I met this polite, humble beautiful, gorgeous and simple hearted 21 years old young lady on my 4 weeks visit to Nigeria from UK in April 2009 through my colleague's girlfriend. My initial plan with my colleague was to go to Nigeria and have as much good times as our energy can carry us with the girls . But then, things take a different turn when i set my eyes on this girl and after 3 to 4 hours of chatting and entertainment i discovered that my initial plan has failed even before i have the chance of starting it. We clicked from the first moment together, we met 4 times the following week, go to places together, eventhough we only spent some few hours together, for me it was always a golden moment , sometimes my colleague and his girlfriend were together with us, but each time we met, she had to go home after some few hours because of her aunt who kept calling her on and on, on her mobile phone that she is needed at home. Hence is my dream of spending a night together with her was in jeopardy. The times we couldn't meet, we talked on d phone, but what was strange was that she never reply any of the text messages that i wrote to her, instead she will rather call to talk to me. After my 3rd week in Nigeria and after lots of complain we finally had a chance to spent a night together it was a beautiful night except that her mobile phone kept ringing on on as usual, of course it's her Aunt again calling and sending text messages that she shouldn't return back to the house anymore. Anyway to cut the long story short,  i knew am in love with her already and she with me as well, she risked a lot meeting with me eventhough her aunt wasn't in support of this. I arranged for her accommodation before i left Nigeria, we talked every 2 to 3 days since i was back to UK but only to discovered some few days ago that despite the fact that my girlfriend can speak simple good English and as beautiful as she is, but can not read and write.!!!
She never had the chance to get to know her father, he died when she was a little girl, she was brought from the village  and left by her mother for her aunt in Lagos to sent her to school and raise her up but instead she grew up helping her aunt in her hairdressing saloon and at home while her aunt children were having a proper education. Am really confused about this whole situation and really don't know what to do. Like i already said we clicked from the first moment, in and out of bed except from the educational level. I was already dreaming of  marrying her, but now what Please i need some good advice on this matter.

I do not see an issue here. . .get her to enroll in any learning program or something. . .i do not see why you should allow something as flimsy as this come between you and her.

waladis:

I met this polite, humble beautiful, gorgeous and simple hearted 21 years old young lady on my 4 weeks visit to Nigeria from UK in April 2009 through my colleague's girlfriend. My initial plan with my colleague was to go to Nigeria and have as much good times as our energy can carry us with the girls . But then, things take a different turn when i set my eyes on this girl and after 3 to 4 hours of chatting and entertainment i discovered that my initial plan has failed even before i have the chance of starting it. We clicked from the first moment together, we met 4 times the following week, go to places together, eventhough we only spent some few hours together for me it was always a golden moment , sometimes my colleague and his girlfriend were together with us, but each time we met, she had to go home after some few hours because of her aunt who kept calling her on and on, on her mobile phone that she is needed at home. Hence is my dream of spending a night together with her was in jeopardy. The times we couldn't meet, we talked on d phone, but what was strange was that she never reply any of the text messages that i wrote to her, instead she will rather call to talk to me. After my 3rd week in Nigeria and after lots of complain we finally had a chance to spent a night together it was a beautiful night except that her mobile phone kept ringing on on as usual, of course it's her Aunt again calling and sending text messages that she shouldn't return back to the house anymore. Anyway to cut the long story short, i knew am in love with her already and she with me as well, she risked a lot meeting with me eventhough her aunt wasn't in support of this. I arranged for her accommodation before i left Nigeria, we talked every 2 to 3 days since i was back to UK but only to discovered some few days ago that despite the fact that my girlfriend can speak simple good English and as beautiful as she is, but can not read and write.!!!
She never had the chance to get to know her father, he died when she was a little girl, she was brought from the village and left by her mother for her aunt in Lagos to sent her to school and raise her up but instead she grew up helping her aunt in her hairdressing saloon and at home while her aunt children were having a proper education. Am really confused about this whole situation and really don't know what to do. Like i already said we clicked from the first moment, in and out of bed except from the educational level. I was already dreaming of my marrying her, but now what Please i need good advice on this matter.

How can you be so vain What does her not being educated have to do with anything Was it her fault According to you, she is not educated, yet she has a good command of English Language, so what is your problem If you don't vamooose from here now, I will start highlighting the grammatical blunders and spelling errors that litters your post too, upon all your education I have captured your post intoto for future reference Pele o, alakowe, efiko, shior

Before I open my eyes and count to 5, afara One, Two, ^{u still there} Three, . . .

ThoniaSlim:

I do not see an issue here. . .get her to enroll in any learning program or something. . .i do not see why you should allow something as flimsy as this come between you and her.

The reason he is wrongly seeing(sic) an issue here is because he forgot to remove the log from his own eyes, what cheek Your advise should be along the lines of him joining her in the enrolment too, because he too is still clearly a few penny short of the whole pound, he is a work in progress Bless his heart

This is not a problem. Try Adult learning.

ElRazur:

This is not a problem. Try Adult learning.

Abi!

Poster, something has got to give! You can't have everything you want, help her now.

enrol her in one of the schools closer 2 u.
U will only do this if u love her. Illiteracy is not a disease

bsanya:

enrol her in one of the schools closer 2 u.
U will only do this if u love her. Illiteracy is not a disease

well said

@ Poster,

If you could pay for her flat as stated by you, I do not see why you cannot afford to sponsor an adult education for her.

Even your spelling of illiterate as the topic headliner is wrong. Should I assume you are uneducated and living in the UK? Never judge a book by its cover.

Pataki:

@ Poster,

If you could pay for her flat as stated by you, I do not see why you cannot afford to sponsor an adult education for her.

Even your spelling of illiterate as the topic headliner is wrong. Should I assume you are uneducated and living in the UK? Never judge a book by its cover.

lmao

Nothing to b confused about, al u gat 2 do if u really love her as u wrote, is to plunge ahead n help her not, no backing out atal, find a means to make her literate.

Dats my only advice

its no big deal. u are in the uk right, simply take her there with u and enrol her in a school. this will definitely help.

Finally a male opinion!!! Thanks to everyone so far for your swift response

i think u av a genuine concern as u are unawares of this problem when u first met her, I know it mighty appear you want to back out after spending romantic lovely time together but if u're not genuinely concern about it u wouldn't post the question what next? From a male perspective i think u should have a lengthy conversation with her about the challenges and task involved 4 her in particular to bring her to the minimum acceptable level of education to cope with the day 2day living activities in UK where i also currently resides. If shes up to the challenge then i don't see why you can't go ahead with the marriage intention, illiteracy in not a big issue in Nigeria hence the outburst from all the female commentry but life without basic education in UK is another topic and my guess is u plan to live together after marriage in UK.

peace, Jordan.

@Poster,
If you truly love her,you will go the extra mile by brushing her up to your taste.

@ poster pls ignore all the things all these people here are saying about it no beign her fault and who cares if she cant read or write. it is a big deal!
If she cant read or write at all that is a big step to be taken ohh. she cant do any of the basic things, writing list for the market, dropping a simple note for someone, sending a text!!? How many other things wont she know about? We often take school for granted but the fact is apart from reading and writing there are other things we learn in school. biology, history, government economics, music, art name it! Lets not forget that she has grown up in the aunty's saloon so its not as if she could have learnt any office or such related skills. SO NUMBER ONE it is a big deal.

yes the next thing is enrolment in school and all that yes learn to read and write. Is that going to really make up for all the other things she has missed out? i personally don't think she will ever be on the same level of the poster and depending on what kind of environment the saloon had she might have some bad and backward habits and or mentality. (not necessarily though)

NUMBER 2 If the poster is ready to marry her she will need to meet up to a certain standard. one where she can relate on many levels with the poster regarding, work and being able to offer more entailed advice and ideas. she might need to broaden her horizons. you should at least have the basic knowledge to at least help your children with home work, encourage them to read, correct their spellings etc. Yes there is always the option of the lesson teacher but it creates some sort of bond. (as i child i always looked forward to when my mum guided me with me assignments, daily class summary's and when i showed her what i had done in school that day it helped that she understood!).

all im saying is that it is actually a big deal and it would take patience and commitment. it all depends on what the poster expects from a partner.

IT is not a reason to leave but its not a piece of cake either.

waterworks:

@ poster pls ignore all the things all these people here are saying about it no beign her fault and who cares if she cant read or write. it is a big deal!

Say what? You are automatically dismissing everyone's view and use yours to truncate others? Not exactly a nice way of starting an advice/debate.

If she cant read or write at all that is a big step to be taken ohh. she cant do any of the basic things, writing list for the market, dropping a simple note for someone, sending a text!!? How many other things wont she know about? We often take school for granted but the fact is apart from reading and writing there are other things we learn in school. biology, history, government economics, music, art name it! Lets not forget that she has grown up in the aunty's saloon so its not as if she could have learnt any office or such related skills. SO NUMBER ONE it is a big deal.

Please. It is a well known fact that people who cannot read or write have excellent memory. So she will probably not need a shopping list like you are pointing out. My friend's mum have little or no schooling, yet she runs the house and her memory is very good.
Not going to school is not an indication that people will not do well in life. Surely, you should know this, after all you appear to have been schooled?

yes the next thing is enrolment in school and all that yes learn to read and write. Is that going to really make up for all the other things she has missed out? i personally don't think she will ever be on the same level of the poster and depending on what kind of environment the saloon had she might have some bad and backward habits and or mentality. (not necessarily though)

What are these things she should make up for? What do you mean "on the same level". Here, I personally wont date someone like you because of your logic. Can you not see the flawed logic?

NUMBER 2 If the poster is ready to marry her she will need to meet up to a certain standard. one where she can relate on many levels with the poster regarding, work and being able to offer more entailed advice and ideas. she might need to broaden her horizons. you should at least have the basic knowledge to at least help your children with home work, encourage them to read, correct their spellings etc. Yes there is always the option of the lesson teacher but it creates some sort of bond. (as i child i always looked forward to when my mum guided me with me assignments, daily class summary's and when i showed her what i had done in school that day it helped that she understood!).

Again she do not need education to do any of these. A man from the Maisai tribe in Kenya was taken by an English documentary producer, as a result he travelled to almost 30 countries of the world as of the late 90s. His horizon is probably more broaden than my because quite frankly, I haven't visited 30countries even though I would be considered as someone who is educated.

all im saying is that it is actually a big deal and it would take patience and commitment. it all depends on what the poster expects from a partner.

IT is not a reason to leave but its not a piece of cake either.

I don't know which school of thoughts you subscribe to, but it is not a big deal considering that the guy actually loves the girl. Do you oppose "educated" people from dating/marrying "uneducated" people?

Just a thought!

@Poster, what do u do in the UK? Forgive me, but i find it hard to imagine that an educated Nigerian man would consider loving an illiterate girl a challenge, most of them would relish an opportunity to be able to mold their wife.

;d

If you are realy convinced that you realy love this girl, i advice you maary her then enroll her in one of this school am sure she will be happy to learn. pls take good care of her and wipe away her tears.God bless you

Nobody is perfect; being illiterate is her imperfection, and dat can be handled and taken care of. Wat if she has epilepsy which has no cure or sickle celled!! So guy,beat it!

__________________________________________________________________________________________
If only i knew a way out of my SELF PRIDE problem, i guess things would have been much more easier for me to tackle. I,ve thought about it and tried several times to imagine how the reactions of my family, friends and colleagues would be if they should know about it. Knowing fully well the kind of family that i've got and the mentality of my circle of friends, it's really not going to be an easy task for me to tackle in silence because of the length of time that might be involve in brushing her up to the minimum and acceptable educational standard that i want. Although i can arrange for an Adult learning programme for her in Nigeria and can as well afford to fly down to Nigeria 2 times in a year just to see how she is progressing, but is that not a long story anything could happen in my absence, you all know what i mean, like external influence.

On the other hand, i have the option of bringing her to the UK through marriage, that might speed up things a bit and will enable me to follow up her educational progress personally.

But then, marriage is a great step in life, no healthy thinking person would want to repeat that twice. Now the question is, falling in love with a woman in a short period of time a good reason enough to face all this challenges and commitment
Along the line many people will get to know about her illiteracy , i completely agree that illiteracy is not a disease but how many people are sharing this opinion in our society Of course not the majority, we all know how people think about the ones who are less opportuned to be educated in our society. I wouldn't find it funny if anyone disrespect me or my wife just because she is less advantage to have an education, eventhough i know she is not going to be uneducated forever if i should one day be married to her, but it's definitely going to be a great

challenge and of course it's a BIG DEAL according to WATERWORKS (f) and BOLAJORDAN

waterworks:

NUMBER 2 If the poster is ready to marry her she will need to meet up to a certain standard. one where she can relate on many levels with the poster regarding, work and being able to offer more entailed advice and ideas. she might need to broaden her horizons. you should at least have the basic knowledge to at least help your children with home work, encourage them to read, correct their spellings etc. Yes there is always the option of the lesson teacher but it creates some sort of bond. (as i child i always looked forward to when my mum guided me with me assignments, daily class summary's and when i showed her what i had done in school that day it helped that she understood!).

all im saying is that it is actually a big deal and it would take patience and commitment. it all depends on what the poster expects from a partner.

IT is not a reason to leave but its not a piece of cake either.

bolajordan:

From a male perspective i think u should have a lengthy conversation with her about the challenges and task involved 4 her in particular to bring her to the minimum acceptable level of education to cope with the day 2day living activities in UK where i also currently resides. If shes up to the challenge then i don't see why you can't go ahead with the marriage intention, illiteracy in not a big issue in Nigeria hence the outburst from all the female commentry but life without basic education in UK is another topic and my guess is u plan to live together after marriage in UK. .

I pray to pluck up courage and motivation needed to see this through, hoping all is worthwhile at the end of the day.

Ma Broda go ahead and marry dis girl, remember u said she toke a lot of risk 4 u, i see no reason u should not take the risk of sending her to school, remember u love her so u should be willing to do extral ordinary things to prove ur love for her, humble girlz are not easy to get!!!

@OP

If you are worried about what your friend would say, then may I suggest you change your circle of friends with such mentality? Why do you worry about people's perception over what makes you happy? You haven't done anything wrong, other than fall in love with another human.



One thing though, do you have confidence in your ways and work at all? Or do you rely on others perception to make you feel good?

At least encourage her to get some education. It is never too late to start. She seems like a good girl.

bolajordan:

. . . but life without basic education in UK is another topic and my guess is u plan to live together after marriage in UK.

peace, Jordan.

RHETHORIC QUESTION : What if you fall in love with a UK graduate with severe dyslexia i.e. someone who cannot read nor write, and I know loads of such people

Enroll her in school now. You don't have something good and let it slip away

what ever it is make sure u dont marry her until she is educated otherwise you will indirectly ruin your family. on the other hand, i feel you should help her out if you can.[color=#000099][/color]

if she cant read or write, how is she reading the text messages her aunt sends and why would her aunt send them if she knows the girl cant read?




and i think if you love her like you say, youll find a way, as another person said, its not a disease

racheal84:

if she cant read or write, how is she reading the text messages her aunt sends and why would her aunt send them if she knows the girl cant read?

Very wise observation Oya poster over to you to come and explain