The husband is an insecure, abusive, control freak - abeg build your house!
You might have to run there someday with your kids, so make sure it is in your name only.

If you were in a loving, healthy, marriage, it would be slightly different. Even then, there is nothing wrong with a wife(or husband) investing in real estate, together or separately. As long as the household bills have been taken care of, I don't see an issue. In a loving relationship, whatever revenue comes from your investments will contribute towards the family's quality of life, so where is the problem?

More women need to take control of their financial affairs. Only an insecure man would have a problem with this. There is a question often asked by women in abusive relationships - "but where can I go?" Invest wisely, build your house and should you decide to leave, or he kicks you out for a younger mumu, after beating you black and blue, you'll have somewhere to go.

Think about your future and your kids

PLEASE BUILD your HOUSE IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT!

i really dont get it  , at some point they want u to be independent and some other point they want u to depend on them for every damn thing.

This really shld not be an issue if he encourages progress and wants u to be the best u can be. no one knows tomorrow, its an investment, security for the future, if not for u but for your kids especially in these uncertain times.


MEANWHILE WONDERBOD, WELL SAID!!!!

Why not? if she can afford to do so and with the knowledge of her husband.

There is nothing wrong in a man building her own house, if there is love, the house belongs to both of them, just like if it was the man that built the house.

There is no big deal for a woman to have anything separately but should not conceal it from the husband. If the man is trying to make ends meet at home only to learn that he had been doing all his best to make someone who never trusted him happy and fit , that could lead to the end of the relationship. Personally. I am advocate of couples keeping separate accounts both for security and accountability in case unexpected happens. Some women could go from rich to broke, a day after their husbands' death just because they have joint acct or the woman was dependent on monthly cash flow from the husband. Whatever you have, declare it, so that if someone told your hussy, he would not be the last person know about what his closest person has been doing.

Remii:

There is no big deal for a woman to have anything separately but should not conceal it from the husband. If the man is trying to make ends meet at home only to learn that he had been doing all his best to make someone who never trusted him happy and fit , that could lead to the end of the relationship. Personally. I am advocate of couples keeping separate accounts both for security and accountability in case unexpected happens. Some women could go from rich to broke, a day after their husbands' death just because they have joint acct or the woman was dependent on monthly cash flow from the husband. Whatever you have, declare it, so that if someone told your hussy, he would not be the last person know about what his closest person has been doing.

Well Said

build your house. decorate it and enjoy! 

life is too short for "shoulda, would, coulda done this and that"

africhika:

build your house. decorate it and enjoy! 

life is too short for "shoulda, would, coulda done this and that"

I like that

depends are you planing on living there alone without your hubby then yes if you both will live there (permenantly or as a vacation house) or are going to rent it out then no issues

You can build your own house but attach his name on it to prove to him that divorce is far from your mind at least it will make him feel secured

rubi:

You can build your own house but attach his name on it to prove to him that divorce is far from your mind at least it will make him feel secured

It takes more than that to make him feel like divorce is not on your mind.
However, cos of how he feels shd not stop you from building a house if you can afford it.

Fhemmmy:

It takes more than that to make him feel like divorce is not on your mind.
However, cos of how he feels shd not stop you from building a house if you can afford it.

I did not say she sould stop building her own house. Re-read my initial post. Why is her hubby worried if not for insecurity

rubi:

I did not say she sould stop building her own house. Re-read my initial post. Why is her hubby worried if not for insecurity

It cld be for insecurity, however, it wont be an easy task to change his mind.

Hi Lizzy I was scanning through this thread and I picked up in your responses that you are quiete afraid of your husband. Something tells me that in your heart of hearts you are not thinking everlasting with this man. You are uncomfortable, not free and open with him simply because you are afraid of him. I believe that when a women is comfortable and content with her marital set up she will discuss anything and everything with her husband. I think you guys dont make the best of friends in your marriage considering the history of abuse. Please dont get me wrong I am not pointing a finger at you and trying to label your marriage a bad marriage, you know best.

Lets think about this, your husband doesnt want you to send the money home, buy yourself nice things and even buy yourself a house. Ask him exactly what would he like for you guys to do with the money. I think you were not suppose to treat the whole thing as my money/his money issue in the first place. Your answer in the first place should have been its our money lets talk about what we need to do with it. Make him feel like he is part of the plan. Sometimes you need to kill aggression with graceful kindness.

In any event your marriage contract should protect you in case things come to an end. Can I share one big secret that I learned from a cousin of mine is that if you make big money try  and invest some of it in gem stones because you never know when your country or the world could experience yet another revolution. She said she learned this from one german woman whom her grandparents had left germany in the times of war. When they left the country they left with nothing but the clothes on their back. Fortunately the grandmother had been collecting rare stones. This was their passport to a different country, by the time they had sold all the stones they had good enouhg money to buy a very very small house and start a small business which today they have enough wealth for generations to come.
I am simply mentioning this just to give you ideas on other ways that you can invest the money, and your husband needs to stop playing mind tricks on you. He needs to be straight up and indicate exactly why he asked you that question in the first place and what is it that he wants you guys to achieve.

there is nothing wrong for a woman to build her own house even wen she is married, period

i've bin reading previous comments n i saw were someone wrote dat is it not d guy dat beats u.i can give u a thousand n one reason dat d guy u call ur husband doesnt respect u.but u know all dis marital issues i'm always hesitant 2 talk because of dis our babaric lifestyle we call culture.but if u must know d truth,any guy at all friend,bro,uncle,neighbor,husband if he respects u he wount think of slapping u talkless of beating u.2nd,d day his head spins n starts beating u 4 woteva reason am sure u'll want 2 run 4 safety. n 2 avoid embarassment u wount want 2 go 2 ur parents house. "afterall dey did not force u 2 marry him,DINT KNOW WOT U WERE THINKING WHEN U MARRIED AN ANIMAL 4 A HUSBAND".u beta start planning 4 d raning day cos any man dat beats his wife,weeds,smokes can kick her out of d house at any time so know dat if he's telin u not 2 build a house he's either having insecurity problems,envy or competition.n if u dont want 2 build a house u can build a shop or plaza,at least invest in ur future.i thought civilization n education was 2 reduce d animalistic tendencies in men i dint know in dis era of women liberation,education n internet some animals in human body still beat n compete with their wives instead of encouraging,correcting ,loving n supporting their wives as a father will do 2 his children

Lizzy, there's nothing wrong in building your own house. Be smart about this issue. Try and convince your husband to agree with so you don't ruin your marriage.

If your husband does not have a house of his own then you build it together and if he already has, you can build it in your child's name.

I might be wrong but it's mostly men from my tribe(Ibo) who don't allow their wives build houses. Most yoruba ladies build houses and own their house does not mean they don't stay with their husband.

Be wise!!!

Although today's women share the breadwinning with their husbands or support families on their incomes alone, their money management skills simply haven't kept pace with their earning power. It's time for women to embrace a new paradigm, doing away with the notion that control of their finances is a man's job.one way to do this is by she investing in real estate such as owning her own property.

Below are five other useful tips on money management for women.

http://personalbudgeting.suite101.com/article.cfm/women_and_money