Funny I recently had a similar discussion with 2 women both land themselves without their husbands input. The first said she was forced to when her first child brought home a suitor and she realised that they had no house of their own anywhere in the world. Her husband is one of those guys that likes to do big boy outside while they are drinking garri at home. She is closely related and over the years I cannot count the number of times we had to chip in to help pay rent or fees because her husband left it to the last minute and it was now crunch time. Then she was a good housewife, her eyes eventually opened and she found money and started trading. The husband remains a happy go lucky guy but at least her financial worries are less.
The other is a younger lady whose husband stopped work to run for political office over 5 years ago and since then hasn't worked meanwhile they have kids. She just wants security for her kids. She bought land in her first sons name and when she told her husband his response was that she should sell it and give him the proceeds. She has refused so their house is on fire. But she is digging in her heels. She says anytime she makes money and he knows he collects it for one project or the otherand never pays back. Meanwhile when they have crises he still expects her to sort it out even after he knows he has borrowed her whole savings.
Personally I have land in my name, my husband knows but he also knows because that is the relationship we have. If he had given me reason to distrust him I too would have done it secretly.

Acidosis:

You're welcome (without the "sir"

lol. I no fit laugh oo.

allycat:
Funny I recently had a similar discussion with 2 women both land themselves without their husbands input. The first said she was forced to when her first child brought home a suitor and she realised that they had no house of their own anywhere in the world. Her husband is one of those guys that likes to do big boy outside while they are drinking garri at home. She is closely related and over the years I cannot count the number of times we had to chip in to help pay rent or fees because her husband left it to the last minute and it was now crunch time. Then she was a good housewife, her eyes eventually opened and she found money and started trading. The husband remains a happy go lucky guy but at least her financial worries are less.
The other is a younger lady whose husband stopped work to run for political office over 5 years ago and since then hasn't worked meanwhile they have kids. She just wants security for her kids. She bought land in her first sons name and when she told her husband his response was that she should sell it and give him the proceeds. She has refused so their house is on fire. But she is digging in her heels. She says anytime she makes money and he knows he collects it for one project or the otherand never pays back. Meanwhile when they have crises he still expects her to sort it out even after he knows he has borrowed her whole savings.
Personally I have land in my name, my husband knows but he also knows because that is the relationship we have. If he had given me reason to distrust him I too would have done it secretly.

This is what I am saying. This is the typical nigerian man. Specially one that live in Nigeria. Once they know you have anything they will want it to finish. They do not want their woman empowered

Acidosis:


Do you know the meaning of marriage at all?

Marriage is not about buying asoebi and taking snapshots like thunder and lightning, it is the coming together of two people, two ideas, two opinions, two ideologies, two philosophy, and two s ex organs.

Her father has no business conniving and purchasing a land without the husband's consent - same husband that has fulfilled all statutory & in-law regulations and dowry.


It is absolutely wrong to say the least. Any woman that practices such does not deserve to be married to anyone. And for those who have began same ill practice, they deserve to be 'divorced.'


If you know you don't trust your husband enough, don't marry. If you believe his gluttonous family will take over his properties when he dies, then go for one with a reasonable family, better still, you can discuss the issue of property with your man without necessarily hiding it.

I wish I can give you a thousand 'likes'.

ladygudhead:

I wish I can give you a thousand likes.

*winks*

ladygudhead:

I wish I can give you a thousand likes.

*winks*

.

.

Acidosis:


If I get this response, it simply means I've married a wrong woman. It means I've become officially single again.

now you know why marriage is for mature adults not toddlers stuck in grown men bodies
You want to retaliate over every smallest thing. Will you even survive mid-life crisis?

Yomieluv:
How do you handle a wife who connived with her father to buy a land without the consent or knowledge of the hubby.

That the hubby got to know through her whatsapp chat with her brother.

I do not know why you would call buying something with her father, " conniving with her father" because your marriage to her never invalidated their father-daughter relationship.

If she used money that belongs to their joint estate without her husband's consent then she was wrong but if she used money from her seperate estate then there should not be a problem, because everyone is still entitled to have their own private assets.

In all honesty, if you wife is comfortable in hiding things like acquistion of property from you then there is clearly something questionable about your character as a husband. They may be valid reasons for her keeping the information away from you.

Moana:
now you know why marriage is for mature adults not toddlers stuck in grown men bodies
You want to retaliate over every smallest thing. Will you even survive mid-life crisis?

Over every smallest thing? Did you read the post I quoted?

Acidosis:


Over every smallest thing? Did you read the post I quoted?

Ordinary text is a big issue? Ok continue

Don't judge so as not to be judged. The woman who bought land wtout her hubby consent must have her reasons. As a matter of fact the followings might be one of the reasons why such a woman wld buy a land even build on it without her hubby knowledge:
1. If the man is a polygamist and the woman needs to get something done for the unforeseen incident(s)
2. If the man is the type dt does not carries his wife along in decision making esp when it comes to properties aquisition
3. If the man is d type of man dt is not encouraging
4. If the man is not supportive in anything dt can bring progress to d family
5. Above all, if d man is a selfish type that believes he owns everything he aquires without considering his wife

I wouldn't judge the woman for her actions. This is why women back in the days suffered because if something went wrong in the marriage, they have nothing(finance and property) to run back to and so they stay miserable in the marriage and suffer in silence even when their life is at stake because they have tied their fortune solely to being dependent on a what ever their husband provides or the small money left in their savings. We all don't know what this woman is going through in her marriage that is making her acquire this property secretly. Things have changed these days and women are wiser. I see nothing wrong in what she did and I would totally do the same. I know what my mother has gone through in her marriage because she had to stay for us the kids and because she was dependent on my dad to a very large level. A modern day Women should be able to have her own money and property whether single or married. it's the best back up plan you can ever have! Financial independence is rewarding!

Acidosis:

2. How will you react if I get a car for my mother without your consent?

Do u actually need the consent of ur wife before u can get a car for ur own mother

If the resources is available, u don't need her consent, what for

fem29:


This is what I am saying. This is the typical nigerian man. Specially one that live in Nigeria. Once they know you have anything they will want it to finish. They do not want their woman empowered

What do u mean by "they do not"?
Who are they?
No be only one man u marry?

Why did she do it secretly?
It's her money....
What is wrong with she letting her hubby know of it, but her name will be on the papers...

The manner in which her hubby found out isn't going to be tolerated by any real man...

It is absolute disregard!

johnson232:

Do u actually need the consent of ur wife before u can get a car for ur own mother

If the resources is available, u don't need her consent, what for

consent /kənˈsɛnt/

meaning: permission for something to happen or agreement to do something

My kind of marriage is not defined by words like "MY", "MINE" or "ME". Once she agrees to marry me, then we have become "OUR." MY Mother would immediately become "OUR Mother"

So seeking her opinion about getting a car for OUR MOTHER cannot be done without her knowledge or agreement. Perhaps, she might suggest something different, e.g. a house.

In so far as she's alive and healthy, na she go even select the brand and the colour.

If it takes 1000 years to find such a woman, I will wait. No need to marry an alien or a 'stranger' when I can get a companion.

Acidosis:


consent /kənˈsɛnt/

meaning: permission for something to happen or agreement to do something

My kind of marriage is not defined by words like "MY", "MINE" or "ME". Once she agrees to marry me, then we have become "OUR." MY Mother would immediately become "OUR Mother"

So seeking her opinion about getting a car for OUR MOTHER cannot be done without her knowledge or agreement. Perhaps, she might suggest something different, e.g. a house.

In so far as she's alive and healthy, na she go even select the brand and the colour.

If it takes 1000 years to find such a woman, I will wait. No need to marry an alien or a 'stranger' when I can get a companion.

Acidosis HNY, you are trying on this one 0! But with many, and especially many women, they will just not get it. Read the last 3 female posters; to a man , they have all stated that the womans, at best questionable action, is all due to the fault or a flaw of the man?

Female solidarity, and wont to stroke their feelings is very hard for them to get past. That inability to see things logically and clearly is the reason why men lead, should be prepared to lead, and always hold their stance as leaders. And most importantly, marry a woman who is worthy and respects his leadership.


TV

Acidosis:


consent /kənˈsɛnt/

meaning: permission for something to happen or agreement to do something

My kind of marriage is not defined by words like "MY", "MINE" or "ME". Once she agrees to marry me, then we have become "OUR." MY Mother would immediately become "OUR Mother"

So seeking her opinion about getting a car for OUR MOTHER cannot be done without her knowledge or agreement. Perhaps, she might suggest something different, e.g. a house.

In so far as she's alive and healthy, na she go even select the brand and the colour.

If it takes 1000 years to find such a woman, I will wait. No need to marry an alien or a 'stranger' when I can get a companion.

So u need permission from ur wife before u can get a car for ur own mother?

People dey this life Sha....

What if ur wife says no?

TV01:


Acidosis HNY, you are trying on this one 0! But with many, and especially many women, they will just not get it. Read the last 3 female posters; to a man , they have all stated that the womans, at best questionable action, is all due to the fault or a flaw of the man?

Female solidarity, and wont to stroke their feelings is very hard for them to get past. That inability to see things logically and clearly is the reason why men lead, should be prepared to lead, and always hold their stance as leaders. And most importantly, marry a woman who is worthy and respects his leadership.


TV

Happy New Year my brother. In fact, Nairaland women, especially those I meet on this section, won't stop confusing me.

johnson232:

So u need permission from ur wife before u can get a car for ur own mother?

People dey this life Sha....

What if ur wife says no?

why ignore this question I wonder.

johnson232:

So u need permission from ur wife before u can get a car for ur own mother?

People dey this life Sha....

What if ur wife says no?

Yes

How you choose to define "permission" is left to you sha.

If she says NO, it simply means she has a better idea.

johnson232:

So u need permission from ur wife before u can get a car for ur own mother?

Acidosis:


Yes

well, whatever rocks your boat I guess.

e no concern me.

tpiar:





well, whatever rocks your boat I guess.
e no concern me.
No be today some African men dey sell themselves for mirror and trinkets.
if you have no choice I suppose!

My marriage, not yours.

Acidosis:


My marriage, not yours.

quite right.

Your logic doesnt apply to the topic I guess.

To tell you d truth, they are most men that are jealous of their wife progress. Maybe she don't trust you and she is locking up her mouth for fear of d unknown

Miami11:
I have bought one land without hubbys knowledge and it will remain like that

Iam in the process of finish acquiring a second one. - this lands are my personal security in case hubby kicks me and my kids out, in case he marries another woman, shit happens, we live in a real world.

My hubby has three in his own name not mine, what if anything happens to him and his family takes everything I'm I going to be mumu to start from zero suffering,

With all due respect, you don't sound like a Nigerian, nor do you seem to understand the complex socio cultural intricacies in a society like Nigeria. You do sound african though, an african that has stayed long in the US. That's where all these hyperventilated reasoning comes from and it won't fly or be successful in a society like Nigeria. You would definitely have problems here.

Acidosis:


Happy New Year my brother. In fact, Nairaland women, especially those I meet on this section, won't stop confusing me.

...it's why the are also known as "Confusionists" - confuse themselves and most everyone else !


TV

At first I did not even open the thread, because I thought the answer was straight forward. But I am in shock when I started reading the responses and I decided to post.

So when a woman buys a land or house and does not inform her husband, but instead tells her father or brother, she has effectively made her father or brother her next of kin. It's that simple. And wait, does the woman think she cannot die suddenly? What if she dies, does she think her father or brother will make that property beneficial to her kids? Most times, she has just laboured for nothing, the property becomes her father or brothers. It's that simple. I thought whatever property I have eventually should benefit my children, but this ensures that the children may never benefit. As far as I am concerned, it is similar to buying life insurance with her brother or father as beneficiary. If she dies, then her brother or father claims the payout. I am just wondering why any sane woman would do that, to a husband and children she claims to love with all her heart.

But we will recall countless threads where men were asked who should be their next of kin. Over 90% of the men said their wives and for the men that said a brother or father, all the women went all out to insult them. But these same women are now saying they will not let their own husbands be next of kin. So the man should make his wife next of kin; but the woman should make someone else. I laugh in Otuoke ....

But my advice really goes to the newly weds and the yet to be married. When a woman who has been married for 10 years or more tells you she will buy property without the knowledge of her husband, it just shows how bad their marriage is. It shows lack of trust, it shows unfaithfulness, it shows lack of love etc. In fact, I am sure the couple sleep with one eye open. Someone must have deeply hurt the other in the past and trust is completely gone, except of cause, it is a polygamous home.

I am a happily married woman married to a loving, caring and responsible man. I have that I bought and property I inherited. My husband knows about everything and he has no problem with it. Any woman that will not tell her husband about her properties must have married a useless irresponsible man or the marriage has gotten to a stage where trust is completely gone.

I will advice younger couple not to start with such horrible actions. These people posting will not tell you the real issues in their marriages, they will not tell you all the horrible things they have done to each other over the years; but will just tell you things that will help complicate yours. If you are a woman and you have married a responsible man, you have nor problem telling him about the property you have or are about to buy! It is called trust which is the most important thing in marriage.

TooNoisy:
At first I did not even open the thread, because I thought the answer was straight forward. But I am in shock when I started reading the responses and I decided to post.

So when a woman buys a land or house and does not inform her husband, but instead tells her father or brother, she has effectively made her father or brother her next of kin. It's that simple. And wait, does the woman think she cannot die suddenly? What if she dies, does she think her father or brother will make that property beneficial to her kids? Most times, she has just laboured for nothing, the property becomes her father or brothers. It's that simple. I thought whatever property I have eventually should benefit my children, but this ensures that the children may never benefit. As far as I am concerned, it is similar to buying life insurance with her brother or father as beneficiary. If she dies, then her brother or father claims the payout. I am just wondering why any sane woman would do that, to a husband and children she claims to love with all her heart.

But we will recall countless threads where men were asked who should be their next of kin. Over 90% of the men said their wives and for the men that said a brother or father, all the women went all out to insult them. But these same women are now saying they will not let their own husbands be next of kin. So the man should make his wife next of kin; but the woman should make someone else. I laugh in Otuoke ....

But my advice really goes to the newly weds and the yet to be married. When a woman who has been married for 10 years or more tells you she will buy property without the knowledge of her husband, it just shows how bad their marriage is. It shows lack of trust, it shows unfaithfulness, it shows lack of love etc. In fact, I am sure the couple sleep with one eye open. Someone must have deeply hurt the other in the past and trust is completely gone, except of cause, it is a polygamous home.

I am a happily married woman married to a loving, caring and responsible man. I have that I bought and property I inherited. My husband knows about everything and he has no problem with it. Any woman that will not tell her husband about her properties must have married a useless irresponsible man or the marriage has gotten to a stage where trust is completely gone.

I will advice younger couple not to start with such horrible actions. These people posting will not tell you the real issues in their marriages, they will not tell you all the horrible things they have done to each other over the years; but will just tell you things that will help complicate yours. If you are a woman and you have married a responsible man, you have nor problem telling him about the property you have or are about to buy! It is called trust which is the most important thing in marriage.

Coming from a woman, I am really impressed. Reading the posts of some "ladies" here really scared me. But yours gave me some comfort that there are still great women out there.
I once told someone to not take the posts or comments from some ladies in this section as it is or a yardstick on which to base their own action. All I read here is hatred, bitterness, distrust, dissention and anger. It's so bad.
Personally, I can't marry someone I can not trust, someone that cannot trust me. I have made the decision not to keep any secrets from my spouse and I expect the same from her. These are little things that causes issues and separation in marriage. I wonder what some of these men and women Wil be teaching their kids.
God bless you.

Mintayo:

Coming from a woman, I am really impressed. Reading the posts of some "ladies" here really scared me. But yours gave me some comfort that there are still great women out there.
I once told someone to not take the posts or comments from some ladies in this section as it is or a yardstick on which to base their own action. All I read here is hatred, bitterness, distrust, dissention and anger. It's so bad.
Personally, I can't marry someone I can not trust, someone that cannot trust me. I have made the decision not to keep any secrets from my spouse and I expect the same from her. These are little things that causes issues and separation in marriage. I wonder what some of these men and women Wil be teaching their kids.
God bless you.

most of them are fake e-wives/women that only live their fantasy feminists lives on Nairaland. the fake She-males that control/dominate their households and lord it on their hubbys are all lies, it starts and ends on naiiraland and people come here and claim anything . You would be shocked at the level of make believe that goes on here, esp by the familiar clique in the family section. No reasonable lady takes them serious

J

TooNoisy:
At first I did not even open the thread, because I thought the answer was straight forward. But I am in shock when I started reading the responses and I decided to post.

So when a woman buys a land or house and does not inform her husband, but instead tells her father or brother, she has effectively made her father or brother her next of kin. It's that simple. And wait, does the woman think she cannot die suddenly? What if she dies, does she think her father or brother will make that property beneficial to her kids? Most times, she has just laboured for nothing, the property becomes her father or brothers. It's that simple. I thought whatever property I have eventually should benefit my children, but this ensures that the children may never benefit. As far as I am concerned, it is similar to buying life insurance with her brother or father as beneficiary. If she dies, then her brother or father claims the payout. I am just wondering why any sane woman would do that, to a husband and children she claims to love with all her heart.

But we will recall countless threads where men were asked who should be their next of kin. Over 90% of the men said their wives and for the men that said a brother or father, all the women went all out to insult them. But these same women are now saying they will not let their own husbands be next of kin. So the man should make his wife next of kin; but the woman should make someone else. I laugh in Otuoke ....

But my advice really goes to the newly weds and the yet to be married. When a woman who has been married for 10 years or more tells you she will buy property without the knowledge of her husband, it just shows how bad their marriage is. It shows lack of trust, it shows unfaithfulness, it shows lack of love etc. In fact, I am sure the couple sleep with one eye open. Someone must have deeply hurt the other in the past and trust is completely gone, except of cause, it is a polygamous home.

I am a happily married woman married to a loving, caring and responsible man. I have that I bought and property I inherited. My husband knows about everything and he has no problem with it. Any woman that will not tell her husband about her properties must have married a useless irresponsible man or the marriage has gotten to a stage where trust is completely gone.

I will advice younger couple not to start with such horrible actions. These people posting will not tell you the real issues in their marriages, they will not tell you all the horrible things they have done to each other over the years; but will just tell you things that will help complicate yours. If you are a woman and you have married a responsible man, you have nor problem telling him about the property you have or are about to buy! It is called trust which is the most important thing in marriage.

You are the only sensible woman in this God forsaken family section

Well balanced idea