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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. (12930 Views)
Zimbabwean Woman Busts Hubby In Secret Wedding (Photo) / He Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Wife / A Wife Sent Her Hubby A Shocking Birthday Message After Beating Her Mercilessly (2) (3) (4)
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Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by JustCare: 8:45am On Dec 16, 2015 |
EnlightenedSoul: Welcome to Africa Howdy... It's been a while 1 Like |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by richyblink1(m): 8:54am On Dec 16, 2015 |
Miami11: Since you said hubby has 3 in his name meaning you are aware he got them. Not against you buying in your name since he got his with his name. But did you equally inform him about yours? Let's not make our spouse seem like a stranger in our matrimonial home. You made a valid point on why you got the land in your name, so why not outline same reasons and fears to your hubby and ensure things are straight in your home |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by thelish(f): 9:14am On Dec 16, 2015 |
Acidosis:So if u don't permit her to buy a land, she can't? U will still permit her to have money ooooo. 1 Like |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by thelish(f): 9:17am On Dec 16, 2015 |
dikeigbo2:U know how many the husband don hide from her?? If they were to be in one accord, that will not happen. So many people are managing their marriage. Hence everybody do what u like. Na outsiders still dey see them as husband n wife, but to them, they are flatmates. 4 Likes |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by thelish(f): 9:20am On Dec 16, 2015 |
Miami11: I love smart ladies. I want to have this kind of heart. God help me. My mum learnt too late. 4 Likes |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by thelish(f): 9:21am On Dec 16, 2015 |
bennyrazz: u know weda na him start am ?? |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by Acidosis(m): 10:07am On Dec 16, 2015 |
thelish: Yes |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by ifyalways(f): 10:43am On Dec 16, 2015 |
I'm the one on ground and manager of all of our assets. I have bought lands in my maiden name, husbands name, children's names and Ofcourse our names. I NEVER seek his permission BEFORE I do so but I TELL him afterwards or in the course of doing so. Keyword here is telling : seek for his advisory or financial support He trusts my judgement and decisions and it works for us. No hard and fast rule,IMO. Critically examine your marriage condition and do what's best for you and your family. Love with your all your heart but never lose your head. 7 Likes
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Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by TV01(m): 12:05pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
temi4fash:Lots of fast food advice from people with burger marriages or no marriages at all. Some people don't grasp the fullness of marriage, and as a result cannot give advice aspirationally. It's the kind of thread that leaves me wondering. For the sake of the wanna-weds and those that will hear sha. I have spoken about how I believe marriage at it's best is a comprehensive spiritually, and physical union. For example here; https://www.nairaland.com/2789558/uk-divorce-court-awards-woman/2#40866411 Some may well have a more "transactional" approach to marriage - as long as they fulfill the criteria for marriage, I won't quibble - once qualified, people are free to determine the dynamic of their individual unions. I said that here; https://www.nairaland.com/2789558/uk-divorce-court-awards-woman/3#40874114 Such people may see nothing wrong with what this woman has done, possibly even laud it as "smart". But for those that subscribe to "fullness", this can only be considered a colossal fail. Taken without regard to anything else, this is at best utterly disrespectful of her husband and seriously undermines him - making him easily challenged, if not held in contempt by his inlaws. It weakens the marriage bond. If he indeed has assets in his name only, the first push should be for him to include his wife as co-owner based on the "spousal interest" principle, not a tit for tat move in order to prove a point. And at least she knows about such assets. At best, this secretive action will only widen the gap between them and doubling down on any mistrust. It could even lead to inheritance issues; if she passes away, how is she sure her undisclosed assets will pass to her children? I wonder where Nigerian law stands onthis kind of question? Whether you term it permission, consent, agreement, discussion, understanding etc., I'm not sure how doing it without letting him know can be predicated on anything other than ill-motivated reasons. To me, fullness suggests the very idea of investing in anything is raised and discussed, before we ever get to the point of acting - at which point we are already in agreement and jointly own both idea and action. These transactional, separate (and undisclosed) asset type approaches reek of cynicism and a falling out of love, or failing to understand the marriage ideal. Very sad, as in some ways, while retaining the marriage form, a lot of benefits from marriage will ultimately be lost due to the increasing break-downs this kind of approach will engender. Haute cuisine anyone? TV 2 Likes |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by babygirlfl: 12:33pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
cococandy: Gbam |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by babygirlfl: 12:33pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
Onegai: On my way to collect my goodies. |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by babygirlfl: 12:38pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
Well done fem29 |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by jashar(f): 1:20pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
the bottom line of all this is TRUST. I so strongly believe that marriage should be based on trust and sincere friendship. All this games being played by couples nowadays is because they know they can't trust their spouse. I refuse to marry someone I can't trust. What's the big deal in telling your spouse that you want to acquire a piece of property when you trust the person? Even if you want to put your children's name on the deed. 1 Like |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by TV01(m): 1:24pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
Acidosis:At all, there are simply too many scammers using marriage as a cloak fem29: fem29:Blatantly contradictory. Mindfulness:You would plan "your" future, without recourse to the one you wedded your future too? Because as wedded, major financial expenditure should be discussed and agreed, and always advised. It would be a bad idea by any spouse - worse to do it with a 3rd party. People with understanding do their "doing" ahead of marriage, not during or after it ! Mindfulness:Please explain how one celebrates something with their spouse which they do not know about. Or ss this one of the signs and wonders of your faith ! Mindfulness: Mindfulness:As in, doesn't get marriage, not married ! TV 2 Likes |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by Nobody: 2:54pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
TV01: What a major financial expenditure is, is relative. Please explain how one celebrates something with their spouse which they do not know about. Or ss this one of the signs and wonders of your faith ! I know that you love taking comments out of their context to pretend that they don'T make sense. Tell me where you read that a spouse should celebrate something they don't know about. As in, doesn't get marriage, not married ! As in I don't care to respond to comments without sense. 1 Like |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by Nobody: 2:54pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
. |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by TV01(m): 3:31pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
Mindfulness:As are disclosure, truth and of course feelings abi Mindfulness:Out of context ke? If a couple are happy for one to forge ahead and act unilaterally, does that preclude mentioning what they are doing to each other? The OP clearly stated the secretive nature and hidden intent in question. Fail . Mindfulness:As I've already told you, you have a co-habbing arangement which is both quantitively and qualititively different from mariage. It's not the same, equal, or as good, hence your "my money" approach. Your advice tends to fall short on marriage related threads - mainly because you are unable to make sense of marriage. TV 2 Likes |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by VintageCocktail(m): 4:03pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
The dissertation and thesis guys are here dropping their proposals and chapter one. Watch out for the theoretical frameworks. How do you people analyse a simple post to resemble a completed postdoctoral thesis? Gian!!!! Off to reddit. 1 Like |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by Nobody: 5:36pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
babygirlfl: Thanks hun. Hopefully we can educate these mens without it turning into an argument 2 Likes |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by Nobody: 6:10pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
TV01: Really? Out of context ke? If a couple are happy for one to forge ahead and act unilaterally, does that preclude mentioning what they are doing to each other? The OP clearly stated the secretive nature and hidden intent in question. Fail . And I have referred to it but we already know that you love to read selectively and take comments out of their context. Now show me where I wrote that spouses should celebrate something they don't know about. I am waiting! As I've already told you, you have a co-habbing arangement which is both quantitively and qualititively different from mariage. It's not the same, equal, or as good, hence your "my money" approach. Your advice tends to fall short on marriage related threads - mainly because you are unable to make sense of marriage. You have no idea how we handle fiances in our family so you better remain quiet on this since buying a land property is a major financial expenditure in your world. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by bennyrazz: 8:49pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
thelish:if he started it then he got paid in his own coin |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by Nobody: 9:07pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
ifyalways: Very well said. Some people think that there is one fits all approach to marriage even though the individuals involved and their unique circumstances differ greatly and as a result must be handled accordingly. 1 Like |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by Nobody: 9:23pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
jashar: The big deal may be that the spouse does not want you to have properties in your name. The big deal may be that your spouse got properties in his name and you discovered it by chance. The big deal may be that trust has been broken. Not telling your spouse that you got a property is a symptom of other underlying issues. As much as I agree with you that trust is important, I believe that making sure that you will be fine if your spouse leaves for one reason or another is more important. Your husband is a human being and you never know how he could change in the future or you for that matter. All this talk about marriage is a spiritual union is crap. You were born alone and you will die alone. The spirit is free, always has and always will. You may be lucky to have a lifelong marriage but you have no guarantee. Always make sure that you can take care of your kids and yourself no matter what. I expect the same from my spouse. No dependency allowed in my marriage. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by Nobody: 9:31pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
Miami11: I prefer your attitude to the gullible sort of thinking that your husband will always be there for you. There is no guarantee. My husband knows what properties I have in my name and therefore he also knows that I have zero tolerance for any sort of rubbish. Mutual respect and not dependency is what makes our marriage work perfectly. If he decides to leave, I will let him go and love him unconditionally nonetheless as the father of our kids. He is not responsible for me and I do not depend on him for happiness or anything else. Each day in our marriage is a decision made out of love and appreciation rather than a duty and responsibility. I do not need anyone to force himself to stay with me due to any prescriptions. We would love for our marriage to remain as joyous as it is till death do us part but we will not imprison ourselves in eternal unhappiness when it is not longer possible. 1 Like |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by Nobody: 10:03pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
Mindfulness: OMG I could not have said it better. Absolutely right, we are born alone we die alone. I have realised that any one can do anything! . This man that you married with the best intentions and all the best hopes in the world may change. People are saying if you don't trust them don't marry them . Most people don't marry who they don't trust. Life happens!. You never know what a person will do when some certain things happen. I have learnt to be responsible for my own emotional and phychological well being. I am working on the financial . You cannot put all your trust and your well being in someones hands. They are only human and are most likely going to let you down. Fact!. These are things people only learn by experience. You cannot explain it. 2 Likes |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by Nobody: 10:14pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
TV01: I don't see what is contradictory there. Everything in life is balance. Yes a husband is head but it doesn't mean he Lords it over you. Doesn't mean he takes the piss. It all hinges on mutual respect. I'm sorry but I'm not going to respect someone who doesn't respect me and who doesn't have me and my kids best interests at heart. I was brought up by a momma who had hers. She had her property and my dad had his and they had one together. . She was naive at first and actually wanted to buy her properties in both their names but luckily for her one way or the other, the properties were put in her name only . Thank God because when the shit hit the fan in their marriage, my dad took the property that was in both their names for himself. Don't get me wrong I love my daddy, he was a very good dad, but he was a shite husband. He was only human Shite happens. 4 Likes |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by Nobody: 10:34pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
fem29: You also do not know how you may change. I have learnt to be responsible for my own emotional and phychological well being. I am working on the financial . You cannot put all your trust and your well being in someones hands. They are only human and are most likely going to let you down. Fact!. These are things people only learn by experience. You cannot explain it. I disagree. |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by Nobody: 10:38pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
Mindfulness: Okk oo, dey dia |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by babygirlfl: 10:38pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
fem29: Always welcome dear. |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by thelish(f): 11:03pm On Dec 16, 2015 |
bennyrazz:yeah |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by teasel: 6:33am On Dec 17, 2015 |
There's absolutely nothing wrong with what the woman did. It's one of the many things you MUST do if you're married to a Nigerian man in Nigeria. 3 Likes |
Re: She Bought Land Without The Knowledge Of The Hubby. by TV01(m): 2:23pm On Dec 17, 2015 |
fem29:I actually agreed whole-heartedly with your second point. Indeed, I live it. I lead my home, but discuss pretty much everything with my wife. I understand that sometimes the husband as the head has to have the final say, but you must always carry your wife along and make sure that all decisions you make are for the good of the familyThere have been instances where something has been needed, but I haven't acted until my wife is comfortable with the course of action I propose. Am I taking permission? Of course not, but I love my wife and would be loath to act without her buy-in/agreement/acceptance - whatever you call it - even though I would if I had to. This however is odd; Yes it would be nice, in an ideal world of your wife to discuss with you openly and if she doesn't, you need to ask yourself and her why she doesn't feel comfortable discussing it with youWhereas a husband should always endeavour to carry his wife along, if a wife doesn't, it's possibly a failure of leadership (the husband)? I carry my "wife along", even when she is being - IMHO - slow, unthinking, unengaged. Misgivings do not excuse what is bad practice, the misgivings should be resolved beforehand, not used as an excuse for wrong action or to blame hubby for what he may not have control over. Kapeesh ! TV 1 Like |
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