My mother in law is ruining my marriage, controlling my wife and trying to impose her will on me. Yesterday she came by my house while I was out and met my sister who is visiting, and lied horrendously to her about her doing things for my wife and I. I was shocked when my sister told me, yes things have been tight, but not so tight we can't live reasonably... I don't know what to do at this point. She even told my sister that I'mshould be cleaning my house and doing the laundry

its simple.

stop her from coming to your house if her purpose is to ruin your family

period!

Let wisdom lead you. Do attack her too quick. That was the mistake Wizkid made with Linda Ikeji

Nova15:
its simple.

stop her from coming to your house if her purpose is to ruin your family

period!

Not the best option as she may have an occasion to blackmail you.

The whole thing lies on you as the man. Do your best to hold up your heads and maintain your place as the man. When she discovered her 'advice' are not considered nor implemented over time, she will give up.

Play the man. Don't do anything to please anybody. Plan your expenses well against tomorrow.

.

Nova15:
its simple.

stop her from coming to your house if her purpose is to ruin your family

period!

If I stop her from coming I can't stop my wife from seeing her and advising her wrongly

psucc:
Not the best option as she may have an occasion to blackmail you.

The whole thing lies on you as the man. Do your best to hold up your heads and maintain your place as the man. When she discovered her 'advice' are not considered nor implemented over time, she will give up.

Play the man. Don't do anything to please anybody. Plan your expenses well against tomorrow.

When I do that and my wife want something I say it's not budgeted, she goes to her mom and that's why the woman now feels she pays my bills according to her

Treat her as you would expect your wife to treat your mothers excesses if that was your mom in question.
Then your wife should handle her mom as she expects you to handle yours if your mom was giving her headache in her home.
Besides, you do not have a right to ban your mil from coming to see her daughter. You can only make her stop coming by putting up a cold attitude with her. That will make her think twice before coming. But to out rightly tell her never to step foot in her daughters home is bad. Should your wife also do such to your mom if it was your mother misbehaving like this?


But why wait until you budget something before you allow your wife to have them? Sometimes we should learn to make sacrifices and place things in order off importance. If I budget to buy shoes but my wife later finds that she needs to a get a new handset since hers got spoilt without warning, I shouldn't tell her to wait until I make budget for her phone before we buy a new one. If She needs it awithout any doubt and the shoe money can buy it, then replacing her handset cones first. You both need to sit down and plan your lives as a unit.

Is your wife also not working?

Discuss with your wife that you don't want her running to her parents for monetary help. That also means you have to buckle up, and source for more funds legitimately. Things are tough everywhere now though.

Your mum in law has enough leewey to truly feel she's paying the bills for you guys, cos who knows how much your wife collects from her. The problem though is that she's not really a supportive parent, and one of the worst in-laws anyone could have.

A lot lot of adults at one point of the other have always run to their parents for help, and nobody gets to hear about it. Your case isn't much different.

Anyway, solution- Tell your wife, and let her know you mean it that you don't want her running to her mum for anything like food for your family and kids. In short, make sure there's always food for the kids and your wife at home, change the children's schools to more affordable ones. Provided the basic needs are met at home, any extra your wife runs to her parents for is due to her own greed/ comfort.

D worst dt can.happen to any family is havn inlaws who do not understand wat family means.ur mil assisting wen tins re hard shld not be a biggie,early into my marriage my mil did practically everytin wen I say everything I mean even clothing me wen my huby had nothing and dis she did in gud faith.thank God for wre we re today.confortable and happy,huby has a decent job and even at that she never shows up at our haus wtout foodstuffs and wen leaving gives me mony.same wt my mum too wen we had nothing...so if ur mil is like dt its because she doesnt believe in u and ur capacity so as aan step up and try to tk ur family welfare seriously and warn ir wife not to tk any charity dt ends in insults

You and your wife have to try ad much ad possible not to ask for help from family when having any financial constrains. U have to teach her to manage and suffer with u. She needs to respect ur marriage instead of her running back to her mother for help all the time...


Op I will blame you solely for what is going on in ur marriage now but it's not too late to turn it around...

First person u need to discipline is ur wife...

delishpot:
Treat her as you would expect your wife to treat your mothers excesses if that was your mom in question.
Then your wife should handle her mom as she expects you to handle yours if your mom was giving her headache in her home.
Besides, you do not have a right to ban your mil from coming to see her daughter. You can only make her stop coming by putting up a cold attitude with her. That will make her think twice before coming. But to out rightly tell her never to step foot in her daughters home is bad. Should your wife also do such to your mom if it was your mother misbehaving like this?


But why wait until you budget something before you allow your wife to have them? Sometimes we should learn to make sacrifices and place things in order off importance. If I budget to buy shoes but my wife later finds that she needs to a get a new handset since hers got spoilt without warning, I shouldn't tell her to wait until I make budget for her phone before we buy a new one. If She needs it awithout any doubt and the shoe money can buy it, then replacing her handset cones first. You both need to sit down and plan your lives as a unit.

U and I are saying the same thing, budgeting is prioritizing... when things happen that are necessary u sacrifice, but not on whims

eyinjuege:
Is your wife also not working?

Discuss with your wife that you don't want her running to her parents for monetary help. That also means you have to buckle up, and source for more funds legitimately. Things are tough everywhere now though.

Your mum in law has enough leewey to truly feel she's paying the bills for you guys, cos who knows how much your wife collects from her. The problem though is that she's not really a supportive parent, and one of the worst in-laws anyone could have.

A lot lot of adults at one point of the other have always run to their parents for help, and nobody gets to hear about it. Your case isn't much different.

Anyway, solution- Tell your wife, and let her know you mean it that you don't want her running to her mum for anything like food for your family and kids. In short, make sure there's always food for the kids and your wife at home, change the children's schools to more affordable ones. Provided the basic needs are met at home, any extra your wife runs to her parents for is due to her own greed/ comfort.

Thanks I usually make sure we purchase in bulk in the house, and the children's school isn't extravagant but it's good. I find that when I make bulk purchases she becomes wasteful. At a point rather than for her mother to buy things like fish or meat, she would come to my house and go to the freezer and remove what she wants, my own mother has never done that.

lol, normally I always hear such from ladies, anyway u just have to hold on and be calm, she will tire someday, in the meantime, Pray

ThuGnificenX:
You and your wife have to try ad much ad possible not to ask for help from family when having any financial constrains. U have to teach her to manage and suffer with u. She needs to respect ur marriage instead of her running back to her mother for help all the time...


Op I will blame you solely for what is going on in ur marriage now but it's not too late to turn it around...

First person u need to discipline is ur wife...

My brother how do u discipline a woman who has become something else due to her mother's advice.. do you know the mother boldly met my older sister and told her that my wife isn't my slave and I shouldn't expect her to do laundry, or cook.. that nothing stops me from taking bother her cloths and mine to wash... I was flabbergasted when my sis told me. This is a woman who would call me to come and bath a day old baby saying she works and couldn't bath the child.. Then got angry when I insisted that there was no point for them being there if I had to come over to bath my new born I'd rather do it in the solace of my house while my wife recuperates

ZeeAfrica:
lol, normally I always hear such from ladies, anyway u just have to hold on and be calm, she will tire someday, in the meantime, Pray

My sister I used to think they were the ones who had mother-in-law issues, so I went out of my way to shield her from any in law wahala.. I used to say that as a husband I'm not to only protect her from the people outside but also from family too... Now I dey ask myself whether no be mistake I make

row2ray:

My brother how do u discipline a woman who has become something else due to her mother's advice.. do you know the mother boldly met my older sister and told her that my wife isn't my slave and I shouldn't expect her to do laundry, or cook.. that nothing stops me from taking bother her cloths and mine to wash... I was flabbergasted when my sis told me. This is a woman who would call me to come and bath a day old baby saying she works and couldn't bath the child.. Then got angry when I insisted that there was no point for them being there if I had to come over to bath my new born I'd rather do it in the solace of my house while my wife recuperates

From your writeup, I can boldly say you are either directly or indirectly dependent on them for one thing or the other hence the reason why they can body disrespect you damming the consequences.

The earlier you take hold of your marriage the better for u.

Too many hands spoils the Brough.

Forget prayers or those saying you should hope she gets back to her senses... Sir please take desperate measures as soon as possible to take back the control of your marriage.

You should start by rejecting everything they offer you either directly or indirectly, same applies to your wife.
Give her the option of either playing by your rules or she should pack her things and go back to her parents.
Give the mother and her siblings a ban from coming to your house and you should be strict about your wife going home to visit them.
Let her stay in her marriage and make it work without external interference.

ThuGnificenX:


From your writeup, I can boldly say you are either directly or indirectly dependent on them for one thing or the other hence the reason why they can body disrespect you damming the consequences.

The earlier you take hold of your marriage the better for u.

Too many hands spoils the Brough.

Forget prayers or those saying you should hope she gets back to her senses... Sir please take desperate measures as soon as possible to take back the control of your marriage.

You should start by rejecting everything they offer you either directly or indirectly, same applies to your wife.
Give her the option of either playing by your rules or she should pack her things and go back to her parents.
Give the mother and her siblings a ban from coming to your house and you should be strict about your wife going home to visit them.
Let her stay in her marriage and make it work without external interference.

Dependent no, but I did try to foster a mother daughter relationship, since it was lacking before we got married. So when the mother would help her with things I didn't mind initially, my parents are better off than hers, but the keep a reasonable distance. I tried to be a humble son-in-law, her dad died before we met, her brother is autistic.. id step in to help when he beat his mother. At one point I insisted she come stay with us till the brother came back to normal.. the only time I ever took any form of help from her was when my wife's fees were due for her masters program, and I paid that back 2 weeks later. The reason I didn't go to my parents for the loan was that she(inlaw) was the one who pushed for the masters program without consulting me, I went with it cos I saw it as a good thing for my wife, so please enlighten me how that is being dependent on her. They had wanted me to help get my father to sign documents for them so that money in her father's account would be released, I refused because I believe the man should have had a will and his son who is normal wasnt involved, she offered to give me some money to help my business when she got it, I still said no.. I built my business myself, and I'm proud of that, I'm praying God to grow it with me to where it's self-sustaining and highly profitable.

row2ray:


Dependent no, but I did try to foster a mother daughter relationship, since it was lacking before we got married. So when the mother would help her with things I didn't mind initially, my parents are better off than hers, but the keep a reasonable distance. I tried to be a humble son-in-law, her dad died before we met, her brother is autistic.. id step in to help when he beat his mother. At one point I insisted she come stay with us till the brother came back to normal.. the only time I ever took any form of help from her was when my wife's fees were due for her masters program, and I paid that back 2 weeks later. The reason I didn't go to my parents for the loan was that she(inlaw) was the one who pushed for the masters program without consulting me, I went with it cos I saw it as a good thing for my wife, so please enlighten me how that is being dependent on her. They had wanted me to help get my father to sign documents for them so that money in her father's account would be released, I refused because I believe the man should have had a will and his son who is normal wasnt involved, she offered to give me some money to help my business when she got it, I still said no.. I built my business myself, and I'm proud of that, I'm praying God to grow it with me to where it's self-sustaining and highly profitable.

Sigh! That woman will break you in the long run if u just keep quiet and swallow the bitter pills she throws at you.
The line between you and your mother in law should be drawn.
This is one thing I have learnt, never to allow anyone from my family or that of my wife live with me in my matrimonial home.

I have gone through your response to the other posters and I can clearly see how indisciplined your wife is.

My observations
1) wasteful when you buy food in bulk

2)Goes back to her mother to get what you can't afford to give her thereby giving room to the insult from your mother in law.

3) she is not doing anything to help the situation

4) does things with her mother without your permission (the master degree) thereby causing you more constrains.

So my friend with the above listed observations, you don't need anyone to tell you Wat to do.

Tame your wife... That was the first thing I told you...

row2ray:


When I do that and my wife want something I say it's not budgeted, she goes to her mom and that's why the woman now feels she pays my bills according to her

I had a friend who I held in high esteem. A little story, pls: No matter how hungry the man is, if the wife presents food he did not provided money for, he will refuses eating. The good side is that he doesn't eat out.

You must exercise your authority and stop her from taking alms from her mum.

psucc:
I had a friend who I held in high esteem. A little story, pls: No matter how hungry the man is, if the wife presents food he did not provided money for, he will refuses eating. The good side is that he doesn't eat out.

You must exercise your authority and stop her from taking alms from her mum.

My brother.. i usually don't eat out, but I started recently, I usually as where cash came from when I see what I didn't give to her. In my place there are certain conditions where me using that cash or eating food bought with cash another man gave my wife is a taboo.

I need help, I don't know where to begin in tackling this whole issue

She has been in the hospital since Monday for surgery go she was meant to do since February.. a surgery I begged her to do and she refused... my mind was calm cos she is a doctor and knows better than me about health, I went to see her on Tuesday, asked what she needed she said nothing. Before I left her I asked if she needed anything for the next day she said no.. I asked about feeding, she said she wasn't on solids, and her nurse was dealing with it, I asked how much the nurse had spent, and was said I'd reimburse her... yesterday my wife got rude over the phone when.i called to check on her after leaving saying I didn't know she would eat, and that I abandoned her in the hospital

.

.

row2ray:
My mother in law is ruining my marriage, controlling my wife and trying to impose her will on me. Yesterday she came by my house while I was out and met my sister who is visiting, and lied horrendously to her about her doing things for my wife and I. I was shocked when my sister told me, yes things have been tight, but not so tight we can't live reasonably... I don't know what to do at this point. She even told my sister that I'mshould be cleaning my house and doing the laundry

Are you married to her or her daughter?

I supposed she has a husband, stop her from coming to your house like a poster suggested. Take that decision and stand your ground. Women would use and manipulate you once the sense weakness in you.

If she cannot respect you and your marriage, then you have to stand up to her before your marriage damages beyond repair.