I have been in a relationship with this guy for sometime now,we really meant business in this relationship cos we designed to marry each other,at a point i became careless with the affair cos of reasons I thought were reason enough ,he spoke to me severally over my actions but somehow I just didnt see myself listening ,partly because i was inexperienced and partly cos i thought there wasnt any need for the talks cos part though a very little part of his talks have been bordering on his being able to trust me with my male friends of which am 1 million percent sure i have absolutely nothing with any of them,I mean I love this guy but i would accept i was careless.The last straw that broke the carmels back was that one morning he called me,i was supposed to be at work but was just chilling with a friend(male) nothing was going on,he asked where i was i said i was with a friend,and he asked could he know my friends name ,i found myself cutting the call,he called severally i kept busying the call,somehow i felt uncomfortable telling him my friends name while my friend was there and knowing fully well that he wouldnt let go untill i told him whom i was with and knowing him,he could possibly ask to speak with the person, am not doing anything with these guy i was with he was just a friend, but this has destroyed my relationship with the man i love, am not saying i was right in my actions but i dont know what to do to win him back, i suddenly realised all he has been telling me, everything now makes sense, i cant imagine throwing away the dreams we shared ,the plans we made , this thing is killing me, please advice me , what do i do to get him be the loving, caring and patient guy he always was.

the fact that you lied to him showed that there can be no trust in this relation. no matter how bad it was, you should have been honest with your guy.
i guess at that moment, your FRIENDSHIP was more important than your RELATIONSHIP. if you decided to hang up on your bf for something AS SMALL AS THIS then how are you going to react when REAL trouble come knocking at your door. nobody want a lying (maybe even cheating) person in their lives.
take this as a lesson in love to always be honest with your partner and accept that you have lost this guy.
i completely understands him not wanting to have anything to do with you anymore.

u just learnt ur lesson, tnx 4 accepting ur mistake, but then it is already late.

i dont think he cud trust u as much as he did initially.

for all i know trust is out of the question whether he accepts u or u become a life partner he will always need evidence to trust u. learn from this.

mandycini:

I have been in a relationship with this guy for sometime now,we really meant business in this relationship cos we designed to marry each other,at a point i became careless with the affair cos of reasons I thought were reason enough ,he spoke to me severally over my actions but somehow I just didnt see myself listening ,partly because i was inexperienced and partly cos i thought there wasnt any need for the talks cos part though a very little part of his talks have been bordering on his being able to trust me with my male friends of which am 1 million percent sure i have absolutely nothing with any of them,I mean I love this guy but i would accept i was careless.The last straw that broke the carmels back was that one morning he called me,i was supposed to be at work but was just chilling with a friend(male) nothing was going on,he asked where i was i said i was with a friend,and he asked could he know my friends name ,i found myself cutting the call,he called severally i kept busying the call,somehow i felt uncomfortable telling him my friends name while my friend was there and knowing fully well that he wouldnt let go untill i told him whom i was with and knowing him,he could possibly ask to speak with the person, am not doing anything with these guy i was with he was just a friend, but this has destroyed my relationship with the man i love, am not saying i was right in my actions but i dont know what to do to win him back, i suddenly realised all he has been telling me, everything now makes sense, i cant imagine throwing away the dreams we shared ,the plans we made , this thing is killing me, please advice me , what do i do to get him be the loving, caring and patient guy he always was.

Classical case of: u don’t know the value of what u have until it’s gone.

Keep trying and hope he changes his mind…If I were him…I doubt.

Let him go and work on his insecurity issue, you don't need such insecure being around you. You have not had an affair yet he can't trust you amongst your male friends to the extent that he asks you to put them on the phone whenever he calls you and now you have resorted to telling him lies about your whereabouts

You are not yet married to him and he is controlling you like this, what if you eventually marry him, will he screen all your friends or start embarassing you to hand over the phone to confirm that the person you are speaking to, is truly a lady

Methinks you just had a lucky escape, you just don't know it yet.

I get what you guys are saying,but  He wouldnt have been happy if I told him I was with a guy, i just couldnt tell him,he accuses me of rebuffing his open affections atimes, like sometime he did put up a write up on the wall of my Fb ''MY ROCK'' I found myself deleting it Asap,he took it cos i didnt want my male friends to see it,honestly i didnt know why i removed the right up cos this guy gives affection, am not trying to say i was totally right,but right now i could really do with an advice on how to get back things the way they normally where,i mean we still just talk,

you really took the guy for granted. if the man you were planning to spend the rest of your life with isnt comfortable with male friends its your responsibility to give a safe gap between them and you to protect his feelings and your relationship. cutting the phone on him and not telling him who you were with was awful to say the least. you just werent ready or serious if so you wouldnt act that way. if you really think you are ready for a man as serious as he sounds you have to swallow your pride and do anything to regain his trust including begging and explaining to people close to him who can talk to him. if he's really hurt it may take some time but if he still loves u he'll take you back but PLEASE respect his feelings and give your male friends gap!!!!

At big bumper he has never asked me to put them on phone,he doesnt even call me to know whom i was with,that day was the first, i just had the feelings he might cos he had been talking on the issue,his main argument was that i should be careful cos of my inexperience people may make me do what i do not want to do, and it makes absolute sense cos i have experienced it,

big_bumper:


Let him go and work on his insecurity issue, you don't need such insecure being around you. You have not had an affair yet he can't trust you amongst your male friends to the extent that he asks you to put them on the phone whenever he calls you and now you have resorted to telling him lies about your whereabouts

You are not yet married to him and he is controlling you like this, what if you eventually marry him, will he screen all your friends or start embarassing you to hand over the phone to confirm that the person you are speaking to, is truly a lady

Methinks you just had a lucky escape, you just don't know it yet.

have you considered the fact that she lied/hang up and lets not forget that she was SUPPOSE to be at work? but instead she was CHILLING with some dude.hello!!!!
as the poster claimed, she was CARELESS before in that relationship. so any wise person will have doubts if someone just keep on messing up until its too much and they just give them the boot.
if a person has NOTHING to hide, they would never lie!

MRbrownJAY:

have you considered the fact that she lied/hang up and lets not forget that she was SUPPOSE to be at work? but instead she was CHILLING with some dude.hello!!!!
as the poster claimed, she was CARELESS before in that relationship. so any wise person will have doubts if someone just keep on messing up until its too much and they just give them the boot.
if a person has NOTHING to hide, they would never lie!

Something, no make that a lot of things led to that, the dude pushed her into that position.

And judging by the way she used the word "careless", I think she meant she was carefree and thought she could keep things open with him by letting him know she had male friends, because her hands were clean. Hope i don't have to eat my words

@ big bumper. I have to disagree with you because the guy didnt push her to lie about anything. He wasnt comfy with the love of his life hanging with guys and thats the way it is. What if she was in his shoes and he had lots of big booty babes as friends, she'd probably lose her cool too. @ poster just dedicate your energy to letting him know you were immature but never loose. smother him with sweet nothings about how he's the ultimate man and all that stuff and before you know it you'll both be sweating it out on some serious make-up sex

big_bumper:


Something, no make that a lot of things led to that, the dude pushed her into that position.

And judging by the way she used the word "careless", I think she meant she was carefree and thought she could keep things open with him by letting him know she had male friends, because her hands were clean. Hope i don't have to eat my words

Are u 4 real? Do u really mean what u just said? unbelievable!

Tx guys ,I got grip of the depth better now.

big_bumper:


Something, no make that a lot of things led to that, the dude pushed her into that position.

And judging by the way she used the word "careless", I think she meant she was carefree and thought she could keep things open with him by letting him know she had male friends, because her hands were clean. Hope i don't have to eat my words

Champion of the feminine cause aka madam onidi nla! Better start eating ur words! Of-course she meant she was carefree, albeit, this still is a classic case of carefree gone awry.

She had removed the guy's write up on her FB prior to this incident, judging by the way she describes the guy, he must be the sensistive type. How do you think he's going to take all these? It behoves her to either accept his sensitive nature and work towards allaying his fears(not lying to him about her whereabouts) or simply cut him lose.

as mu work on getting him back let him work on his insecurities too becos u cant say you didnt see it coming later

You dont deserve him, you dont love him, you are a lover of multiple men, may he never come back to you.

JJYOU:

as mu work on getting him back let him work on his insecurities too becos u cant say you didnt see it coming later

What insecurities are u talking abt? Do u really understand the story?

justwise:

What insecurities are u talking abt? Do u really understand the story?

sadly yes. removing things on facebook is not the end of the word. i dont read mills and boons. there are signs of insecurity this young man is displaying. you may not see it that is okay that is is why i am not you.

JJYOU:

sadly yes. removing things on facebook is not the end of the word. i dont read mills and boons. there are signs of insecurity this young man is displaying. you may not see it that is okay that is is why i am not you.

Oh really? she was supposed to be at work but decided to chill with a friend, she cut the phone call and put it on busy and now u are suggesting that he is insecure? really?

am happy for you cuz i have been praying for you

I dont really think he is insecure cos he is those kinda guys that can really get most girls they want,I see the way he distances himself from them,I didnt really take note,now that we just talk I see he aint putting any efforts to stay off anyone again,theres this particular girlI used to tell him I think she loves him,now its like they are soo close cos he replies her messages ,takes her calls etc I wouldnt categorically say anything is happening between them yet, am soo confused now but honestly these guys are just friends,I was careless there was one  occassions like when I used the words sweetheart and honey with a guy and accidentally he heard me, i mean it was just a harmless expression, we talked about it and forgot it,i was careless no doubt,didnt really know what it takes in a serious affair per say cos guys for me had been come n go, not that am saying i have had a lot, so, i really need him back now, he is all that i have , d air dat i breath,

mandycini:

I dont really think he is insecure cos he is those kinda guys that can really get most girls they want,I see the way he distances himself from them,I didnt really take note,now that we just talk I see he aint putting any efforts to stay off anyone again,theres this particular girlI used to tell him I think she loves him,now its like they are soo close cos he replies her messages ,takes her calls etc I wouldnt categorically say anything is happening between them yet, am soo confused now but honestly these guys are just friends,I was careless there was one occassions like when I used the words sweetheart and honey with a guy and accidentally he heard me, i mean it was just a harmless expression, we talked about it and forgot it,i was careless no doubt,didnt really know what it takes in a serious affair per say cos guys for me had been come n go, not that am saying i have had a lot, so, i really need him back now, he is all that i have , d air dat i breath,

Just give him sometime, not stalking him with txt msgs and calls, u have being sincer enough, he must remember the good times with u, he maybe hurt and angry now, but with time things might change. We all make mistakes.

If a guy has the complete details of what is going on between his girl and another guy and finds it to be harmless and innocent,he would have no reason to doubt the girl.
But when the girl starts being shifty and not open about the details between herself and the other guy, alarm bells and signals start to go off in the guy's head(even if there's actually nothing going on).
Girls most times feel that the guy should not ask them what is going on;but that is what begins the problem.
Openess about everything, no matter how trivial or stupid it might look or sound is what helps in development and building of trust between a guy and a girl.

If nothing is going on between the girl and the other guy or guys, she should be free and willing to let her guy know who she is with when he asks.
He might not be happy but after careful consideration,her openess about the whole thing would help set his mind on the proper perspective.

@ mandycini,

kpele. . . . . you goofed big time - you broke all the golden rules!

First - you refused to listen to him. . . . . guys absolutely abhor this, expecially when they're right!

Two - you lied. . . . . actually you didn't just lie but you got caught lying - oh honey, that is bad!

Worst of all - you cut off his calls, keeping him in the dark - very bad!


Bottomline - if he comes back to you, he's either very stupid or very dangerously in love!

I wish you luck girl. When things cool off, have a heart to hear talk with him. At least you are sincere and you know your mistakes.

Speaking to the root of the problem, it is YOU! All the counsel about the guy dealing with his 'insecurity' don't fly because a relationship not only requires honesty, it must also be seen that you are honest by your partner. Perception is a big part of the relationship game.

Since you have done these things, not just a one-off thing, you should have thought of today but you did not. So, go deal with it, deal with yourself and leave the guy alone. Learn from your errors so next time you have a chance at loving someone, you know how not to sacrifice it cheaply only to turn to Nairaland to beg for ideas on what to do! You will know what to do next time and not looking for medicine after death.

let the dust settle & then have a heart to heart talk with him

this is simply a case of 'claiming to know it all, when indeed you know nothing' just look at what it has landed you into

cutting the line on him after numerous cals was uncalled for? if the guy is used to asking 'who are you with' then i will understand, by the way sef, how old are you?

abeg you are not the only fish in the river, the guy might be going for someone else

Oxone:

let the dust settle & then have a heart to heart talk with him

Ha. . . . you wish!

mandycini:

I have been in a relationship with this guy for sometime now,we really meant business in this relationship cos we designed to marry each other,at a point i became careless with the affair cos of reasons I thought were reason enough ,he spoke to me severally over my actions but somehow I just didnt see myself listening ,partly because i was inexperienced and partly cos i thought there wasnt any need for the talks cos part though a very little part of his talks have been bordering on his being able to trust me with my male friends of which am 1 million percent sure i have absolutely nothing with any of them,I mean I love this guy but i would accept i was careless.The last straw that broke the carmels back was that one morning he called me,i was supposed to be at work but was just chilling with a friend(male) nothing was going on,he asked where i was i said i was with a friend,and he asked could he know my friends name ,i found myself cutting the call,he called severally i kept busying the call,somehow i felt uncomfortable telling him my friends name while my friend was there and knowing fully well that he wouldnt let go untill i told him whom i was with and knowing him,he could possibly ask to speak with the person, am not doing anything with these guy i was with he was just a friend, but this has destroyed my relationship with the man i love, am not saying i was right in my actions but i dont know what to do to win him back, i suddenly realised all he has been telling me, everything now makes sense, i cant imagine throwing away the dreams we shared ,the plans we made , this thing is killing me, please advice me , what do i do to get him be the loving, caring and patient guy he always was.

Its going to be a gradual process, . . .it isn't impossible. . . .all u can do is to really show him how determined u really are to make amends and

how willing u are to make y'alls relationship work!!

You used sweetheart and honey with a guy . . . and he heard you? Even after he warned you to stay away from these boys, you go so far as to start calling them puppy names.
One thing is, you do not respect your man. If you did you would back off from doing those things that hurt him.
you have planted the seed and it's your turn to reap.


I don't even feel half bad for you.

Sister, you have given him a reason to mistrust you and once trust jumps out of a relationship. You should expect the cold, harsh realities of emotional confusion and abandonment. You can hardly convince anyone you've been true to him. My advice is for you to let the brother be and move on, if he is emotionally mature he would come back to you. Someone once told me "if u love something let it go, if it comes back to you then it's yours.

I was in a similar position with a babe I could hang my neck (not now though) for. I had warned her 'bout this dude she told me was a real good friend of hers and it could never go beyond friendship. Based on trust I chilled only for me to be shocked and awed when I caught her in bed with the friendly dude. She apologized, I forgave but still can't forget. We are still together and believe me, I don't and can NEVER trust her again. I just gave my example so as to give you a glimpse into the minds of 'most' guys when such occurs. Just try sticking around and pray he comes to you!

He is a guy and knows the thots of most 'friendly' guys, hence his warnings to you which you ignored. Trust me, the guy is sharply moving on before he is 'shocked and awed' by you. Afterall it was only a matter of time. Cheers!!