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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? (20408 Views)
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Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by princefunmmy(m): 9:27am On Feb 07, 2016 |
I don't want to judge your actions but what i see is that, You broke the hedge, and the serpent has bitten... Marriage remains honorable in all, bed undefiled (heb13:4). Its a spilled milk, you can't divorce her. Pray to God and amend your ways. I believe so much in God and He has never disappointed in situations like this I believe in one word and I tell many persons too and it has worked and never failed, the word is 'Patience' it opens and door, just be patient with her. all I want you to do is keep mute, just allow her, don't complain, don't argue with her, don't keep malice with her in the process, do what is expected of you, but just let her be, face your kid and be patient and just watch, don't even condemn her actions, don't react to them, you want a masters degree, go for it! Do what you think is right and not what she thinks is right patience is the key |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by tundey22: 9:27am On Feb 07, 2016 |
if u can take her to church for deliverance pls do. |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Teebass001(m): 9:46am On Feb 07, 2016 |
This readily brought to mind a Chinese proverb that says: "it's easier to move mountains than to change a person's character." The problem is right from the foundation, when the foundation is faulty, what can the righteous do? This is what happens when we allow Hollywood, Nollywood, Bollywood, Ghallywood etc dictates to us what love is. You barely know/met a person, you are sleeping together already. This is putting the cart before the horse, we seems to be more concerned about sexual compatibility than any other aspects of life which determines whether such a person will make a good wife /husband. It's not done, it doesn't work that way. When you start sleeping with someone, it has a way of messing up with your head, though you will still see some danger signs, some red flags, but because your sense of reasoning has been clouded, you won't be able to make the best decision for yourself. There is nothing like love conquers all. Love does not conquers all. Let those who are In relationships and planning on getting marry take notes. Do you share the same worldviews, believe system, how about finances: how does he or she handles money, is he/she a spendthrift, this aspect seems to be the biggest area couples have misunderstanding. What kind of upbringing does he/she had? Is he/she from a broken home? If a lady, what's her relationship with her mother like? You need to find answers to these mportant questions : that's what courtship is about not sleeping with each other. You need to take your time, don't just rush into anything. Even if she is pregnant with your baby, that's not enough reason to marry her, the mistake has been made already, don't compound it by making another, two wrongs they say does not make a right. Our singles so take note of this things. Marriage can either make or mar you. The choice of your mate determines the level of success you will attain in life. It determines whether you will be happy or not, or whether You will be fulfilled or not. It's one of life's greatest decisions, if it's not the greatest, so brothers and sisters tread cautiously. As for you Op, it's your Cross, bears it patiently, If you are a Christian, the only ground for divorce is adultery, cos God hates divorce. Mal. 2: 16. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Nobody: 10:35am On Feb 07, 2016 |
Is anybody gonna ask this man what he does for a living and what it is he is trying to do? I mean if he is still pursuing rapping then she may be right. We are just supposed to assume that his dreams make sense?!?!! 3 Likes |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by joinnow: 10:55am On Feb 07, 2016 |
liefdesverhaal: I recommend 1.total woman by marable morgan for her 2. Men are from Mars women are from Venus by John gray for you to read 3. Drop your email I will send you the third book Also remember that for family to be successful you need the tripod cord in your marriage. God + husband + wife |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Spoils(m): 11:19am On Feb 07, 2016 |
RiloKiley: Its touching when two opposite sex are nt compartable especially in a marriage setting such as this,wifey might nt understand ur person bt it takes knowledge and nt strength.Try to understand her personality,within that personality,u will find a disorder,this disorder when diagnosed could go a long way in helping u outta ya situation,thats when u cant find a proffesional,do d research ursef,these personality disorder have strength and weakness,in the aspect of d weakness,try d strength.it helps u a lot to understand human,bt its better to see a proffessional than everyone tryno give their own advice. |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by daisydianne: 12:45pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
I really feel sorry for you Mr poster. To you you are a fantastic husband while your wife is the horrible one. Guys like you will remain miserable for life unless they change. What did the bible say about the role of a man and woman in marriage? You succeeded in telling us how she has failed in her role. How about you? Have you shown her love like the bible enjoined men to? You said you're a Christian (I wonder the sort who goes about committing fornication). When was the last time you helped with house chores, celebrated her birthday, your anniversary or even mother's day? When was the last time you complimented any good thing she did? You're just wallowing in your selfishness. If you want a happy home, you have to rid yourself of selfishness. Just because she comes from a broken home does not mean she cannot make a good wife. Go around and research other women from similar background. Majority are bitter and angry always because they yearn for one thing-Love and validation. The minute you focus on her weakness and ignore your duty, you only bring out the worst in her. Love her. Show her affection. That's the only way she will change her attitude towards you. It is your duty to bring out the best in her. You should use love to overcome her negativity. Its commendable that you're seeking solution but truly, you are your own solution. Since you're a 'christian', ask God to give you grace to love just as christ taught. Only cowards walk out when the going gets tough. Marriage is not for children. Its for matured minds who understand the concept of "for better for worse". 3 Likes |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by sunnyfats: 1:18pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
the ability to manage your wife is wat makes you a husband.. both of you needs to come to a common platform..so stop especting her to think your direction...you also have to understand who she is...afterall you knew she was like dat before u married her. you urself tend to get something wrong about life.you dont throw a dirty cloth away, you wash them......you beleive its all about authority....which is why you think you have the freedom to marry another person....so because of money...ur wife doesnt want u to study..and the only reason u have not divorced her is because you dont want to have different children from different mother.....my guy....you are not different from ur wife..so humble urself and accept ur mistakes......love her until she changes..understanding is part of what keeps a marriage going....see a councillor.. |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by YuckFou: 1:52pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
Another made up story. All such stories on nairaland are made up to one extent or another. Guaranteed. 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by mamaafrik(m): 2:48pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
RiloKiley:hmmmmm,is see someone in a tight corner,i've an aunt who suffer almost the same thing,itz gonna be a little had but,PLEASE HOLD ON ON CHILD BEARING FOR NOW,also the way i see things she didnt school so much and she's scared of the time and changes that would be affiliated to fullfill your academic improvement,you'll have to be man enough a little,once she knows she cant stop you,she'll adjust to your struggle,i tell you if you dont improve because of her and the family like my aunt now,a time will come when responsibility would have grown big and you blame yourself to have allowed her to limit you.itz better achieved now when you just have a kid with her.she wants her dream but care little about yours.my 4 shillings. |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Nobody: 3:06pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
I am wondering are men so insecure that they need a cookie for every thing that they do? You provide for a family. That is what a man does. Do you really expect thanks for being a "man"? You are kind and interact with your kids. Do you really expect thanks for being a father? Really. It is really an insult against your character and ability for a person to not expect you to do these things and become your own personal cheerleader for being a man/dad/ husband. Do something that isn't expected of a responsible person, THEN look for thanks and gratitude. |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by greatpearly: 3:07pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
@op we have a similar situation but in the opposite direction, we courted for one year but I only found out about him the very week we were to wed but then I was not courageous enough to call it off. His family have tried, the church and even his close friends but he still thinks he's right. What I resolved in my heart is that no man on earth can help my marriage work because I have done everything physically to see it work I have sort counsel from everyone I thought could help and do everything good I am advised to. I know how horrible you feel but my candid advice is to ignore her, focus on God and pray because God is the only one that can arrest situations like this. believe me it works to play deaf and dump. in your case u are the man do your part as the head, ignore her and leave the rest to God. I need not tell you in detail what I pass through for more than 3year because you may leave yours to pray for me. one thing I will encourage u to do is have faith. like me I know it may take a while but I bare and pray believing that one day (soon) I will testify. pls don't rely on social media for the answers u seek, let your children be your consolation,trying to change her is not working then let God do it and I want to believe you are not the problems in your home o. IT IS WELL |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by johnsonjosbles(m): 3:41pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
GogobiriLalas:some people will not agree now, but when they face the heat, they will bow out! Trust me, nothing like wife again, what we have now are more complex problematic women, I was just imagining our mothers, how humble and submissive they were despite the rigid attitude of our fathers back then, one yeye girl will even attempt to slap you at slit guement. They will make life more frustrating for you. Since this my yeye own blow her self out my house, I enjoy relative peace. I'm experiencing influx of girls now, they were behaving like angel but I determined not to be trap again. Until when u make them wife they being to show u hell. I will never keep any as wife again ooooooh I'm tired 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by GboyegaD(m): 4:11pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
banmee: Why not ask what his plans about sustaining his family is before drawing the conclusion he is playing on the emotions of others. |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by banmee(m): 4:19pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
GboyegaD: It is for him to provide it with his initial post. I didn't ask for his story and we are not best friends. Isn't it convenient that he never gave any kind of credible or logical reasons for his wife's refusal? 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by GboyegaD(m): 4:24pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
banmee: He doesn't need to put all that down as I don't think that is the issue here. He must have got plans of taking care of his family while he's studying. That said, you could also have hit the nail on the right spot and I hope he reads through all the comments critically to pick those that would help him and also assess his family to know/decipher what he needs to work on. |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by banmee(m): 4:27pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
GboyegaD: Why would you provide a story and not state all the facts? |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by matingo(f): 7:06pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
Marriage is over rated Two ppl will be so much in love but suddenly become strangers after getting married It's better to stay as unmarried friends than to become united foes |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by chiefconerstone: 7:27pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
I salute your courage for sharing your life with us on this page. it must be a difficult thing for you to do. some may doubt your situation but these are common things among married people even for those who had a long courtship. so forget about how you got into this marriage and begin to focus on how you can make it work. Your marriage is like your garden which must be CONTINUOUSLY tended by you and your spouse if you want to enjoy the love you felt at the beginning of your relationship. Most of us come from different background and as such have different views to life. in marriage we learn to accommodate each others view and not always insist on our own ways. in marriage we share our lives with others we don't just look for whatever will benefit us only. But what happen if both partners don't agree on virtually everything? One thing you must never do is don't try to change your partner. Only God can change people. None of us is perfect. So the first place to look at is yourself. Try to keep your own side of the bargain and trust God to help your wife to see reason why she must change. Shouting, insult, threat, fighting and quarreling has never change anything and will not change anything in your own case. Furthermore, you have to meet a Godly counselor for help. Ultimately you must ask for direction from the creator and initiator of marriage. Hope you know Him? There is no short cut to this type of problem but i assure you that when you meet Him He will sort you out. Good luck and don't give anymore information than is necessary. |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by olumidazz: 7:39pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
I have always know from inception that 99 % percent of divorce are caused by woman, but my brother if you take a drastic action now out people will call you names my brother my advice for you is to adopt the siddon look strategy, concentrate on some other aspects of life and stop making her the focal point of your hapiness to increase your energy level whilst also not ignoring her or breaking lines of communications with her. Trust me bros opportunity will present itself to you one day where you will absond or you will be seperated by reasons of taking a job in a distance location, or you impregnate another woman or what ever. What ever the case is your peace of mind is the most important. |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Nobody: 9:04pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
UjSizzle: The best fastfood joint in town, I guess. 1 Like |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by TheArchangel(f): 9:16pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
olumidazz:99℅ Dude, you are living in the wrong planet. You all advising him not to make the wife a focal point is gradually killing him. The wife is gonna dry him inside out for it ten ask for divorce. Op has got a lot of baggages he's not willing to share. You court a girl and impregnated her within a space of three months after breaking up from a friend of 6 abi 7 years, who does that? Both of you are morally decadents. Op is bleeped either way. |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by olumidazz: 10:14pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
Which ever way this story will have a bad ending from antecedents here. Believe me some maraiges are not even suppose to be. If you asked me i will say op she move on b4 divorce comes even the lady has indicated she wants to be a single mother. Ops wife has move far farther ops rants here she is probably having a time of her life now and op is try all to make marriage work even though he is got his issues too. |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by femmy2010(m): 10:39pm On Feb 07, 2016 |
Guess the OP is living in a literary hell . May God almighty deliver you |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Nobody: 12:16am On Feb 08, 2016 |
johnsonjosbles:I envy you bro..enjoy, make sure you don't fall for that marriage nonsense again...me ma, I can't wait to get an amiable exit from my current jail |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by obiaguna(m): 12:16am On Feb 08, 2016 |
liefdesverhaal: Hello Mr. I really feel sorry for you with these predicaments that you are facing. I would encourage you to reach out to Leke Alder on Twitter or through mail. I believe he resolves issues like this and he is also very vocal on Twitter through his letter to Jil and Jack series every weekend. You can get his mail from his Twitter timeline. God would see you through this and I really hope you would come back to testify about your family success. |
Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by frozen70(f): 6:16am On Jun 03, 2018 |
liefdesverhaal:A man's happiness is his paramount desire. No matter the number of children you have gotten, keep searching for a woman that will match up with you, if you finally gotten one then combine those kids and give them equal love and care. It's a difficult task oooh |
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