Sh0llypopz:


LOL! Yes, it drives them to scamming.

Do you know the amount of money America puts towards research in a year? If you have drive and no resources, you can't achieve nothing. We don't even have facilities for proper education talk less of developing new technologies.

You're right

A cultural or religious revolution needs no money but even here we cherish a culture and mentality which developed nations left behind decades ago.

Do you know that it was a religious revolution, the Protestant Reformation, that changed whole nations including their economies?
It was initiated by people who dared to think differently and in the midst of poverty.

tearoses:


In every situation there are the odd ones that stand out.

Generally speaking when you make things easier for your partner he/she values you more.
The man goes to work everyday and sees female collegues doing their thing he gets home and meets the wife in darkness cos he forgot to put down fuel money for the gen. After a stressful day at work and in traffic, his tone of voice may not be that enduring.

Same way you will feel a lot of warmth towards hubby when you get home from work and the pile of dishes you left in the sink in the morning have dissapeared and there is poundo and egusi on the dining table (small portion o!)

As for pulling the cart before the horse, that went wrong a long time ago as far back from dating days, when the man was doing all the spending.
What home front is the girlfriend looking after when the man is paying her school fees in uni and buying her blackberrys and brazillian ?

Do you want to carry out a survey on the number of guys who expect a 'good wife material' to cook, clean etc. before marriage?

You will be shocked.

babygirlfl:
The article was massively generalised. I believe a large number of African men would treat a foreign wife better than they would treat an African wife. However, there are African men who treat their African wives well and like a queen. The African man and African wife both share a fault in the difference in the way the African woman is treated.

Let's be for real. This is not a matter of generalization or anything, the average Nigerian treats white people better than they do their fellow Nigerians. Look at the way the Caucasian expatriates are treated in Nigeria, they are treated better than Nigerian citizens. Can the same be said for Nigerian immigrants in western countries? See, the average Nigerian lights up when they see a white person. It's embarrassing but my people suffer from inferiority complex.

Even the elites are guilty. We are so against consuming things that we create that we even import food produce and trivial things like candles. We take pride in the fact that our clothes are made in America and we look down on anything made in Nigeria.

pickabeau1:


Interesting coming from you...

all your posts denigrate Nigerian men, their bible, their God..

I don't hate Nigerian women

of course some male posters carry it too far but not as much as the vitriol coming from you females

All my posts?

I do not denigrate Nigerian men, I denigrate 'Nigerian' men...

Two different things....

I also denigrate 'Nigerian' women/wives too.... I remember always praying for ihedinobi not to marry one.

It is certain qualities I address and every time, the Nigerian is in quotes

The same way some male posters carry it too far, some female posters carry it too far too.

Sh0llypopz:


Let's be for real. This is not a matter of generalization or anything, the average Nigerian treats white people better than they do their fellow Nigerians. Look at the way the Caucasian expatriates are treated in Nigeria, they are treated better than Nigerian citizens. Can the same be said for Nigerian immigrants in western countries? See, the average Nigerian lights up when they see a white person. It's embarrassing but my people suffer from inferiority complex.

Even the elites are guilty. We are so against consuming things that we create that we even import food produce and trivial things like candles. We take pride in the fact that our clothes are made in America and we look down on anything made in Nigeria.

This might actually be the reason the OP is looking for.

It might not be a character flaw on the part of the Nigerian husband but white worship.

It would be helpful to get the statistics of a Nigerian wife and non-Nigerian husband

Mindfulness:


She didn't want to work at all, not even when her husband was struggling financially. If my husband was struggling financially, I would even clean toilets to help him out if I had no other option.

And who told you this? The woman or the man? Be honest.

You do know there are two sides to every story. How can you make a balanced / fair judgement when you only take into consideration the opinion of just one party?

Mindfulness:
Efe, there are millions of options and opportunities in life if you are willing. I have no understanding for people who are not willing to work. There is always something one can do. My great-grandmother had six kids and was working. All women in my family have been working. No woman said that she is unable to work because she has kids to look after. Women have always been working, even back in the day helping out on farms. I don't even know when the notion developed that a woman's life begins and ends with children. It has not even been like this back in the day. My grandmothers were working on farms, picking what they planted, feeding the animals, my grandma was even killing them

You're talking about communal living in the old days. Chances are, your great-grand mother wasn't an only wife. It was practical and made common sense to have more than one wife (and therefore more kids) to help out with the very manual way of life. Many hands make light work. Your great-grandmother would also have had a lot of help from her mates (co-wives), sisters, aunts, cousins, nieces, mother, grandmother, and other female members of the family to help out with the kids. It wasn't uncommon in those days for decisive division of roles. Very young (prepubescent girls) would most likely have been in charge of looking after the little ones while the mothers and older female family members were off to the farms / markets, etc. Those are two completely different worlds in different settings and therefore not comparable. They bear no resemblance to the nuclear family unit existing in the western environment / practicing the western way of life. Up until the 60's it wasn't uncommon even in the west to have one sole financial provider in the home front. That didn't mean those women's lives started and ended with a man's as you so eloquently put it.

Mindfulness:
This is one of the arguments some people here use on threads which justify the hilarious amounts of money women take after divorce. No, she has no hand in his business. His business is his business. He would have it with or without her. The children are theirs and they take care of them together in different ways.

No. His business is not his business. They entered into a union. His becomes her and hers becomes his. Everything generated from that union is theirs. They aren't bathroom towels to be categorized as his 'n hers.

Actually, I find it amazing you utter this. This mindset is the reason so many Nigerian women in Nigeria suffer at the hands of their men because of such mentality. The man owns everything. The stay-at-home-mum did nothing to support him, so in the case of a split, she deserves nothing. And that is exactly what happens right there, right now. And you wonder why many women tolerate domestic violence metted out to them? Knowing fully well that a woman who's dedicated her life to her marriage for 30 years could lose it all in a twinkle of an eye and deserves to be thrown onto the scrap heap because she's outlived her usefulness?

Seriously?

Sorry mindfulness, this comment of yours buttresses the point @OP made against Nigerian men married to Caucasian women, living in diaspora. They cannot misbehave because the laws are there to protect the women in such situations.

Mindfulness:
This is a flawed premise. You make it look like the husband was out doing business for himself while she was taking care of their kids for the benefit of all.

But that's exactly what you said in the post here. Abi?

Mindfulness:
In fact, he was working for the financial security of them all and she was taking care of the home front. Besides, he was dedicating time to his kids after work was done. The difference is that when things go sour, she is left with almost nothing and is at his mercy whereas his life goes on. Moreover, once the kids grow, of what use are you then?

You need to make a stand on what exactly it is you're arguing for.

Mindfulness:
I would never recommend any woman that she stays at home without a Plan B for now and for her future.

There is no one size fits all. A woman can have plans A-Z and work all the hours in a day. Doesn't mean she can't lose it all either.

Question for you: would you hold the same opinion if this woman had decided after 30 odd years of marriage to leave this man for a younger, more virile man to live out her dreams?

bukatyne:


All my posts?

I do not denigrate Nigerian men, I denigrate 'Nigerian' men...

Two different things....

I also denigrate 'Nigerian' women/wives too.... I remember always praying for ihedinobi not to marry one.

It is certain qualities I address and every time, the Nigerian is in quotes

The same way some male posters carry it too far, some female posters carry it too far too.

ok.. I guess we should be looking at your posts to see the quotes
Nigerian is different from 'Nigerian'

Mindfulness:


These women have a choice though. Destitute women don't.

Hmm

pickabeau1:


ok.. I guess we should be looking at your posts to see the quotes
Nigerian is different from 'Nigerian'

Yes you should.

Mindfulness:



A cultural or religious revolution needs no money but even here we cherish a culture and mentality which developed nations left behind decades ago.

Do you know that it was a religious revolution, the Protestant Reformation, that changed whole nations including their economies?
It was initiated by people who dared to think differently and in the midst of poverty.

I don't want to derail but I disagree with your example. I think the age of enlightenment/science revolution would be a better example. One can argue that what Boko Haram is doing is a religious revolution. I say this because Protestant reformation might have given room for scientific revolution, developing the standard of life of it's people or economy wasn't the main goal. It was simply a religious war between two doctrines of Christianity.

EfemenaXY:


And who told you this? The woman or the man? Be honest.

You do know there are two sides to every story. How can you make a balanced / fair judgement when you only take into consideration the opinion of just one party?

I know both of them very well. And my knowledge is based on my observations and on what she has said. The husband would not talk to me about it. I also know the new lady and her edition of the story too. I am not judging anyone. I am only trying to warn women not to depend on anyone entirely EVER.

You're talking about communal living in the old days. Chances are, your great-grand mother wasn't an only wife. It was practical and made common sense to have more than one wife (and therefore more kids) to help out with the very manual way of life. Many hands make light work. Your great-grandmother would also have had a lot of help from her mates (co-wives), sisters, aunts, cousins, nieces, mother, grandmother, and other female members of the family to help out with the kids. It wasn't uncommon in those days for decisive division of roles. Very young (prepubescent girls) would most likely have been in charge of looking after the little ones while the mothers and older female family members were off to the farms / markets, etc. Those are two completely different worlds in different settings and therefore not comparable. They bear no resemblance to the nuclear family unit existing in the western environment / practicing the western way of life. Up until the 60's it wasn't uncommon even in the west to have one sole financial provider in the home front. That didn't mean those women's lives started and ended with a man's as you so eloquently put it.

And this is where we can learn from our grandmothers. Work and network! Be powerful!
I believe that some of our grandmothers were far more empowered than some of us nowadays.

No. His business is not his business. They entered into a union. His becomes her and hers becomes his. Everything generated from that union is theirs. They aren't bathroom towels to be categorized as his 'n hers.

Well, this is your opinion and I respect it but I don't share your views. Lionel Messi would be a great football player with or without his wife and he would make the millions he makes with or without his wife. Margaret Thatcher would be the politician she was with or without her husband. Their careers may have served their union and also placed some challenges but a job is a person's job and not a couple's job or did your husband sign the contract with your employer too?

Actually, I find it amazing you utter this. This mindset is the reason so many Nigerian women in Nigeria suffer at the hands of their men because of such mentality. The man owns everything. The stay-at-home-mum did nothing to support him, so in the case of a split, she deserves nothing. And that is exactly what happens right there, right now. And you wonder why many women tolerate domestic violence metted out to them? Knowing fully well that a woman who's dedicated her life to her marriage for 30 years could lose it all in a twinkle of an eye and deserves to be thrown onto the scrap heap because she's outlived her usefulness?

First of all, I didn't say that they deserve nothing and secondly the first reason why they suffer is because they chose to depend on someone else.

Seriously?


Sorry mindfulness, this comment of yours buttresses the point @OP made against Nigerian men married to Caucasian women, living in diaspora. They cannot misbehave because the laws are there to protect the women in such situations.

I will repeat again that I never said that they deserve nothing but we shouldn't lie to ourselves and act like the laws in the West are entirely fair and that a woman who, like you said, provided the service a maid could have provided, deserves half of the man's business even though he has been paying for his kids ever since they were born and for everything she needed too.

But that's exactly what you said in the post here. Abi?

Nope.

You need to make a stand on what exactly it is you're arguing for.

It is simple. If you choose to depend on your husband, you may have to deal with a very bitter experience or a life time of bitter experience.

There is no one size fits all. A woman can have plans A-Z and work all the hours in a day. Doesn't mean she can't lose it all either.

True but there are incidences you can be prepared for.

Question for you: would you hold the same opinion if this woman had decided after 30 odd years of marriage to leave this man for a younger, more virile man to live out her dreams?

I would say exactly the same. The husband needs to take care of himself by himself. He is still young enough to go and work.

Sh0llypopz:


Let's be for real. This is not a matter of generalization or anything, the average Nigerian treats white people better than they do their fellow Nigerians. Look at the way the Caucasian expatriates are treated in Nigeria, they are treated better than Nigerian citizens. Can the same be said for Nigerian immigrants in western countries? See, the average Nigerian lights up when they see a white person. It's embarrassing but my people suffer from inferiority complex.

Even the elites are guilty. We are so against consuming things that we create that we even import food produce and trivial things like candles. We take pride in the fact that our clothes are made in America and we look down on anything made in Nigeria.

I think you misunderstood my post. I was talking about the article as a whole. I totally agree with you that inferiority complex is one of the reasons affecting the African man. I even said that in the post you quoted.

Sholly, It's simple. African men treat African women the way they treat them because the women let them. I wrote about African men who treat African women right not to prove the op as a liar but to show that African men are capable of treating the African woman just like they treat the Caucasian woman. The only thing stoping them is that there is no push for them to treat her well since our women are quite comfortable being treated badly. Quite frankly most African women are happy in the bad marriage. They only complain because the are beginning to see that the " all African men are these" does not hold water as the same African man is capable of being responsible when they are married to a Caucasian. Take for example an African man married to an English woman for 5 years manages to stay faithful throughout. Then after divorce, married an African woman and is cheating after 1year with the excuse that African men are polygamous. Off course he is polygamous now because the African woman is staying put no matter what he does.

Sh0llypopz:


I don't want to derail but I disagree with your example. I think the age of enlightenment/science revolution would be a better example. One can argue that what Boko Haram is doing is a religious revolution. I say this because Protestant reformation might have given room for scientific revolution, developing the standard of life of it's people or economy wasn't the main goal. It was simply a religious war between two doctrines of Christianity.

It is a very interesting topic. Read it up and open a thread if you want to proceed.

"Life Expectancy and the Economic Effect of the Protestant Reformation … Who Knew?

Perhaps few people are aware of the powerful impact the Protest Reformation had on life expectancy in Europe.

Prior to the 16th century European Reformation, virtually the entire world was poor including all of Europe. Andrew Bernstein, adjunct professor of philosophy at Pace University, writes:

Most people forget that pre-industrial Europe was vastly poorer than contemporary Africa and had a much lower life expectancy. … In parts of France, in the middle of the 17th century, only 58% reached their 15th birthday, and life expectancy was 20. In Ireland, life expectancy in 1800 was a mere 19 years. In early 18th century London, more than 74 percent of the children died before reaching the age of five.

Then a dramatic change occurred through Europe. The population in England doubled between 1750 and 1820, with child­hood mortality dropping to 31.8 percent by 1830. something hap­pened that enabled people to stay alive.*

The catalyst for this dramatic transformation in Europe was the Reformation and the new work ethic that it spawned. If it can happen in Europe, then history would seem to teach that such transformation can happen in Africa as well. – from Against All Hope: Hope for Africa by Darrow Miller with Scott Allen"

http://darrowmillerandfriends.com/2011/07/21/life-expectancy-economic-effect-of-protestant-reformation/

Mindfulness:


I know both of them very well. And my knowledge is based on my observations and on what she has said. The husband would not talk to me about it. I also know the new lady and her edition of the story too. I am not judging anyone. I am only trying to warn women not to depend on anyone entirely EVER.

I do not dispute that you may have known the couple very well. What I find hard to believe is that this woman would have opened her mouth to say, "I chose not to work at all, even when my husband was struggling..." Even a lunatic would have more common sense. More decorum.

Mindfulness:
And this is where we can learn from our grandmothers. Work and network! Be powerful!
I believe that some of our grandmothers were far more empowered than some of us nowadays.

Your grandmothers, great-grandmothers, et al were "empowered" because they had an effective support system with respect to child care, delegation of duties, etc. They wouldn't have been able to toil the farms, harvest the cassava, extract palm oil and make black soap / raffia sponges, go to the stream to fetch water & wash clothing, cook, sweep, grind pepper, pound yam, and look after the home front while solely looking after six kids, or having some strapped onto her back while heavily pregnant, will they?

So I ask again, what's the basis for comparing both scenarios?

Mindfulness:
Well, this is your opinion and I respect it but I don't share your views. Lionel Messi would be a great football player with or without his wife and he would make the millions he makes with or without his wife. Margaret Thatcher would be the politician she was with or without her husband. Their careers may have served their union and also placed some challenges but a job is a person's job and not a couple's job or did your husband sign the contract with your employer too?

Maggie achieved a lot - no doubt about that, but do you know how much emotional support she got from Denis? And how this translated into her work /helped her achieve what she did? Why do you think her health steadily declined after the death of her husband? I suggest you watch some documentaries about her personal and professional life.

Mindfulness:
First of all, I didn't say that they deserve nothing and secondly the first reason why they suffer is because they chose to depend on someone else.

You implied it. Secondly, couples co-depend on each other. It's not all about finance.

Mindfulness:
I will repeat again that I never said that they deserve nothing but we shouldn't lie to ourselves and act like the laws in the West are entirely fair and that a woman who, like you said, provided the service a maid could have provided, deserves half of the man's business even though he has been paying for his kids ever since they were born and for everything she needed too.

Again, it's not his business but theirs. And yes, even though the laws in the west may not be entirely "fair", they won't leave a stay-at-home dad whose dedicated 30 odd years of his life towards raising his kids and supporting his marriage, penniless - which is more than can be said for the plight of the Nigerian woman in Nigeria, undergoing a separation.

Mindfulness:
Nope. It is simple. If you choose to depend on your husband, you may have to deal with a very bitter experience or a life time of bitter experience.

It works both ways. We've both done our fair share of being stay-at-home parents to support each other whilst working, schooling, and raising our kids. Our kids have seen it and learnt valuable lessons of selflessness.

Mindfulness:
True but there are incidences you can be prepared for.

Then he should have been prepared for it, rather than discarding his 30 year old marriage like a used towel.

EfemenaXY:


I do not dispute that you may have known the couple very well. What I find hard to believe is that this woman would have opened her mouth to say, "I chose not to work at all, even when my husband was struggling..." Even a lunatic would have more common sense. More decorum.

She has never uttered such a statement.

Your grandmothers, great-grandmothers, et al were "empowered" because they had an effective support system with respect to child care, delegation of duties, etc. They wouldn't have been able to toil the farms, harvest the cassava, extract palm oil and make black soap / raffia sponges, go to the stream to fetch water & wash clothing, cook, sweep, grind pepper, pound yam, and look after the home front while solely looking after six kids, or having some strapped onto her back while heavily pregnant, will they?

What stops women from having effective support systems today? It is a rhetorical question.

So I ask again, what's the basis for comparing both scenarios?

A learning opportunity.

Maggie achieved a lot - no doubt about that, but do you know how much emotional support she got from Denis? And how this translated into her work /helped her achieve what she did? Why do you think her health steadily declined after the death of her husband? I suggest you watch some documentaries about her personal and professional life.

And what about L. Messi?

You implied it. Secondly, couples co-depend on each other. It's not all about finance.

Couples can co-depend or collaborate. I choose the latter.

Again, it's not his business but theirs. And yes, even though the laws in the west may not be entirely "fair", they won't leave a stay-at-home dad whose dedicated 30 odd years of his life towards raising his kids and supporting his marriage, penniless - which is more than can be said for the plight of the Nigerian woman in Nigeria, undergoing a separation.

First of all, who needs 30 years to raise his or her children or better so who needs to stay at home for 30 years to raise their kids?
This is quite funny. Even many Western courts will not adjudge alimony to a woman whose kids are grown and who is capable of taking on a work.

It works both ways. We've both done our fair share of being stay-at-home parents to support each other whilst working, schooling, and raising our kids. Our kids have seen it and learnt valuable lessons of selflessness.

And if anything went wrong, you would be able to stand your ground and not only take care of yourself but also of your kids, right?

Then he should have been prepared for it, rather than discarding his 30 year old marriage like a used towel.

Anyone can discard his marriage like a towel or a flush it down the toilet like poo. Whether you think it is morally right or not will not help a single woman to make ends meet or to leave an abusive husband as long as she has not learned to take care of herself and that it is her damn responsibility if things go wrong.

Mindfulness:


She has younger kids.

Actually Efe, I didn't share this story to discuss it though it is fun but to demonstrate what can happen when you rely on anyone else for everything.
This is life! Whoever decides to stay at home for longer than necessary is at their own. Whatever we may think of it morally, is secondary, the point is that it is not a single incidence.

For him? Or someone else?

EfemenaXY:


For him? Or someone else?

This story got you, didn't it?

Honey, I can't answer all your questions in public so this will be the last one since I would't want to disappoint you. It's Christmas. I love it. I love it. I love it. Happy X-Mas!

She has kids for someone else.

Interesting topic ..

I however don't with the premise that white women are treated better because they 'contribute' more especially in the area of finance.

Being a stay at home mum is much more common with white women.And by stay at home mum I mean the mans income being the only family income. All or most Nigerianwomen I know who are not 'working' ie outside the home have one thing or the other bringing some sort of income no matter how small be it making beads, selling,cooking, under the table childminding etc .Being solely dependent on a mans income is not that common with Nigerian women living in diaspora and those that do it often do it for a while and mostly because of childcare costs.

In Nigerian gatherings people raise eyebrows when a woman says she is a stay at home mum and she gets a myriad of questions thrown at her ( I have lived it so I know ) while it's just seen as a personal choice among white women/people.

Mindfulness:


She has never uttered such a statement.

Good.

Mindfulness:
What stops women from having effective support systems today? It is a rhetorical question.

Communal way of life was the norm in those days, not now. So it's far-reaching to expect the same level of support as was then, under the present situation.

Mindfulness:
A learning opportunity.

I disagree.

Mindfulness:
And what about L. Messi?

Don't know the dude, nor am I interested in the lives of football celebrities.

Mindfulness:
Couples can co-depend or collaborate. I choose the latter.

Same principle. They work together as one cohesive unit and not as disjointed, fragmented pieces.

Mindfulness:
First of all, who needs 30 years to raise his or her children or better so who needs to stay at home for 30 years to raise their kids? This is quite funny. Even many Western courts will not adjudge alimony to a woman whose kids are grown and who is capable of taking on a work.

The stay-at-home spouse won't be left penniless. And I don't see anything funny about it.

Mindfulness:
And if anything went wrong, you would be able to stand your ground and not only take care of yourself but also of your kids, right?

Anything can happen to anyone, anytime and anywhere. Doesn't mean the stay-at-home spouse should be made to bear the brunt of the collapse, especially if the factors which led to it in the first instance where external, extenuating circumstances.

Mindfulness:
Anyone can discard his marriage like a towel or a flush it down the toilet like poo. Whether you think it is morally right or not will not help a single woman to make ends meet or to leave an abusive husband as long as she has not learned to take care of herself and that it is her damn responsibility if things go wrong.

So the lady in question was suffering domestic abuse? Anyway, that's beside the point. Your comment ^^ applies to both genders.[/quote]

pickabeau1:
Its just surprising to see more ladies standing up for naija guys

on these boards, naija guys are the worst thing

They are the cheaters, liars, killers, pedophiles if u go by what ladies post here

They are actually the one that claim it themselves.

What message are they passing when they say they are polygamous in nature?

EfemenaXY:


Good.



Communal way of life was the norm in those days, not now. So it's far-reaching to expect the same level of support as was then, under the present situation.

There are different models of networking, it does not have to be communal life.

I disagree.




Don't know the dude, nor am I interested in the lives of football celebrities.

L. Messi is one of the best football players of our time. How is his football career the result of his marriage?

Same principle. They work together as one cohesive unit and not as disjointed, fragmented pieces.

The difference is that in the latter the wife is abel to survive with or without her husband and vice versa.

The stay-at-home spouse won't be left penniless. And I don't see anything funny about it.

Explain to me why a father or a mother would need to stay at home for 30 years to take care of their children unless their children are in any way impaired, please.

Anything can happen to anyone, anytime and anywhere. Doesn't mean the stay-at-home spouse should be made to bear the brunt of the collapse, especially if the factors which led to it in the first instance where external, extenuating circumstances.

Neither should the spouse demand that others must take care of him- or herself for the choices s/he has made.

So the lady in question was suffering domestic abuse? Anyway, that's beside the point. Your comment ^^ applies to both genders.

No, she wasn't. You mentioned abuse in your previous post. Nice try.

Mindfulness:


There are different models of networking, it does not have to be communal life. L. Messi is one of the best football players of our time. How is his football career the result of his marriage? The difference is that in the latter the wife is abel to survive with or without her husband and vice versa.
Explain to me why a father or a mother would need to stay at home for 30 years to take care of their children unless their children are in any way impaired, please. Neither should the spouse demand that others must take care of him- or herself for the choices s/he has made.

No, she wasn't. You mentioned abuse in your previous post. Nice try.

I thought you said you're done with this discussion?

I've switched off.

Merry Christmas to you too.

Mindfulness:


This story got you, didn't it?

Honey, I can't answer all your questions in public so this will be the last one since I would't want to disappoint you. It's Christmas. I love it. I love it. I love it. Happy X-Mas!

She has kids for someone else.

Imagine that.

Two home wreckers sourcing comfort from each other. Birds of the same feather.

EfemenaXY:


I thought you said you're done with this discussion?

I've switched off.

I have been enjoying the discussion too much to be done with it.
I hoped you would too.

EfemenaXY:


Imagine that.

Two home wreckers sourcing comfort from each other. Birds of the same feather.

Yeah and the innocent victims are now lonely.

Mindfulness:


I have been enjoying the discussion too much to be done with it.
I hoped you would too.

I've switched modes from debating to flirtation.

Mindfulness, I'd rather flirt with you.

Sh0llypopz:

The second highlighted sentence makes my blood boil because women (especially black women) have always been raised to blame themselves for the shortcomings of the opposite sex. Women are raped because they weren't dressed properly, they were violently abused because they provoked the man with their tongue, their husbands cheated because they got fat and so on. My issue is this, at what point do you as a black man start to hold other black men to the same standard you hold your women? At what point do you tell your fellow kinsmen to take responsibilities for their actions?

Are you you trying to tell me that you are not aware of the self-hate a lot of black men have? A Nigerian man who has no problem beating his wife would hesitate when it comes to hitting Becky because he knows Becky's rights are protected. Moreover, Becky also has white privilege. He knows that white men would never tolerate a black man hitting one of their women. Na straight to jail. We black women do not have that. Our men are "endangered species", there is no one to protect us.

Black women are raised tough. We are raised to be strong, we are raised to "hold down" our men. We are raised to not focus on "silly" things like romance but be prepared to protect our men because they already have it rough. So, we suffer in silence. We reduce our expectations and we grow up to be women who coddle their sons but hard on their daughters. It's so sad, we are expected to understand the black man, to not call the police on him because a lot of black men are in jail. Yet, these same black men become yes men to Beckys because Beckys have something that black women do not? Like what Shy?

1). The same way you believe “black women have always been raised to blame themselves for the shortcomings of the opposite sex” is the same way a lot of black men believe black men are raised to blame themselves for all the shortcomings of the world – hence black men are disproportionately targeted/stereotyped and, as a black man, you always have to work twice as hard and try to be what you’re not, to achieve certain things. And that looks like a bigger baggage to carry if you ask me. However, that doesn’t negate the fact that imperfection is what makes you all human. So when are women (especially black women) going to start taking responsibilities for whatever reaction they get due to their actions? A lot of things that happen in relationships/marriages follow the Newton’s 3rd law of equal and opposite action-reaction force pairs. That’s just how it’s.

Honestly, I don’t know what “standard” you’re alluding to cos cases women being raped due to indecent dressing isn’t peculiar to just black/Nigerian men. It’s a universal thing. I’m sure you’ve read the background story to “Slutwalk” and how it started. That has nothing to do with black men, does it? Domestic violence is one of most rampant crimes/offences in the UK and the overwhelming majority of the victims are white women, with white spouses/partners. I checked the most rampant crimes/offences in Japan a few days ago during a discourse with someone and domestic violence is also rife in the country. Are black/Nigerian men also responsible for that? And women in general are just as promiscuous as men, albeit they’re more pretentious about it due to societal standards. So cheating has absolutely nothing to do with gender and, more to do with men being more prone to getting caught in the act, due to how careless most men are.

Basically, it’s just a breakdown in the society and both genders contributed to it – not one group. And I believe we all have to start taking responsibilities for the role(s) we played in the collapse – rather than apportioning blames everywhere – while absolving one group.

2). Self-hate isn’t synonymous to just black men – black women are just as guilty, if not more. Hence the average black woman has no problem whatsoever bleaching her skin; replacing her nappy hair with straight hair; accepting feminism though it doesn’t cater to her culturally; and has this nauseating way of always using white men as the standard to compare black men, despite the nuances between the two groups culturally. Regardless, I think the reason why the relationship between black men and white women is seldom violent most times is cos white women in general have this innate fear of black men, due to the image out there and they aren’t as belligerent as black women. With white women, once they see you’re on the edge – they know how to cower and defuse tension. Unlike black women who would be in ya face till you’re provoked to react. And white women also know how to be appreciative of every little thing. Appreciation goes a long in showing care and feeling wanted. When you fvck a white woman the right way, she’s going to show appreciation by saying, “thank you”. Ditto almost the good deeds you do. Whereas in most cases, you can never please a black woman and nothing is ever good enough.

Evidently, from the outside looking in, you would think it’s all about “Becky's rights are protected” by “white privilege”. However, it’s deeper than that. In most cases, it’s about a man finding peace within and his partner – thus making him reciprocate the gesture based on Newton’s 3rd law. Black women also have this uncanny way of exerting the law of inertia on black men.

3). Before you turn this into a racial thing, while obfuscating the fact that the OP did cite Caribbean and African American women, who’re also black – I want you answer the following questions:

i). How come Nigerian men tend to be happier in relationships with other black women compared to Nigerian women?
ii). Why are Nigerian men always eager to date/marry black women of other nationalities, in lieu of Nigerian women – whereas black men of other nationalities seldom date/marry Nigerian women?

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Anyway, before I forget, merry xmas and a prosperous new year to you in advance, Ms. Sholly PumPum. It's 3 years now and I've seen the transformation, from being a Nefertiti wannabe, to an ultra-feminist. Regardless, you're the homie and you always have my back like the verizon man.

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EfemenaXY:


I've switched modes from debating to flirtation.

Mindfulness, I'd rather flirt with you.

Either way, it will be fun if you don't get angry with me.

You are the only person here I care not to piss off. Else i enjoy it. I do like you mucho and I think you are dangerous too.

Mindfulness:


Either way, it will be fun if you don't get angry with me.

You are the only person here I care not to piss off. Else i enjoy it. I do like you mucho and I think you are dangerous too.

Mindfulness!!!!

Is that how you really see me?

***...Gasping...I can't breathe!***

daretodiffer:


They are not doing anything right

some are getting it right while others are not getting it right. The majority of those not getting it right are in high proportion or maybe it is just fate or something.

EfemenaXY:


Mindfulness!!!!

Is that how you really see me?

***...Gasping...I can't breathe!***

I see you as one of the most admirable women I have ever met and I consider you sharper than a Samurai sword.
I read this piece of advice you gave someone here https://www.nairaland.com/2789389/dear-family-advice-urgently-needed/1#40962119 and I couldn't find the right words to pay you a compliment that could accurately express how beautiful you are.