You did marry the wrong woman. You received a vision during courtship but ignored it......guess it was the blinding "love". She might appear to protect you and her financial interests but the bellicose vein she employs is disturbing. Be careful.

Oh Lord, why is this woman disgracing us like this. The heart of man is truly wicked

yemi16:


Yea she's got 3 sibling...all younger ones and i do my best to make them happy when i can...she cares for them also as every normal sister would..

THEN SHE IS AS STINGY AS A BEE. BUT DONT TELL ME YOU ARE NOT AWARE OF THIS ATTITUDE OF HERS BEFORE YOU MARRIED HER

I agree with you

zayhal:
Stop telling her about everything you want to do for your brother. Help your brother (and other family members) without informing her. That way, peace will reign.

The reason why I am scared of marriage. Never stop helping your brother because of your wife. You cannot have another brother but you can have another wife anytime you like. I have only one brother and God punish that woman wey wan come separate us. Bros,call your brother and apologise to him for the insult your wife gave to him by having the audacity to call him to bring back the property. I am sure sitting down yr wife and counselling her will not help cos that is who she is. Just stop telling her anytime you want to help your brother. But if she got to know by chance, then don't bother yourself. She can rant all she can,be angry all she can or go to hell. This type of behaviour is what I call Arrant Nonsense.

mutiply:
I don't understand why you will want to help your brother and your wife will let hell loose. I think you are soft on her, you need to tell her you are the man of the house. If you have more than enough, please do assist him cause you never can tell how your tomorrow will be.

God bless you for this comment

I'm seeing far too many stoopid advisers here and it upsets me deeply.



Why would you hide your intention of helping your bro from your wife? Why? Is it because you fear her or respect her?


If you fear your wife then you're a big old fool (sorry to say) and you're a poocee too.


If you claim to respect her by not telling her b4 you help your fam then you're stoopid again and it means she does not respect you in any way.


When you get home today, sit her down and tell her you'll continue to help your brother for as long as possible and let it be the last time she will be angry at you helping your family.



Let her know she will see hell the next she queries your good deed

I don't think being secretive would help either. Let her know when u want to help ur family member with anything but without seeking her opinion. Ur brother is someone u grew up with all ur life. U've known ur wife for only like 2 yrs now. Sit her down and talk to her, ask her why she doesn't like u helping ur brother/family out in time of needs. Have a long deep convo with her. Let her no that as long as helping them out don't affect ur providing for ur nuclear family u are going to continue helping. Stand ur grounds. She wud come to terms. If u start fearing ur wife now that "oh I can't help my brother oh, or my family if she finds out she wud be angry oh" then my brother u are in deep shit. She wud start controlling ur life, who ur frnds are, when u shud eat, sleep and even shit. Its psychological bro. Talking 4rm someone close experience. STAND YOUR GROUNDS BRO

yemi16:

hmmmm.....sounds like a good one there.....i 'll surely give it a though....thanks...
It's just sad i ll have to start keeping things away from her this early into my marriage.....so sad!!

also think what will happen when she get wind of it not from you. I don't think this is right decision.

yemi16:


Yea she's got 3 sibling...all younger ones and i do my best to make them happy when i can...she cares for them also as every normal sister would..

Some women are naturally selfish and wicked. You just have to bear your cross. Marriage is for better and for worse

Oga stop complaining. If that is how is, then you adjust reajust ur activities log. You may decide to hide some important things from her. Bleep her very well at night.

The problem you mentioned is in 70% of married women. You would observe that in most families its only the family of the wife that comes around the house just because of this kind of problem, Soon your brother would notice the kind of woman she is and would start avoiding coming to your house just because he would not want to see you with a broken home. Make sure whatever you can do for the family of your wife you do it for them according to your ability and also go ahead and do for your family what you feel you can do for them. If she likes let her talk from today to next year on that matter, you let her realize that you are the man of the house and that is the decision you have taken for the benefit of her family and your own family and that you don't intend to revise it and she should learn to leave with it.

yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

Apparently you ignored the red flags while dating her and now you have to deal with the situation as a real man. You must let her understand the difference between your relationship with her and that of your family are not the same. Moreover no one can accurately predicts the future. You must not abandon your family even if heaven fall. I'm not advising you to abandon your wife, but where two equities are equal the first in time prevail. Your wife may desert you when things are tough, but your family will always have your back. CONCLUSION: BE A MAN and overcome your wife's poor and self-centred attitude, this fight may not be easy, but with resilience you will triumph and I also wish you Goodluck. ( my brother's wife is doing what that your wife is doing)

xtervaganza:
I'm seeing far too many stoopid advisers here and it upsets me deeply.



Why would you hide your intention of helping your bro from your wife? Why? Is it because you fear her or respect her?


If you fear your wife then you're a big old fool (sorry to say) and you're a poocee too.


If you claim to respect her by not telling her b4 you help your fam then you're stoopid again and it means she does not respect you in any way.


When you get home today, sit her down and tell her you'll continue to help your brother for as long as possible and let it be the last time she will be angry at you helping your family.



Let her know she will see hell the next she queries your good deed

I support you bros. True talk.

yemi16:

Thanks for the advice..i wish it is as easy as you are saying it....you are lady and most likely not married....i am a guy...married with brothers who all assisted me growing up and supporting each other...
She has sisters and brothers....and she helps them often...and i even commend her when she does it...so why should mine be different....?

Most of the items i even give my sibling are items i consider old and outdated and i always buy a replacement even before giving the old them out....!!.To be a bit more specific....during my moveout..i had to leave the refrigerator in my former apartment coz she insisted heavily that i shouldnt give my brother even after i bought a brand new one....

Per ur last statement, bro u have a problem on ur hands. If ur wife can insist that u abandon something instead of giving it to ur bro and u agreed with her, sorry but u are not a man.

No matter how sweet her vagina is u must stamp ur authority as a man. If u don't, it will get to a point where she will completely antagonize u from ur family and friends.
I don't support u do things secretly o. Sit her down and tell her that u have the right to help ur people just as she does her own people.

viktor01:
Make her understand that in life, nothing last forever. The tables could turn tomorrow.
BTW, never tell a woman everything.

Its really amazing how what is taught during pre-marriage classes quickly fast becoming almost irrelevant in the real world..
During the pre-marriage courses, the counsellors will advice that there should be togetherness, and that no one should hide anything from the other....no matter how little or insignificant.....and that there should be no secrets...
Nowadays, this theory is almost not application anymore especially....really a strange and changing world!!

Miami11:
Do you consult her before giving out stuff from the house, maybe she has plans to use them and don't like when you give them out.
You are in a patnership it does not hurt to consult her before giving out stuff,

Some people are not used to extend families, some people were just brought up in nuclear family so getting used to people who have to support the whole village is hard,

People have different personalities, I remember when my sister in law came to my house and put on my clothing without permission, it drove me crazy, I did not grow up with sisters, so I wasn't used to sharing. She on the other hand have 7 sisters and they share everything.

Poster this is not a big deal, maybe she likes hanging on to old stuff, just try learn and work with her.

you are a pathetic disgusting human being. Shame on you. And same goes to the bastttards that liked your post. I don't know where they breed devils like you.
Mtchweee

yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

In one word....Yes you did. You overlooked that one small part

When she told you she dumped her first guy because he was the breadwinner of his household that should have raised a flag. Ask yourself this, does she not send money home to her own family when there is need. So why then is it a problem when you do it.

At the time she mentioned told you about her ex you should have probed further. You should have made it clear that you still have a responsibility to your family. Imagine that she was your brothers wife. How would she feel if her husband told her that this is what his brothers wife did.

Guy, you need to put your foot down. Its your house. You are the head. She cannot dictate who you help or how you treat your family. As long as you fulfill your responsibilities and strike a good balance between extended family and your immediate family. You need to ring it into her head. Not Violently anyway. Just let her know that they are still your responsibility too. You never know when you too might need them in future.

Mindfulness:
Is it the only problem you have with her? If the answer is yes, then ignore it. Go silent on her and do not even bother to think about it.
I say it because it seems to me that you two are quite comfortable and because I believe that there are situations where our siblings need and deserve our help and you are doing the needful without depriving your own family of anything necessary.

If your wife has other attributes that are pleasing you, then it is enough. Nobody is perfect.

If the woman can disrespect her husband by calling her in-law to return stuffs already given what happens when the husband hits a rough patch?

Forget what the bible says family is more important than a wife (a stranger who has known her hubby for most times less than 4 years).
Tomorrkw the woman can divorce him , but family is till and even after death .

This is what happens when guys refuse to "be open " when courting babes for serious relationship /marriage . You should create scenarios and events that create quarrels so u see the ladies reaction /actions .
Not coming to NL to ask if u married the wrong woman

Miami11:
Do you consult her before giving out stuff from the house, maybe she has plans to use them and don't like when you give them out.
You are in a patnership it does not hurt to consult her before giving out stuff,

Some people are not used to extend families, some people were just brought up in nuclear family so getting used to people who have to support the whole village is hard,

People have different personalities, I remember when my sister in law came to my house and put on my clothing without permission, it drove me crazy, I did not grow up with sisters, so I wasn't used to sharing. She on the other hand have 7 sisters and they share everything.

Poster this is not a big deal, maybe she likes hanging on to old stuff, just try learn and work with her.

consult her before giving away things that's already been replaced, she likes holding on to old stuff, yea right.

It's not even like the OP is giving it to someone else, it's his brother, his brother who has it a little tough.

My dear, this is a wicked, stingy and selfish woman.

godsluvee:
Some women are naturally selfish and wicked. You just have to bear your cross. Marriage is for better and for worse

No, not always. Divorce is an option and the phrase " for better for worse" is a misconception aimed at deluding shallow minded thinkers.

yemi16:

hmmmm.....sounds like a good one there.....i 'll surely give it a though....thanks...
It's just sad i ll have to start keeping things away from her this early into my marriage.....so sad!!

i think its the best thing for you to do that peace can reign.

zayhal:
Stop telling her about everything you want to do for your brother. Help your brother (and other family members) without informing her. That way, peace will reign.

Yes I agree with dis cos u are already married and divorce is nt an option. To avoid trouble nd let peace reign cos some women can frustrate the living day light out of their hubby. And at times when u both are in the lovey dovey mood let her knw that she's now part of ur family and u of hers and so should treat each other's family right.

stonemasonn:
@OP stop giving electronics and household items to your brother, know that your wife is a shareholder and hence have rights over all your properties except may be your clothes and shoes. Give your brother only money and it should be secret. Encourage your brother to work hard to make ends meet and only give him what you can afford, your brother must not have a sense of entitlement to your belongings.

He said he replaced those with new ones, what else does she want, come on.

He can give his brother money be it in the open or wherever, and so what.They are brothers for crying out loud. He should be able to help his family without feeling restricted by whoever.

She should respect herself please.

My immediate elder brother helped our big brother to pay his children's tuition fees, till he got his feet back on the ground and no one complained and now he is so successful.

No condition is permanent, she needs to stop fussing over unnecessary issue and focus more on enjoying her marriage. Haba

sorry ma guy but i guess you are to blame i said this cos the foundation you laid at d start of ur courship is the product of what u re facing in your marriage. having said this, my advise to you will be that you call your wife sit her down and intimate her with the following: 1- you married her and paid all prescribed fees on her head thereby making you yhe husband. 2- her place in ur life can never be compromised for anything in d world.3- that she is married not only to you but ur entire family members so, she has an obligation to respect any decision u may want to take in helping your family members besides its ur exclusive right to do that without her permission. you can inform her if u so wish but deciding for you is out of the scene lastly never you allow yourself be control by your wife and try to screen her circle of friends. i wish u a peaceful married life. pls divorcing her should never come to ur mind. be wise and watch your back goodluck man..

TheLeakyTribe:


I'm just wondering if you tell her before doing these things you've mentioned. Not to ask for permission but because she's your partner and should be a part of decisions you make even to support your brother.

If you never told her and just called your brother to pick up stuff, would you have been cool with it if you got home one day to see she sent the same stuff to her parents or siblings without informing you because 'you were gonna replace them anyway'?

Bottom line Communicate. Treat your spouse like you would want to be treated, she's in your life for the rest of your life!

thanks for the advice, if you read my story well...i 'd mention that i already bought replacements for the items i didnt intend taking out. Its only common sense that if i already pre-informed her about it....even before buying a new one...By the way...its my house, my property...my money....and my elder brother we talking about here....
If she calls her sis to pick things without informing me and i find out....i dont even think i 'd be angry...coz it her SISTER...!!...as long as i know we dont neeed the item or there is a replacement for the item.

thanks anyway!

yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

My brother, it is simply an indirect power tussle between you and her. You can't just abandon your brother because of your wife, just like you can't abandon your wife because of your brother. Your challenge right now is choosing between what is right and peace. What is right is helping your brother when he needs you but you still want your peace from your wife. Solution: Never! Never!! Never!!! Allow a woman even your wife to stop you from doing what is right, you may not have peace temporarily but your conscience will be at peace eternally. Secondly, you have to let your wife know that you are the man in the house and not her and by the time you stand up to her and let her know that you are the man of the house and you can not for any whatsoever abandon your brother she will calm down. Trust me.

yemi16:

Thanks for the advice..i wish it is as easy as you are saying it....you are lady and most likely not married....i am a guy...married with brothers who all assisted me growing up and supporting each other...
She has sisters and brothers....and she helps them often...and i even commend her when she does it...so why should mine be different....?

Most of the items i even give my sibling are items i consider old and outdated and i always buy a replacement even before giving the old them out....!!.To be a bit more specific....during my moveout..i had to leave the refrigerator in my former apartment coz she insisted heavily that i shouldnt give my brother even after i bought a brand new one....

bro to be honest with you, deep inside you lies the answer to your questions. You saw the handwriting on the wall but you ignored it, you wife's ex made the right decision, probably he was trying to work on that aspect before marriage but you saw the opportunity, took it and got married to the lady forgetting you have lost your BARGAINING POWER in that process. My dear wedding is day's event but marriage is forever, you'll have to accept the consequences of your actions. Above all you need prayers now more than ever.

Orlarmie:
Does she have Siblings? If yes, how does she react when you do things for them or you dont at all?
If you want a good home for your immediate family and you have noticed this bad attitude in your wife, do not carry her along when doing things for your family any longer.(the calm way).

What i will do is that i will stand my ground in the house as the man, if she does not like the way am helping my family, she should go to blazes. In as much as you are providing for her needs and shes not lacking anything, God elevated you to be able to help the needy. She is mannerless and not a cultured wife for her to have the gut to call your brother. I pray God continues to bless you and table does not turn for you. Your kind of lady can run you down with sharp tongue and leave you.

Advise- Stand your ground as the man in the house and give freely without regrets.

thanks and very well appreciated!

yemi16:
I courted her for about 1yr..before we got married 6months ago..
Meanwhile while courting, she had told me she left her former relationship because the guy she dated then was like the breadwinner to his family catering for all his siblings and she felt quite uncomfortable with it....

I didnt read much to it coz in my mind it happended to my favour and i already have a well to-do siblings...as at my courtship period though...

Shortly before we got married, my elder brother who also just had a baby lost his job....and i had to support him and his family on a need basis especially with their little cute baby boy growing but i noticed my my then fiancee didnt just like it at all....

After we got married....i got a great job with this good pay and was very comfortable....meanwhile my brother search for job was to no avail....and his wife was on maternity leave.

To cut long story short, each time my brother comes to me for help....and i send him money, my wife complains that i larvish my money on my brother...that he should go and get a job and not rely on me always...we would quarrel seriously for days/weeks before time eventually settles things...

Just last few days ago....we were relocating to a new area within town and i called my brother to pick up a few stuffs (electronics, household items) i know i wouldnt or i planned replacing with a new one......He came and picked them up as i had informed him....After he left, my wife let hell loose....she went completely mad and we had a big quareel...she even called my brother to return a few stuffs he took even when i already bought the replacements...

I am used to going back to her to apologize just to let peace reign ...but this time i have had it upto my neck..!!!!...
I dont intend apologizing one bit as i am sure i did her no wrong......

Now i am thinking deeply.....did i really overlooked the signs...?...did i really marry the wrong lady??....

Please i need your advise on how best to manage this...

Admin..pls help to update this on fp..i really need lots of advice at the moment.

Thanks.

Op....A good number of Nigerian women are like this..Growing up, I had aunts,and some female family friends that didn't want their husbands to spend on their relatives...An uncle died of HBP because he was the one providing for the elder brother and his family, demands here and there, he just slumped one evening and DAT was it....Till date, d elder brother is fighting for properties and death benefits (company)..The problem I have with ur wife is that she wants u to spend on her folks, bet y na?

yemi16:


Yea..that is the only problem i have with her...but its a big one for me and i dont see myself not thinking/talking about it...i want a united and peaceful extended family...thanks for the advice though!

If you do not take your stand now she will begin to assume you are weak and trust me you will have more troubles. Shebi na 6 month you don spend. Imagine what 1 year will bring. 2 years. 5 years. If you don't die 10 years.

Sit her down and tell it to her straight. You married her because you loved her and wanted to spend the rest of your life with her. But that does not mean she is the only person you are responsible for. Tell her that if she wants you to stop helping your family members then she must do the same too. She must never send any money or help to her family members otherwise she would only be a hypocrite. Tell her that very firmly. Let her understand that the topic is not up for argument. If she has any sense of moral righteousness she will go silent. And the matter ends there.

Period.

The truth of the matter is that, any lady who wants to make me an enemy to my relations is a bad person. She was not there when you were hustling for the money. You are the one to make the decision, she should only advice you on how to spend your money and not quarrel you for helping your own blood.