Sorry for the lengthy write up!
l met a guy on Facebook last year. 13 years older and am in my early twenties. My very first boyfriend and am almost done with Msc. Right from the first day, he wanted marriage. l love him and l believe he does. He just has SSCE. I was worried at first but l didn't want to judge him by that alone. l encouraged him and got to know him. He is a good man but lacks ambition. He is a driver, always talks about starting up a business, but is all talks, no action! l still held on. He is always suspicious and says l would leave him for a younger man who is on same level with me. Suddenly, we had a gap in communication and our long distance relationship started waning. l had a family issue which left me depressed and when l greatly needed his support , he abandoned me telling me that he knows my mind is off from him.
My coursemate and very good friend was and is still there for me. He has always wanted a relationship even after telling him l have someone. He believes our meeting each other is divine. Now this coursemate is making future plans about us even when l haven't agreed to his proposal. He is ambitious! My boyfriend hasn't called me in almost a week and l don't even know if we are still together. l have always told him about my friendship with my coursemate and he always tells me he trust me.
l haven't told my coursemate the issue am having with my boyfriend. l still act as if we are still deeply in love. l have come to care for him now, still have feelings for boyfriend. l don't know which road to take and not end up in regrets. please kindly advice me and am very much open to criticisms. Thank you!

So sorry

How did you even find me where I went to when i said. brb? You can look for somebody o

Okay.. I think you should go with this younger guy from the look of things.. He has plans for you, and both of you can work to achieve something without fear of status..

But you should be convinced about the character of the younger guy. The older guy is nothing to write home about, if you ever write home that is.

Most importantly, pray without an idol in your heart

Renaj:

Sorry for the lengthy write up!
l met a guy on Facebook last year. 13 years older and am in my early twenties. My very first boyfriend and am almost done with Msc. Right from the first day, he wanted marriage. l love him and l believe he does. He just has SSCE. I was worried at first but l didn't want to judge him by that alone. l encouraged him and got to know him. He is a good man but lacks ambition. He is a driver, always talks about starting up a business, but is all talks, no action! l still held on. He is always suspicious and says l would leave him for a younger man who is on same level with me. Suddenly, we had a gap in communication and our long distance relationship started waning. l had a family issue which left me depressed and when l greatly needed his support , he abandoned me telling me that he knows my mind is off from him.
My coursemate and very good friend was and is still there for me. He has always wanted a relationship even after telling him l have someone. He believes our meeting each other is divine. Now this coursemate is making future plans about us even when l haven't agreed to his proposal. He is ambitious! My boyfriend hasn't called me in almost a week and l don't even know if we are still together. l have always told him about my friendship with my coursemate and he always tells me he trust me.
l haven't told my coursemate the issue am having with my boyfriend. l still act as if we are still deeply in love. l have come to care for him now, still have feelings for boyfriend. l don't know which road to take and not end up in regrets. please kindly advice me and am very much open to criticisms. Thank you!

GO AND PRAY. YOU NEED TO MEET A MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR IN YOUR CHURCH AND SEEK GUIDIANCE. GOD BLESS YOU. AS FOR ME. GO FOR THE YOUNGER GUY

tripplephi:


GO AND PRAY. YOU NEED TO MEET A MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR IN YOUR CHURCH AND SEEK GUIDIANCE. GOD BLESS YOU. AS FOR ME. GO FOR THE YOUNGER GUY

Thanks! l am praying about it.

Ur boyfriend is very insecure.. Maybe he really does not care, for him not to keep in touch always

Seems ur course mate is a better option .

Pray very well abt it though... Marriage partner decision is a VERY serious decision

Renaj:

Sorry for the lengthy write up!
l met a guy on Facebook last year. 13 years older and am in my early twenties. My very first boyfriend and am almost done with Msc. Right from the first day, he wanted marriage. l love him and l believe he does. He just has SSCE. I was worried at first but l didn't want to judge him by that alone. l encouraged him and got to know him. He is a good man but lacks ambition. He is a driver, always talks about starting up a business, but is all talks, no action! l still held on. He is always suspicious and says l would leave him for a younger man who is on same level with me. Suddenly, we had a gap in communication and our long distance relationship started waning. l had a family issue which left me depressed and when l greatly needed his support , he abandoned me telling me that he knows my mind is off from him.
My coursemate and very good friend was and is still there for me. He has always wanted a relationship even after telling him l have someone. He believes our meeting each other is divine. Now this coursemate is making future plans about us even when l haven't agreed to his proposal. He is ambitious! My boyfriend hasn't called me in almost a week and l don't even know if we are still together. l have always told him about my friendship with my coursemate and he always tells me he trust me.
l haven't told my coursemate the issue am having with my boyfriend. l still act as if we are still deeply in love. l have come to care for him now, still have feelings for boyfriend. l don't know which road to take and not end up in regrets. please kindly advice me and am very much open to criticisms. Thank you!

1st bolded: tells you you cant handle the fact that you are of higher level than him in education. Reading further in my bolded, you see he is having some doubts too. Once doubts sets in in any relationships, then its hard for it to work out.

2nd bolded: You are in love with your new guy. But the fear of "he is my 1st love" is holding you back. Give your self some time on your love life.

I'd advice you break your present relationship first. Give your self some 4 or 5months to make plans for your self then you can date whoever you wanna date.

NB: Love alone is never enough, common sense is needed.
Besides, did you know if you and your new guy is compatible (blood group and genotype)?

@Duchesslily, He use to keep in touch but the gap in communication has been for a week now

DuchessLily:
Ur boyfriend is very insecure.. Maybe he really does not care, for him not to keep in touch always

Seems ur course mate is a better option .

Pray very well abt it though... Marriage partner decision is a VERY serious decision

Prayer alone wont solve it... she needs common sense here!

donTbone:


1st bolded: tells you you cant handle the fact that you are of higher level than him in education. Reading further in my bolded, you see he is having some doubts too. Once doubts sets in in any relationships, then its hard for it to work out.

2nd bolded: You are in love with your new guy. But the fear of "he is my 1st love" is holding you back. Give your self some time on your love life.

I'd advice you break your present relationship first. Give your self some 4 or 5months to make plans for your self then you can date whoever you wanna date.

NB: Love alone is never enough, common sense is needed.
Besides, did you know if you and your new guy is compatible (blood group and genotype)?

Thanks! l thought about staying off from both too. My genotype and bloodgroup are accomodating!

Renaj:


Thanks! l thought about staying off from both too. My genotype and bloodgroup are accomodating!

Then I give you #thumbUp


Still looking for an accommodating genotype too thou!
That shii broke us apart last month!

donTbone:

Then I give you #thumbUp

Still looking for an accommodating genotype too thou! That shii broke us apart last month!

So sorry to hear that. lt will definitely get better!

Renaj:


So sorry to hear that. lt will definitely get better!

sure!

Renaj:

Sorry for the lengthy write up!
l met a guy on Facebook last year. 13 years older and am in my early twenties. My very first boyfriend and am almost done with Msc. Right from the first day, he wanted marriage. l love him and l believe he does. He just has SSCE. I was worried at first but l didn't want to judge him by that alone. l encouraged him and got to know him. He is a good man but lacks ambition. He is a driver, always talks about starting up a business, but is all talks, no action! l still held on. He is always suspicious and says l would leave him for a younger man who is on same level with me. Suddenly, we had a gap in communication and our long distance relationship started waning. l had a family issue which left me depressed and when l greatly needed his support , he abandoned me telling me that he knows my mind is off from him.
My coursemate and very good friend was and is still there for me. He has always wanted a relationship even after telling him l have someone. He believes our meeting each other is divine. Now this coursemate is making future plans about us even when l haven't agreed to his proposal. He is ambitious! My boyfriend hasn't called me in almost a week and l don't even know if we are still together. l have always told him about my friendship with my coursemate and he always tells me he trust me.
l haven't told my coursemate the issue am having with my boyfriend. l still act as if we are still deeply in love. l have come to care for him now, still have feelings for boyfriend. l don't know which road to take and not end up in regrets. please kindly advice me and am very much open to criticisms. Thank you!

I don't know how an all talk and no action man who abandoned you in your time of great need is a good man to you. Yes he knows your mind should be off him because he is not right for you and should be an ex.

There are so many roads to take. You can be single for a while to get clear picture of what you want in a relationship, you can date the course mate get to know him there is no rush to be in a relationship or get married immediately this way you don't end up in regrets.

[quote author=andromida post=40072399]

I don't know how an all talk and no action man who abandoned you in your time of great need is a good man to you. Yes he knows your mind should be off him because he is not right for you and should be an ex.

There are so many roads to take. You can be single for a while to get clear picture of what you want in a relationship, you can date the course mate get to know him there is no rush to be in a relationship or get married immediately this way you don't end up in regrets.
[/quote

Thank you! Am not trying to be defensive but he is a good man. l have my reasons. l don't know what happened along the way.

Alright Renaj if you say he is a good man you were the one with him..... Its just a good man is consistent in his goodness and its along the way you know the depth of a person's goodness. Good man won't flake on you in your hour of need if he can't be present for you he has a solid reason. I think its a waste of time and energy analyzing his actions to know why he did what or what happened along the way. People do what they want to do as you should do what is good for you.

I wish you everything good. A healthy and happy relationship and life.

Estharfabian:
He hasn't been in touch for weeks? Who does that?

Anyways... Your "boyfriend" Has Lots of Faults... He's Unambitious, He's insecure, He's not Caring, And he's nt Even educated (Ain't saying it's A priority) Buh girl...this is The 21st Century...Education matters A Lot! Can't Imagine settling down with someone who isn't Educated...)


Anyways...it All goes down to Yah...
IT Seems you Have feelings for this Guy...Buh seriously, I'd pick the One with Ambition, The one that cares bout me And the one that's Educated over him Anytime..Which Your "Coursemate" happens to have..

He hasn't been in touch for a week, not weeks. l appreciate!

andromida:
Alright Renaj if you say he is a good man you were the one with him..... Its just a good man is consistent in his goodness and its along the way you know the depth of a person's goodness. Good man won't flake on you in your hour of need if he can't be present for you he has a solid reason. I think its a waste of time and energy analyzing his actions to know why he did what or what happened along the way. People do what they want to do as you should do what is good for you.

I wish you everything good. A healthy and happy relationship and life.

Thanks dear

Heheheheh, the things I read on nairaland ... Smh
So you have a younger bf , who is also studying for his masters and obviously likes u enough to marry you (very caring too) .... Vs an older, ambitionless , omo rapala, good man driver who hasn't called your lonely self in a week ...and you are asking us who to choose , okwa ..... Heheheheh, oh my days!!!! .... I really want to call u stu.pid... But who am i to judge Smh,,, see pick your load and go live with the driver ... Obviously education is not wisdom!!!

The fact that ur current boyfriend is making plans for you and him doesn't mean you two will end up together. And your other man friend might have found another lady with similar age with himself and maybe already settling down with her. So tell your man friend you are breaking up with him and see how hard he tries to keep you. If he doesn't try hard enough to your satisfaction or says its okay for you two to break up then go ahead and date your course mate. But be aware that he may also end up dumping you or you two can end up getting married but whatever the outcome never regret ur action. But just make sure you break up with your man friend before moving on. If thtas what you want.

holusormi:
Heheheheh, the things I read on nairaland ... Smh
So you have a younger bf , who is also studying for his masters and obviously likes u enough to marry you (very caring too) .... Vs an older, ambitionless , omo rapala, good man driver who hasn't called your lonely self in a week ...and you are asking us who to choose , okwa ..... Heheheheh, oh my days!!!! .... I really want to call u stu.pid... But who am i to judge Smh,,, see pick your load and go live with the driver ... Obviously education is not wisdom!!!

Thanks! Matters of the heart is a serious issue. lt defies reason. l guess most people have passed through that stage in life. l maybe naive but am not stupid.

JumpingChicken:
The fact that ur current boyfriend is making plans for you and him doesn't mean you two will end up together. And your other man friend might have found another lady with similar age with himself and maybe already settling down with her. So tell your man friend you are breaking up with him and see how hard he tries to keep you. If he doesn't try hard enough to your satisfaction or says its okay for you two to break up then go ahead and date your course mate. But be aware that he may also end up dumping you or you two can end up getting married but whatever the outcome never regret ur action. But just make sure you break up with your man friend before moving on. If thtas what you want.

That was insightful! Thanks

donTbone:


Prayer alone wont solve it... she needs common sense here!

I didn't say she should pray alone... As u can see I advice a common sense advice b4 I added the prayer advice.

I believe in both works and prayers b4 good result

DuchessLily:


I didn't say she should pray alone... As u can see I advice a common sense advice b4 I added the prayer advice.

I believe in both works and prayers b4 good result

ok

Issues raised:
1. Mismatch in education.

2. Separated by distance.

3. Communication lag.

4. Emotional disconnection.

5. He procrastinates.

6. Finally, a fresh hero has arrived.

Solution.

1. Don't marry someone if who they presently are is hard for you to settle for. If his educational level doesn't fairly satisfy your grand wish, don't go in. But an unambitious educated person can settle for someone who isn't as educated as they are, and they live together happily ever after. Are you high taste?

2. Distance is no big deal. Constant communication and occasional visits sufficiently close up any potential gap, unless of course both of you are each too selfish and self-centred to commit time and resources.

3. You both must share the blame here. A little slack in communication could easily open a wide dangerous gap overnight. You get? The gap created made room for your new hero to step in. You get it now?

Let me stop here. Quote me when you are ready to hear the rest.

Politicos:
Issues raised:
1. Mismatch in education.

2. Separated by distance.

3. Communication lag.

4. Emotional disconnection.

5. He procrastinates.

6. Finally, a fresh hero has arrived.

Solution.

1. Don't marry someone if who they presently are is hard for you to settle for. If his educational level doesn't fairly satisfy your grand wish, don't go in. But an unambitious educated person can settle for someone who isn't as educated as they are, and they live together happily ever after. Are you high taste?

2. Distance is no big deal. Constant communication and occasional visits sufficiently close up any potential gap, unless of course both of you are each too selfish and self-centred to commit time and resources.

3. You both must share the blame here. A little slack in communication could easily open a wide dangerous gap overnight. You get? The gap created made room for your new hero to step in. You get it now?

Let me stop here. Quote me when you are ready to hear the rest.

l am not 'high taste '. l just need someone who can take care of his responsibilities as a man and not blaming his lack of achievements on not 'going to school '. As l said earlier, l was worried about that but l didn't want to judge him by that alone. l was fortunate but some never had the opportunity. Then limiting oneself and not aiming higher is a no no. At least, there. should be a balance for respect to thrive.

We have been managing the distance issue, then all of a sudden, when l was depressed, an issue which he was aware of, he suddenly became distant, accusing that my mind is already off from him and Just stayed without communication for a week.

He procrastinate a lot!

alterswerve:
All i can say is BRB

Still waiting....

My story continues....
Now l have gotten to know the new guy better while l have gotten a control over my feelings for my older guy. The new guy drinks too much, is arrogant and proud. l don't like him at all. But l always remember the older guy.