Can someone please explain to me what exactly is a "traditional marriage in Nigeria"? My boyfriend told me he was married before and he was a traditional marriage, since i'm not nigerian i did not understand. He did kind of explain it to me but there are still blurs. He said even though he was living here in the U.S with his ex wife for about 7 years, the government didn't have them as a married couple on papers. On the other hand they were registered as being married in the state in Nigeria where he used to live in , don't remember the name of the state but he's a yoruba.

All i cared about is to know i he's still married or not. I asked him if he had a divorce and he said yes. I also ask him he goes back right now in Nigeria will they still considered him as a married man and he replied no. So i believed him and we are together now. As a woman i've never been burnt by men, but i do have siblings and friends that went trough worst kind of men. So this situation is raising a red flag. He swore to me that he's not married, i don't know if it's because of my ignorance of his culture, i need to know more. I just don't want to be a fool at the end. Since the marriage was not " legal" is he really divorced? Can you get a divorced from a traditional marriage ?

Well, if he says he's divorced then you'll have to take his word for it.

In Nigeria , a traditional marriage is more recognised by family members. Most people do just that and dont bother with a white wedding for years. And with a tradirional wedding, there is no divorce.The most you can do is return the pride-price( the man usually pays this to the girl's family during the wedding).

If your bf has done that, then he is free. But be very sure of this. Cos some men can be dubious, esp to chics outside the shores of Nigeria. Be careful, girl.

Well, in the olden day, and before the coming of European colonizers, traditional marriage is what we have in Africa. The only law guiding them are the law of the lands. Nothing specific, but it worked out fine. Once you have agreed to marry the person, and you are satisfied with one another.

Like someone said, in traditional marriage, there is no divorce. true, but it is not like that everywhere. each tribes has their rule governing marriage and they always stay faithful o them.

However, I must commend the taditionalists for one thing, they are able to maintained stable families long before we start witnessing western education. I still don't know how they did it. But we must admit that it worked. Perhaps the gods are very much alive during the period. If you hurt someone unjustly and divorce the wife, it may lead to life long tragedy to the offenders. I have read of this before.

However, traditional marriage is basically the formalisation of marital union by parents and the couples who then accepted to be man and woman for the rest of their lives. It has no legal backing (today) but in the the past it has spiritual backing!

if your man told you he had traditional marriage and is now divorced, you must sincerely ask him why he separated from the woman after promising to stay by her, Legal or traditional, you can know a faithful man by their ability to stick to the truth and by their words, you will know their minds. Let him tell you about the relationship and what went wrong. maybe he is telling the truth, maybe not. Only in asking him question can you know. Truly, if you marry him now, you will be the "legal" wife.

But what will being a legal wife be to you if you wake up one day and found that he was not being honest with you on why he separated from his ex? Your duty is to ensure that he is clean!

olanajim:

Well, in the olden day, and before the coming of European colonizers, traditional marriage is what we have in Africa. The only law guiding them are the law of the lands. Nothing specific, but it worked out fine. Once you have agreed to marry the person, and you are satisfied with one another.

Like someone said, in traditional marriage, there is no divorce. true, but it is not like that everywhere. each tribes has their rule governing marriage and they always stay faithful o them.

However, I must commend the taditionalists for one thing, they are able to maintained stable families long before we start witnessing western education. I still don't know how they did it. But we must admit that it worked. Perhaps the gods are very much alive during the period. If you hurt someone unjustly and divorce the wife, it may lead to life long tragedy to the offenders. I have read of this before.

However, traditional marriage is basically the formalisation of marital union by parents and the couples who then accepted to be man and woman for the rest of their lives. It has no legal backing (today) but in the the past it has spiritual backing!

if your man told you he had traditional marriage and is now divorced, you must sincerely ask him why he separated from the woman after promising to stay by her, Legal or traditional, you can know a faithful man by their ability to stick to the truth and by their words, you will know their minds. Let him tell you about the relationship and what went wrong. maybe he is telling the truth, maybe not. Only in asking him question can you know. Truly, if you marry him now, you will be the "legal" wife.
But what will being a legal wife be to you if you wake up one day and found that he was not being honest with you on why he separated from his ex? Your duty is to ensure that he is clean!

@ Olanajim
He divorced her because he found out she has another husband . Which i don't understand anymore since from your explanation a traditional wedding it's a pact between both families. Does that mean her family received two bride-prices from two different men?
I once asked him to tell me more about this past relationship and he did not want to, he said talking about it and getting in too much details will make him mad, so i dropped the subject. I don't know how to make him talk to me about it.
Also, he's a yoruba does his state allow a divorce? Don't know what to think anymore

p.s: He told me his mother was looking for another woman for him after he and the lady went separate ways, but he didn't agree.

blandyne:



@ Olanajim
He divorced her because he found out she has another husband . Which i don't understand anymore since from your explanation a traditional wedding it's a pact between both families. Does that mean her family received two bride-prices from two different men?
I once asked him to tell me more about this past relationship and he did not want to, he said talking about it and getting in too much details will make him mad, so i dropped the subject. I don't know how to make him talk to me about it.
Also, he's a yoruba does his state allow a divorce? Don't know what to think anymore

p.s: He told me his mother was looking for another woman for him after he and the lady went separate ways, but he didn't agree.

Is that what he told you girl, that he divorced her cos she had another husband
Sorry to say this, but that story sounds "tall"
Please girl, do your investigations well so you avoid disappointments later

@poster, dont be deceived my dear. A traditional marriage is legal here in Nigeria!!!. Wait, dont get me wrong oooooo. I aint saying ur guy is lying ooooo but i'm kinda confused abt the divorce stuff cos like some people rightly said, u dont get a divorce from a traditional marriage.

Wat i will advise is that u ask him for the divorce papers if he's truly divorced.

Maybe i should add this, i'm also a yoruba guy and i can tell u authoritatively that traditional marriage is well respected and recognised as a church wedding. Some do it cos they prefer it and some opt for it in order to avoid all the religious hassles (if u understand wat i mean).

wat i'm saying in essence is that u look b4 u leap and pls dont draw any conclusions yet. Try talking things over with him and allow him to clear any doubts u hav in ur heart. I hope the love u hav for eachother blossoms and this issue will not cause any havoc to ur relationship.

best of luck.

@poster,
if he has said that the wife flirt, that would have been understood. But for him to marry a woman who has husband, and the parents are aware, is a confusing scenerio.

But it is not impossible. There are cases of people marrying another partner after they seperated and live in different cities. One negative observation in traditional marriage is that either partner can walk out of it anytime! And when that happen, it is the elders, and parents that will come in to resolve it.

So, yes, a man and woman can walk out of the traditional marriage, but to divorce, only happen in court. Mark you, magistrate courts accept traditional marriage as legal. And the can disolve it.

May i ask you, why are you interested in him? Marriage, I supposed?

olanajim:

@poster,
if he has said that the wife flirt, that would have been understood. But for him to marry a woman who has husband, and the parents are aware, is a confusing scenerio.

But it is not impossible. There are cases of people marrying another partner after they seperated and live in different cities. One negative observation in traditional marriage is that either partner can walk out of it anytime! And when that happen, it is the elders, and parents that will come in to resolve it.

So, yes, a man and woman can walk out of the traditional marriage, but to divorce, only happen in court. Mark you, magistrate courts accept traditional marriage as legal. And the can disolve it.

May i ask you, why are you interested in him? Marriage, I supposed?

This is getting more confusing, i guess no one can explain this to me better besides him.

No, i'm not ready to get married yet even if he'd propose to me at this moment. We've been dating for a short period of time, it's better to know more about each other before going down that path even though i love him. Myself when dating a guy/having a boyfriend it's not for games or sex. To me it's getting to know more someone that i love, and of course to see if that person will be a good husband. I just don't want to be a big fool at the end, i was not raised that way meaning dating a married man. You know some men out there are very sneaky, they are dating other women while they have a wife and children . Just want to protect myself.

Now you can see how confusing it is. My advice is that you befriend him and watch his trait. He will one day clarify what he meant when he get over the break up and he is ready to talk. Dont judge him yet, until you have known him better.