:31am On Nov 02, 2005
I like ur cartoon cheesy
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Trooper(m): 4:44am On Nov 02, 2005
Guess we are living in different worlds...
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by jenny247(f): 9:59am On Nov 02, 2005
Seun:

Yes. And I believe it's only justified if a child is caught in act of violence (such as hitting or pushing another child). There are some children that are beaten so regularly that they can no longer respond to any discipline that does not involve beating. Every morning when I wake up there's a child crying in the next house, and sounds of beating. That's violence. That's sad.

There are a thousand and one ways to discipline a small child without resorting to violence, and once this foundation is strongly built, the temptation to resort to beating diminishes as the child grows up. This approach can only be practiced by parents who have time for their children; parents who don't have time are in the habit of using the little time they spend with their children as cain time. And that is why, when they are old, their children are not interested in taking care of them. angry

Seun, Seun, Seun,
Spanking or yelling may not always be violence. with kids, you need to be loving, yet firm. you make sure that you address their wrong acts and not their personality. they should be corrected in love. occassional spanking doesn't mean hatred ( note that i didn't say beating them brutally). discipline and being firm is important. you correct firmly with one hand and pull them closer in love with the other hand. there has to be a balance. Kids who grow up with this balance will definately understand that disapproval to a particular action of theirs doesn't mean total rejection. indeed they will love their parents more and appreciate them.
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by IAH(f): 10:20am On Nov 02, 2005
Clap for her!
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by jenny247(f): 10:37am On Nov 03, 2005
smiley smiley wink
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Seun(m): 11:00am On Nov 03, 2005
Jenny247: I agree with discipline, and I agree with being firm. But I do not believe that verbal abuse (yelling) and physical abuse (flogging, spanking) are sensible ways to apply discipline or express the (occasional) disapproval. The problem I have with [your opinion on this issue] is that you do not seem to recognize the difference between physical/verbal abuse and discipline/being firm/applying correction.

You can discipline, be firm, and apply correction without yelling, flogging, beating, hitting, screaming or other such primitive methods of child rearing that have been passed on from our parents who simply didn't know better. Physical or verbal abuse does not damage every child, but how do you know that your child is not the sensitive type whose life will be colored by the negative effects of your yelling and flogging?
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by jenny247(f): 2:23pm On Nov 03, 2005
Seun, I get your point well. the thing is you have to study your kids. you may not be able to know them totally but then thats life! it's a risk!
you have to be sensitive and use your discretion. be tactful.
you can't win all but you've gotta try.
cos believe me some kids need it hard and if you play it cool with them, there'll be a problem later.
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Seun(m): 4:04pm On Nov 03, 2005
Jenny, I have discovered that many of the so-called "stubborn" kids behave the way they do just to try to get some attention: they know that when they cause a little trouble you'll pay attention to them if only for a minute. Others are restless because they don't get enough exercise; so the only type of exercise they know is to run around and "make trouble".

Firmness, clear and fair rules, making sure I understand their needs (not just food, health, and education but also emotional needs), listening and being able to say sorry when I make a mistake - that's what I think will make me a good father. If I do enough of that, hopefully I won't have to yell or flog or spank or use other primitive methods of discipline.

When I shake my head it will mean "no", and they'll take it as seriously as if I brought out a 'koboko'.
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by nferyn(m): 4:19pm On Nov 03, 2005
Seun,

You're forgetting that children of different ages need different types of disciplining. It's pointless to try to explain what exactly he did wrong to a two year old boy. A simple stimulus-response disciplining is required at that age. Put him in the corner or in another room, but most importantly: do it immediately after the offense. If you wait longer that even 20 seconds, he will not understand why he is being punished.

Too many times have I seen that parents wait to discipline their children until it becomes intolerable and then lash out in anger. You need to act immediately with young children, if not you won't have the desired result and that's how those intolerable, [b]difficult [/b]children are created.
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Seun(m): 4:31pm On Nov 03, 2005
When children are still are too young to understand words, there's another school of thought that says instead of "punishing them" (negative conditioning) you can simply baby-proof your house until they are old enough to be reasoned with. 
[list][li]Instead of saying "don't touch the glass cups [twack, twack]", why not just put the glass cups where she can't reach them, until she's old enough to understand the consequences and 'work' to pay for the broken glass?[/li]
[li]Instead of, "why did you wet your bed [twack, twack]" why not just take the child to the toilet before going to sleep at night?[/li][/list]I call this the "lead us not into temptation approach".  What do you think of it?
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by nferyn(m): 4:49pm On Nov 03, 2005
In general I agree with this approach, but it is not always feasible in real life. And fully shielding your children from the big bad world is not advisable either as it will have a negative impact on the overall development of the child.

Concerning wetting the bed, this is something that should never be punished. The causes for this are either physiological or because of some emotional disturbance, it can never justify punishment.
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by alheri(f): 2:15pm On Nov 10, 2005
seun, i like your positivity. but baby bringing up and training kids is not as easy as A B C or even 1 2 3! i can tell u kids are little angels but they can also act like little demons. I believe you spoil a child wen you spare the rod wen its neccessary. havent you been watching desperate housewives?
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by Seun(m): 2:37pm On Nov 10, 2005
Desperate housewives? Movies are not meant to be realistic, they are meant to be entertaining.

I am yet to meet a small child who is a little demon. All the demons I have met in my life have been women above the age of 16 who have been brought up in the "Nigerian" way. (The Nigerian demons of wickedness have passed from father to daughter through many beatings!)
Re: Best Way to Punish Kids? by alheri(f): 10:39am On Nov 11, 2005
com'on seun now dat was alittle extreeeeeeeme! now check dis. my neighbours 7yr old put da family cat in the tiolet,poured ariel,shut the toilet seat cover and flushed. his explanation- he wanted to give the cat a bath!!! now how angelic is dat. yeah, i can hear u, he didnt no any beta. but he knows to tell his friends dat wen his own mummy is crying in the bedroom its not cos daddy is beating her but cos he is helping her relax!!! and yes, the cat never recoverd, we all had a burial for dear old fluffy.

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