The Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary
defines the word FRIEND as “someone who is not an enemy and who you can trust. A person who you know well and who you like a lot". Because people have different interests, backgrounds and orientations, research and experiences have shown that it is only when you marry your friend of the opposite sex that you
can enjoy your marriage.


This presupposes that you understand the vital criteria for picking such friend. For instance, the fact that someone gives you money every day is not enough qualification for the person to become your spouse. But if your marriage ceremony is more important to you than the marriage itself, you can ignore this counsel.


Although the internet has in recent years
provided a platform for people all over the world
to socialise more, the number of TRUE friends
has decreased. Having 1,000 facebook friends
does not necessarily translate into having true
friends. Many people desire to marry a true
friend.


The truth is that you can hardly enjoy your
marriage if your spouse is not your friend. To
confirm whether or not your spouse is your
friend, you need to answer the following
questions:


1. Am I Naked Before My Spouse?:
“The man and his wife were both naked and felt
no shame” (Genesis 2:25). Does your spouse
know your salary or have access to your source
of income? Do you embark on a building project
or any gigantic project without the knowledge of
your spouse? Do you sleep in a separate
bedroom? Do you cheat your spouse in financial
transactions? If you are not transparent (naked)
to your spouse, you are not a true friend of your
spouse.


2. Do I Tell My Spouse Bitter Truth About My
Spouse?: “Better is open rebuke than hidden
love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted but an enemy multiplies kisses” (Proverbs 27:5-6). You should be the only person that can tell your
spouse the truth about any issue involving the
person without any resultant quarrel.
If your spouse cannot trust your rebuke or
counsel, it is either that you have a problem of
unreliability or communication method or you
need the help of a marriage counsellor. If you
support or encourage sinful activities of your
spouse, you are not a true friend.


3. Do I Love My Spouse At All Times?: “A friend
loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17) In your life
and marital journey. There are different times
and seasons (Ecclesiastes 3). For those who took
a marital vow at the altar in church, or registry,
you vowed “to love and to hold, for better for
worse, to love in plenty, in poverty, in good
health and sickness; to nurse and to honour you
according to the will of God till death do you
path.” Are you living up to this vow? Or you have forgotten about it? If your love for your spouse has dropped because of protracted illness, financial challenges, delayed childbirth, in-laws palava, gender of children or any other reason, you are not a true friend at all.


4. Am I Sexually Disciplined?: If you can commit
adultery for a simple reason that your spouse is
not close by, you are actually an enemy of your
spouse. You are even an enemy of God. “You
shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14).


5. Do I Forgive Offences?: What is that sin that
cannot be forgiven? You might have asked your
spouse for sexual pleasure sometime and it was
refused. It is pardonable. Your spouse might have lied to you or cheated you financially. It is pardonable. Your spouse could have done series of wrongs and you have kept records of them and refused to forgive. If your spouse or anyone for that matter wrongs you and you hold it against the person, the implication is that you cannot kneel down to pray until you have settled the scores. Pray to which God? Jesus said: “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14 NIV). If you cannot forgive your spouse offences almost before your spouse apologises, you are not a true friend to your spouse. You should be able to forgive even without apology because your spouse is a part of you.


6. Am I A Good Listener?: If you cannot be
patient enough to listen to your spouse’s
complaint or even suggestion, you are not a
good friend. If your spouse finds it difficult to
approach you for cordial discussions, requests or
complaints about you, your friendship has a
question mark.


7. Am I Willing To Sacrifice Time & Money When I Have Them?: “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the
church, his body, and is himself its Saviour. As
the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also
be subject in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the
church and gave himself up for her. Even so,
husbands should love their wives as their own
bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself…
however, let each one of you love his wife as
himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:22-25, 28, 33). If you find it difficult to give money or time to your
spouse when you have them, you are not a true
friend. If you cannot give your spouse
information concerning your salary, income or
bank account, you are not a true friend. If you
cannot forget your handbag, cheque book or
ATM card with your spouse, you are not a true
friend. If you cannot assist your spouse with
domestic or official assignment where it is
possible, examine your ways. Do not always
expect a payback each time you give to your
spouse. Your spouse is a part of you (Genesis
2:23-24). Therefore, you are expected to work together for a common interest and not to pursue separate interests at the detriment of the relationship. A heart of true friendship cannot accommodate selfish interest.


8. Do I Really Care About My Spouse?: If you are hardly moved or feel concerned when your spouse has a problem, you are not a true friend.

9. Do I Tolerate Or Accommodate My Spouse’s Weakness(es)?: If you are looking for perfection in your spouse, you may not achieve the friendliness that your marriage requires for sustenance. Remember, you are not perfect.
If you cast your mind back sometimes, you
would recall that the weakness was visibly there
before you married your spouse. If you cannot
accommodate your spouse’s weakness, you are
not a true friend.


10. Do I Keep Confidential Issues Confidential?: If you expose confidential issues that involve your family to third parties that have no positive contribution to improving your marital relationship, you are not a true friend to your spouse.

Nice piece..